Of Domestical Duties

Volume III — The Fifth and Sixth Treatises: Of Children and Parents

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Submitting your selves one to another in the fear of God. — Ephesians 5:21

Children Showing Respect for Parents

§. 1. Of the general Heads of Children’s duties.

The second couple in a family are parents and children.

In laying down their duties, the Apostle beginneth with children: his direction, and instigation unto them is laid down in the three first verses of the sixth chapter: wherein

1. He declareth their duty.
2. He addeth reasons to enforce the same.

In laying down their duty he noteth three points.

1. Wherein it consisteth, (obey, honour.)
2. To whom it is to be performed (your parents.)
3. After what manner it is to be done (in the Lord.)

The reasons used by the Apostle are four.

1. The place of parents (in the Lord.)
2. The aequity of the thing (this is right.)
3. The charge of God (honour thy father, etc.)
4. The reward promised (That it may go well, etc.)

Under this word (obey) which the Apostle useth, and that word (honour) which the law useth, are all those duties comprised, which any where throughout the whole Scripture are enjoined to children.

We will therefore set them down in some order, and handle them distinctly one after another.

1. The Fountain of children’s duties is to be searched out.
2. The Streams that flow from thence are to be observed.

The Fountain is an inward disposition of the heart compounded of love and fear.

The Streams issuing from thence extend unto parents, both while they are living, and also when they are dead.

Children’s duties which are to be performed to their parents while they live, have respect to their

• Authority.
• Necessity.

The Authority of parents requireth of children

• Reverence.
• Obedience.

Their Necessity requireth Recompense.

The duties which children owe to their parents deceased, respect their

• Body.
• Credit.

Their Body with decency must be buried.

Their Credit with honour must be maintained.

§. 2. Of Children’s love to their Parents.

I make the fountain of children’s duties to be a mixed and compound disposition, in respect of that authority and affection which is mixed together in parents. The authority of parents requireth fear in children: and their affection, love. So entire and so ardent is parents affection towards their children, as it would make children too bold and insolent if there were not authority mixed therewith to work fear: and so supreme and absolute is their authority over them, as it would make children like slaves to dread their parents, if a fatherly affection were not tempered therewith to breed love. But both these joined together make a very good composition: love like sugar sweetneth fear, and fear like salt seasoneth love: and thus, to join them both together, it is a loving-fear, or a fearing-love, which is the ground of children’s duties.

Where Christ forbiddeth an excessive love in children to¹ their parents, he implieth that parents are a fit object for children to love (so as their love be well moderated:) yea he implieth that it is an affection even by nature ingraffed in children to love their parents. Joseph is commended unto children as a worthy pattern in loving his father, and that from his youth till the decease of his father: in testimony whereof in his younger years he brought to his father the evil report of his² brethren, whereby he incurred their envy and hatred, which he would never have done, if he had not loved his father: and having been long absent from his father, when by God’s providence there was offered an occasion for him to meet with his brethren, one of his first questions to them was about their father:³ and hearing that he was living, he thought it not enough to send him food for his need, but must also needs see his face,⁴ and have him dwell with him: and while his father was in the way he went out to meet him, and at first sight fell on his neck,⁵ and wept a good while (a token of great affection.)

That love which naturally parents bear to their children,⁶ ought in equity to breed in children a love to their parents. For love deserveth love: and most unworthy are they to be loved, who cannot love again. The love of parents above all others is to be answered with love on children’s part to the uttermost of their power, because it is free, great, and constant.

Besides, there is a necessity of love in children to their parents,⁷ lest for want thereof, their subjection (which of all others ought to be most free) should turn into slavish servitude.

This ought children the rather to labour after, because by nature they are nothing so prone to love their parents, as their parents are to love them. Love is weighty, and, as weighty things, it descendeth. Children therefore with conscience of duty must labour to make supply of this defect, and help nature by grace. I deny not but naturally there is in children a greater love to their parents, then to others: yet in comparison of the heat of parents love to them, their love to their parents is but cold. Wherefore as the heat of the Sun shining much and long on a stone wall, draweth a reflection of heat from that wall: so the hot beams of parents love, which with fervency and constancy is cast on children, ought to provoke and stir up children to send forth a reflection of love on their parents.

Two extremes are contrary to this affection of love.

One is want of natural affection, which is a vice most odious⁸ and abominable in all, but most of all in children. The Apostle reckoneth this among the most heinous vices that be.

The other is hatred and despight of parents: a vice more then monstrous, and unnatural. From thence cometh mocking and cursing of parents, whereof we shall afterwards hear.

§. 3. Of a childes fear of his parent.

To the forenamed duty of love, must fear be added, which is a childes awful respect of his parent.

This awful respect ariseth from an honourable esteem which a child in his judgment and opinion hath of his parent, as he is his parent; and from it proceedeth on the one side, a desire and endeavour in all things to please the parent, and on the other side a loathness to offend him.

In this respect the fear of a child is opposed to the fear of a slave. For a childes fear being mixed with love, hath respect to the offence which a parent may take; but a slaves fear, which is ordinarily mixed with hatred, hath respect to nothing but the punishment which his master may inflict upon him. The forenamed fear is so proper to children, as that awful respect which the Saints bear to God, is called a⁹ filial or child-like fear.

This fear in a child is an especial branch of that¹⁰ honour which the law requireth of children to their parents: and it is in¹¹ express terms enjoined to children by the law. That phrase which God useth of Miriam¹² (If her father had but spit in her face, should she not be ashamed seven days?) showeth that there ought to be such a fear of the parent in a childes heart, as should work shame in it when the parent is offended.

A worthy pattern we have hereof in¹³ Jacob, who was loath to gain the blessing with offence of his father.

This fear keepeth love in compass: and restraineth a child¹⁴ from overmuch sauciness, and malapertness.

And it is a cause of a childes reverend and dutiful carriage¹⁵ to his parent. For as the heart is affected the carriage will be ordered.

Contrary hereunto is that light, or (which is more abominable)¹⁶ that base and vile esteem of parents, which is in the heart of many children: especially if parents be poor, of low degree, unlearned, ignorant, or subject to any infirmities. It cannot be but that¹⁷ Cham had too light, if not a base esteem of his father, when he derided him. A true filial fear would have restrained him from that extreme.

Wherefore to breed and cherish this fear, and to prevent,¹⁸ or redress the contrary extreme, let children well inform themselves of their parents place and authority, how they are in God’s stead, and a means under God of their children’s being: children have received their very substance from the substance of their parents. In which respect though they should seem contemptible to others, yet not to their children.

Thus much of a childes inward disposition towards his parent. The manifestation thereof must be by his outward carriage: and that in two things; reverence, and obedience: both which respect a parents authority.

§. 4. Of a childes Reverence in refraining speech before his parent, and in hearkening to his parent.

The outward reverence which children owe to their parents consisteth partly in their speech, partly in their carriage.

Their speech both to and of their parents must savour reverence: to their parents in presence, of their parents in absence.

In presence, by refraining and well framing their speech.

For refraining speech two virtues are requisite

• Silence.
• Patience.

Silence in forbearing to speak, and breaking of speech.¹⁹

Patience in hearkening to their parents.

The two branches of silence, in forbearing to speak (especially when parents are speaking, or till parents give leave to their children to speak,) and in breaking off speech, when parents come into the place where children are speaking, are tokens of great reverence. Thus children testify that there are some in place whom they much respect and honour. Job doth thus set forth the respect which Princes and others did bear to him in his prosperity, The Princes (saith he) refrained²⁰ talking, and laid their hand upon their mouth, the Nobles held their peace, etc. Namely, while he was in presence, or while he spake. The like may be said of children’s patience in induring²¹ their parents speech; which Job also noteth in these words, Unto me men gave ear, and waited, and kept silence. Though parents in their speech seem to be long and tedious, yet must children indure it.

And it is very needful that patience be added to silence, because many parents in tender love of their children, and earnest desire of their good, think they can never speak enough in instructing and admonishing them. The many exhortations²² given in Scripture unto children to hear, hearken, give ear, give heed, mark, and observe the words of their parents, do imply the forenamed silence and patience: for they who²³ ought to be swift to hear must be slow to speak. I deny not but much more is intended under those phrases, namely, obedience: yet must these also be presupposed: for he that will not in silence patiently hearken to his parents while they speak, will much less obey what they say.

Contrary to silence is sauciness (as we speak) and overmuch²⁴ boldness in children, when, without due respect of their parents presence, they will be prating of this thing or that thing: insomuch as if strangers should come into the room where such children are, they would not think that their parents were in presence; or if they knew it, they might well think that such children bear little respect to their parents.

Contrary to patience in hearing, is fretting and murmuring²⁵ against parents (if at least their speech be any whit long) and flinging or slinking away before they have done. These faults are the greater, if children by their loquacity, or impatiency hinder or interrupt their parents speech when they are giving any admonition or instruction: for thus they show both too light a respect of their parents: and also too little regard of the means of their own good.

§. 5. Of a childes reverend framing his speech to his parent.

A childes reverence in well framing his speech to his parents²⁶ may many ways be manifested, as

1. By giving unto them reverend and honourable titles. No title can be more honourable then that which is most proper and usual, father to the one parent, and mother to the other. God taketh the title²⁷ father unto himself, as a title of great dignity.

Object. This title is so proper to God, as²⁸ We are to call none in earth Father.

Answ. This is not simply to be taken of the title it self, but of the mind of him that giveth or affecteth that title.

If it be affected or given to obscure God’s Fatherhood, or to make a man a father of himself without dependance on God, or reference to him, who is properly the father of all, it is an impious and sacrilegious title. But otherwise lawful and warrantable.

In Scripture the title father is given to all degrees of dignities among men, as to²⁹ Kings,³⁰ Captains, and other chief Governors, to³¹ Priests,³² Prophets,³³ Apostles, and other³⁴ Ministers. In the fifth commandment all superiors are comprised under it, therefore father is a title of great honour: and by the rule of relation mother is a title of as great honour to the female sex. Religious and dutiful children have ever used to give those titles to their parents. My father, saith³⁵ Isaac to Abraham, and³⁶ Jacob to Isaac.³⁷ My mother, saith Solomon to Bathsheba. I find also the title of³⁸ Sir or Lord, used: a title³⁹ of honour.

2. By using few words before their parents: and those few⁴⁰ not without just occasion, being first spoken to by their parents, or having leave of them, or making known to them some needful matter: at least not against their parents liking, as their parents should be offended thereby. And if they observe their parents to be unwilling to hear them speak any more of such and such a matter, then ought they to lay their hands upon their mouths, as Isaac (Gen. 22. 7.) and Jacob (Gen. 27. 12.) This is a token of great respect.

3. By meek and humble speeches. Such was the speech of^41,42 Jonathan the natural son of Saul, and of⁴³ David his son in law, wherewith he was much contented, and his wrath pacified.

4. By observing a fit opportunity: as when parents are not⁴⁴ seriously busied, or in company, or in passion. When⁴⁵ Saul was out of passion, how well did he accept Jonathan’s Apology for David? but⁴⁶ in his passion, how ill did he take it? This wise observing of fit opportunity showeth great reverence.

5. By a present, ready, willing, pleasing answer, when by⁴⁷ their parents they shall be spoken unto. Eli was as a father to Samuel: therefore when⁴⁸ Samuel thought that Eli called him, he presently and readily answered, Here am I: and when Eli was instant to know what the Lord had said to him,⁴⁹ Samuel told him every whit, and held nothing from him.⁵⁰ The younger son (noted in the parable) showed a son-like reverence in giving a willing and ready answer to his father, though he failed in his obedience, by not performing what he promised.

§. 6. Of the vices in children contrary to the forenamed reverence in speech.

Contrary to those branches of reverence in speech are,⁵¹

1. Pride: when children scorn to give the title of father, or mother, to their parents. This is the mind of many who have gotten more wealth or honour, then ever their parents had. In public especially such children most refuse to give those titles. Solomon was not so minded. He being a great king, sitting upon his throne, in sight and hearing of all his people that were about him, called Bathsheba mother.⁵²

If children had that regard to the honour of their parents which they should, they being themselves in places of honour and dignity, would the rather openly call their parents father and mother, that they might be known to be the father and mother of so eminent a person.

2. Loquacity, and too much importunity, or rather impudency⁵³ in speech, when children having to do with their parents, can never have done (as we speak) but must needs urge matters to the very uttermost. Many parents are oft much provoked hereby. It skilleth not that the child have the right, especially in a matter of no great consequence. For reverence sake the child must forbear, at least for a time. And if the matter of difference be weighty, as in points of religion, the child must either take some other opportunity of better informing his parent, or else get some other wise friend to do it.

3. Stoutness, when children answer their parents as if they⁵⁴ were their equals: giving word for word. It doth as ill become children to answer again, as servants (to whom the Apostle hath expressly forbidden it, Tit. 2. 9.) Both law and nature forbiddeth children to be provoked hereunto, by any thing that their parents say or do; how great then is their fault who give scornful and stout words to their parents when they are no way provoked, as the elder son noted in the parable, and the elder brother of the prodigal child?

4. Indiscretion, when children have no respect to any time, business, or temper, of their parents in speaking to them, and⁵⁵ so, much provoke them. It is laid down as a caveat to parents, that they provoke not their children to wrath. How much more must children observe that caveat?

5. Stubbornness, when children pout, lour, swell, and give⁵⁶ no answer at all to their parents. This is too common a fault in children, and many parents are much offended and grieved thereat. We heard⁵⁷ before of a childelike silence which was very commendable, and a token of great reverence; but this is worthy of much blame, a token of great undutifulness; and carefully to be avoided, as that to be practised.

§. 7. Of children’s reverend speeches of their parents.

So true and entire ought that reverend respect to be which children bear to their parents, as their speech not only to them before their faces, but also of them behind their backs, must be so framed both for matter and manner, when they have any occasion to fall into speech of their parents, as all that hear them may note them to bear a reverend respect to their parents.⁵⁸

As a general direction for the better performing of this duty, let children speak nothing of their parents that they would be loath should come to their parents ear. More particularly, let them speak of those things which most tend to their commendation, that so (as Christ said of his father⁵⁹) they may honour their parents. Let other things be buried in silence so much as in them lieth. And if others speak of matters disgraceful to their parents, let them interpret in the better sense things doubtful, and, so far as they may, extenuate things evident, and sharply reprove them that slander their parents. This is that blessing which children owe to their parents, for neglecting whereof the wiseman taxeth children saying, There is a generation that doth not bless their⁶⁰ mother.

Contrary to that kind of blessing is discovering of parents⁶¹ infirmities, noted in cursed⁶² Cham, and broaching untruths of them, noted in impious⁶³ Absalom, and mocking and cursing them⁶⁴ expressly condemned. The reward whereof is by⁶⁵ God’s law death: yea a shameful and ignominious death, for the⁶⁶ Ravens of the valley shall pluck out his eyes, and the young Eagles shall eat it:⁶⁷ which phrase setteth forth the end of a notorious malefactor that is hanged.

§. 8. Of a childs reverend carriage to his parent.

As the speech, so the carriage of children towards their parents must be seasoned with reverence: for

1. This is a fruit, and proof of filial fear as well as that.
2. Of the two, this is the surer evidence: for actions are better signs of the disposition of the heart then words.
3. Fair words joined with contrary deeds, cannot but be accounted merely complemental and hypocritical.
4. Where there is a contrariety betwixt words and deeds, the one will be a witness against the other, and that man’s condemnation the greater.⁶⁸

Wherefore let all reverence be manifested in children’s behaviour to their parents, and that in these and such like instances.

1. If a parent be coming to a child, and the child observe it, let him haste to meet his parent: so did⁶⁹ Joseph to his father, and⁷⁰ Solomon to his mother. Which two examples are the rather to be noted, because both were in eminent place: one a great governor, the other a king.

2. Let such child-like obeisance be performed as becometh⁷¹ the age and sex, either in going to, remaining before, or going from a parent: as uncovering the head, bending the knee, bowing the body, standing up, with the like. The two forenamed eminent persons,⁷² Joseph and⁷³ Solomon, bowed, the one to his father, the other to his mother.

3. Let the countenance, and gesture of the body be so soberly⁷⁴ and modestly ordered in the presence of the parent, as may argue due respect.

4. Let the upper place, and hand be given to parents: and⁷⁵ if occasionally a child be above his parent, let him come below him. For that is a manifest token of inferiority and subjection. What maketh men to strive for the upper hand, but because they would be accounted better then those with whom they strive? But that ought not to be the mind of children to their parents.

Quest. What if children be in estate more wealthy, or honourable then their parents, are they then to give the hand to them?

Answ. No honour is comparable to the dignity of fatherhood: it giveth a greater eminency to the parent over his child, then any other honour can to the child over his parent. I grant that a child may by some office, and outward dignity be so advanced above his father, as other men may more honour and reverence the child, and give the upper place to him: and for order sake the child may and ought to take it in company: but when they are alone, the child must rather reverence the father.

5. According to the custom of the time and place wherein⁷⁶ they live, let children ask their parents blessing.

§. 9. Of children’s asking their parents blessing, whether it be lawful or no.

Some doubt is made of this duty both in regard of the thing it self, and also of the gesture of kneeling used in the performance thereof: I will therefore distinctly prove both.

For the thing, it is noted of Jacob that he carried savory meat to his father, that he might bless him: and of Joseph, that⁷⁷ he went to his father, and carried his two sons with him,⁷⁸ that his father might bless both him and them: for which end the twelve sons of Jacob assembled to their father.⁷⁹

Object. These were extraordinary examples: the Patriarchs were indued with the spirit of prophesy, whereby they revealed to their children what their estate should be in the times to come: for knowledge whereof their children came to them.

1. Answ. Their blessings were more then predictions of things to come: they were confirmations and assurances to the⁸⁰ children that God would indeed perform that blessing which their parents had pronounced. For they sustained a double person: the person of a Prophet, and of a father; as prophets they foretold things to come: as fathers they obtained the blessings pronounced, and an assurance thereof to their children,⁸¹ and that by faith and prayer.

2. Answ. Though all parents cannot with such an extraordinary spirit assure unto their children any distinct particular blessing, yet the faithful prayer of parents is an especial, and ordinary means to obtain a blessing from God upon their children: and that because of God’s promise which extends⁸² it self not only to faithful parents, but also to their seed. Wherefore as the children of the patriarchs came to their fathers to be assured of some extraordinary blessing, so may other children go to their parents as a means to obtain an ordinary blessing. It is noted of Elijah that by an extraordinary spirit in prayer he obtained extraordinary matters: Yet⁸³ the Apostle setteth forth that example to all Christians as a motive to stir them up in faith to pray for ordinary blessings. But for further clearing of this point, note the phrase⁸⁴ used in the fifth commandment as a reason to move children to honour their parents: this it is word for word, That they may prolong thy days, etc. how can parents prolong their children’s days, but by begging that blessing of God?⁸⁵ The prayers then of parents are a great blessing to children, and children ought to seek this blessing of their parents.

Object. If parents be wicked, their prayer is abomination: what blessing then can children look for from wicked parents?

Answ. Though God hear not wicked parents in love and goodness to themselves, yet for the good of their children he may and will hear them: and that the rather to maintain a reverend respect of parents in the heart of their children. For asking a blessing is an acknowledgment of superiority and authority, according to that of the Apostle, The less is blessed⁸⁶ of the greater.

Concerning the gesture of kneeling, it is answerable to the⁸⁷ gesture which of old was used by God’s people in like case: of Joseph it is said that he bowed down himself with his face to the earth.

Object. Kneeling is a gesture proper to God’s worship.

Answ. It is not so proper, but that it may be used in civil cases: else Christ would have reproved the young man for kneeling before him as well as for calling him good: for he conceived⁸⁸ Christ to be but a mere man, and the worship he did him was but civil.

It is not simply the gesture, but the occasion of the gesture, the mind of him that performeth it, and the end why he performeth it that maketh it divine, or civil. Cornelius fell down before Peter with conceit of some divine excellency in him, and was not allowed: his manner of worshiping was divine. The jailor fell down before Paul and Silas in acknowledgment of some outward eminency in them, and was not reproved: his manner of worshipping was merely civil. The same gesture may be performed to different persons with a different respect. A child may kneel to his parent, and to the king. Yet it followeth not that he maketh his parent a king. Neither will it follow that by kneeling to his parent he maketh him a God, because men kneel to God.

§. 10. Of the vices contrary to children’s reverend gesture towards their parents.

Contrary to the forenamed branches of reverend gesture, are,⁸⁹

1. Rudeness and unmannerliness, when children know not how to put difference betwixt their parents and strangers, but can⁹⁰ suffer their parents to come to them, and they abide in their place and not stir to meet them.

2. Disdainful stateliness, when they think much to stand⁹¹ bare-headed any while in their parents presence. It falleth out many times, that when parents and children are together before their betters, they will show more reverence then these: for the father will stand, and be uncovered, when the son sitteth down and puts on his hat, upon conceit that his father doth more reverence then is meet: but if it were so, yet the son for the fathers sake should stoop somewhat the lower.

3. Wantonness and boldness, when children are over-familiar⁹² with their parents: toying and gigling upon every light occasion. This kind of carriage cannot but much tend to the disgrace and dishonour of parents. For what can they who behold it think, but that such children have been too much cockered and ill nurtured?

4. Ambition, when children are so ambitiously desirous of place,⁹³ especially in company, as rather then be under some whom they suppose to be at least their equals, they will be above their parents. This oft falleth out, when parents being of a lowly mind, give place to such as their children, being of a lofty mind, think meaner then themselves. Now rather then they will be under their inferiors (as they suppose) they will be above their parents. A point of great insolency. Such ought to be the respect of a child to his parent, as he should debase himself below those that are his inferiors, rather then exalt himself above his parent. As with other men, for peace sake, in many cases, a man must depart from his right; so especially with his parent, in case of superiority. Would not every one that knows what honour a child owes to a father, condemn that childs ambition, that should so stand upon the place and hand, as to take them of his parent?

5. An over-nice and erroneous opinion of those, who think it⁹⁴ unmeet for any child to ask their parents blessing. Their own conceit more swayeth them, then the continual approved practise of God’s people in all ages: not unlike him whom Solomon saith to be wiser in his own conceit, then seven men that can render⁹⁵ a reason. Others, though they do not so generally disallow this duty, yet they think it meet only for young children: not considering of what years, stature, and state, Joseph was, when he performed it.

As for those, who think it not unlawful, yet carelessly neglect it, they little consider the benefit of a parents blessing. Profane Esau shall another day rise up in judgment against them. He⁹⁶ begged and begged again and again, and that with a loud cry and salt tears, a blessing of his father.

Thus much of children’s reverence. Their obedience followeth.

Children Getting Parents’ Permission

§. 11. Of children’s obedience.

The obedience of children doth most prove the authority of parents, and is the surest evidence of the honour a child giveth to his parent: therefore is it⁹⁷ by name in the text expressed, and all other duties are comprised under it. Reverence without obedience is a mere mockage, nothing at all acceptable. Of the two, a child were better fail in the former: instance the⁹⁸ parable of the two sons. Reverence in comparison of obedience is but a complemental honour. Obedience is a true real honour; the surest trial of a dutiful child. Obedience is a duty so proper to children, as the Apostle applieth it to them as a proper attribute, saying,⁹⁹ as obedient children fashion not, etc. The example of Christ is herein set before us as a pattern:¹⁰⁰ he was subject to his parents. Solomon counteth the neglect thereof a¹⁰¹ despising of a parent.

Contrary is disobedience and rebellion: the greatest impeachment¹⁰² of parents authority that can be. For to what end is authority over those who resist it, and rebel against it? The¹⁰³ Apostle reckoneth disobedient children among the lewdest persons that be: and setteth forth their disobedience by¹⁰⁴ a metaphor taken from untamed, head-strong beasts, that will not be brought under the yoke: the word therefore is not unfitly translated unruly: and it is somewhat answerable to an¹⁰⁵ Hebrew phrase given to disobedient children, viz. sons of Belial, which is according to the notation as much as sons without profit; or, as some will have it, sons without yoke, that is, such children, as refusing to be in subjection unto parents, are no way profitable, but work much mischief, and cause great grief. The¹⁰⁶ punishment which by God’s law was appointed to disobedient and rebellious children, was a public shameful death.

§. 12. Of children’s forbearing to do things without consent of parents.

That children may the better know their duty in this respect,¹⁰⁷ I will distinctly set forth, both the parts, and also the extent of a childs obedience:

1. Wherein it consisteth.
2. How far it extendeth.

The general parts wherein it consisteth are two:

1. A forbearance from doing things without consent of parents.¹⁰⁸

2. A performance of such things as parents will have done.

The former of these is a duty whereunto children are most bound while they are under their parents government. For that¹⁰⁹ time the consent of parents is not only meet, but necessary: and that for these reasons.

1. Children are as the goods of their parents, wholly in their power, to be ordered and disposed by them. On this ground Satan having all that Job had put into his hand, took liberty over¹¹⁰ his children as well as over his goods and chattel.

2. Children while they be under government, (even the eldest that are heirs) differ nothing from servants.¹¹¹

3. By God’s law given to the Jews, parents had power to sell¹¹² their children.

4. Parents had power to disannul such things as children had done. Instance the case of a vow made to God, which was one of¹¹³ the most inviolable things that one could do.

Contrary is the opinion and practise of many, who hold parents consent at the most but a matter of conveniency: that it is good, if children will, to have their parents consent: if they have it not, the matter is not great: their contracts or other things which they do, are as firm, and good, without, as with their consents. If this were so, wherein is the authority of a parent more then of a wise experienced friend? It is meet, and good to have such an ones consent.

But that the power of parents, and duty of children in this point, may the better be seen, I will exemplify it in five particular cases. 1. Entering into a calling. 2. Making marriage. 3. Disposing of goods. 4. Ordering apparel. 5. Making vows.

§. 13. Of consent of parents for children’s entering into a calling.

I. That children ought to have the consent of their parents in making choice of their calling, and not place themselves as they please, is evident by the approved practise of the Saints recorded in God’s word.¹¹⁴ Jacob was sent by his parents to Laban to be educated under him.¹¹⁵ David was appointed by his father to keep sheep: when Saul was desirous to have David attend upon him, he sent to Jesse, David’s father, for him. In that¹¹⁶ Jesse was so careful to send provision to his three eldest sons that followed Saul to the war, we may well think, that they went to the war with his consent. It is noted of¹¹⁷ Jonadab, that he appointed his sons to dwell in tents, and that accordingly they did so, and are commended and rewarded for this their obedience. It is collected both by¹¹⁸ ancient and¹¹⁹ later Divines, that our Lord Jesus Christ¹²⁰ in his younger years, before he began to exercise his public ministry, occupied himself in his fathers trade: and that this was the thing wherein he manifested his subjection to his parents. This collection is made by comparing Luk. 2. 51. (where his subjection is noted) with Mar. 6. 3. And Mat. 13. 55. Where he is called¹²¹ the Carpenter, and the Carpenters son.

Equity requireth that parents should have an hand in placing both their children, because they brought them forth into the world, and brought them up with much care, pains, and charge, while they were young, and till they were fit for a calling.

Besides, God hath laid it as a charge upon parents, that they should see their children well trained up: great reason therefore¹²² that parents consent be had in setting forth children to a calling.¹²³

§. 14. Of the unlawfulness of children’s entering into religious orders without consent of parents.

Contrary is the opinion of Papists, who say, that children may¹²⁴ enter into religious orders, not only without consent, but also against the mind and good like of their parents. Whereby they do not only patronize apparent disobedience in children, against the express word of God; but also disable children from helping their parents in case of necessity: for both which Christ rebuked the Scribes and Pharisees in a like case.

Object. Papists do grant that if parents be in such necessity,¹²⁵ as they cannot live without their children’s help, their children may not by entering into any religious order forsake their parents. For they are bound by the law of God to succour their parents.

Answ. 1. This caution hath been extorted from them by evidence of argument taken from God’s word, and pressed by their adversaries.

2. It toucheth not the principal argument taken from God’s precept, which they make of none effect by this their tradition.

3. Though parents be not at that present, when children first enter into their religious order, in such extreme need, yet they may be afterwards. But after that children are once entered, they hold it utterly unlawful that children for any necessity of the parent, should attend upon them for their succour.

Object. Children being entered into religious orders may¹²⁶ help them, as becometh religious persons, by their prayers to God.

Answ. 1. This is jump the Pharisees Corban, whereof Christ maketh mention, Mar. 7. 11. And whereby he notably discovereth the hypocrisy of the Pharisees, who made pretence of religion, an hindrance to that obedience which God required of children.

2. To pray for that which a man endeavoureth not to do, when he may do it, is a plain mocking of God.

The arguments which they allege for confirmation of their erroneous opinion, are taken from extraordinary examples, or from mystical resemblances, as

1. Abraham’s leaving his fathers house.¹²⁷
2. Levi’s speech of his father and mother, who said, I have not seen him.
3. The advice given to the royal Queen, Forget thy fathers¹²⁸ house.
4. The trial of our love of Christ by loving him more¹²⁹ then father or mother.
5. Christ’s forbidding one that followed him to go and¹³⁰ bury his father.

Answ. 1. For Abraham’s example, 1. It cannot be proved that he left his fathers house without the consent of his father. 2. He was then married, and so of another house. 3. He had¹³¹ an express particular charge of God to leave his fathers house, even as he had to sacrifice his son. Except the like charge can be showed, his example maketh nothing to the purpose.

2. For Levi’s speech, 1. It was noted by Moses in relation¹³² to a particular zealous fact of the Levites in executing the vengeance of the Lord, and so to be reckoned among such extraordinary things as are not exemplary. 2. That which moved the Levites to make no difference betwixt their parents and others, was the Lord’s cause: their parents and kindred as well as others had notoriously sinned against God, and in that respect the Levites took no notice of them. But they are not such parents which Papists teach children to forsake, but any parents. Now what consequence is this; Some children have been God’s Ministers in executing just punishment on their wicked parents, therefore children may enter into such places as shall exempt them from helping any parents, though well deserving? 3. The Levites had an express charge for that which they did: but that which Papists infer from their¹³³ example doth make the commandment of God of none effect.¹³⁴

3. For the¹³⁵ advice to the Queen, 1. It is mystically to be taken. 2. If it should be literally taken, it is to be taken as given to her after marriage, when she was out of her parents government. 3. It hath relation to the¹³⁶ law of marriage, and implieth not a simple forsaking of parents, but a preferring of a husband before them.

4. For the loving of father and mother more then Christ, 1. It doth not necessarily imply a forsaking of our parents: for we may love Christ more then them, and yet perform duty to them. 2. If they be forsaken, it must be in opposition to Christ, that either Christ or they must be forsaken, in that if we cleave to them they will draw us from Christ.

5. For Christ’s forbidding one that followed him to go and bury his father: 1. It was because of an extraordinary calling which he had. 2. It is set down as a pattern to Ministers, to show that they should especially attend upon their proper function, and leave other secular matters to be performed by such as can perform them well enough. To apply it to children’s forsaking of parents, is to pervert the sense of it.

Thus we see to how little purpose the forenamed arguments are alleged to prove that erroneous opinion of children’s entering into religious orders without their parents consent. I might further show how irreligious their pretended religious orders be, and so show how unlawful it is to enter into them, even with consent of parents: but that maketh nothing to the point in hand.

§. 15. Of the unlawfulness of children’s travelling, and binding themselves prentices without consent of parents.

Contrary also to the forenamed part of children’s obedience, is the practise of such children as travel, and seek their fortunes (as they speak) without consent of parents, like the Prodigal child, if not worse: for it is likely that he forced¹³⁷ from his father a general consent, in that he obtained of him his portion of goods. These usually bring great grief to their parents, and many times make them fear more then is cause, as old Jacob feared, when he knew not what was become of¹³⁸ his son.

Among those aberrations may be reckoned a custom in this land more usual then lawful, for children to bind themselves prentices without consent of parents: to which fault they who take indentures of such children, or otherwise covenant with them without knowledge of their parents consent, make themselves accessary.¹³⁹

§. 16. Of parents consent to the marriage of their children.

II. That children ought to have their parents consent unto their marriage is without all question evident. For

1. God himself hath given us herein a pattern: He first brought the woman to the man (Gen. 2. 22.) whereby he would show that he who gave a being to the woman, had a right to dispose her in marriage: which right parents now have: for from them under God, children receive their being. In this case parents stand in God’s room, and are as it were God’s hand to join their children in marriage.

2. God hath given express laws concerning this point. To omit that general moral law, honour thy father and thy mother (which, as it is the ground of all other duties appertaining to children, so of this also) the authority and charge which God by his law (Deut. 7. 3.) hath laid upon parents, to give their daughters to husbands, and to take wives for their sons, hath the force of a law to bind children from taking wives or husbands, without or against their parents consent. This law was not proper to the Jews only; but as a branch of the moral law it is pressed upon Christians, 1 Cor. 7. 36. 37.

To this may be added the judicial law (if it be to be accounted merely judicial) of a parents power in giving his daughter, or refusing to give her in marriage to him that had deflowered her, Exo. 22. 17.

3. Answerable to the law hath been the practise of God’s Saints recorded and approved in Scripture. Isaac married the wife which his father provided (Gen. 24. 67.) Jacob both obeyed his father in going to Laban’s house for a wife (Gen. 28. 2.) and also when he came to Laban asked his daughter of him (Gen. 29. 18. etc.)

Though Samson saw a daughter of the Philistines which¹⁴⁰ pleased him well, yet would he not marry her before he had his parents consent, Judg. 14. 2.

4. These words of Thamar (2 Sam. 13. 13.) Speak unto the King (who was her father,) for he will not with-hold thee from me, show that children were not wont to be married without consent of parents: Which is further confirmed by this oath of the Israelites, There shall not any of us give his daughter¹⁴¹ unto Benjamin to wife, Judg. 21. 1.

5. The¹⁴² ancient fathers of the Church have in their ages taught children this duty, and pronounced marriages of children without consent of parents, to be unlawful.

6. The very¹⁴³ heathen have observed the equity hereof. Though Shechem loved Dinah, and had deflowered her, yet would he not marry her without the consent of his and her father, Gen. 34. 3. etc. Ismael had learned as much either by the instruction he had received out of Abraham’s house, or else by the light of nature; for he stood to the choice which his mother made for him, Gen. 21. 21.

7. Though¹⁴⁴ Papists in other cases make the authority of parents to be of no effect, yet in this case they count it utterly unlawful for children to marry without or against their parents consent: and have thereupon made Canons against it.

8. The¹⁴⁵ law of nature and nations, the civil and canon law, the common and statute law of our Land, all manner of law is agreeable to God’s law in this point.

9. It¹⁴⁶ hath been a custom in all Christian Churches throughout all ages, for the parent, or some in the parents¹⁴⁷ room, to give the bride to the bridegroom at the time of the marriage: whereby the parents consent is openly manifested.

10. Many¹⁴⁸ Divines of good note and name have judged such marriages as have been made simply without, or directly against parents consent (especially if parents have just cause of exception against those marriages) to be of no force till the parent be brought to ratify them: and in many Churches upon due examination of the matter, they use to account them as no marriages. Experience hath manifested the boldness of many children in setting light by their parents consent in those places where marriages once consummated are ratified,¹⁴⁹ and made indissoluble, though they have been made simply without or directly against parents consent. Many children think, though it be unlawfully done, yet being done it shall stand. Whereupon if they doubt of their parents consent, they will cast how to get their marriage consummate, so as their parents may not know of it to hinder it before it is done: and after it is done, impudently resolve to bear out as well as they can, the storm of their parents displeasure. To prevent such contempt of the power of parents, and to establish that authority which God hath given them over their children, marriages without or against parents consent as aforesaid, are in many Churches made void.

§. 17. Of the equity of the point, and reasons why children should have their parents consent unto their marriage.

1. By marriage children are put from their parents: for^150,151 man must leave his father and mother, and cleave unto his wife. Is it not then great reason that they from whom children¹⁵² had their being, and by whom they have been maintained and trained up till the time of their marriage, should have notice of that kind of leaving them, and consent thereto?

2. A parents power by the marriage of his child is passed over to the husband or wife of the child. And shall such a power be taken away without consent of parent?

3. Children for the most part being heady and rash for want of experience; and seeking more to satisfy their present carnal desire, then to provide a good lasting help for themselves: but parents by the instinct of nature loving their children as well as children love themselves, and having by much experience better understanding of a meet help, and better able to use their discerning gift in this case, because it is not their own case, and yet the case of one whom they love as themselves, and to whom they wish as much good as to themselves; is it not meet even for the childs good, that in a matter of such moment as marriage, the parent should have a stroke?

§. 18. Of a childs carriage in case a parent provide an unfit mate or none at all.

Quest. What if parents urge their children to marry such¹⁵³ as they can not affect and love: must children therein against their mind and liking yield obedience?

Answ. If there be no just exception against the party commended, they ought with the uttermost of their power to endeavour¹⁵⁴ to bring their affection to the bent of their parents will: and as an help thereunto, be persuaded that their parents are as careful of their good as they themselves are, and wiser then themselves: yea above all they ought to make instant prayer unto God (in whose hand man’s heart is to turn it¹⁵⁵ whither soever he will) that he would be pleased to alter the course of their affection, and to settle it on the party whom their parent hath chosen for them; if at least they see no just cause to the contrary. But if notwithstanding all the means that they can use, they still find their heart altogether averse, they may in a reverend manner entreat their parent to forbear to press that match, and to think of some other.

2. Quest. What if the parent be negligent, and in due time provide no fit match, may not the child provide one for himself?

Answ. A parents negligence is not a sufficient pretext to make a child cast off that subjection which he oweth to his parent. Yet I deny not but that a child knowing where a fit match is to be had, may make known as much to his parent (as Samson did) and crave both his consent and help thereunto.¹⁵⁶ And if his parent give no ear to his humble suit, he may use the mediation of his kindred or other friends. Yea if necessity require that the child be married, and his parent add wilfulness to negligence, and will not be moved at all, neither by the humble suit of his child, nor by the earnest solicitation of any friends, means may be made to the Magistrate (who is in God’s place over the parent as well as over¹⁵⁷ the child, and ought to afford relief unto the child) and what the Magistrate doth in that case is as good a warrant to the child as if the parent had done it.

The like means may be used if a parent be an Idolater, Heretic, or Atheist, and will not yield that his child be married to any but to one of his own profession and disposition.

§. 19. Of the sin of Children in marrying without their parents consent.

Contrary is the mind and practise of such children as over lightly esteeming their parents power, take matches of their own choice: and that sometimes privily without giving any notice at all to their parents: and sometimes most rebelliously against their parents mind and charge: not much unlike those who in the old world are condemned for taking wives of all that¹⁵⁸ they chose (which was one branch of that wickedness for which the world was drowned) or rather like Esau who took¹⁵⁹ such wives as proved a grief to his parents. What blessing can be expected to fall upon such marriages? Or rather what curse may not be feared to follow them? God’s law is transgressed thereby: his Image in parents despised, that which is more proper to them then any goods; or fraudulently, or violently taken from them: their souls grieved thereat: and they¹⁶⁰ oft provoked to cast off their children, and curse their marriages. Now God’s curse doth oft follow the just curse of a parent.

§. 20. Of objections for children’s marrying without parents consent, answered.

1. Object. Though Jacob married one wife according to his parents direction, yet he married other three (at least the two maids) without their consent.

1. Answ. Jacob’s example in marrying more wives then one is not justifiable.

2. Answ. Jacob had a general consent of his parents to¹⁶¹ take a wife of the daughters of Laban: if therefore his marrying of two wives had been lawful, neither this nor that daughter had been taken without all consent of his parents. As for the two maids of whom he had children, neither of them was his wife: for long after they had children they are called his maids,¹⁶² and distinguished from his wives.

2. Object. Servants may marry without their masters consent: why then not children without their parents?

1. Answ.¹⁶³ It is not lawful for servants so to do while the date of their covenant lasteth.

2. Answ. Though the servitude of a servant be greater then of a child, yet a parent hath in many respects a greater power over his child, then a master over his servant. The power which a master hath is by a mutual covenant betwixt him and his servant, and by the voluntary subjection of a servant unto his master. But the power of a parent is by the bond of nature, in that a child hath his being from his parents. Besides, this subjection of a child to his parents in case of marriage, is not for servitude but¹⁶⁴ for the good of the child.

3. Object. Children marry for themselves and not for their parents, why then should parents consent be so much stood upon?

1. Answ. Though they marry not for their parents, yet they marry¹⁶⁵ from their parents: by marriage they are freed from the power of their parents.

2. Answ. Children are not their own: they are the inheritance of the Lord: the Lord hath given them to parents as an inheritance: a child therefore may no more marry for himself without consent of parents, then alienate his parents goods for himself.

§. 21. Of stealing children from parents for marriage sake.

To the¹⁶⁶ forenamed sin, and to the vengeance thereof, do they make themselves accessary, who fraudulently allure, or violently take away children to marry them otherwise then their parents would. This is a worse kind of felony then stealing away the goods of a man. For children are much more properly a man’s own, then his goods: and dearer to him then any goods can be: yea and so much more highly to be esteemed, by how much reasonable creatures are to be preferred before senseless, and sensual things. Our¹⁶⁷ statute law expressly condemneth this, and imposeth a severe punishment on such as shall offend therein. And justly do such offenders deserve to be severely punished, both in regard of the heinousness of the sin, and also in regard of the many¹⁶⁸ mischiefs which follow thereon, as, Alienation of parents affection from their children, Disinheriting heirs, Enmity betwixt the friends of each party so married, Litigious suits in law, Ruin of families, and (if the personages, whose children are married without their parents consent, be great and noble) Disturbance of whole towns, cities, and nations. Instance the destruction of the Shechemites Gen. 34.¹⁶⁹ This is said to have been the cause of the ten years war betwixt the Grecians and Trojans, and of the ruin of Troy.

§. 22. Of ministers sin in marrying children without parents consent.

Such ministers also as through Carelessness, not taking due account of the parties whom they marry, whether they have their parents consent or no; or through bribery, being hired by reward, do marry such children as they know have not their parents consent; do in an high degree make themselves accessary to the¹⁷⁰ forenamed sin. Their fact is as bad as the fact of the principals themselves. Their solemnization of such marriages emboldneth both the parties that are so married, and also all the persons that are present thereat. They highly dishonour God’s holy ordinance, in that bearing the person of God they say of such as God hath forbidden to be so joined together, Those whom God hath joined together let no man put asunder. If ministers had not their hand in such unlawful marriages, they could not be made: for our Church ratifieth no marriage but what is made by a minister. Wherefore some minister or other is guilty of this foul sin, whensoever any child is married without consent of parents. Well therefore doth our Church (to prevent this sin) expressly forbid ministers to marry any without parents consent: and inflict a severe censure on them that shall offend therein.

§. 23. Of children’s forbearing to dispose any of their parents goods without consent.

A third branch of the subjection of children in forbearing to do any thing without their parents consent, is about their parents goods.

That children though living in their parents house, ought not without their parents consent to dispose their goods, is evident by the extent of their obedience, in all things.

In that Isaac was pleased to send Jacob to Padan Aram without any great provision, it seemeth that Jacob made conscience of taking any thing privily, but went as his father sent him¹⁷¹ with his staff. And the¹⁷² apology which he made to Laban his father in law concerning things taken away, showeth that he held it unlawful for children privily to convey away their parents goods. What is my trespass? What is my sin? (saith he) what hast thou found of all my household-stuff?

Doth he not hereby imply, that if Laban’s daughters had taken away any of their fathers goods, it had been a trespass and sin?

The Apostle saith of the heir (who of all the children may¹⁷³ seem to have the greatest right) that as long as he is a child (that is, under the government of his parents) he differeth nothing from a servant, though he be Lord of all. If he differ not from a servant, what right can he have at his pleasure¹⁷⁴ to dispose his parents goods? Hath a servant any such right?

It is very requisite that children herein should be tied to their parents consent, both for the good of parents, and of children themselves.

Of parents, that they may know what they have, or have¹⁷⁵ not, and accordingly order their expenses. How can parents tell what they have, if children privily without their knowledge purloin and dispose their goods?

Of children, that their lavish humor might by this means¹⁷⁶ be restrained: (for youth is much prone beyond moderation to spend, if it have wherewithal) and that their parents may the better lay up for them.¹⁷⁷

§. 24. Of the sin of children in purloining and wasting their parents goods.

Contrary is both the opinion and practise of many¹⁷⁸ children.

For opinion, many think and say, that whatsoever is their¹⁷⁹ parents, is theirs also: and thereupon being through the watchful eye and provident care of their parents restrained from overlavish spending, or from laying out any thing with their own hands, they murmur against that restraint.

Knowledge and persuasion of their subjection in this case, would be a good means to suppress that repining humour.

For practise,¹⁸⁰

1. Some privily take away and purloin what goods, money, wares or any thing else they can come by of their parents. This the Holy Ghost accounteth plain theft: for Rachel having privily taken away her fathers idols, the Scripture saith that she stole them.

Hereunto do they make themselves accessary, who counsel and encourage children so to do: as many busybodies, and deceitful persons advise daughters, when God hath taken away their mothers, to take away linen, and other-like household-stuff from their father, pretending that their father may marry another wife, who will carry all away: And upon like pretence also persuade sons when their fathers die, to convey away what they can from their mother. But such pretences are no sufficient warrant unto children to deceive their parents. It were better for children to be deprived of their parents goods, then to enjoy them with such deceit: for they will be like that bread which is sweet to a man, and afterward his¹⁸¹ mouth is filled with gravel.

2. Others riotously spend their portion, like the prodigal¹⁸² child, and run into debt, and so make their parents either to pay it, or to leave them to the law. Many Scholars at the Universities, Gentlemen at Inns of Court, and such children as are somewhat liberally trained up in their parents, or other friends houses, do much offend herein. Little doth this excess and riot differ from the forenamed kind of theft: and ordinarily it bringeth as many mischiefs as that doth.

3. Some also be so ungracious and ungrateful, that being¹⁸³ come to years, and their parents grown old, seek to defeat their parents of all they have, and to bring their parents under them, to be ordered by them: labouring to get possession of all before their parents be dead, or before they be willing to resign any such right unto their children. Such were¹⁸⁴ Absalom, and Adonijah. How highly displeasing such practises are to God, the vengeance which fell upon the pates of¹⁸⁵ those two brethren in evil, traitorous, and disloyal children, doth show.

All such children as seek after the forenamed, or any other like means to defraud their parents, do very ill repay their parents care over them, and more like Barbarians, then Christians, recompense evil for good: they oft bring poverty and ignominy upon their parents and themselves: they are worse then other thieves, because they are more dearly accounted of, and more freely trusted: yea they are a very bad example to servants in the house, or subjects in the commonwealth.

§. 25. Of children’s contentedness to be apparelled after their parents mind and liking.

IIII. A fourth branch of the foresaid subjection of children is about their apparel, that it be no other, then may stand with their parents good liking. It is noted that Israel¹⁸⁶ made Joseph a coat, doth not the particular mentioning of that circumstance show, that parents must have the ordering of their children’s apparel? Which is also intimated in the reason given of Tamars garment of divers colours, namely because¹⁸⁷ with such garments were the kings daughters, that were virgins, apparelled. And whereas Rebekah had the keeping of her¹⁸⁸ son Esau’s clothes, it appeareth that his clothes were to the mind of his parents: else he would have hid them from them: for further confirmation whereof it is noted that his apparel was pleasing to his father.

Contrary is the vain-glorious humour of many children,¹⁸⁹ who to the grief and discredit of their parents, apparel themselves both against the mind, and also above the ability, and unbeseeming the place and calling of their parents. Among others, many ministers children bring much discredit on their parents hereby. Let all such proud Youths note how the Lord hath threatened to visit even Kings children that are clothed¹⁹⁰ with strange apparel.

§. 26. Of children’s forbearing to bind themselves to do any thing against their parents consent.

V. The fifth and last branch wherewith I will exemplify the forenamed subjection of children, shall be that which is expressly noted in the law, namely a childes binding of it self by a vow.

The law giveth the parent power to disannul his childes¹⁹¹ vow. It is therefore a childes duty to abstain from vowing without his parents consent.

Contrary are such vows as Papists allure children to make,¹⁹² namely, vows of continency, perpetual virginity, regular obedience, voluntary poverty, with the like.

Though by these they be not drawn to forsake their parents (which¹⁹³ before we proved to be utterly unlawful:) and though these in their nature were lawful (which they are not, because they are against God’s law and ordinance, and against Christian liberty, and savour too rankly of Judaism, yea of a worse superstition,) yet without parents consent might they not be made.

As unlawful are oaths, and other like means, whereby children bind themselves to the performance of such indifferent things, as their parents are not willing they should do. What doth this but bring a snare upon the consciences of children, and cause a necessity of breaking one of God’s commandments? Either the third, in breaking their vow or oath; or the fifth, in disobeying their parents.

Children Obeying Parents’ Instruction and Correction

§. 27. Of children’s active obedience.

The affirmative and active part of a childs obedience, consists in yielding himself pliable to his parents will; which must be added to the forenamed negative and passive part of obedience in forbearing to do things without consent of parents, for manifestation of a true child-like affection and disposition toward the parent. Passive obedience may arise from mere sullenness, and stoutness of stomach. For there are many who will forbear to do this or that without consent of parents, because they are loth to ask their consent: they had rather have their own wills crost in the things they desire, then be made subject to their parents will. What doth this argue, but a stout stomach, and a disdainful heart? Besides, to forbear the doing of an unlawful thing, is but to abstain from evil. But it is required of Christians¹⁹⁴ to do that which is good, as well as to abstain from that which is evil. This is it which is commended in Jacob: he did not only forbear to take such a wife as would be a grief to his parents (wherein his¹⁹⁵ brother Esau had offended) but also obeyed his parents in¹⁹⁶ taking such a wife as they willed him to take.

This general point we will exemplify in four particular instances, namely, in a childs obedience to his parents commandments, instructions, reproofs, corrections.

§. 28. Of children’s obedience to their parents commandments.

I. What lawful commandments soever parents give to their children, they must be ready to the uttermost of their power to obey.¹⁹⁷ Obey your parents, saith the Apostle to children.

Parents, by virtue of their place, have power and authority to command: children therefore must obey, or else that power is to no purpose.

To demonstrate this by some particulars:

1. If a parent call his child, or send for him, he must readily¹⁹⁸ come, yea though he know not the occasion. Eli was in place of a parent to Samuel, whereupon the child supposing that Eli called him,¹⁹⁹ ran to him once, and again and again.²⁰⁰ David when he was sent for by his father out of the field to be anointed King, knew not the occasion, yet came.²⁰¹ The twelve sons of Jacob, though men grown, yet called for by their father, assembled themselves together before him.

2. If a parent be disposed to send his child any whither, or of²⁰² any errand, though it be far off, and may seem somewhat troublesome, yet he ought to go, and do it. The²⁰³ forenamed example of²⁰⁴ Jacob, the example also of²⁰⁵ Joseph (being sent to see whether it were well with his brethren) and of the²⁰⁶ ten sons of Jacob (being sent by their father into Egypt,) and of²⁰⁷ David (sent to visit his brethren in the host) are in this case commended by the Holy Ghost. Of David it is noted, that²⁰⁸ he arose up early and went as Jesse had commanded him: which setteth forth his ready obedience.

3. If a parent require his child to attend upon him, he must²⁰⁹ also do that. When Abram was going up to the top of Moriah his will was that his servants should tarry behind, and that his son Isaac should attend him, and carry the wood for the sacrifice, and accordingly Isaac obeyed.²¹⁰

4. If a parent enjoin any task, or commit any business to²¹¹ his child, he ought faithfully to perform it. This kind of faithful obedience is commended in²¹² Joseph, in the²¹³ Rechabites, and in²¹⁴ David, with many others. Joseph, by reason of his great place, might not go out of Egypt, yet to perform that which his father enjoined him, he asked leave. The Rechabites were tempted to break their fathers charge, yet they would not. David when he was sent by his father, from the sheep which were committed to his custody, was careful to leave them with a keeper:²¹⁵ and again, when a Bear at one time, and a Lion at another came²¹⁶ to the flock, he put his life in hazard to preserve the flock: all these circumstances are thus noted, to set forth the great care that these children had to discharge that charge which their parents had committed to them.

§. 29. Of children’s disobedience to their parents commandments.

Contrary is a rebellious disposition in children, manifested by these and such like practises,

1. By refusing to be at their parents call; or coming (as we speak) at leisure, and making their parents wait for them.

2. By a lazy, sluggish pretending of vain and frivolous excuses, when their parents would send them of an errand, like that sluggard, who saith,²¹⁷ A lion is without, I shall be slain in the streets. Such pretences are as²¹⁸ vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes.

3. By scorning to wait on their parents; and in that respect they will slink out of doors, and absent themselves, when they imagine their parents will use their service in that kind: they forsooth will not be their parents servants: an impious conceit.

4. By refusing to do what their parents enjoin them to do, and require at their hands, like²¹⁹ the younger son, that went not to work in the vineyard at his fathers command. Such children for the most part offend herein, as through pride think the business enjoined to them too mean, and base to do. Had David, or the daughters of Reguel been of this mind, the one would²²⁰ not have returned to his fathers sheep, after he was anointed to be King over Israel, and after he had been called to the Court; and the other would not have watered their fathers sheep, especially²²¹ among such rude and boisterous clowns, as without all respect to their place and sex, would drive them away.

§. 30. Of children’s obedience to their parents instruction.

II. Such wholesome instructions as parents give their children for the well ordering of their carriage, children ought conscionably to obey: a point which²²² Solomon much presseth: My son, saith he, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother, etc. And to move children the rather to do so, he sets before them²²³ his own example, showing that he required no more of them then himself had performed.²²⁴ Moses, though grown to years, and a prince among his people, testified his obedience to his father in law hereby.

1. Parents have an express commandment to instruct their²²⁵ children (as we shall²²⁶ after show.) Great reason therefore that their children hear and obey them therein. The good instructions of any one are to be regarded, much more of parents.

2. Great wisdom may be attained thereby: for the desire that²²⁷ parents have of their children’s good, maketh them give the best²²⁸ directions they can unto them, even what themselves have learned of others, or observed by their own experience: in this respect, Solomon styleth him²²⁹ a wise son that obeyeth the instruction of his father: and resembleth the fruit and benefit thereof, to²³⁰ a comely ornament, to chains, and bracelets, and to a crown of glory.

3. Much joy and comfort is brought to parents by seeing²³¹ their children observe their instruction: for²³² a wise son maketh a glad father. Now this is a thing which children ought to aim at,²³³ to rejoice their parents heart. Esau is taxed for²³⁴ grieving his parents.

Contrary is their proud and foolish humour, who think they need no instruction, their parents are too jealous of them, they are wise enough of themselves; if their parents would but let them alone, they should do better: thus they show themselves impious against God, rebellious against their parents, and injurious to themselves. Such were²³⁵ Eli’s, and²³⁶ Lot’s sons. Now note the vengeance that fell upon them.

§. 31. Of children’s patience to their parents reproof.

III. The obedience of children must further^237,238 extend it self to their parents reproof: and that by patient bearing all manner of reproofs, and by amending what is justly reproved. That shame, whereof the Lord speaketh, which should be in a child,²³⁹ when her father hath spet in her face, that is, by some outward sign manifested his anger, implieth a childs patient bearing of a parents reproof. This patience in a child must be manifested to his parent, whether his reproof be mild or bitter, just or unjust. In this respect a child must more consider the person who reproveth, then the matter or manner of the reproof. Jacob’s reproof of Joseph, for his dreams which came of God, was unjust:²⁴⁰ the manner of uttering it, with many short pauses, and that interrogatively, implieth some tartness: yet such was his patience, as we read not of one discontented word that he gave. But most memorable is the patience of Jonathan in this kind. His father Saul’s²⁴¹ reproof of him was directly unjust, and out of measure bitter: yet with what patience did he bear it? All that he replied was to make some little apology for David: he replied nothing against his fathers opprobrious speeches.

Great wisdom may be learned by this patience: for so may a²⁴² child better judge of his parents reproof, whether it be just or no. Though it be unjust, yet thereby may he observe what is displeasing to his parents: at least he may observe his parents infirmity, and so know the better how to carry himself towards them.

Contrary is the practise of such children, as upon every reproof of their parents are ready to answer again. Our parents²⁴³ are wayward, say they, who can bear them? If none else could bear them, yet should children: for parents ordinarily bear such waywardness, and untowardness at their children’s hands, especially while they are young, as none else would or could.

Quest. If a parent be mistaken in a matter, and unjustly reprove his child, may the child make no answer?

Answ. Yes, he may, so he do it mildly, reverendly, and seasonably: not too peremptorily crossing or thwarting his parent.

Object. Christ took up his mother very roundly for reproving²⁴⁴ him unjustly.

Answ. Christ as God-man was greater then his mother, and in that respect with authority blamed her for her unjust reproof. The Virgin Mary was not ignorant thereof, and therefore was silent.

§. 32. Of children’s readiness to amend what is justly reproved by their parents.

If a child be justly for his fault reproved by his parents,²⁴⁵ both conscience toward God, and obedience to his parent, requireth that he readily redress that which is amiss. Unless amendment of the thing justly reproved be added to patient bearing of reproof, that patience can be no better accounted of, then dissimulation, and plain mockage. When the father²⁴⁶ in law of Moses told him, that what he did was not well, he forthwith amended it.

But contrarily many lewd and ungracious children continue to go on in their wicked courses, though their parents again, and again rebuke them for it. Just was Eli’s reproof of his children, but yet no amendment followed. Now note the inference made thereupon by the Holy Ghost, They obeyed²⁴⁷ not the voice of their father, because the Lord would slay them: whereby is implied, that to despise the just reproof of parents is an evident sign, and forerunner of God’s heavy judgment. Solomon calls the child which will hear no rebuke, a Scorner,²⁴⁸ which noteth out a most obstinate sinner that cannot be reclaimed, and in that respect is scorned of the Lord.²⁴⁹

§. 33. Of Children’s submission to their parents correction.

IIII. Correction is a real reproof, a reproof in the highest degree, even the severest kind of reproof: so as by subjection hereunto great trial of obedience is made. By the same means must a childes submission to his parent in this kind of reproof be manifested, as in the former: namely,

1. By bearing patiently the correction which his parent shall give him.

2. By amending readily that for which he is justly corrected.

The former of these is noted by the Apostle as a ruled case, a matter not to be denied, in these words,²⁵⁰ We have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence. One special part of this reverence is a patient suffering: therefore he infers thereupon, ought we not to be in subjection? etc.

The latter is set forth by Solomon under an effect which followeth upon the performance thereof: for having advised a parent to correct his child, he addeth this reason,²⁵¹ He shall give thee rest, yea he shall give delight unto thy soul: how can this rest, and delight be given, but by the childes amendment of that for which he is corrected? A parent taketh no delight in the pain, and smart of his child, but in the fruit that followeth thereupon. As a childes transgression is²⁵² a grief, and vexation to the parent, so his amendment causeth rest and delight. Now this effect followeth not simply upon correction, but upon the good use thereof which is made by the child. It lieth therefore in the child, and so lieth upon him as a duty, to give this rest and delight to his parent by amending the fault for which he is corrected, as he brought grief to him by provoking him to use correction. Thus shall neither parent repent the inflicting, nor the child repent the induring of correction.

That a child may attain to this degree of obedience, he²⁵³ must duly consider both the Cause whereby his parent is moved to correct him, and also the End which he aimeth at therein. The cause is the²⁵⁴ love he beareth to his child. The end which he aimeth at, is his childes²⁵⁵ good. If these motives work not obedience, what can?

§. 34. Of refusing, or abusing correction.

Contrary is disdain on the one side, and obstinacy on the other. Disdain, when children scorn to be corrected by their parents: and in that respect when by all the means they can use, they cannot avoid it, they will mutter and murmur, fret and fume, rage and rave against their parents, and despise and hate them for it. Obstinacy, when they will be no whit bettered thereby, but still run on in their lewd courses, and rather wax the worse for being corrected. This may be counted the highest pitch of a childes rebellion: for this is the last means which a parent can use to reclaim his child from desperate courses. If this prevaileth not, the law of God requireth,²⁵⁶ that a parent should give up his child into the hand of the Magistrate, that he may be put to death.

Hitherto of the distinct branches of children’s obedience.

The Extent thereof followeth.

§. 35. Of children’s conforming their judgments to their parents.

The extent of children’s obedience is only implied in this Epistle to the Ephesians, but it is expressed (Col. 3. 20.) in these words, Children obey your parents²⁵⁷ IN ALL THINGS. A large extent, but not simply to be taken without any limitation: for the Apostle himself noteth a restraint in these words,²⁵⁸ In the Lord. So far forth as children transgress not any of God’s commandments in obeying their parents, they ought to obey. This is to obey in all things, in the Lord.

The²⁵⁹ extent of children’s duties being the very same that was of wives duties: and the restraint also the same, that order which was there observed shall here also be kept. Only other proofs more pertinent to children’s place, shall be brought to confirm those general propositions which may be applied to any inferiors. Many general reasons there alleged for proof of the propositions shall here be omitted. Wherefore compare this place with that.

Thus we see that parents authority is very large: there is no restraint of it but God’s contrary command, whereof a child must be assured, if he refuse to obey his parent in any thing.

It is not enough for a child to say I have thus long, and in thus many things obeyed my parent, I hope in some things if I have mine own will, I may be excused. No: All things comprise more then many things. Wherefore Many are not enough. And though God’s will be exempted, yet is not thine own will exempted: though thou maiest do nothing against God’s will, yet thou oughtest to do many things against thine own will, if it be contrary to thy parents.

Two things are to be laboured after by children for attaining to this extent of obedience in all things.

1. They must labour to bring their judgment and will to the bent of their parents: to think that meet and convenient for them to do which their parents will have them do. Though Isaac thought it somewhat strange that he should²⁶⁰ carry wood up to an hill to offer sacrifice where was nothing for a burnt offering, yet it being the will of his father that he should do so, he thought it meet enough for him to do so.

This subjection of judgment and will is to be yielded in all the particular cases of obedience which were²⁶¹ before propounded, as in their calling, marriage, apparel, allowance, etc. So as children are to think that kind of calling, that particular match, that apparel, and that allowance to be meetest for them, which their parents think meet.

If the judgment be persuaded of the meetness of a thing,²⁶² and the will inwardly brought to yield unto it, outward obedience will more readily and cheerfully be yielded thereunto.

Contrary is the overweening conceit which many children²⁶³ have of their own judgment and will, who think they can better discern what is fit and meet for themselves, then their parents. They imagine their parents to be too strict and precise, or too suspicious and jealous, or too covetous and worldly. This maketh them take what callings, what matches, what apparel, what allowance they think best; whence many mischiefs arise, which would all easily be avoided, if they would lay down that presumptuous conceit, and labour to observe the forenamed direction.

§. 36. Of children’s yielding to practise at their parents command, such things as in their judgments they cannot think very meet.

2. Though children cannot in their judgments think that which their parents require to be the fittest and meetest, yet being pressed thereto by the peremptory command of their parents, in practise they ought to yield unto it, saying to their parents as Peter to the Lord, Nevertheless at thy word I will do this. Thus did²⁶⁴ Jacob yield to Rebekah: he thought by doing that which his mother bid him, he should seem a mocker to his father, yet she urging him, he did it.

Quest. May not a child, yielding better reason then his parent, refuse to do what he thinketh unmeet, or at least forbear to do what he is commanded, till he be better informed of the meetness thereof?

Answ. With reverence and humility he may render his reason why he thinketh it not meet, and desire his parent not to urge it upon him.

(This did²⁶⁵ Judah one of the sons of Jacob, and is not blamed for it:) and parents ought in such a case to yield to their children (as²⁶⁶ Jacob did.) But yet if in things indifferent, parents be otherwise minded then their children, and will have their children yield to them, they must yield.

For, 1. In indifferent things the command of a parent is a warrant to the child, by reason of this extent (all things:) so as the parent may sin in commanding that, in doing whereof the child may not sin. Who can clear Rebekah of sin in commanding Jacob to deceive his father? Yet I take it, that Jacob cannot justly be blamed for obeying.

2. Children do thus manifest an high esteem of their parents, and very great respect towards them: they show how desirous they are to please them, and how fearful to offend them. When the will of parent and child consent, there is no such trial.

3. By this means peace and love is better preserved betwixt parent and child: a parents anger is stopped, the effects thereof avoided, and many other mischiefs prevented, which oft fall out when inferiors refuse to yield to their superiors who have authority over them.

Contrary is their preposterous peremptoriness who will do²⁶⁷ nothing against their own mind & will, though their parents require it never so much. This phrase²⁶⁸ (If thou wilt not send, we will not go down) which Judah used to his father, though in a good cause, was too peremptory for a child. They who obstinately refuse to do those things which are against their own mind, must needs come short of this extent, Obey in all things. Yea they show that what they do is rather for their own sakes because they like it, then for their parents sake. What obedience then may that be thought to be? Yet this is all the obedience which many children will yield. If they think not that which their parents require to be meet, nor fair, nor foul means shall move them to do it; whereby many children do much provoke their parents. Let such children know, that it is every way more safe for them at the instant command of their parent to do that which they conceive to be unmeet, then peremptorily to disobey their parents, which is more then unmeet, even unlawful.

§. 37. Of the restraint of children’s obedience.

The restraint of children’s obedience is expressed in this clause, in the Lord: which phrase affordeth a necessary limitation²⁶⁹ in obeying their parents, who are but parents of our flesh, men and women, subject to err in their commandments, and to require such sinful things as their children may not with a good conscience perform. The limitation then which the forenamed clause (in the Lord) affordeth, is this,

Children must perform no other obedience to their parents, then may stand with their obedience to God. The reasons rendered by the Apostle prove as much: This is right, this is well pleasing to²⁷⁰ the Lord. But to obey parents against the Lord is neither right nor wellpleasing to the Lord.

If therefore parents command their children to do any thing²⁷¹ which the Lord hath forbidden them, they ought not to do it. On this ground did Michal well in suffering her husband David to escape out of the hands of Saul her father.²⁷² I justify not her manner of carrying the matter, with untruths, and false tales; but her refusing to yield to her fathers mind and will is justifiable, and that in two respects.

1. In that the difference was betwixt her husband and father. Now²⁷³ by God’s law a wife is to yield to her husband rather then to her father.

2. Because she knew her father sought to slay him: if then she had delivered him into the hands of her father, she had made her self accessary to murder. In this latter respect Jonathan also did well in refusing to fetch David at his fathers²⁷⁴ command.

Thus if a father command his child to go to Mass, to forswear himself, to marry an Idolater, to steal, to lie, or to commit any other sin forbidden by God, the child ought not to obey: those things cannot be done in the Lord.

Again if parents forbid their children the doing of any necessary duty commanded of God, the child ought to do it notwithstanding the parents inhibition. We may well think that Ahaz who set himself so violently to deface the holy things of God, to profane his ordinances, and to shut up the doors of God’s house, gave strait charge to his son that he²⁷⁵ should not repair them again; yet Hezekiah so soon as he had power did repair all.

If a parent forbid his child to go to the Protestants Churches, to hear a Sermon, to pray in a known tongue, to give just weight, and measure, to speak the truth when he is called to witness it, with the like; he must be of Daniel’s mind,²⁷⁶ and notwithstanding that prohibition, do the things which God requireth.

§. 38. Of children’s sin in yielding to their parents against God.

Contrary to this limitation is on the one side a flattering eye-service in many children, who care not what they do, be²⁷⁷ it good or evil, lawful or unlawful, so they may please their parents thereby: and on the other side a slavish fearfulness,²⁷⁸ which maketh them so to dread their parents as they fear not God at all: they will rather choose to sin and so provoke God’s wrath, then do any thing whereby their parents wrath may be provoked. It is a brand set upon evil kings that they²⁷⁹ walked in the ways of their fathers, and mothers: and did wickedly²⁸⁰ as they counselled them. Wherefore the following and obeying of their parents in evil was so far from extenuating their sin, as it did rather aggravate the same. The preferring of father and mother before the Lord Christ showeth that such a child is²⁸¹ not worthy of Christ: In comparison of Christ²⁸² father and mother must be hated. But that undue and unchristian-like respect of parents above Christ, is it that maketh so many young Papists, young swaggerers, swearers,²⁸³ liars, deceitful persons, and lewd livers.

For avoiding the two forenamed extremes let thine heart be filled with a true fear of God, and withal consider the difference betwixt our earthly parents and our heavenly father. They are but parents²⁸⁴ of our flesh, he is the father of spirits.²⁸⁵ They can but touch the body, he can cast body and soul into hell. They are but a while over us, he for ever. Their authority is subordinate to his, his supreme & absolute of it self. They can give but a light temporary reward; he, an eternal weight of glory. They cannot shelter us from his wrath, he can from theirs.

Hitherto of such duties of children as respect their parents authority, such as respect their necessity follow.

Children Giving Back to Parents

§. 39. Of children’s Recompense.

The general head whereunto all the duties which children owe to their parents in regard of their Necessity, is in one word Recompense, which is a duty whereby children endeavour as much as in them lieth, to repay what they can for their parents kindness, care, and cost towards them, and that in way²⁸⁶ of thankfulness; which maketh a child think he cannot do too much for his parent, & well may he think so, for a parent doth much more for his child before it is able to do for it self, then the child possibly can do for the parent. So as if the parents authority were laid aside, yet the law of equity requireth this duty of Recompense: so also doth the law of piety and charity. Wherefore of all other duties this is most due.²⁸⁷ It is in express terms given in charge to children by the Apostle, who willeth them to learn to requite their parents.

Contrary is neglect of parents in their need, which is more²⁸⁸ then monstrous ingratitude. As all ingratitude is odious to God and man, so this most of all, and yet very many are guilty thereof. In them the proverb is verified that love is weighty. For it is the property of weighty things to fall down apace, but to ascend slowly, and that not without some violence. Thus love from the parent to the child falleth down apace, but it hardly ascendeth from children to parents. In which respect another proverb saith, One father will better nourish nine children, then nine children one father. Many children in this kind do no more for their parents, then for strangers. They either consider not how much their parents have done for them; or else they conceit that what their parents did, was of mere duty, and needeth no recompense. Fie upon such barbarous and inhumane children!

§. 40. Of infirmities whereunto parents are subject.

The rule of the forenamed recompense is on the one side²⁸⁹ the parents Necessity, and on the other, the childes Ability. So as in every thing wherein a parent needeth his childes help, the child to his power must afford his best help. Beyond ones power nothing can be expected.²⁹⁰

A parents Necessity may be through

• Natural infirmities.
• Casual extremities.

Natural infirmities are

• Inward.
• Outward.

Inward Infirmities are weakness of judgment, slipperiness of memory, violence of passion with the like; whence proceed frowardness, testiness, suspiciousness, jealousy, fear, grief, etc.

Outward Infirmities are such as arise from some instant temptation, as were²⁹¹ Noah’s and²⁹² Lot’s drunkenness;²⁹³ Lot’s and²⁹⁴ David’s uncleanness;²⁹⁵ Abraham’s and²⁹⁶ Isaac’s dissimulation;²⁹⁷ Jacob’s and²⁹⁸ David’s excessive lamentation, etc.

Some of these latter, which may seem most heinous and odious sins, are then to be accounted infirmities, when they who commit them make not a sport of them, nor delight to live and lie in them, as swine to wallow and lie in the mire: but only at some times, through some temptation, as it were unawares, fall into them; and after they are committed they are themselves more ashamed of them, and more grieved for them, then any other that see them, or hear of them.

In regard of the natural infirmities of parents, the duty of children is both to bear with them, and also to cover them so far as they can.

§. 41. Of children’s bearing with their parents infirmities.

Children bear with their parents infirmities when they do not the less reverendly esteem their place, or person, nor perform the less duty to them because of their infirmities.

This is the first particular branch of recompense. For children in their younger and weaker years are subject to many infirmities: if parents had the less respected them for their infirmities, and from thence had taken occasion to neglect them, and would not have borne with them, surely they could not have been so well brought up. That great patience, long-sufferance, and much forbearance which parents have showed towards their children, requireth that children in way of recompense show the like to their parents as occasion is offered. It was a great infirmity in Isaac to prefer Esau a profane child, before Jacob a religious child, especially against God’s express word concerning Jacob; yet Jacob respected not his father a whit the less for it, as appears by his²⁹⁹ fear to offend him, and by his³⁰⁰ readiness to obey him.³⁰¹ Jacob’s unjust reproof of Joseph was no small infirmity, and yet how much Joseph reverenced and every way respected his father the history following showeth. Saul’s infirmities were far more and much greater then any of theirs, yet what duty and faithfulness did Jonathan his son perform to him, even to their deaths? For³⁰² he died with him.

We have herein the pattern of Christ himself: how great infirmity did his mother bewray, when over-rashly she rebuked him being about a good work, a bounden duty, his fathers business? Yet immediately thereupon it is noted that he went down with his parents, and was subject to them: which³⁰³ manifesteth the honour he gave to his mother, notwithstanding her infirmity.

Contrary to this duty do they, who take occasion from their parents infirmities to think basely of their person and³⁰⁴ their place, and thereupon grow careless in duty, either refusing to do any duty at all, or else doing it carelessly, grudgingly, disdainfully, and scornfully. Absalom made a supposed infirmity of his father the ground of his rebellion. Had³⁰⁵ his pretence been true, yet had it not been a sufficient cause for him to disgrace, and rise against his father, as he did. The law that threateneth God’s vengeance against such children as mock at their father, or despise to obey their mother, maketh³⁰⁶ no exception of parents infirmities.

§. 42. Of children’s covering their parents infirmities.

Children cover their parents infirmities both by passing by them (as we speak) and taking no notice of them, and also by concealing them from others as much as they can. The Scripture noteth it to be a property of love to cover a multitude³⁰⁷ of sins: now in whom should love abound, if not in children? And who should more manifest this property of love then children?

Of passing by and concealing from others a parents infirmity, we have a worthy pattern in Shem and Japhet: when Noah their father being drunken lay uncovered in the midst of his tent, they went backward (that they might not themselves³⁰⁸ see their fathers infirmity) and covered his nakedness (that others might not see it.) The blessing which upon this occasion was then promised to them and their posterity, showeth how acceptable this duty was to God.

Contrary was Cham’s practise, who discovered, and made³⁰⁹ known his fathers nakedness. The curse thereupon denounced against him, showeth how odious that sin was unto God. Too many there be of Cham’s cursed brood, who blaze abroad their parents infirmities, and make such things known of them,³¹⁰ as otherwise would not be known: whereby they bring much dishonour and shame upon their parents (which can be no honour³¹¹ to the children,) and withal a curse from their parents on themselves, which the heathen accounted very dreadful.

More contrary was Absalom’s practise, who raised a most malicious slander of his father, and thereby alienated his subjects hearts from him. Too many Absalom-like seek to raise a supposed³¹² reputation and honour to themselves by vilifying and disgracing their parents: but let them note Absalom’s end. Assuredly, if they hold on in that course, the like, or a worse, shall be their end.

§. 43. Of children’s bearing with their parents casual necessities.³¹³

Casual extremities, are all manner of crosses which by the providence of God are laid upon a man: whether upon his body, as blindness, lameness, sickness, etc. Or on his person, as captivity, banishment, imprisonment, etc. Or on his estate, as poverty, penury, etc. In all these, children must bear with their parents, as in the forenamed infirmities; neither less reverendly esteem of them, nor perform the less duty because of them. These are such necessities, as are not sinful in themselves; and therefore in regard of these, parents are much more to be borne withal. Though Isaac were blind, yet did not Jacob a whit the less respect³¹⁴ him. Though Naomi were poor, yet Ruth her daughter in law continued to do a childs duty and service unto her.

Contrary is the unnatural disposition of such children, as³¹⁵ take occasion from these casual necessities of their parents to despise them. God hath made an express law against despising those who are by any outward defects impotent, as deaf, blind, etc. If no person may despise another, for these, much less children³¹⁶ their parents. They are worse then Cham that do so, and may look for an heavier curse.

§. 44. Of children’s relieving their parents according to their need.

Besides bearing with parents necessities, in such cases as parents stand in need of their children’s relief and succour, they must afford it them. In sickness they must visit them, as³¹⁷ Joseph visited his father. In time of mourning, they must comfort them, as³¹⁸ the children of Jacob. In want, they must provide things needful for them, as³¹⁹ the sons of Jacob, who went up to buy food for their father; and as³²⁰ Joseph, who sent for Jacob into Egypt, and there nourished him. It is noted of³²¹ Ruth, that she did not only glean for her mother a poor woman, but also reserved some of that food which was given to her self to eat, for her. In time of danger they must do what they can for their protection and preservation, as³²² David had in this respect an especial care of his father and mother. Yea, if God be pleased to³²³ take children out of this world before their parents, and their parents be succourless, they must take what order they can for the well-being of their parents after their own departure, as³²⁴ Christ, who commended his mother to his disciple John a little before his death. These and such like duties are particular branches of recompense, and are all comprised under that³²⁵ requital, which the Apostle requireth of children: And they are but a small part of requital of all the pains, care, and charges, that parents have been at with their children. Yea, this only thing, that parents have brought forth children into the world, can children never sufficiently requite. Nature hath taught thus much, not only unto heathen men, but also unto the unreasonable creatures. Among other unreasonable creatures, the example of the³²⁶ Stork is worthy to be noted: for it is recorded of that kind, that when the dams are old, the young ones feed them; and when through age, they are ready to faint in their flying, the young ones will help; and when they are past flying, the young ones carry them on their backs. The³²⁷ Greek name of a Stork is taken from that word, which signifieth, to requite a parents kindness: or else this word is taken from that name: they are both of the same notation.

Contrary is the opinion of Pharisees, who thought that children by consecrating their substance to the Temple, might be freed from this duty of recompense to parents, which is the mystery of that Hebrew word³²⁸ Corban. They made a mere pretext of piety to God, a cause of manifest impiety against parents. Christ giveth this verdict of them, that³²⁹ they make the word of God of none effect.³³⁰ Papists are of the same opinion, and so under the same censure.

Contrary also is their practise, who having the goods of this world, suffer their parents to want.³³¹ S. John saith, that the love of God dwelleth not in him, who shutteth up his compassion from his brother in that case; how then can it dwell in such a child? Not they only who suffer their parents to starve, offend in this extreme, but they also who suffer them to live poorly, and basely, when themselves³³² Dives-like fare delicately, and go gorgeously attired every day.

In an higher degree do they offend, who bring their parents to such extremities, as to poverty by their lavish spending; to prison by importuning them to be their sureties; to excessive grief by their mischievous practises, as³³³ the sons of Jacob.

But what shall we say of such graceless children, as dare strike their parents?³³⁴ God’s law accounteth such a child unworthy of life, and adjudgeth him to death.

Nay, what may be said of father-quellers, and mother-quellers? There was of old no particular law made against them, because it is supposed, that no child can be so unnatural and inhumane. In imitation whereof³³⁵ Solon, that wise law-maker among the heathen, made no law against them: and his reason being asked, he answered, that he thought no child would commit such a fact.

When afterwards such inhumane impiety was manifested in the world, the Civil Law ordained this punishment;³³⁶ If any shall kill his parent, let him not be put to the sword, nor fire, nor any other usual punishment: but let him be sowed in a sack with a dog, and a cock, and a viper, and an ape, and cast into the next sea, or river; that while life is in him, he may begin to want all use of the elements, and be deprived, while he liveth, of the air, and when he is dead, of the earth.

This sin having been committed among the heathen, the Apostle reckoneth it up among other most notorious and barbarous sins, 1 Tim. 1. 9. As murder is one of those sins, which the earth can least bear, and which crieth loudest to heaven for vengeance; so among the several kinds of murder, this is the most unsupportable, and crying.

Thus much of the duties of children, which they are to perform while their parents live. It remaineth to speak of those which they are to perform when their parents are dead.

§. 45. Of children’s care to bury their parents being dead.

The duties which children owe to their parents after they are dead, concern the body and credit of their deceased parent.

It is the duty of children to bring the bodies of their parents deceased, with such decency and honour, as may be answerable to the place and reputation wherein they lived.

So as both the thing it self, and the manner of doing it, is to be observed.³³⁷

The thing it self, namely Burial of the corps of such as are deceased, hath ever been in use in God’s Church: and it hath been used as a means to maintain our hope of the resurrection of our bodies. Many of the heathen, who never dreamt of the resurrection,³³⁸ were wont to burn the dead bodies of their friends: other heathen learned this manner of burial from the Church, though they knew not the mystery thereof. It is more clear then needs be proved, that God’s people, from the beginning of the world, have performed this duty of burial to their friends; but it is not pertinent to the point in hand, to insist upon the general: that it belongs especially to children to procure this duty to be performed, is now the point to be proved, which is readily done by the approved examples of³³⁹ Isaac,³⁴⁰ Jacob,³⁴¹ Joseph, and others expressly recorded in Scripture.

And great reason there is for it: for

1. It is a testimony of great love and good respect to the party³⁴² deceased. Now who should manifest more love, and greater respect then a child?

2. It is a kind of³⁴³ blessing, promised by God to his Saints, to³⁴⁴ be buried: as on the other side, it is a³⁴⁵ curse threatened against obstinate sinners, not to be buried. In this respect,³⁴⁶ David blesseth the men of Jabesh Gilead for burying Saul, and acknowledgeth it a kindness done to Saul. Now who ought rather to procure a blessing, and do a kindness to parents, then children, who are oft blessed through their parents means?

3. It being a great deformity to have a man’s corps lie above³⁴⁷ ground (for no carcass will be more loathsome then a man’s if it lie unburied) children, who are most bound to cover their parents deformity, are in this respect bound to bury their corps.³⁴⁸

Contrary is their practise whose minds are so set on their parents goods, as they clean neglect their bodies. So soon as their parents breath is out of their body, they so busy themselves about the things which they have left behind them, as their corps is ready to stink before care be taken for the burial of it. Yea, some will purposely keep their parents corps above ground till they be exceeding noisome, for receiving some revenues, or debts, or other accounts, which must be paid before the corps be buried. If their corps must needs for sometime be kept above ground, let them be embalmed, or so used as they may not savour. They who are careless hereof, show that they respect their parents wealth³⁴⁹ more then his person and honour.

In which respect they also heinously transgress, who are so greedy of their parents estate, as they must needs prevent his departure, and like Adonijah enter upon their fathers estate, and take possession of his goods before breath is out of his body: whereby they do oft cause great disquietness to him that would depart in peace.

Again, others bearing an inward grudge and secret hatred³⁵⁰ against a brother, or other kinsman, whom their parent entirely loved, and in that respect durst not meddle with him in their parents life-time, so soon, as their parent is dead, pick a quarrel with the party hated, and so disturb and hinder their parents funeral. Such a plot Esau intended: but God defeated³⁵¹ it, whereby it appeareth that God is displeased therewith.

§. 46. Of the decency wherewith children ought to see their parents buried.

The manner after which children ought to see their parents buried, must be with such decency as is agreeable to the commendable custom of the country and Church where their parents die, and with such honour as is in some measure answerable to the estate, and place of their parents while they lived (at least if it be not above the means that the parent hath left, or above the ability of the child that maketh the solemnity.) Joseph was a great Governor in Egypt, by reason whereof his father when he came thither was highly accounted of: accordingly³⁵² with great honour did he carry him to his grave.

There are two extremes contrary to the forenamed decency³⁵³ and honour. One is an overlavish and prodigal sumptuousness and solemnity at their parents funeral, far above the estate, and far beyond the means which the parent hath left, and far also above the estate and ability of the child himself. Some by the needless solemnity of their parents funeral are so far cast into debt, as they are never able to recover themselves again, and so bring more dishonour to their parents by the weakness of their childes estate, then honour by the solemnity of the funeral: there may be great honour, and much decency in a funeral, where is not extraordinary charges: instance Stephens funeral.³⁵⁴

The other extreme is too base and private a manner of³⁵⁵ burying their parents, much unbeseeming both their parents and their own estate, and means; which ariseth from a mixture of pride, and covetousness possessing their hearts. Pride maketh them have no solemnity at all, because covetousness will not suffer them to exceed in their solemnity. Hence it cometh to pass that they choose out strange places where neither their parents or selves are known, and the dead of the night that none may espy them; and appoint an uncertain time, that no friend may accompany them. God oft meeteth with such proud, covetous children in their kind, and causeth them with like dishonour to be brought to their graves.

§. 47. Of children’s paying their parents debts after their death.

As children must have respect to the body of their parents³⁵⁶ deceased, so also to their credit and name, which is a thing of greater account, and honour: a thing wherein they may bring a kind of blessing to their parents and make them live after their death.

Parents themselves cannot do any thing when they are dead to preserve the same: children therefore being the living Image of their parents must endeavour to do it.

Three things there be which children must make conscience of, even in regard of their deceased parents credit, and reputation; one, to pay their debts: another, to suppress ill rumors: a third, to imitate their good example.

I. If the estate of parents, their goods or lands come to their children, their duty is to pay their debts, so far as they can: especially if by law those debts may be recovered at their hands. For what law may force others to do in equity and Justice, conscience must move good children to do in charity, and recompense to their parents. The Holy Ghost makes it a³⁵⁷ note of a wicked man to borrow and not to pay. Wherefore to wipe away that blot from the name of a parent deceased, children must be ready in this kind to do what the parent himself, if he were living, would, or should do. Yea if children of themselves be well able, though their parents left not sufficient to pay all their debts, they ought to pay them. Herein especially a childlike affection is manifested to the parent.

Contrary is their practise who strive to get all they can of their parents, and yet make no conscience of paying any debts at all, unless law force them thereto. What they do in this case cannot be thought to be done for their parents sake, but rather for their own sake. Many so little respect their parents credit in this kind, as they privily convey away and utterly conceal much of their parents estate, of purpose to defeat Creditors: which as it is a part of apparent injustice, so it is a cause of opening the mouths of men against their parents, to their discredit and shame.

§. 48. Of children’s suppressing evil reports against their parents deceased.

The direction given before concerning children’s speech³⁵⁸ of their parents behind their backs, may fitly be applied also to the care which children ought to have of the speeches and reports which are made of their parents after their departure. It followeth as from the less to the greater, that what children do for their parents credit in absence behind their backs, they must much more do when they are dead: for then there is no hope, no possibility that parents should do any thing to right their own wrong in that kind: it lieth therefore upon children to do it.

Do not they clean contrary, who take occasion from the departure of their parents, both to open their ears to receive any ill reports of them, and also to open their mouths to speak ill of them: then blazing abroad all their infirmities, and stretching their ill reports of their parents beyond the lists of truth. Ill birds they are that so bewray their own nest. They know that their parents being dead can have no notice thereof: whereby they show what little piety to God or parent is in their heart. But there is an ever-living, all-seeing, and all-knowing father that taketh notice of all: who beside other vengeance will cause such measure to be meted out to them, as they mete to their parents. There is no one thing wherein this proverb, (With what measure you mete it shall be measured³⁵⁹ to you again) is more often verified then in children’s ingratitude³⁶⁰ to their parents. All ages have given many instances thereof. (The very heathen observed it.) Which showeth God’s great indignation against it.

§. 49. Of children’s imitating their parents good example.

If parents have been persons of good carriage in their life time, as religious towards God, just in their dealings with men, merciful to such as stood in need of their help, doing much good in their place, and so ended their days with much credit; it is an especial means to maintain and continue this their credit, for children to walk in their steps, and to endeavour to be like them.

Thus is a blessed memory of their parents kept fresh and green (as we speak) though their bodies be rotten. For when they who knew the parents behold the like good qualities and actions in their children, they will thereby be put in mind of the parties deceased, and say, Oh how such parents yet live! Behold a lively, and living Image of them. Thus did Solomon, Asa, Jehoshaphat, Hezekiah, Josiah and such like good Kings which came of the stock and lineage of David, keep the memory of their father David, fresh, fair, and flourishing (long after his body was rotten) as is evident by these and such like phrases, He walked in the ordinances of David his³⁶¹ father: he walked in all the ways of David his father: he did³⁶² that which was right as David his father, etc. There can be no³⁶³ better monument of a parents piety, honesty, and virtue, then a childes lively representation of the same. Wherefore³⁶⁴ as a motive to stir up children to walk in the good ways of their parents, God hath promised to show mercy to thousands of them that love him and keep his commandments, that is, such as having religious and righteous parents walk in their steps.

Contrary are both those that are unlike good parents, and those that are like evil parents. The former sort do much impeach and dishonour the reputation of their parents, as Rehoboam, who by his foolish rigorous and unjust carriage, made the people speak contemptuously of David.³⁶⁵

The latter sort continue in memory the evil name, and the shame of their parents, and cause them to stink more and more: as the sons and successors of Jeroboam, who following his idolatrous course, made it the more remembered, and caused this blur to remain in his style from age to age, Jeroboam which made Israel to sin.³⁶⁶

As they stop the current, and hinder the passage of the blessing of righteous parents: so these propagate, and open a way for the curse of unrighteous parents.

§. 50. Of the superstitious duty enjoined by Papists to children after their parents decease.

To the two forenamed duties of burying the corps, and preserving the credit of parents, Papists add a third, and Heathen a fourth, whereof neither are warrantable by God’s word, but directly contrary thereto.

That which Papists add is, that children after their parents³⁶⁷ death ought to procure Diriges, Masses, Pardons, Releases, and such like toys for them, and make continual prayers to free them out of Purgatory, and bring them to rest in heaven: of the vanity of these prayers, and folly of the other toys I have³⁶⁸ elsewhere spoken.

The Scripture expressly teacheth that after death the soul goeth to the place appointed for it, of endless bliss or woe: so as there is no means of altering the one, or helping forward the other.

§. 51. Of the unlawfulness of children’s seeking to revenge their parents wrongs.

That which Heathen add, is, that children after their parents³⁶⁹ death revenge such wrongs as have been done to them in their life time. And they press this so far upon children, as they affright them with their parents Ghost, saying, that if they neglect to revenge their parents wrongs, their Ghost will follow them, and not suffer them to live in quiet, but molest them continually. This conceit ariseth from the corruption of nature, which is exceeding prone to revenge: but it is expressly forbidden in Scripture, in these and such prohibitions, Resist not evil,³⁷⁰ Recompense to no man evil for evil.³⁷¹ Avenge not³⁷² our selves etc. Yet some in justification thereof allege³⁷³ David’s charge to Solomon of taking vengeance on Joab and Shimei, after his death.

Answ. The charge which David gave, & Solomon’s execution thereof, was no matter of private revenge, but only a lawful execution of justice which children may and ought to do. Just reasons there were to move David to put off the execution of justice upon the one & the other so long.³⁷⁴ Joab was too mighty to have execution done on him in David’s time: and Shemeis³⁷⁵ offence was committed in the time of David’s humiliation, which made him swear that he would not himself take Vengeance of him. Besides, Solomon executed justice on the one and the other, not for the wrongs they did to his father, but for other crimes which they committed in his time: only their former offences were remembered to aggravate the matter.

Thus far of children’s duties. The manner of performing them followeth to be declared.

Children Honoring Father and Mother in the Lord

§. 52. Of the manner of performing children’s duties.

That clause which³⁷⁶ noted out the limitation of children’s duties, affordeth also an excellent direction for the manner of performing them. It is this, in the Lord: that is, children must so perform their duty to their parents as they would or should perform it to the Lord.

More particularly it implieth these six points:³⁷⁷

1. That their duties be performed in conscience, or for conscience sake, which is all one as for the Lord’s sake: for the Lord only is Judge of the conscience and hath power over it. Thus³⁷⁸ must subjects perform duty to magistrates: much more children to parents. The reason which the Apostle rendereth in these words, This is well-pleasing to the Lord, showeth that children in obeying their parents must labour to approve themselves to God.

2. Their duties must be in sincerity, which is when children³⁷⁹ pretend in show to do no more, then in truth and heart they mean: Whatsoever ye do, do it heartily as to the Lord, saith³⁸⁰ the Apostle. Parents use to deal with none more heartily then with their children: accordingly must children deal with parents.

3. They must be performed cheerfully, with a willing and³⁸¹ ready mind: for the Lord loveth cheerfulness. Herein lieth a main difference betwixt a filial and servile, a child³⁸² like and slavelike obedience.³⁸³

4. They must be performed reverendly as to them which bear the Image of God. Hereof we spake³⁸⁴ before.

5. They must so be performed, as in performing them no³⁸⁵ sin be committed against God. Hereof also we spake³⁸⁶ before.

6. Constancy must be added to all other virtues. For as the³⁸⁷ Lord himself is constant in all his ways and works, so he expecteth that children should be in the duties which he requireth at their hands. He that beginneth well, and holdeth not on, loseth all the glory of his good beginning.

If the examples of all good children commended in Scripture be well weighed, we shall find their duties, so far forth as they were acceptable to God, performed after the foresaid manner, in all the branches thereof.

§. 53. Of the aberrations of children in the manner of their obedience.

Contrary are these aberrations.

1. When children perform their duties on by-respects:³⁸⁸ for fear of parents wrath, and the punishment following thereon: for hope and expectation of greater portion and allowance: upon instant persuasion of friends, with the like: these respects simply in themselves are not for the Lord.

2. When they perform them only outwardly in show,³⁸⁹ complementally while parents are in presence, or may know thereof. This is not with respect to God who searcheth the heart.

3. When they perform them grudgingly, mutteringly,³⁹⁰ disdainfully: as if their parents authority were an usurped power and not given them of God. Is this in the Lord?

4. When they perform them rudely and unmannerly:³⁹¹ This showeth they consider not the glory of God’s Image shining in their parents.

5. When³⁹² they care not how they sin against God, so³⁹³ they may please their parents.

6. When, as if they repented of what they have well done,³⁹⁴ they refuse to do any more duty to their parents. They wax weary, thinking that God hath laid too heavy a burden upon them. Many show themselves more dutiful in their younger then in their riper years. That which maketh children weary in doing duty, is commonly the great and long need of their parents, as long sickness, long impotency, long poverty, with the like. It appears that such children look only on their parents as men, which, as they imagine, can never recompense their pains and cost: they look not to God who is able abundantly to recompense all. These therefore perform not their duty in the Lord.

§. 54. Of the equal respect that children are to bear to both parents.

As the distinct duties of children have been set forth, so I think it requisite to declare distinctly who the parties be to whom those duties are to be performed. These principally are the natural parents, both father and mother. Secondarily such as are in the place of parents.

The first point then to be noted is, that children bear an equal respect to both their natural parents, and perform duty to both alike. The law expressly mentioneth both, honour thy father and thy mother. Well may we think that there was some just and urgent cause, that the law which so briefly under as few words as well could be, compriseth exceeding much matter, should expressly mention father and mother, when as there is one word, parent, which includeth both. Now what other reason can be rendered then the point in hand?

It is worthy to be noted, how the Apostle contenteth not himself to have named parents, which implieth both, but also annexeth the express words of the law, which in particular setteth down, father and mother. It is expressly set down of Jacob that he obeyed his father and his mother. Among other³⁹⁵ pen-men of Scripture Solomon expressly mentioneth both father and mother, even almost twenty several times in Prov.

Many reasons there be to enforce this point.

1. Both parents are under God a like means of their children’s³⁹⁶ being. Children come out of the substance of both alike.

2. The care and pains of both for the good of the children is very great: I know not of whether the greater. The mothers pains and care in bringing forth the child is indeed the greater, and it may be also the greater in bringing up the child, especially while it is young, at least if she give it suck her self: yet afterwards the fathers exceedeth in providing fit calling, sufficient means of maintenance, yea and portion or inheritance for it, and that after he himself is dead. Thus one way or other the child is equally bound to both: and accordingly God’s law maketh no difference betwixt them.

Object. The wife is subject to her husband: therefore a child ought to prefer his father before his mother.

Answ. Though there be a difference betwixt father and³⁹⁷ mother in relation of one to another, yet in relation to their children they are both as one, and have a like authority over them. Now children are not to look to that difference that is betwixt their parents in that mutual relation that is betwixt husband and wife, but to that authority which both parents have over their children: and so to carry an equal respect to both.

2. Object. What if the fathers and mothers disposition³⁹⁸ be contrary: and the one command what the other forbids.

Answ. The thing commanded or forbidden must be observed: if it be about a thing simply good or evil, lawful, or unlawful, then the parent which would have the thing lawful to be done, or unlawful to be forborne (though it be the mother) must be obeyed: for in this case she is backed with God’s authority. But if the matter be merely indifferent, then I doubt not but the father must be obeyed: yet so as the child no way show any contempt to his mother, but with all reverence and humility make it known to her that it is best both for her-self and himself, that his father be obeyed. But if the fathers contrary authority be not interposed, or if the father be dead, then is a mother as simply and absolutely to be obeyed in all things, as a father.

§. 55. Of pretences alleged to obey father rather then mother.

Contrary on the one side is their childish fondness who so wholly respect their mother, and seek to please her, as they little regard their father, unless through fear they be forced thereto: and on the other side, their scornful spirit who only bear respect to their father, and altogether neglect their mother, if not despise her. For the most part, of the two, the mother is less regarded. The reasons whereof I take to be these following, whereunto I will annex particular means to remove the seeming force of those reasons, as antidotes or remedies unto them.

1. The mother by reason of her sex is commonly the weaker, and subject to more infirmities.

Answ. Children ought rather to look upon their mothers place and authority, then their person and infirmity: so these would no whit impair their respect of the other.

2. The mother is more indulgent and tender to her children: and useth more familiarity towards them: now familiarity³⁹⁹ breedeth contempt.

Answ. This is the abuse of familiarity: love should breed love: and love must be ordered according to the condition of the parties loving, and loved. As children with one eye behold the affection of the mother, so with another they should behold God’s image in the mother; and then (that which is⁴⁰⁰ noted as the ground of all children’s duty) a loving-fear would be wrought in their heart, which would cast out all contempt.

3. The mother hath not that power to reward or revenge that a father hath.

Answ. 1. This is not to obey in the Lord. No outward respect should move the child to obey his parents so much as conscience to God-wards. If children duly considered God, how he hath made no difference, but commanded them to obey both alike, and how he is able abundantly to reward, and severely to revenge, that reason would be no reason.

4. The mother is subject to the father.

Answ. This was removed⁴⁰¹ before.

As a general answer to these and all other such pretences as can be alleged, let it be noted that the Lord doth not only in express terms charge children to fear their mother, but also (the more to press this point) sometime setteth the mother in the first place, thus; Ye shall fear every man his mother,⁴⁰² and his father: which is not so to be taken as if the mother of the two were the more excellent (in this respect the father for the most part is first named) but because it is the truest trial of a childes subjection to be subject to his mother. He that willingly and conscionably subjecteth himself to her, who is in relation to her husband the inferior, in sex the weaker, in condition subject to more infirmities, in her affections less moderate, in power less able to reward, or to punish, will much rather (no doubt) subject himself to his father.

§. 56. Of the difference of children’s subjection to natural parents, and to such as only are in the place of parents.

Beside natural parents, there are others by God so set over children, as they owe in conscience child-like duty unto them. These in general are such as are in the place of parents, and so perform, or at least ought to perform, the duty of parents to children.

They are of two sorts.

1. Such as are joined to a natural parent in marriage, commonly called Step-fathers, and step-mothers, or fathers in law, and mothers in law.

2. Such as have the government and tuition of children committed to them, commonly called Guardians, Tutors, Governors: yea also foster-fathers, and foster-mothers.

Quest. Is the same duty in every respect due to those who are in place of parents, as to natural parents themselves?

Answ. Not so. There is such a prerogative appertaining to natural parents from whom children have received their being, that many things wherein children by an absolute necessity⁴⁰³ are bound to them, are bound unto the other who are but in place of parents, only by the law of honesty, of meetness &⁴⁰⁴ conveniency. Whence it cometh to pass that such things as being done by children rebelliously without, or against the consent of natural parents prove mere nullities, will stand in force though they be done without or against the consent of such as are only in the place of parents: instance contracts made about goods, lands and such other things as parents retain a right in: whereunto many good Divines add⁴⁰⁵ contracts of marriage, of calling and the like.

Yet notwithstanding seeing in conscience we are bound to those things which the law of honesty, and conveniency requireth (for whatsoever things are honest, just, and of good report,⁴⁰⁶ are to be done) great is that duty which children owe to those who are in place of parents.

§. 57. Of children’s subjection to fathers and mothers in law.

Fathers and mothers in law are to be ranked in the first degree of those who are in the place of natural parents. Very good proof there is in Scripture for children’s subjection to them. The respect which Moses bare to his father in law,⁴⁰⁷ and Ruth to her mother in law, and Christ himself to his supposed father, are commended for this very purpose. Subjection is noted in Christ’s example: reverence in Moses: Recompense in Ruth’s.

The marriage bond maketh man and wife one flesh: whereupon⁴⁰⁸ the natural parent that marrieth another, maketh that other one with him, and in that respect is as a parent to the children, and by them ought to be accounted so.

The law of God maketh it plain incest for a son to uncover⁴⁰⁹ the shame of his mother in law, or for a father in law to uncover the shame of his daughter in law. Whereby it appeareth that fathers and mothers in law, are by God’s law in the very place and stead of natural parents to their children, and accordingly as natural parents are to be honoured.

Besides it is a great honour which a child doth to his natural⁴¹⁰ father or mother to respect such as they have made one flesh with themselves, as they do their own parent. So as to honour a father, or mother in law, is to honour a natural parent.

Contrary is the mind and carriage of most children. Very few bear a reverend, dutiful, and child-like respect to stepfathers, and step-mothers: but for the most part despise them in heart, grumble at them in speech, and are very undutiful in their behaviour: whence it cometh to pass that they bring much grief to their natural parent, and oft cause much discord and dissension betwixt their natural, and step-parents being herein set on work by Satan, who laboureth what he can to disunite those whom God hath nearly united together and made one flesh. Lamentable experience showeth that the second, third, or any after-marriages are seldom so comfortable and peaceable as the first: especially if either the one, or other, or both have children. The cause thereof, for the most part, is in children, who brook not fathers or mothers in law.

Object. Nature cannot so well brook a step-parent, as a natural parent.

Answ. 1. If not so well, yet despise them not: there is a difference betwixt extremes.

2. Conscience and religion ought to alter corrupt nature. Look to God’s ordinance: and let God’s fear possess thine heart, that that may bring thee to do what nature cannot.

2. Object. Fathers and Mothers in law seldom respect their husbands or wives former children.

Answ. This objection more beseemeth the mouth of a barbarian then a Christian. The Gospel teacheth to be subject not⁴¹¹ only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward: and not to be overcome of evil, but to overcome evil with goodness.

The Scripture reckoneth such as rise up against their parents⁴¹² in law, among such as rise up against their natural parents: showing thereby that the impiety of those, is as blame-worthy, as the impiety of these.

§. 58. Of children’s subjection to Guardians, Tutors, etc.

For children’s subjection to Governors, Guardians, and Tutors, the Apostle saith that a child is under them. If by the law⁴¹³ children are under them, they ought in equity to be subject to them. It is expressly noted of Esther, even after the King had chosen her for his wife, that she did the commandment of Mordecai⁴¹⁴ (who was as a Guardian to her) like as when she was brought up with him. A memorable pattern for this purpose. What pretences might she have made to have cast off all manner of subjection? Mordecai was but her cousin: she was now advanced above him: a wife she was, and so subject to her husband: yea a Kings wife, and so her self a Queen: yet she was subject, and her subjection commended. We read that the children of the Prophets much⁴¹⁵ respected Elisha, did reverence to him, and were obedient to him, because he was as a father and tutor unto them: in which respect also Elisha was as a child subject to Elijah, whom he called⁴¹⁶ father.

Guardians, Tutors, and such like over-seers of children, have a parents charge laid upon them, as we shall⁴¹⁷ after show: great reason therefore that child-like duty should be yielded to them. Their honour must be answerable to their charge and care.

Contrary is the conceit of many lawless children, whose parents being dead, or they being sent and placed abroad out of the government of their parents, think they are clean free from all government, and may live as they list. Their practise being correspondent to this opinion, they run into all riot, and in time bring themselves to utter ruin. It is the overthrow of many children, that they regard not their Guardians, Tutors, and Governors: and God in judgment bringeth many such refractory children to some fearful & shameful end or other. Let children therefore be wise, and not take too much liberty to themselves.

Thus far have been handled the duties of children in their several kinds, the manner of performing them, and the parties to whom they are to be performed. It remaineth to speak of the reasons which the Apostle allegeth to enforce those duties.

§. 59. Of the place of parents, whereby children ought to be moved to obey them.

The reasons which the Apostle useth to move children to perform their duty are four:

• The first is taken from the place of the parent.
• The second from the equity of the thing.
• The third from God’s express charge.
• The fourth from God’s promise.

I. The place of a parent is noted forth by this phrase, IN THE LORD: which as it affordeth a⁴¹⁸ limitation, and giveth a⁴¹⁹ direction to children, so it addeth a spur unto them, to stir them up to perform their duty: for it showeth that parents are to their children in the Lord’s stead: as an evidence thereof hath God⁴²⁰ communicated to them this glorious and honourable title (father) which is⁴²¹ proper and peculiar to himself. Now then parents being to their children in God’s stead, and by virtue of their place bearing God’s image, children in obeying their parents, obey God; in refusing to obey them, refuse to obey God. A strong motive is this first motive. For who is so void of religion, but will think it most meet, that God should be honoured? Or who so impious, as to refuse to yield duty to God? Here then children may learn in one main point how to honour the Lord, & show themselves children of God. And let them hereby know, that disobedient and undutiful children, that resist the authority of parents, resist the ordinance of God, and receive to themselves⁴²² damnation.

§. 60. Of the equity whereby children should be moved to obey their parents.

II. The second reason in these words, for this is right, though it be not of greater force, yet is it more plainly and expressly noted to be a reason, as the causal particle (for) prefixed before it, showeth. It is a general reason drawn from common equity; a reason which may move all sorts, even Infidels and Pagans: therefore much more Christians.

In saying, It is right, he implieth three things.

1. That it is agreeable to all law. To the law of God, which⁴²³ is the fountain of equity. To the law of nature, which proceeds from thence. And to the law of Nations, which is answerable in many respects. The forenamed proofs out of God’s word, show it to be agreeable to God’s law. The precepts which heathen men have given of this point, show it to be agreeable to the law of nature. And the many Constitutions of Law-makers, in all ages, show it to be agreeable to the law of nations.

2. That the place of parents requireth as much. For RIGHT⁴²⁴ requireth that every one have his own, that which is his due. It being therefore right, that children obey their parents, that duty is due to them.

3. That parents deserve as much: for right presupposeth desert.⁴²⁵ That which is done of right, is done by way of recompense. The cause of this desert, is the love which parents bear to children, the pain, pains, care, and cost they have been at, in bringing them forth, and bringing them up.

These things being implied under right, note what followeth from the force of this reason,

1. Disobedient and undutiful children, transgress against God’s law, against common equity of all nations, and against light of nature: so as they are unworthy of the name of Christians, they are worse then Infidels, yea worse then the brute beasts.

2. They have no respect to the place of their parents, they disgrace the image of God, which their parents by virtue of their place carry, and they disturb that comely order and degree, which God hath set among men.

3. They ill repay their parents care and pains for their good, and show themselves both ungrateful and unnatural: which are two most monstrous and odious sins.

§. 61. Of God’s accepting children’s obedience.

The forenamed reason is by this same Apostle in another place thus set down, This is well-pleasing to the Lord. By comparing⁴²⁶ that place with my text, I observe, that

What is right is well-pleasing to the Lord. And again, What is well-pleasing to the Lord is right.

These two propositions, are (as we speak in Schools) convertible and reciprocal; either of them true of the other every way. Wherefore the Apostle, in another place, joineth them both together. For having exhorted children to recompense their parents, he saith, That is good and acceptable before God.⁴²⁷ Good or⁴²⁸ honest is in effect the same that⁴²⁹ right.

This showeth, that dutiful children, as they do that which is good, or honest, and right unto their parents; so also therein they highly please God: so as they may be sure not to lose thereby. At God’s hand they shall receive a reward, though their parents should little regard their dutifulness. Thus God dealt with Jacob. His father in law ill repaid his faithfulness: but God looked⁴³⁰ upon him, and abundantly recompensed all his pains.

This showeth again, that undutiful children, as they do not that which is right, but rather wrong unto their parents; so they highly displease God: they may be sure therefore not to escape unpunished, though their parents, through over-much indulgency, should let them alone: instance the two impious children of Eli, Hophni and Phinehas: and the two rebellious children of⁴³¹ David, Absalom, and Adonijah.

This therefore addeth force to the second reason, and moveth children to do right to their parents, by obeying them, as they respect God, his good pleasure, or displeasure: as they look for recompense, or fear vengeance from him.

§. 62. Of God’s charge, how inviolable a bond it is to tie children to obey their parents.

III. The third drawn from God’s charge is not only in express terms noted, but for more weight the very words of the moral law are quoted (honour thy father and thy mother:) and it is added, that this is a commandment, yea the first commandment, and that with promise, all which is for amplification of the point.

Here then consider we

1. The reason it self.
2. The amplification thereof.

From the reason that it is God’s charge, I gather these three points.

1. That it is no arbitrary matter left to children’s discretion⁴³² whether they will obey their parents or no: but a matter whereunto in conscience they are bound, even as they owe allegiance to God himself the great law-giver: so as in neglecting duty to parents, children sin even against God himself: for the same God who hath commanded us to honour himself, hath commanded us to honour father and mother.

2. That this is a perpetual and a general law: a law whereunto⁴³³ all children of all times, places, sexes, estates and degrees always have been, still are, and ever shall be bound. For the moral law is of that extent: it is general for all persons: perpetual for all times. Therefore no children may think to be exempted from it.

Quest. What if children be grown to years, and not under their parents government?

Answ. There may be some difference both in some parts of subjection, and also in the manner of subjection betwixt such children as remain under their parents government, and such as are freed from it: but yet so long as a child hath a parent, of what age or estate so ever he be, he oweth an honour unto his parent.⁴³⁴ Joseph when he was a great Governor of Egypt, a man grown, having wife and children, yet performed the honour of reverence, obedience, and recompense unto his father.⁴³⁵ Solomon when he was in an higher place then Joseph, even an absolute King, did the honour of reverence to his mother.

3. That no man can give children any dispensation, or exemption from their duty to parents. If any may, he must be either the law-maker himself, or one greater then he, one that hath power over him. Now God is the author and giver of that law, God spake all these words, etc. But is any greater then⁴³⁶ God? Hath any power over him? Who then can dispense with children in this kind?

Hence then I infer these two conclusions.

1. That the Popes dispensation is nothing worth: they who make it to be of force, must make him greater then God, which is a horrible blasphemy.

2. Though parents themselves should not exact duty of their children, yet children were bound to perform duty to them, because of God’s charge. To this therefore are children to look. This showeth that there is no less pain hanging over the heads of the transgressors of this charge, then the curse of the law, eternal condemnation.

§. 63. Of the title FIRST given to the fifth commandment.

In the amplification of the forenamed reason, the Apostle styleth the commandment of honouring parents the first with promise, as to show that it is the first which hath a particular promise annexed to it; so it is the first that God gave of any duty to be performed unto man. The very order of the decalogue manifesteth the truth hereof. The reason is clear: honour due to parents is the ground of all the duties required in the second table: for if duty be not performed to such as we are bound unto by some peculiar bond, may we think that it will be performed to such as we are bound unto at large? Now of all to whom we are first and most bound, and to whom we owe our first duty, our parents are the persons. They therefore who are rebellious against their parents, and refuse to do their duty to them, will hardly perform duty to any other. Little hope that a disobedient child will prove a profitable member in Church or common-wealth. Absalom, who was a rebellious child, proved but a traitorous subject: and Hophni and Phinehas that refused to hearken to the voice of their father, proved but sacrilegious Priests. Wherefore if any precept of the second table be conscionably to be observed (as all are, for the same law-maker gave all, and Christ hath said that the second table is like the first) then is this of honouring father⁴³⁷ and mother, among the rest, and above the rest to be observed, at least if difference of observing any may be made.

But this particle (first) being set down, not simply but with a connection of promise with it (The first with promise) we are duly to consider the promise thereof: whence a fourth reason ariseth.

§. 64. Of God’s promise moving children to obey their parents.

The fourth reason taken from God’s promise, is both generally propounded and particularly exemplified. Propounded in this clause (first with promise.) Exemplified in the third verse.

For the general. God’s promise made to the performance of any duty, cannot but be a strong motive to stir us up to perform it. Men hereby do stir up, and provoke one another⁴³⁸ to perform any thing. Thus Kings when they would fain have their subjects do this or that, promise such and such rewards unto them: Thus masters incite their servants, parents their children, and one man another. If the promises of men encourage us to perform the things which they give us in charge, how much more ought the promise of God? Men⁴³⁹ are deceitful, and may deal doubly, pretending one thing with their mouths, and intending another with their heart, and never mean to perform what they promise: But God is faithful and true: his words are as deeds: his promises as performances; so as he never maketh show of more then he means to perform. Again, man’s power is limited; though he truly intend what he promiseth, yet in the performance he may fail either in that he knew not his own power, but thought when he made the promise he could have done more then in the event he findeth he can do; or in that he is afterwards by some occasion hindered, or disabled. But God’s power cannot be so straitened, or hindered. Besides, men may be taken away before the time of performing their promise is come: but God ever liveth, and changeth not. If then man’s promises be any moves to any thing, much more God’s who ever remaineth the same. Betwixt God and man there is no proportion, no comparison.⁴⁴⁰

This motive doth exceedingly commend God’s fatherly indulgency towards us, and the earnest desire he hath of our good. For he hath such power and authority over all his creatures, that the very knowledge of his will ought to provoke them to perform any duty which he shall command: and if they obey not, he might presently execute vengeance upon them. But considering that we are his children, and need many allurements to draw us on by little and little, he accordingly dealeth with us. He standeth not wholly and only upon his authority, but addeth promises thereto: (for this is a commandment with promise.) If notwithstanding all this, children refuse to obey their parents, may not the Lord justly expostulate the matter with them, as sometimes in another case he did with the Israelites, and say, Judge between me and these children:⁴⁴¹ what could I have done more that I have not done? I gave them an express charge to honour their parents: I laid it down in the first place as a main and principal charge: to encourage them to keep it, I added a promise of good to redound to themselves: what could I do more? Do not they justly deserve vengeance that regard none of these? Thus, in that this is a commandment with promise, we see how children disobedient to their parents are both rebellious against God in regard of the commandment which they transgress, and injurious to themselves in regard of the promise which they make to be void and of no effect. Of this particular promise see more in the first treatise, §. 97, 98, etc.

Parents Loving, Praying, and Providing for Children

§. 1. Of the heads of Parents duties.

Next to children’s, follow parents duties, which the Apostle layeth down in this fourth verse: where he noteth,

1. The duties
2. The parties
   1. That are to perform the duties, fathers.
   2. To whom they are to be performed, children.

The duties are set down

1. By prohibition.
2. By precept.

The prohibition noteth out one extreme, which is overmuch rigour, (Provoke not to wrath)

The inference of the precept upon the prohibition noteth out another extreme, which is over-much-remissness.

The precept it self enjoineth to parents three duties.

1. To nourish children, namely with food, apparel, and other like necessaries (Nourish them.)
2. To nurture them, namely with good discipline (In nurture.)

1. To instruct them, namely in the ways of God (And admonition of the Lord.)

Nature teacheth unreasonable creatures to do the first, civility teacheth reasonable men to do the second, piety teacheth Christians to do the third.

To these heads may all the several points which I shall deliver concerning parents duties, be referred.

That parents may the better discern how one duty followeth another, I will proceed in this order. The fountain of all duties, and the streams that issue thence shall be declared.

The streams shall be divided into two rivers.

In the first are those general duties that are continually to be done.

In the second, such particular duties as are to be applied to the several ages of children.

There are two principal general duties.

1. Faithful prayer to God.
2. Upright walking with God.

All the particulars may be comprised under this one head, A provident care. And this hath respect,

1. To the Infancy of children,
2. To their Youth,
3. To the time of their placing forth,
4. To the time of parents departing out of this world.

§. 2. Of that Love which parents owe to their children.

The Fountain of parents duties is love.⁴⁴² This is expressly enjoined to them. Many approved examples are recorded hereof: as⁴⁴³ Abraham’s,⁴⁴⁴ Isaac’s,⁴⁴⁵ Rebekah’s, and others.

Great reason there is why this affection should be fast fixed in the heart of parents towards their children. For great is that pain, pains, cost, and care, which parents must undergo for their children. But if love be in them, no pain, pains, cost, or care, will seem too much. Herein appeareth the wise providence of God, who by nature hath so fast fixed love in the hearts of parents, as if there be any in whom it aboundeth not, he is counted unnatural. If love did not abound in parents, many children would be neglected and lost. For if parents look not to their children, who will? If none look to them, they must needs perish: for they are not able to help themselves. As God by nature hath planted love in all parents, so Christians ought even for conscience sake, to nourish, increase, and blow up this fire of love, that they may thereby be made more forward to do every duty with cheerfulness. The more fervent love is, the more readily will every duty be performed.⁴⁴⁶

Object. As too much fire is dangerous, so too much love.

Answ. True. Wherefore as in other things, so in this, the golden mean must be kept. No duty so holy and necessary, but may be perverted. Let the extremes be avoided, and the mean will better be kept.

§. 3. Of the contraries to love.

The extreme contrary to love in the defect is want of natural⁴⁴⁷ affection, which is reckoned in the⁴⁴⁸ catalogue of notorious sins. Though love of children be by nature engraven in man’s heart, yet many clean put it out through covetousness, lust, vain-glory, superstition, idolatry, and other vices: whereby it cometh to pass that in stead of the good which they should do for their children, they bring much mischief upon them. Some spare not the precious life of their children. Among these, barbarous idolaters do most exceed in this kind of unnatural cruelty, sacrificing their children, and offering them up to devils. To this the great blood-sucker Satan of old brought not only the heathen, who being ignorant of God did service to the devil, but also the⁴⁴⁹ Israelites to whom Jehovah the true God made himself known, and expressly⁴⁵⁰ forbid this cruelty, and that⁴⁵¹ under pain of death. Behold how superstition and idolatry blind the eyes of men.⁴⁵² They who have been among the Savages in Virginia, Florida, India, and other like places testify that such cruelty is used to this day. And it is rendered as a main reason why, notwithstanding such spacious places as they have, they increase no more in multitude, because many of their children from time to time are offered up in sacrifice.

Reasonable men herein show themselves more unreasonable then unreasonable beasts, which do what possibly they can to preserve their young ones.

Though not so high, yet too high on this ladder of unnaturalness⁴⁵³ do they climb, who hate their children, and that (which maketh the sin to be out of measure sinful) for piety and integrity; as many Popish and profane parents, who have children truly religious: and in that respect ought so much the more to be loved.

The extreme in the excess is too much doting upon children:⁴⁵⁴ as they do who so unmeasurably love them, as they make reckoning of nothing in comparison of children. Even God himself is lightly esteemed, his worship neglected, his word transgressed, all duty to others omitted, their own souls forgotten through care of children. Is not this mere apish kindness? For Apes kill their young ones with hugging. This is no love, but plain dotage. But what may be said of those that are so hellishly enamoured with their children as to commit incest or buggery with them?

§. 4. Of Parents praying for their children.

The first and best stream which issueth out of the forenamed fountain of love is faithful and fervent prayer. This extendeth it self to all things, at all times, throughout the whole course of the childes life. It is the first and it is the last duty which parents ought to perform to their children:⁴⁵⁵ even that which they must do without intermission; Pray without ceasing.

Though prayer be a general duty which all Christians owe⁴⁵⁶ one to another, yet after a peculiar manner doth it appertain to parents: and of all others they are most bound to it. For the promise which God maketh to a parent is extended to his seed and children, as these and such like Scriptures show,⁴⁵⁷ I will be thy God, and the God of thy seed:⁴⁵⁸ That it may be well with them and with their children:⁴⁵⁹ The promise is unto you, and unto your children. parents therefore with most assurance of faith may call upon God for their children. For God’s promise is the ground of faith: so far as God’s promise is extended, so far our faith may and ought to extend it self. Hence hath arisen the commendable custom of children’s asking⁴⁶⁰ their parents blessing: which intimateth a desire that parents would pray for God’s blessing on them.

This duty of prayer must be performed before parents have children (that they may have some, as⁴⁶¹ Isaac,⁴⁶² Hannah and others did⁴⁶³) and so soon as children are conceived, especially if they observe them to be quick in the womb (as⁴⁶⁴ Rebekah did) and again when they are born (as⁴⁶⁵ Zachariah did) and throughout the whole course of their life (as⁴⁶⁶ Job did) and when they are going out of this world, and leaving their children (as⁴⁶⁷ Isaac did.)

There is no one thing wherein and whereby parents may do more good for their children, then in and by true prayer. God hath sanctified prayer as a means to receive all needful blessing from himself the fountain of all blessing. If therefore God’s blessing be of use to children (what Atheists are they that believe it not?) then also is prayer by which it is obtained.

§. 5. Of vices contrary to parents praying for their children.

The very neglect of this duty is a sin contrary to the duty⁴⁶⁸ it self: and many parents there be that stand guilty of this sin. Some think it needless to pray for a child before it be born, not considering that in sin it is conceived. When it is born they refer this duty to the midwife, whereas it properly appertaineth to the father. After it is grown to any ripeness, they put it off to the child to pray for it self. And when they are on their death-bed, they think it enough if they can pray for their own souls. Such parents show little true love to their children: but less faith in God.

But what may we say or think of such impious parents as⁴⁶⁹ fear not to make fearful imprecations against their children? God oft in wrath and vengeance heareth such imprecations to the woe of parent and child: whereby he showeth his great indignation against them for the same.

§. 6. Of parents endeavouring to be righteous that they may leave God’s blessing to their children.

Another general branch proceeding from parents love to their children, is, that for their children’s sake they endeavour to walk uprightly before God, and to please him. This I do the rather note, because I find the reward promised to righteous parents to be extended unto their children⁴⁷⁰ The generation of the righteous shall be blessed, saith David. And Solomon,⁴⁷¹ Blessed shall his children be after him: and again,⁴⁷² The good man shall give inheritance unto his children’s children.⁴⁷³ This motive is therefore urged by the Holy Ghost to provoke parents unto all righteousness.

Thus doth the Lord extend the reward of righteous parents unto their children to show his great good liking, and high approbation of righteousness. Read for this purpose, 1 King. 11. 34. & 2 King. 10. 30.

1. Object.⁴⁷⁴ The righteousness of the righteous shall be upon himself.

Answ. That is meant rather of a man’s personal righteousness, and grace it self which is not communicated to children, then of the fruit thereof: That faith in Christ, fear of God, obedience to God’s word, or any other personal grace which is in righteous parents, shall not justify or save their children. For the just shall live by his own faith. Yet this hindereth⁴⁷⁵ not but that the benefit and blessing of righteous parents may fall upon their children according to the extent of God’s promise.

2. Object. By experience we find it verified, that the children of some righteous parents are cursed: and the Scripture giveth us many examples thereof: as⁴⁷⁶ Cain,⁴⁷⁷ Cham,⁴⁷⁸ Absalom, and others like them.

1. Answ. Such children by their unworthy, and degenerate carriage make forfeiture of God’s covenant and⁴⁷⁹ so deprive themselves of the benefit thereof.

2. Answ. Many good reasons may be given why God should sometimes alter his course, and with-hold his blessings from the children of his servants. As

1. Lest God’s gifts and blessings should otherwise seem to come rather by natural propagation from the parent, then by free donation from God.

2. Lest parents should thereby be drawn to neglect the means of good education.

3. Lest children also themselves, trusting too much to their parents righteousness, should take too much liberty, and wax licentious.

4. Lest God’s free election should seem hereby to be restrained.

3. Object. If this be so, what motive can it be unto parents to labour after righteousness for their children’s sake?

Answ. Though God do reserve in himself a freedom to order his blessings as it pleaseth him, and to bestow them upon whom he will: and thereupon sometimes blesseth the child of a wicked parent (instance⁴⁸⁰ Hezekiah) & denieth his blessing to the child of a righteous parent (instance⁴⁸¹ Amnon) yet in that it is a very usual course with him to extend his blessing (according to his promise) to the children of the righteous, it is a strong motive to such as desire the good of their children, the rather for their children’s sake to endeavour after righteousness: for thus do they use the means which by God’s word is warranted and sanctified for procuring God’s blessing to their children. Leave therefore a good memory to thy children rather then much wealth.

§. 7. Of the preposterous course which covetous and unjust parents take for the good of their children.

Contrary is the course of such parents as by unrighteous means think to provide well for their children. For many do not only too carkingly, and distrustfully moil and toil to scrape together great masses of money, or great store of land, or other stocks for their children, neglecting duties of piety and mercy, but also by unjust and wrongful courses defraud others to make their children rich. So common is this undue course of providing for children, as thence hath arisen this proverb, Happy are those children whose parents go to the devil. A cursed proverb. For what other thing can it intend, but this, that they who fear not God, nor take care for their own salvation, will have most respect to the outward estate of their children, and be most careful to make them great, and rich in this world? Wherein note how many ways they bewray their notorious folly.

1. They prefer the outward estate of their children before the eternal salvation of their own souls. Yea and before God himself.

2. They place the happiness of their children in the goods of this world;⁴⁸² then which nothing more vain.

3. They make themselves drudges to their children, and so debase themselves below that dignity which by reason of God’s image on them, appertaineth to them.

4. They with much pains, care, grief, and fear are long gathering that which their children in short time most riotously and prodigally will lavish out.

5. They make themselves vassals to Satan and seek by him to be made rich: whereas indeed⁴⁸³ it is the blessing of God that maketh rich. Thus they take a wrong course to get wealth. If it be said that many are thus made rich, I answer, that as⁴⁸⁴ God gave a King to Israel, so he giveth wealth to them, in wrath: and in wrath will he take it away.

6. They bring God’s curse into their house, and leave it unto their children: So as these are the riches that are reserved to the owners thereof for their evil. Let not therefore care for children draw thee to any covetous or unjust courses: but know that he who made thy son made thee also, and he who afforded thee means of nourishment, will also afford thy children sufficient succour.

§. 8. Of Parents providence for their children.⁴⁸⁵

The head, whereunto all the particular duties, which parents owe to their children, may be referred, is A provident care for their children’s good. This extendeth it self to all times, and to all things.

To all times, as to the infancy, youth, and man-age of their children: and that not only while parents live, but after their departure.

To all things, namely, tending both to the temporal good of their children, and also to their spiritual good.

Children are of the very substance of their parents, & therefore ought parents so far to seek their children’s good as their own.

The patterns of holy parents recorded and commended in Scripture, do lively set forth this provident care.

But this general we will exemplify in the particulars: and in order declare how parents must provide both for the temporal, and also for the spiritual good of their children in every degree of their age.

They who at any time in any thing are negligent and careless of their children’s good, offend in the contrary to this general duty. The heinousness of which offences will appear in the particulars.

§. 9. Of a mothers care over her child while it is in her womb.

The first age of a child is the infancy thereof. I will therefore first show how therein parents must procure the temporal good of their children, and then their spiritual good.

The first part of a childs infancy is while it remaineth in the mothers womb. Here therefore the duty lieth principally upon the mother: who so soon as she perceiveth a child to be conceived in her womb, ought to have an especial care thereof, that (so much as in her lieth) the child may be safely brought forth.⁴⁸⁶ (The heathen Philosophers, by light of nature, observed this to be a duty; and prescribed it to mothers.) A mother then must have a tender care over her self when she is with child: for the child being lodged in her, and receiving nourishment from her (as plants from the earth) her well-being tendeth much to the good and safety of the child: but the hurt that cometh to her, maketh the child the worse, if it be not a means to destroy it. Why was the charge of⁴⁸⁷ abstaining from wine, strong drink, and unclean things, given to Manoah’s wife, but because of the child which she conceived?

In this case there is a double bond to make mothers careful of themselves.

1. Their own,
2. Their childs good.

Husbands also in this case must be very tender over their wives, and helpful to them in all things needful, both in regard of that duty which they owe to their wives, and also of that they⁴⁸⁸ owe to their children. Why was Manoah so desirous to hear himself the forenamed direction which the Angel gave to his wife? And why did the Angel again repeat it to him, but to show it belonged to him to see her observe it?

They who through violence of passion, whether of grief, or⁴⁸⁹ anger, or through violent motion of the body, as by dancing, striving,⁴⁹⁰ running, galloping on horseback, or the like: or through distemper of the body, by eating things hurtful, by eating too much, by too much abstinence, by too much bashfulness in concealing their desires and longings (as we speak) cause any abortion or miscarriage, fall into the offence contrary to the forenamed duty. If women were persuaded that in conscience they are bound to the forenamed duty, they would, I think, be more careful of themselves. For if through their default, they themselves or their child miscarry, they make themselves guilty of that miscarriage: if both miscarry, they make themselves guilty of the blood of both; at least in the court of conscience before God.

But they who purposely take things to make away their children⁴⁹¹ in their womb, are in far higher degree guilty of blood: yea even of wilful murder. For that which hath received a soul formed in it by God, if it be unjustly cast away, shall be revenged.

So far forth as husbands are careless of their wives being with child, denying them things needful, they are accessary to the hurt, which the woman, or child taketh, guilty of the sin, and liable to the judgment.

§. 10. Of providing things needful for the child, so soon as it is born: and of cruelty contrary thereunto.

The next degree of a childs infancy, is while it is in the swaddling bands, and remaineth a sucking child. In this also the care especially lieth upon the mother: yet so as the father must afford what help he can.

The first duty here required is, that sufficient provision of all things needful for a child in that weakness be before hand provided. What the particulars be, women better know, then I can express. For me, it is sufficient, to lay down the duty in general: which is commended unto us in that worthy pattern of the Virgin Mary, who though she were very poor, and forced to travel far, and brought to bed in a strange place, where she was so little respected, as she was not afforded a place meet for a woman in her case, but was fain to content her self with a stable in a common Inn, yet she provided for her child. For it is said, She wrapped him in swaddling clothes, Luk 2. 7.

Contrary is the practise of such lewd and unnatural women, as leave their new-born children under stalls, at men’s doors, in Church porches, yea many times in open field. It is noted as a point of unnaturalness in the Ostrich, to leave her eggs in the earth, and in the dust: in which respect she is said to be hardened against her young ones, as though they were not hers, Job 39. 14, 16. Much more hardened are the foresaid lewd women. The Eagle is⁴⁹² counted an unnatural bird, because she thrusteth her young ones, which she hath brought forth, out of her nest. Are not then such mothers much more unnatural? They oft lay their children forth in public places, for others to show that mercy, which they themselves have not. The Civil Law judgeth this to be a kind of murder.

§. 11. Of giving suck to children.

Among other needful things, the milk of the breast is fit for young babes, and with it they are to be nourished. I think none doubt of the equity of this. It hath in all ages, and in all countries, been accounted the best food that can be for young babes. The metaphor, which S. Peter useth, taken from young infants in these words, (As new-born babes desire the sincere milk of the word) confirmeth as much. So doth also the desire which such infants have to the milk of the breasts: and the ability, and promptness which is in them to suck: and God’s providence in causing a woman’s breasts to yield forth such milk: and the constant manner of nourishing little infants after this manner, commended in the Scriptures: and (to conclude) the natural instinct which many unreasonable creatures have thus to nourish their young ones.

They who on mere curiosity (where no urgent necessity requireth) try whether their children may not as birds be nourished without suck, offend contrary to this duty; and reject that means which God hath ordained as the best: and so oppose their shallow wit to his unsearchable wisdom.

§. 12. Of mothers giving suck to their own children.

Of nourishing children with breast-milk, there is no great question: therefore I have with a touch passed it over. The chiefest question of doubt is concerning the party who is bound to this duty; namely, whether the mother be bound to do it her self or no.

Many strong arguments there be to press it upon the consciences⁴⁹³ of mothers, and to show that (so far as they are able) they are bound to give suck to their own children. Some are taken from the light of God’s word; and some from the light of nature.

God’s word doth in many places by just consequence imply, that it is a bounden duty: in other places it doth expressly commend it by the practise of holy women: and again in other places it taketh it for a granted truth, and ruled case, not to be denied.

I. The consequences whereby the word implieth this duty are these:

1. In the blessing given to Joseph thus speaketh old Jacob, God shall bless thee with the blessing of the breasts, and of the⁴⁹⁴ womb. By the blessing of the womb, what can be meant, but children? By the blessing of the breasts, what, but milk, whereby those children are nourished? As if he had said; I will bless thee with such women, as shall both bear thee children, and also give suck to them which they bear. The consequence then is this: As it is a blessing to have children of a true lawful wife; so to have those children nursed of the same wife their mother.

Object. They have the blessing of breasts that have other women to nurse their children.

Answ. By the same reason it may be said, they have the blessing of the womb who have strange women to bear them children. But the joining of these two branches of blessing together, showeth that both must be taken in the same kind: so that as the blessing of the womb is to have children of a man’s wife, so the blessing of the breasts is to have them nursed of his wife. If it be a blessing for the woman which beareth the child to give it suck, then mothers are bound to perform this duty.

2. It is denounced as a curse, that women shall have a barren⁴⁹⁵ womb and dry breasts. If it be a curse for women to have dry breasts, then may not women wittingly make them dry: which all mothers do, that give not suck to their children.

3. Manoah’s wife being promised to bear a son, had this charge given her, Drink no wine, nor strong drink. etc. Those things were especially hurtful for her milk. It is therefore implied thereby, that she should so order her diet, as she might well nurse her child, and have good milk for him.

4. God by his good providence brought it to pass, that the mother of Moses (though she were forced to cast out her⁴⁹⁶ child) should nurse her own child. Yea the mother her self was desirous to do it, and therefore appointed her daughter to watch who should take it up. These two circumstances imply that it appertaineth to a mother to nurse her children.

5. The Apostle layeth this down as a note of a good woman,⁴⁹⁷ who in her place hath been careful to do her duty, and thereupon fit to do service in God’s Church (If she have⁴⁹⁸ nourished her children, or word for word, If she have fed her children.) Now the proper food for young babes is breast-milk, which, by the Apostles rule, the mother must give.

6. The same Apostle commandeth mothers to love their⁴⁹⁹ children. How can a mother better express her love to her young babe, then by letting it suck of her own breasts? As this is a testimony of love, so it is a means of preserving and increasing love: for daily experience showeth that mothers love those children best to whom they themselves give suck.

Sum these several consequences together, and we shall find the duty in question to be very strongly enforced hereby.

1. As a blessing it is promised, that mothers shall give suck to the children that they bear.
2. As a curse it is threatened, that women shall not be able to give suck.
3. An Angel gave direction to a mother so to carry her self as she might have store of good milk for the child which she should bear.
4. God by his special providence manifested that the proper mother was the best nurse for a child.
5. It is the note of a good woman to perform this part of her particular calling, namely to nurse her own child.
6. Women ought to do all the best duties of love that they can to their children.

Therefore mothers ought to nurse their own children.

II. Some of the most worthy patterns, in whose example this duty is commended to mothers, are these.

1. Sarah gave suck to Isaac. This example is to be noted⁵⁰⁰ especially of the greater sort: as rich men’s wives, honourable men’s wives, and the like. For Sarah was an honourable woman, a princess, a rich man’s wife, a beautiful woman, aged and well grown in years, and a mistress of a family.

Are not these excuses pretended by many mothers for not nursing children themselves?

2. The virgin Mary gave suck to Jesus. This example is to be noted especially of the meaner sort, for the virgin Mary was young, poor, persecuted, forced to remove and fly with her child from country to country. Are not these excuses pretended by other mothers?

These two patterns do not only commend the duty, but also strip all mothers that are negligent therein, of all excuse.

To these may be added the examples of⁵⁰¹ Hannah, of⁵⁰² David’s mother, and of many others. What if also I add the example of that true, natural, affectionate mother who stood before Solomon’s throne to plead for her child? She thus saith of her self,⁵⁰³ I arose to give my son suck, etc. If this had not been a good motherly duty, she would not then and there have pleaded it.

III. The places of Scripture which take this duty for a matter granted, and for a ruled case, are such as these.

1. Where Sarah saith, Who would have said to Abram that⁵⁰⁴ Sarah should have given children suck? In this phrase she setteth forth God’s blessing in giving Abram a son by her. Now in that she expresseth the blessing under this phrase of giving suck, she taketh it for grant, that the mother which beareth children must give them suck.

2. Where David saith, thou didst make me hope upon my⁵⁰⁵ mothers breasts, he doth not only imply that his mother gave him suck, but by the phrase maketh it a ruled case that the child which sucks must hang upon the mothers breast.

3. Where Solomon saith, O that thou wert as my brother that⁵⁰⁶ sucked the breasts of my mother, he taketh it also for grant, that brothers and sisters, as they come out of the same womb, so they should suck the same breasts, even the breasts of her out of whose womb they came, their own mothers breasts.

4. Where the woman said to Christ, Blessed is the womb that⁵⁰⁷ bare thee, and the paps which thou hast sucked, she taketh it for grant (as it was an usual practise in those days) that the paps of that woman, whose womb bare him, gave him⁵⁰⁸ suck.

These arguments we have from the light of God’s word: other we may have from God’s works and the light of nature, as

1. God hath given to women two breasts fit to contain and hold milk: and nipples unto them fit to have milk drawn from them. Why are these thus given? To lay them forth for ostentation? There is no warrant for that in all God’s word. They are directly given for the childs food that cometh out of the womb; for till the child be born, there is no milk in the breasts: anon after it is born, milk ordinarily floweth into the breasts: yea a great part of the meat which they eat turneth into milk. They make this admirable work of God’s providence to be in vain, that dry up this spring, and suffer not their children to partake of the benefit of it.

2. That nourishment whereon the child fed in the mothers womb, and whereby it was there sustained, turneth into milk, and cometh into the breasts when the child cometh out of the womb. Whence we may gather, that of all women’s milk, that woman’s milk is fittest for the child, out of whose womb the child came.

3. Together with the milk passeth some smack of the⁵⁰⁹ affection and disposition of the mother: which maketh mothers to love such children best as they have given suck unto: yea and oft times such children as have sucked their mothers breasts, love their mothers best: yea we may observe many who have sucked others milk, to love those nurses all the days of their life.

4. Other things are nourished by the same that they are bred. The earth out of which plants grow, ministreth nourishment to the said plants: trees that bring forth fruit yield sap to that fruit, whereby it groweth to ripeness: unreasonable creatures, and among them the most savage wild beasts, as Tigers and Dragons, yea sea-monsters give suck to their young ones; whereupon the Prophet saith of women that give not suck⁵¹⁰ to their children, that they are more cruel then those sea-monsters, Like the Ostriches in the wilderness: for the cruel Ostrich, and the hateful Cuckoo are the two kind of creatures which are noted to leave their young ones for others to nourish; the Ostrich leaveth her eggs in the dust: the Cuckoo leaveth hers in other birds nests. Other creatures (if nature afford them not milk and dugs, as to birds it doth not) feed their young ones other ways, yet by themselves.

5. Shall I add another argument which daily experience confirmeth, namely God’s blessing upon this motherly duty:⁵¹¹ commonly such children as are nursed by their mothers, prosper best. Mothers are most tender over them, and cannot indure to let them lie crying out, without taking them up, and stilling them: as nurses will let them cry and cry again, if they be about any business of their own. For who are commonly chosen to be nurses? Even poor country women which have much work to do, and little help; and so are forced to let the child lie and cry, many times till it burst again. Children nursed by their mothers are for the most part more cleanly, and neatly brought up, freer from diseases; not so many die; I am sure not so many through negligence cast away. The number of nurse children that die every year is very great. It hath been observed in many country villages, that the most part, that from time to time die there, are nurse children. Are not mothers that might have nursed their own children if they would, accessary to the death of those that are cast away by the nurses negligence?

On these and other like reasons heathen women, and very⁵¹² savages, have in all ages been moved to nurse their own children: and some heathen Philosophers have urged and pressed the necessity of this duty. Never was it more neglected, then among those that bear the name of Christians.

Let mothers know of what rank or degree so ever they be, that (out of the case of necessity) they have no warrant to put forth their children to others to nurse. We read not in all the Scripture of any holy women that ever did it.

§. 13. Of the objections for putting children forth to nurse.

Object. Many nurses are mentioned in Scripture, as Rebekah’s⁵¹³ nurse, Mephibosheth’s nurse, Joash his nurse, and others.

1. Answ. Such nurses mentioned in Scripture were commonly dry nurses. Rebekah’s nurse went with her before she was married: how can it be thought that she was a milch nurse? Could they tell when Rebekah should have a child? Or when⁵¹⁴ she had one, that Deborah (the nurse there mentioned) should have milk for her? It is said that Naomi became nurse to Ruth’s⁵¹⁵ child: now Naomi was old, long before this she was past child-bearing, without an husband for many years: how then was it possible that she should give suck? She was therefore a dry nurse, as other nurses mentioned in Scripture.

2. Answ. The mothers of those children which are said to have nurses (if those nurses were milch-nurses) might be dead: or if living, not able to give suck for want of milk, nipple, or for some other like defect: or if able, sin in putting forth their children.

3. Answ. Though it be said that there were nurses, yet is no where said, that a mother put forth her child to suck.

2. Object. Pharaoh’s daughter put forth the child which she⁵¹⁶ took for her own to nurse.

Answ. She bare not this child, nor was the natural mother of it, so as this is nothing to the purpose. Yea it maketh against the objectors, in that the true mother of this child nursed it.

3. Object. The metaphor taken from nurses is oft used,⁵¹⁷ and applied to God, and to God’s ministers.

1. Answ. The using of a thing by way of comparison and resemblance doth not simply justify it: instance the parable of the unjust steward, and of a thief.⁵¹⁸

2. Answ. The metaphor may be taken from a dry nurse as well as a milch nurse: for the comparisons are not used of giving suck, but of bearing and carrying in arms, as dry nurses use to carry children.

3. Answ. The metaphors are most fitly taken from mothers that are nurses to their own children.

4. Object. Many mothers have not such skill in giving suck as nurses have.

Answ. Let them learn seeing it is their duty.

5. Object. Mothers that are of great wealth and high place cannot endure the pain of nursing, nor take the pains in handling young children as they must be handled.

1. Answ. The greatest that be must set themselves to do that duty which God requireth at their hands, though it be with pain and pains. Note Sarah’s example before recorded.

2. Answ. By this it appeareth, that if other women could bear their children in the womb nine months, and endure the pain of travel for them, they would hire them to do it. But seeing they do the one (namely bear and bring forth their own children with hard labour) why should they not do the other? If they say there is an unavoidable necessity of bearing and bringing forth their children; I answer, that conscience ought to move them to nurse those children, which necessity forceth them to bring forth. God by this latter of nursing children maketh trial of women whether they will for conscience sake, do that duty which they may if they will put off. But because God knew that many will do no more then necessity laieth upon them, he hath made it a matter of impossibility for women to bear and bring forth their children by another.

3. Answ. If women would with cheerfulness set themselves to perform this duty, much of the supposed pain and pains would be lessened.

4. Answ. Though they put not forth their children to nurse, they may for their ease entertain a nurse, so they give suck themselves.

6. Object. A mother that hath a trade, or that hath the care of an house, will neglect much business by nursing her child: and her husband will save more by giving half a crown a week to a nurse, then if his wife gave the child suck.

Answ. No outward business appertaining to a mother can be more acceptable to God then the nursing of her child: this is the most proper work of her special calling, therefore all other businesses must give place to this, and this must not be left for any other business.

As for the husbands saving by putting the child forth to nurse, no gain may give a dispensation against a bounden duty.

7. Object. It will break tender fair women, and make them look old too soon.

1. Answ. God’s ordinance must not give place to women’s niceness. Sarah was fair and old: The Virgin Mary was fair and young.

2. Answ. Drying up a woman’s milk will more break her, then her childes sucking of it: for it is a means both of better health, and also of greater strength, as to bear children, so to give them suck. Barren women and bearing women which put forth their children to suck, are most subject to sickness and weakness. The drawing forth of a woman’s milk by her child is a means to get and preserve a good stomach, which is a great preservative of good health.

8. Object. Husbands are disturbed in the night time, and hindered of their sleep by their wives giving suck to their children.

1. Answ. By this reason neither mothers nor other nurses which have husbands, should give suck to children.

2. Answ. Seeing children come from the loins of the father, as well as out of the womb of the mother, they must be content to endure some disturbance as well as their wives, and so much the rather that they may the more pity their wives, and afford unto them what help they can.

9. Object. Many husbands will not suffer their wives to nurse their children themselves.

Answ. Because it is a bounden duty, wives must use all the means they can by themselves or others to persuade their husbands to let them perform it: they must take heed that they make not this a pretext to cover their own sloth, and loathness to this duty: they may not make themselves accessary to their husbands fault by providing a nurse, and sending the child away themselves: if their husbands will stand upon their authority, and be persuaded by no means to the contrary, they must be mere patients in suffering the child to be taken away.

10. Object. Many poor women maintain their house by nursing other folks children.

Answ. If they were not that way employed, they might take pains in some other thing. But the gain of one may not make another neglect her duty.

11. Object. Some mothers cannot give suck, they have no milk: others cannot very well, in that they have no nipples, or they have sore breasts, or are sickly, or it may be that they have such a disease, as the child, if it should suck of their milk, would draw to it self, and so the sucking might prove very dangerous to the child.

1. Answ. God requireth no impossibilities: wherefore in propounding the duty I put in this caution (so far as they are able.)

2. God requireth mercy, and not sacrifice: if therefore in⁵¹⁹ truth it be so that the mothers giving suck to the child will be dangerous to her self or to the child, she may and ought to forbear: for giving suck is but as sacrifice to preventing of danger, which is mercy. But women must take heed that they pretend not inability, and danger without just cause. Some are themselves the cause of wanting milk because they will not let it be drawn down; or because they will not use means (for means there are) to get and increase milk. There are means also to raise nipples where the breasts are very flat. Refusing to give suck many times causeth some sickishness in a woman, and sore breasts, which might be prevented with the childes sucking. If the soreness be only in the nipples, a mother with enduring a little more pain may safely give the child suck. Many mothers have given their children suck when blood hath run by the mouth of the child by reason of sore nipples, and yet both mother and child done very well.

12. Object. Divers children being nursed by the mother have died one after another.

Answ. Due and thorough search must be made by those that are skilful: and if any cause be found in the mother, then the rule holdeth, Mercy and not sacrifice: but if none can be found, the issue must be referred to God’s providence: and the uncertain event must not be an hindrance to a known duty.

Thus the answering of the forenamed objections maketh the point so much the more clear.

§. 14. Of the fathers duty in encouraging his wife to nurse her child.

The duty which on a fathers part in this respect is required, is that he encourage his wife, and help her with all needful things for the performance of this duty. It is noted of Elkanah, that he suffered his wife to tarry at home while she gave suck to her son, and would not force her to go up to the tabernacle as his other wife did, but gave her all the ease and content he could, saying to her, Do what seemeth thee good.⁵²⁰ And of Abraham it is noted, that after Sarah had done giving the child suck, he made a great feast, even the day that⁵²¹ Isaac was weaned: one end whereof was to testify his rejoicing for God’s blessing on her motherly duty so well performed.

§. 15. Of the faults contrary to a mothers nursing her child.

Contrary to this duty do all such mothers offend, as for any by-respects when no necessity requireth put forth their children to be nursed by others.

1. Some do it for ease and quiet, because they cannot endure to have their sleep broken, or to hear their child wrangle and cry.
2. Others do it for niceness, because they are loth to open their breasts, or to soil their clothes.
3. Others upon pride, conceiting that their beauty would be impaired, and they look old too soon.
4. Others upon gain, because they can have a child cheaper nursed abroad then at home, where, at least, they must hire a maid the more.
5. Others upon pleasure, that they might more freely ride abroad, and meet their Gossips.
6. Others upon other by-respects.

All which do argue much self-love: little love to their child, and little respect to God. They can be counted but half-mothers: for nursing a child is as much as bearing and bringing it forth.

§. 16. Of a fathers fault in hindering his wives nursing of her child.

To the forenamed fault of mothers do all such fathers make themselves accessary, as forbid their wives to nurse their children, or are a grief to them by their complaints of trouble, disquiet and expense: or afford not things needful, or do not encourage them all they can to do it. The mothers both pain and pains is the greatest: it is in comparison but a small thing that fathers can endure therein. Their fault therefore must needs be the greater, if any way they be an occasion of their childes putting forth to nurse: which I have the rather noted, because husbands for the most part are the cause that their wives nurse not their own children: and that partly by suffering, and partly by egging them on to put out their children. If husbands were willing that their wives should perform this duty, and would persuade and encourage them thereto, and afford them what helps they could, where one mother now nurseth her child, twenty would do it.

§. 17. Of parents joint care about their children’s Baptism.

There is a further duty to be performed of parents to their children even in their infancy, and that is in regard of their spiritual good, which is this,

Parents ought to procure that their children be rightly baptized in due season.

This is indeed a common duty appertaining to both parents, but most principally to the father, and that for two reasons.

1. The father is the chief and principal Governor, and hath the greatest charge: accordingly he ought to have the greatest care even in such matters as are common to both.

2. The mother at that time by reason of her travel and delivery is weak, and not in case to have her head much troubled with many cares; much less able her self to take order for such weighty matters. Only the husband is to make known to his wife (if she be not extraordinarily weak) what his purpose is concerning the place, time, manner, and other like circumstances of baptizing the child, and to advise with her about the name, witnesses, and such like points. And if the husband be too backward and negligent, the wife ought so far as she is able to put him in mind of his duty therein, and to stir him up by her self or some other to perform it.

§. 18. Of the reasons to move parents to see their children baptized.

That parents are bound to procure Baptism for their children these reasons declare.

1. The commandment of God concerning circumcising⁵²² children: in the room whereof Baptism succeedeth now under the Gospel (Col. 2. 11, 12.) God’s commandment to this duty was first given to Abraham: and that for himself and all his posterity to observe (Gen. 17. 10.) After this it was in the law laid down as a positive statute, Lev. 12. 3.

2. The practise of the Jews in a faithful and constant observance of this ordinance: as of Abraham; of Zachary and Elizabeth: of Joseph and Mary, and many others.

Object. The children which were born in the wilderness were not circumcised.

Answ. They had no abiding place in the wilderness, but were ever and anon removing: so as it would have been dangerous for the children to have been circumcised: in that extraordinary case this rule took place, I will have mercy and⁵²³ not sacrifice.

3. The practise of Christians, who believing were themselves⁵²⁴ and their whole household baptized. Under whole household children must needs be comprised.

4. Christ’s embracing and blessing such children as were⁵²⁵ brought to him: and rebuking those that would have kept them from him.

5. The promise of God made to them: for seeing God is so⁵²⁶ gracious as to extend his promise to our children: our care must be to procure the seal which God offereth for the confirmation of that promise.

6. The right they have to God’s Kingdom. Baptism is an⁵²⁷ evidence of that their right. It is parents duty to get them that evidence. If children have just title to any lands and revenues, or to any earthly honours and dignities, parents will do what they can to make that title sure unto them even in their infancy: much more careful should they be to make that rich and glorious inheritance, which is in heaven reserved for them, as sure unto them as they can: now no better means for the effecting of this then Baptism.

7. Their conception and birth in sin. Children drew contagion⁵²⁸ from their parents: therefore great reason it is that their parents should see them washed with the water of regeneration.

8. The comfort which from the performance of this duty will arise to Christian parents, yea and to the children also themselves when they come to the age of understanding. When parents behold the covenant of God surely sealed and confirmed to their children, they cannot (if at least they bear any love to their children) but much rejoice therein. And it must needs also much comfort the child when (being of understanding) he shall know that from his infancy he hath carried the seal and pledge of his regeneration.

9. The constant continued custom of the true catholic⁵²⁹ Church, which ever since the Apostles time hath afforded the sacrament of baptism to children.

§. 19. Of Parents procuring their children to be rightly baptized.

There being such forcible motives to stir up parents to perform the duty, (which motives show it to be a weighty duty) I will further show how this duty ought to be performed.

Two things in children’s baptism ought to be observed.

1. That it be rightly done.
2. That it be seasonably done.

In the right performance thereof, some things are necessary, and some expedient.

Things of necessity are these especially:

1. That the child be baptized by a Minister of the word.⁵³⁰

2. That it be baptized with the element of water: the only element sanctified to this purpose.

3. That the form prescribed by Christ (Matth. 28. 19.) be⁵³¹ used, In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: whereby the unity of the Godhead, and trinity of persons is plainly set forth.

4. That the proper rite be used of applying the water to the body of the child, so as at least the face of the child may be sprinkled therewith.

Things of expediency are,

1. That the child be baptized in a public place, where God’s people ordinarily meet together, being set apart for the worship and service of God.

2. That such a time be chosen out, as an assembly of Saints may be there present.

These two circumstances are the rather to be observed, because Baptism is one of the solemn parts of God’s public worship; a pledge of our incorporation into the body of Christ, and communion of his Saints, and therefore with the more solemnity, (as a matter of great moment) before many witnesses, with the assistance of the faithful prayers of an assembly of Saints, to be performed.

§. 20. Of Parents care to give a fit name to their child at his Baptism.

A third matter of great expediency about a childs baptism, is, that parents be careful in giving a fit name.

It belongeth to parents to give the name to their child: for so⁵³² holy parents (whose pattern in Scripture is in this respect commended unto us) have done from time to time: and for their warrant to do it, it is worthy to be noted, that when God was pleased to appoint a name to a child, he gave in charge to the parent so to name him, saying to him,⁵³³ Thou shalt call his name thus and thus.

It is also evident, that the time of Baptism is the fittest time for giving the name.⁵³⁴ Under the Law, children’s names were given at their Circumcision: and so under the Gospel it hath in all ages been used: and that for these reasons.

1. That their names may be a testimony of their baptism.⁵³⁵
2. That so oft as they hear their names, they may be put in mind of their baptism.
3. That they might know how by name they are given to Christ to be his soldiers, and therefore there must be no starting from him.
4. That they may also be assured, that being baptized with water and the spirit, by name they are registered in heaven.

Now because names are so solemnly given, and of so good use,⁵³⁶ most meet it is that fit names should be given to children. And for proof hereof, let the names which in Scripture are recorded to be given by God himself, and by such holy men and women as were guided by his spirit, be observed; and we shall find them to be holy, sober, and fit names.

For direction to parents in this duty, I will set down some sorts and kinds of names as be fit, and beseeming Christians.

1. Names which have some good signification: and among them such as are warranted by the Scripture, as John (the grace of God) Jonathan (the gift of God) Andrew (manly) Clement (meek) Simeon (obedient) Hannah (gracious) Prudens (wise) and such like: that thus their name may stir them up to labour after the virtue signified thereby.

2. Names which have in times before us been given to persons of good note, whose life is worthy our imitation, as Isaac, David, Peter, Mary, Elizabeth, and such like: that the names may move them to imitate those worthies.

3. Names of our own ancestors and predecessors, to preserve a memory of the family: which appeareth to have been an ancient practise even among God’s people, in that the friends would have had Zachariah’s son named Zachariah; and when the⁵³⁷ mother had just cause to name him John, they answer, none of thy kindred is called by this name.

4. Usual names of the country, which custom hath made familiar, as Henry, Edward, Robert, William, and such like among us.

§. 21. Of Parents care in bringing their children to be baptized in due season.

Though Christians are not so strictly tied to a set day, as the Jews were to the eight day; yet from that strict direction given to the Jews, we may well gather, that it is not meet for Christians to defer the baptizing of their children beyond eight days: for a young child of that age may with more ease, and less danger, be baptized, then circumcised.

The most seasonable time I take to be the day whereon God’s⁵³⁸ people use in the place where the child is born, publicly to assemble together to worship God next after the birth of the child, if at least it fall not out within two or three days after, which is somewhat with the soonest both for mother and child.

Whether we respect the honour of God (the riches of whose mercy is lively set forth in the sacrament of baptism) or the good of our child (which in that sacrament receiveth a pledge and seal of that rich mercy of God) Baptism is of great consequence: and therefore the first season of performing it to be taken. For parents by their diligence and due speed therein, give evidence both of their zeal to God’s glory, and also of their earnest desire of the childs spiritual good.

§. 22. Of Parents faults in neglecting their children’s Baptism.

Contrary to the forenamed duty of parents about well baptizing their children, are many aberrations, as

1. The corrupt opinion of Anabaptists, who deny the lawfulness of baptizing children. The arguments before noted are sufficient to stop their mouths.

2. The practise of Separatists (coming too near to Anabaptism) who excepting against the ministry and orders of our Church, do what they can to keep their children from that Sacrament. And to that end carry their wives ready to be delivered unto a strange place, where they are not known, and anon after they are delivered, privily convey wife, child, and all away, that so the Magistrate may not, against their will, cause their child to be baptized: and having no ministry of their own, nor means to convey the child over sea, keep it many years unbaptized. Where is the evidence of their faith in God’s promise, of their⁵³⁹ respect to God’s ordinance, and of their desire of their childs spiritual good? Though it be a great wrong to children to be kept from baptism, yet the sin lieth on such parents as procure not baptism for their children: especially at that age when their children cannot gainsay it.

3. The perverse opinion and practise of certain ancient heretics, who in stead of baptizing children with water, had them branded with an hot iron. They grounded their error on a false interpretation of this phrase (he shall baptize with the Holy Ghost and with fire.)⁵⁴⁰

Answ. 1. They err in taking this word (fire) literally and properly, which was meant mystically and metaphorically.

2. They err in applying that to the outward action of a Minister, which was meant of the inward operation of Christ. By this their misinterpretation they thwart the main scope of him who first used that phrase, which was to manifest the difference betwixt⁵⁴¹ all other Ministers and Christ Jesus.

4. The opinion and practise of those, who use other forms of Baptism, besides this, (In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost.) Their opinion and practise is grounded on certain concise phrases used by the Apostles: such as these, Baptized in the name of Jesus Christ: In the name of the Lord: In⁵⁴² the name of the Lord Jesus, etc.

Answ. Those phrases rather set forth the very substance and inward matter of Baptism, then the form thereof.

5. Their opinion and practise, who care not by whom their children are baptized, whether heretics, idolaters, laics, or women: Little do they regard the comfort of conscience, and strength of faith, that ariseth from this; that a lawful Minister in God’s room and name, as God’s ambassador, putteth the seal of God to his covenant.

6. The practise of those as (I know not upon what niceness or state) must have their children baptized at home in their private house. This manner of baptising taketh away much from the honour of that high ordinance, which ought to be done with all the seemly solemnity that may be.

7. Their practise who bring their child to Church to be baptised, accompanied only with the Midwife, and three witnesses. It were almost as good be baptised in a private house: for it is not the walls of the Church, but the assembly of Saints, that addeth to the honour of the Sacrament, and is most of all to be respected.

8. Their practise who upon state, or for great witnesses, or such by-respects put off the baptising of their children longer then is meet, some, two or three weeks, some, two or three months, some longer: whereby they show too light esteem of this Sacrament, in that they prefer mere complemental circumstances before a matter of so great moment. God oft showeth his just indignation against such, in taking away their children unbaptised before the time set down by them for baptism be come.

9. Their practise who care not what heathenish, idolatrous,⁵⁴³ ridiculous names they give to their children. What respect do they show either to God in whose name their child is baptised, or to the holy Sacrament it self, or to the congregation of Saints before whom the name is given, or to the child it self who all his life is to carry that name?

§. 23. Of parents providing things needful for the life and health of their children.

Hitherto of the duties of parents respecting their children’s Infancy. Such as respect their childhood follow.

The childhood of a child is reckoned from the time that it beginneth to be of any discretion and understanding till it be fit to be placed forth: even so long as ordinarily it liveth under the parents government.⁵⁴⁴

The duties which parents for this time must perform to their children may be drawn to these two heads.

1. Care to bring them up.
2. Care to place them forth.

For their well training up, respect must be had both to their temporal and also to their spiritual good.

Two things are required of parents, in regard of the temporal good of their children.

1. To nourish them well.⁵⁴⁵
2. To nurture them well.⁵⁴⁶

Under nourishment are comprised all needful things for⁵⁴⁷ health and life: which parents ought to provide for their children, as

1. Food, which Christ taketh for a ruled case. Whence he draweth his argument to show that God will provide for his children. What father (saith he) if his son ask him bread would give him a stone, etc. Mat. 7. 9, 10, 11.

2. Apparel, for it is expressly noted, that Israel made his son a coat, (Gen. 37. 3.)

3. Recreation, which in young children especially is needful for their health. In that Zechariah chap. 8. vers. 5. told the Jews, and that in way of blessing, that boys and girls should be playing in the streets, he implieth that it is a lawful and meet thing, which parents should permit unto their children. But yet the time, and measure, and kind of recreation must be well ordered.

4. Means for recovery of health when they are sick: for this end was it, that⁵⁴⁸ Jeroboam sent his wife to the Prophet, in behalf of his son who was sick: that⁵⁴⁹ the Ruler came to Christ for his son also who was at point of death; and that many others came to him for their sons and daughters being ill.

Whatsoever other things are needful, parents to their power⁵⁵⁰ must provide for their children: else the Apostle counteth them worse then Infidels.

Both equity and necessity require thus much of parents.

Equity, in that children owe all their pains and service to their parents while they are under them, and are wholly at their command, and in that regard have no means to provide needful things but by their parents help. Parents therefore in all right must herein be helpful to them.

Necessity, in that, if the life and health of children be not well provided for, no duty, no service can be expected at their hands.

§. 24. Of parents too much niggardliness, and carelessness toward their children.

There are two extremes contrary to the forenamed provident⁵⁵¹ care of parents for their children’s good:

In the defect, Covetousness.

In the excess, Lavishness.

Some parents so far fail in the defect, as they almost starve their children through want of necessaries: not affording them sufficient wholesome food, nor meet and comely apparel, but suffer them to go tagged and ragged like beggars brats: if they be sick, God may recover them if he please, but the parents will use no means: when they are well, they afford them no time of refreshing themselves by any recreation, but over-strictly hold them in. There is not only want of charity, but plain unnaturalness in such parents: even more then in the most cruel beasts. For the wild beasts do with much tenderness provide for their young ones.

§. 25. Of parents too much lavishness and indulgency upon their children.

Others surpass as much in the excess, feeding them too daintily: attiring them too garishly: tending them too cockeringly: and letting them spend too much time in sport and play. Many and great are the mischiefs that follow thereupon: as

1. They who are in their childhood daintily fed, and too much pampered, besides that for the most part they are most sickly, they will in time grow so squeamish, and choice of meats, as their parents shall not know what to provide for them, or when to give it them: The full soul loatheth an honeycomb:⁵⁵² yea if a stranger cometh to the table, where such a child sitteth, he may soon observe that he hath been too daintily fed. If at first children be fed with ordinary moderate diet, they will afterwards both be in better health and liking, and also more contentedly, and thankfully accept whatsoever shall be provided for them. But excess breedeth diseases both in body and mind.

2. Vanity in apparel doth also much corrupt young children: for there is in them even from the cradle a natural disposition to outward bravery: now for parents to prank them up, what is it but to blow up the fire of that vanity, and make it arise into such a flame as in time may much scorch the parents themselves, and utterly consume the children: and yet how usual a fault is this? How monstrously do many parents offend therein? What foolish fashion is used of the greatest swaggerers, and lightest strumpets, which they will not bring their children unto, and that when their children are not able to discern betwixt stuffs or colours? What can this proclaim but parents pride and folly? Proud maids are many times the instruments of pranking up children (especially when they are little ones) more then is meet: but yet the blame lieth on parents for suffering it.

3. Tending children too cockishly maketh them too long children, and too tender: and oft altereth a good constitution of body. Some are so over-much tender of their children, as if a child never so little complain, or refuse the meat (though for daintiness or fulness) the Physician must presently be sent for, and the Apothecary sent unto, and the child with supposed and apish kindness made much worse.

4. Too much sport maketh them wild, rude, unfit to be trained up to any good calling, and spendeth their spirits, and wasteth their strength too much. Yet many parents care not how much time their children spend in sport, and how little in learning: they think it dulls their children too much to be held to school, or to any learning: whereas indeed too much play infatuates them more, and learning would much sharpen their wits.

Parents Nurturing, Teaching, and Training Children

§. 26. Of well nurturing children.

I refer good nurture in part to the temporal good of children, because (as afterwards we shall hear in the particulars) it is an especial means of the outward temporal welfare of the child even in this world. Unless this be added to nourishing, wherein do reasonable men and women exceed unreasonable beasts? The most cruel beasts that be are very tender (as we heard before) towards their young ones, nourishing them, and providing all things needful for them till they can shift for themselves. But as God hath given to man a reasonable soul, an understanding head, capacity, docility and aptness to learn, so ought parents to make use of those parts and gifts, lest for want of using them, in time they be lost: and so children prove little better then brutes. In this respect the proverb is true, better be unfed then untaught. Experience showeth that good education is better then a great portion. The Holy Ghost doth very much press this point on parents, as we shall after hear in the particulars. For I will handle these three points.

1. The kinds of nurture.
2. The time when it is to be done.
3. The means of well doing it.

§. 27. Of parents neglect in nurturing children.

Contrary to good nurture is too much liberty: which oft bringeth much woe, and utter ruin upon children: it is the greatest enemy that can be of good education, and the nurse of all vice. Yet many parents care not to let their children live as they list: all the care they take, is that they be fed and apparelled. This is a common fault both of rich, and of poor parents. The rich pretend that their children need no education, because they have enough to leave them: not knowing that education is an especial means to make them keep and well use that enough. The poor pretend that they are not able to bring up their children to any thing: not considering that the Lord by his providence hath so ordered the affairs of men, that as there are fit employments for the greatest, so also⁵⁵³ for the meanest, which without much cost may be used. The fault therefore wholly resteth in the negligence of parents. And if thereupon children fall into any riot, their parents shall answer for it.

§. 28. Of parents teaching their children good manners.

The nurturing of children before mentioned consisteth

1. In teaching them good manners.
2. In training them up to a good calling.

Not only heathen men, and other moralists which were but mere natural civil men, but also the Holy Ghost himself hath prescribed many rules of good manners, and much urged and pressed the same.

1. The word⁵⁵⁴ nurture mentioned by the Apostle in this text which we have in hand, implieth as much: and the phrase which Solomon useth,⁵⁵⁵ Train up a child in the way he should go: that is, teach him how to order the course of his life.

2. The many⁵⁵⁶ precepts of reverencing our superiors, and carrying our selves with respect one to another, are rules of good manners. Hereof there be very many in scripture.

3. Those rules are⁵⁵⁷ commended by many examples of holy men recorded in Scripture.

4. Such as have⁵⁵⁸ failed in the rules of good manners, and rudely carried themselves, are reproved by the Holy Ghost.

Neither is it without good reason that this point is so set forth. For

1. Good manners are a very comely and seemly thing. But⁵⁵⁹ it beseemeth Christians to do all things decently. That decency is not only to be applied to the affairs of God’s Church, but also to the whole course of our life, in which respect we are commanded to walk⁵⁶⁰ decently, that is, to order all our actions and the whole course of our life mannerly.

2. They are a thing of good report, and that both to parents and children: Now we must do all things that are of good report.⁵⁶¹

3. They work a kind of delight, and love, and admiration, in those that behold them, as is noted of the Queen of⁵⁶² Sheba when she beheld the comely carriage of Solomon’s servants: and of the Egyptians when they beheld the orderly⁵⁶³ sitting of Joseph’s brethren.

4. They are an outward ornament to piety and religion, and make it to be much more respected: in which respect S. Peter exhorteth believing wives well to order their conversation⁵⁶⁴ before infidel husbands: and S. Paul exhorteth all sorts of christians to walk decently toward them that are without.⁵⁶⁵

The Holy Ghost having thus urged the point of good manners, we may not think it a mere complemental matter, and a needless point, but a bounden duty.

§. 29. Of the objections against good manners.

1. Object. Religion and grace consisteth not in good manners: many that have not a spark of God’s fear in their hearts, are able to carry themselves in their outward behaviour very orderly and mannerly.

Answ. Though grace consist not wholly in it, yet cannot grace well be without it: it is a great ornament and comeliness thereunto. And though mannerliness may be severed from a fear of God, yet God’s fear will not be severed from it. Restraining grace may be in him who hath no renewing grace: but renewing grace presupposeth restraining grace, even as reason presupposeth sense, though sense may be without reason. If such as fear not God can carry themselves comely and mannerly, what a shame is it for such as seem to fear God, not to do so? Shall not those be a witness against these?

2. Object. Good manners are an hindrance to grace: they who are most diligent in teaching or practising the one, are commonly most negligent in the other.

Answ. This is a mere cavil. Sure I am that grace is no hindrance to good manners. If any make good manners an hindrance to grace, it is their fault.

3. Object. Good manners to grace are as mint, anise and cummin, to the great and weighty things of the law.

Answ. Grant it to be so: yet seeing both may stand together, why should they be severed? Christ’s rule is this, These things ought ye to have done, and not to leave the other undone.⁵⁶⁶

4. Object. Many that make great show of religion are very rude, and unmannerly.

Answ. If there be only a show of religion in them, no marvel that they have no manners. If some examples of such as are truly religious and want good manners should be showed, their pattern is no precedent, much less can it prove that to be no duty which God’s word hath set down for a duty. Many that well perform some duties, much fail in other duties. Who almost followeth God’s word as he should in every thing?

§. 30. Of parents suffering their children to be rudely brought up.

Contrary to parents care in teaching their children good manners, is dissoluteness: when parents suffer their children to grow up in rudeness, not caring how they carry themselves at home or abroad, toward their parents, or toward others. Rude bringing up maketh children to be of a crooked, perverse, stubborn, churlish, surly, doggish disposition; as on the other side, good nurture in this kind breedeth ingenuity, amiableness, courtesy, and kindness. If such as are rudely brought up be children of professors of the true religion, they bring a stain upon their profession: yea they dishonour God, as if he were the author of unmannerliness and confusion, against which the Holy Ghost protesteth: and they make⁵⁶⁷ themselves and their children a scorn in the eye and mouth of profane persons, who will be ready to point and say, Behold the children of professors, how rudely they are brought up, and ill taught: they have not so much as good manners in them.

For avoiding this blemish, School-masters and all such as⁵⁶⁸ have the charge of training up young children, must be an help to parents in teaching children good manners.

§. 31. Of parents training up their children to some good calling.

The second branch of good nurture is a training up of children unto a good calling. This charge (train up a child in⁵⁶⁹ the way that he should go) directly tendeth to this purpose. This duty hath from the beginning of the world been performed by parents, and their performance thereof commended by the Holy Ghost. Adam brought up his sons to several callings: one was a⁵⁷⁰ keeper of sheep, another a tiller of ground. The like is noted of⁵⁷¹ Jacob’s sons,⁵⁷² Laban’s, and⁵⁷³ Reguel’s daughters,⁵⁷⁴ Jesse’s son, and many others.

Much good may from hence arise to parents themselves, to their children, and to the people and places where such children⁵⁷⁵ shall live.

1. A good calling is an especial means for children to maintain themselves and family, to relieve those that stand in need, to ease their parents, and (if the need of parents require it) to relieve and maintain them.

2. It is that way wherein God’s Angels have a charge to⁵⁷⁶ keep them while they walk in it.

3. It is a means wherein and whereby they may be serviceable to the common wealth where they live.

4. It is the best place wherein the general duties of Christianity may be most manifested, and best performed.

5. It is the best ordinary means that can be prescribed to keep a child from the vanities of youth, from immoderate pursuit of pleasures, from unlawful games, from idleness, from ill company, and such like evils; which, as they are sins in themselves, so occasions and provocations to other most grievous and enormous sins, and prove to be the very bane of youth.

Object. Many parents have good lands to leave to their children: what need is there of a calling to such?

Answ. 1. Much land may soon be consumed by such as have not skill well to use it.

2. Maintenance is but one end of a calling, and that not the chiefest and most principal.

3. More good may be done by skill in a calling, then by great store of land.

4. We are born for others as well as for our selves: it is not therefore sufficient to say I have enough to maintain my self.

§. 32. Of parents care in choosing a fit calling for their children.

The point in general being declared to be a duty, I will⁵⁷⁷ add some directions for the better performing of it.

1. Children are to be trained up in those things which are the ground work of all callings, as reading, writing, and principles of learning. Whatsoever the particular calling be, these will be of great use to any one. Many that have not been taught them at first, would give much for them afterwards. Parents at the first might teach their children those things with much ease and small charge, which afterwards cannot be⁵⁷⁸ so well learned, partly for want of leisure, and partly because the parts of those who are grown in years are not so fresh and fit to learn, as in child-hood they were. Those things are not to be contemned as small, without which great things cannot stand.

2. The calling whereunto children are trained up must be lawful, approved by God’s word, and not against the general rules thereof: so may they keep a good conscience in the exercise thereof.

3. The calling must be fit for the child that is trained up⁵⁷⁹ to it. As there are divers callings, so there are divers abilities of sundry children: some are fittest for callings of wit and learning: others for callings that require an able and strong body. Wherein the wise disposing providence of God is much commended: for thus are men much more useful one to another. Now for choice of a fit calling, a childs best ability wherein especially it consisteth, whether in the exercise of mind or of body, is duly to be observed: and also his inclination, to what calling he is most disposed.

4. Among fit callings (for there may be many) that which⁵⁸⁰ is best and the most excellent is to be preferred. To this purpose not unfitly may I apply that of the Apostle, covet earnestly the best gifts.

On this ground let parents be exhorted to train up such⁵⁸¹ children as they find fit, to the great and weighty calling of the ministry: no calling wherein any may do more good, and wherein (if they be able and faithful Ministers) they can receive more comfort and contentment. This exhortation is the more to be regarded, because in comparison of those who are trained up to other callings, so few are trained up to this.

§. 33. Of parents faults contrary to their duty of training their children up to a calling.

On the contrary, many parents much offend in not training up their children to a calling as they should. And the offence in this kind is committed many ways. As

1. When parents suffer their children to live like little masters at home, and pass over all their youth in idleness. Thus they prove very drones, and caterpillars in the common wealth: if they have a patrimony, they soon waste it: if they have none, they oft prove either thieves or beggars: they are fit for all companies: the readiest prey for the devil that can be: for they are like the house empty, swept and garnished, which⁵⁸² when the evil spirit espieth, he presently entereth into it with seven other spirits worse then himself.

The wise law-maker among the heathen is said to order⁵⁸³ that the child which by his parents had been taught no Art, should not be forced to nourish them though they were old or poor. This I allege not to justify the law (for it is against the Christian rule of overcoming evil with goodness) but to show how the very heathen judged the neglect of this duty a great fault in parents.

2. When parents neglect to teach their children in their child-hood the general and common grounds of all callings: some upon niggardliness; others upon carelessness. Thus poor men make their children unfit for many means, whereby they might well maintain themselves: and rich men make theirs unfit for magistracy, and for good society. Yea poor and rich are thus nousled up the more in ignorance, and made the more unfit to profit by the preaching of the word, and other means of spiritual edification.

3. When parents bring up their children in unwarrantable and unlawful callings, as to be of popish and idolatrous orders; to attend upon papists; to be stage-players, keepers of dice-houses, etc. Some (which is horrible to think of) train up their daughters to be common strumpets: and some⁵⁸⁴ (which is yet more horrible) train up their children to be sorcerers and witches. How can they in these keep a good conscience, when the very works of their calling are sin? Is not this to thrust them headlong into hell? They who thus bind their children to the devils sacrileges are spiritual murderers of them.

4. When parents have no respect at all to the fitness of the calling: as when they train up children of able bodies, but dull and slow capacity, of a stuttering tongue and other like imperfections, to learning, wherein they prove very dunces, and lose all their time, or are not able to make use of the learning which they have: or when they train up children which have a great inclination to learning, and are very fit thereunto, in some other trade, which, after many years spent therein, they are forced to leave.

5. When parents only seek after the most gainful trade, and never think to educate their children most to the honour of God. How can such expect God’s blessing upon the means used for their children’s good? Hence is it that among Papists so many are trained up to Ecclesiastical orders and functions: and so few among Protestants. For there is very great maintenance and revenues for such among Papists: but little in comparison among Protestants:⁵⁸⁵

§. 34. Of parents teaching their children piety.

The spiritual good of children, and that in their childhood, is to be procured by parents as well as their temporal. Wherefore parents must train up their children in true piety. This is expressly commanded in my text under this phrase admonition of the Lord. Under the law God did both simply⁵⁸⁶ command it, and that very often, and also ordained divers outward⁵⁸⁷ rites, and caused many visible and extraordinary⁵⁸⁸ monuments to be set up, that thereby children might be occasioned to ask of their parents the mystery of them, and that parents from that inquiry of their children might take occasion to⁵⁸⁹ teach them the ordinances of the Lord.

This express charge of the Lord is further commended by that practise which holy parents from time to time have yielded thereunto: instance the examples of⁵⁹⁰ Abraham,⁵⁹¹ David,⁵⁹² Bathsheba,⁵⁹³ Lois and Eunice, with many others.

1. Piety is the best thing that a parent can teach his child: for as reason maketh a man differ from a beast; and as learning and civility maketh a wise and sober man differ from savages and swaggerers; so piety maketh a sound Christian much more to differ from the most civil and well ordered natural man that can be. Learning, civility, calling, portion, are all nothing without piety. Now it is an especial point of wisdom, to seek the best good that we can, as for our selves, so also for our children: yea this is an evident sign of a parents true love of his child.

2. There is a necessity that children be taught piety, because⁵⁹⁴ they are not born but made Christians: by nature they are utterly destitute of all piety: for by nature every imagination of the thoughts of man’s heart is only evil continually (Gen. 6. 5.) and in that respect man is born like the wild ass colt (Job 11. 12.) so as a man were better be unborn then not taught piety.

3. The charge and office of parents bindeth them to teach their⁵⁹⁵ children piety: for they are by God made watchmen over their children: if therefore their children live and die in impiety through their parents negligence, their blood shall be required at their parents hands: instance the example of⁵⁹⁶ Eli.

Object. This duty appertaineth to Ministers.⁵⁹⁷

Answ. 1. God hath given an express charge hereof to parents, as we heard before.

2. In the family a parent is all in all over his child: a King, a Priest, and a Prophet. Therefore that which a Minister is to do for matter of instruction in the Church, a parent must do at home.

3. Children have need of daily instruction: the parents pains in this kind must be added to the Ministers: and both are little enough.

4. Parents having more familiarity with their children then Ministers, must needs better know their capacity, and their disposition: and so may better know after what manner to instruct them: whether to give them milk or strong meat, whether to deal mildly or roughly with them.

5. Instructions from parents are commonly more kindly accepted then from others: and children will the better relish them, when they come from their parents. They say that a plant will best grow in the soil out of which it first sprung: so instructions coming from those who both brought us forth, and first brought us up, are like to do most good.

6. There is no such means to breed love in a childs heart, as to be an instrument of bringing piety thereinto. Now who should more seek the true love of a child then a parent? In this respect a parent is more bound to this duty then a Minister.

7. It is impossible, that a Minister, who, it may be, hath many hundred children under his charge, should well instruct them all: It is therefore requisite, that each parent look to his own children.

As these distinct answers satisfy the objection, so they serve as so many more reasons to enforce the duty: wherefore to proceed in adding other reasons,

4. Great equity there is that parents teach their children piety,⁵⁹⁸ because they⁵⁹⁹ conceived and brought them forth in iniquity. If they suffer them to lie and die in that corrupt estate, they are more cruel then the Ostrich and Dragon.

5. Children are most properly God’s:⁶⁰⁰ born to God: he is the⁶⁰¹ most proper parent of them: in comparison of God, fathers and mothers of the flesh are but nurses. They must therefore nurture them in the admonition of the Lord.

6. Piety is that, which of all other things, will make the child⁶⁰² most obedient, and grateful to his parents: for thus there is a double bond to bind him: 1. His birth. 2. His new birth: especially when the cause of the one hath been also the cause of the other.

7. Nothing can more settle the heart of a wise parent on his⁶⁰³ death-bed concerning his children, then assurance that piety is planted in them: for then may he with stronger confidence commend them to God’s providence, and with greater assurance expect his blessing upon them after he is dead.

8. Parents, by teaching their children piety, are an especial⁶⁰⁴ means of propagating true religion from age to age, and from generation to generation. No better means can be thought of. For if all parents were careful of their duty in this kind, as there is a succession of children, and thereby a preservation of mankind, so there would be a succession of those that fear God, and thereby a preservation of true religion. My children that are taught by me, may be fathers of children, and so teach that to their children, which they have learned of me: yea after them may grandchildren prove fathers of other children, and they teach their children the same, and so from age to age others after them. This is the means on our part: and in our time we must do our part: and for those who come after us, leave the issue to God.

Not only the great benefit of this point, but also the too much neglect thereof, in most families, hath moved me the longer to insist on it, and the more forcibly to press it. For the better performing thereof, I will add some directions.

§. 35. Of directing parents how to teach their children true piety.

1. Whatsoever principle of piety, parents do teach their children,⁶⁰⁵ they must be sure that it be grounded on God’s word: thus much this phrase (admonition of the Lord) implieth.

Thus shall parents be sure to feed them with good wholesome spiritual food, such as shall make to their spiritual nourishment, and eternal life. In this respect principles of religion grounded on God’s word are called sound, or wholesome, or healthful words:⁶⁰⁶ and that both in regard of their matter and substance, and also in regard of their effect; they cause and preserve good, sound, spiritual health. We know that natural men have a care to give their children such food as is wholesome for their body: (for will a father⁶⁰⁷ that is evil, give his child a stone, or a serpent, and not that which is good?) Conscience must move religious parents, to have the like care of the souls of their children, as nature teacheth all parents to have of their bodies. If parents be careful to draw those principles, wherein they instruct their children, out of God’s word, they shall be sure not to poison their souls with any error, heresy, superstition, or idolatry.

2. When children begin to read, let them read the holy Scripture:⁶⁰⁸ so was Timothy trained up from a child (2 Tim. 3. 15.) Thus will children suck in religion with learning: for there is a secret virtue lurking in the holy Scripture (which is God’s own word) more then in any books of men: so as through God’s⁶⁰⁹ blessing there may by this means be an inward work of grace in children even in their young years. Besides, no books are more easy then many parts of Scripture; and no histories more admirable and delightful, then the histories of the Scripture. It is the advice of an ancient father, that young children be made acquainted with the words and names of holy Scripture: and that, in stead of tales and fables, choice histories of the Bible be made known to them: and that they be instructed in the Proverbs of Solomon.

3. Let children be catechised constantly from day to day: rehearse them continually unto thy children, saith the Law. That which is daily done, is in Scripture said to be done continually: as the sacrifice which was daily offered was called a continual offering. Here let this caveat be noted, that in giving this spiritual food, parents deal with their children, as skilful nurses and mothers do in feeding infants: they will not at once cram more into their mouths, then their stomach is able to digest, but they will rather oft feed them with a little: so it is not meet, that parents be too tedious; that will but dull a childs understanding, and breed wearisomeness, and make it loath to be again instructed: but precept upon precept, precept upon precept, line upon line, line upon line,⁶¹⁰ here a little, and there a little. Thus shall they learn with ease and delight: and this being oft performed, in time a great measure of knowledge will be gained thereby. If a vessel have a little mouth, we use not to fill it by pouring whole pail-fuls upon it, for so all may be spilt, and it receive little or nothing: but we let the liquor fall in by little and little, according to the capacity of the mouth; so is nothing lost, and the vessel filled the sooner. Thus are children to be dealt withal.

4. To the set times of catechizing children, let other occasions⁶¹¹ of teaching them piety be added: as at table, by resembling the spiritual food of their souls, to that corporal food, whereby their bodies are nourished: when they are walking abroad, by showing them the stars, how they remain stedfast in their course; the trees, how they bring forth fruit in their season; how all things are for the use and benefit of man, and thereupon make spiritual uses: note the direction which for this purpose the Law giveth to parents, Thou shalt talk to thy children of my words,⁶¹² when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.

5. Let parents open to their children the mysteries of those⁶¹³ outward rites which God hath ordained in his Church, as of Preaching, Baptising children, administering the Lord’s Supper, ceasing from work on the Lord’s day, with the like. This was expressly commanded under the law. Visible rites are great helps to the weak understanding of children, when they are plainly opened and applied: yea they are also especial means of keeping in memory the mysteries contained under them: as coarse threads or wires are means to preserve pearls put upon them. So oft as they see the rites they will be put in mind of the mysteries implied under them.

6. To this may be referred a declaration of such great and⁶¹⁴ admirable works as God in former times hath done for his Church: especially such works as have been done in their time: and if any memorials be remaining of them, make them known to children. This direction was also given under⁶¹⁵ the law, concerning the monuments which were set up of the great deliverances that God gave to his people. In particular when the day of the gunpowder-treason is solemnized, parents ought to teach their children the occasion of solemnizing that day. And as God doth any great works of mercy or of judgment, point them out to children. When there is great famine, plague, or any mortality, instruct children in the causes thereof: when victory, plenty, peace, or the like, teach children from whence these come. Outward sensible things do best work upon children.

7. Let religious school masters be chosen for children: so likewise⁶¹⁶ other masters to whom children are put forth: and religious houses where they are placed. Hannah commended her first born child to old Eli, a good, religious high Priest.⁶¹⁷ If masters themselves be religious, there is good hope that they will instruct in piety such as are under them: which if they do, what an help will that be to parents? If both parents and masters join therein, it must needs be very profitable to the children. If parents should fail, yet might masters make a good supply.

8. Let parents be to their children a good pattern and example⁶¹⁸ in piety. I and my house (saith⁶¹⁹ Joshua) will serve the Lord: he setteth himself first as a guide to the rest.⁶²⁰ I will walk in mine house with a perfect heart, saith David, whereby he would make himself an example, as to others of his family, so to his children. Example is a real instruction, and addeth a sharp edge to admonition. Much more shall a religious parent do by practise then by precept. For children are much inclined to follow their parents: let them go before, children will soon follow after. Practise is an evident proof of the necessity of the precept delivered.

§. 36. Of Parents faults contrary to their duty of teaching their children piety.

Many are the aberrations contrary to the forenamed care of teaching piety. For

1. Most parents care only for the temporal and civil good of their children: so their children may be well fed and clothed, and brought up in some profitable calling, whereby they may well maintain themselves in this world, little thought is⁶²¹ had, or care taken for their spiritual life in this world, or eternal life in the world to come. Wherein are these parents better then heathen? Job was otherwise minded: he was more careful for their souls then for their bodies.

2. Many are so far from teaching piety, as they teach their children profaneness, pride, riot, lying, deceit, and such like principles of the devil. It had been better for such children to have lived among wild beasts, then under such parents. As the children hereby are thrust headlong to hell, so their blood shall be required of their parents.

3. Others think it enough that their children be taught a religion, but what religion it skilleth not. Such are they as having rich kindred but popish, commend their children to the education of such kindred, in hope of some temporal benefit, that their children may reap from them. If they were as careless of their children’s bodies, they would be accounted little better then murderers: and is not the soul more precious then the body?

4. So far are many from catechising their children and that daily, as they teach them not so much as the Lord’s prayer, the Belief, and the ten Commandments. Wherein Papists shall rise up in judgment against them, that are very diligent in teaching their children, Pater noster, Ave Maria, and such like Latin principles, as the children cannot possibly understand.

5. Few use the forenamed outward helps, as the holy rites appointed of God, the great and glorious works of God, his extraordinary works of mercy or judgment, to instruct their children thereby. As they themselves care not to take notice of any such thing, so they care not whether their children do it or no.

6. So much do some prefer a little pelf before the true⁶²² good of their children, as they care not to what schoolmaster they put their children, be he profane, or popish, or unlearned, especially if he be a kinsman, or one of their friends. Few will so do in case of their health or outward estate: but will rather get the best Physician, or the best Lawyer that they can. Children oft learn such evil qualities of their schoolmasters as they can never shake off again.

7. Many prove very bad patterns to their children, and give very ill example by profaneness, riotousness, swearing, drinking, playing at unlawful games, etc. These parents as they brought forth their children in sin, so they lead them on forward to hell. Their evil example is not only an hindrance to the good instruction of others, but also maketh all their own counsels (if at any time they do give any good counsel) to be in vain: for the left hand of evil example⁶²³ soon pulleth down more then the right hand of instruction can build again.

To conclude, those parents whose children are not brought up in the instruction of the Lord, show plainly that they regard neither the salvation or damnation of their souls.

§. 37. Of instructing children so soon as they are capable.

Hitherto of the Kinds of nurture. The time thereof followeth.

In handling the time of⁶²⁴ good nurture, I will show

1. When it ought to be begun.
2. How long it ought to be continued.

1. Parents ought to begin to nurture their children so soon as they are capable of any instruction. Even as young birds are taught by their dams to fly so soon as their wings can carry them.⁶²⁵ Train up a child (saith Solomon) that is, while he is young and tender: and again,⁶²⁶ He that loveth his child nurtureth him betimes. Thus was Samuel sent when he was very young to be trained up under Eli, (1 Sam. 1. 24.) and Solomon was instructed by his father when he was tender, (Pro. 4. 3.) and Timothy was taught the Scriptures⁶²⁷ from a young child, or infant.

There are both privative, and positive reasons to press this point. Privative, in regard of the mischiefs that may be prevented thereby. Positive, in regard of the good that may be gained thereby.

1. Many are the evils which children by nature are prone unto, even as rank ground is subject to bring forth many weeds: for⁶²⁸ the imagination of man’s heart is evil from his youth: and⁶²⁹ foolishness is bound in the heart of a child. If therefore they be not well nurtured betimes, what can be looked for, but the fruits of evil, and folly. But timely nurture will prevent such fruits, and be an excellent preservative against their own natural corruption, against Satan’s temptations and against the allurements or discouragements of the world.

2. Continuance in evil maketh children obstinate, and⁶³⁰ inflexible therein. Eli’s sons being suffered to go on in wickedness till they came to ripeness of years, would not afterwards harken to the voice of their father. What creature can be tamed, if it be not begun with while it is young?

3. When children first begin to be capable of instruction⁶³¹ they are most pliable to follow the direction of their parents as is evident by the ordinary course of nature in all things. Clay, wax, and such other things while they are soft receive any impression: twigs while they are tender are bowed any way: birds and beasts are easily tamed when they are young: corn sown betimes bringeth a timely and plentiful harvest.

4. That which in childhood is learned, is longest retained:⁶³² Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. A vessel longest keepeth that savour with which at first it is seasoned: and by experience we may note old men best to remember the things which in their childhood they learned: yea by well educating children from their infancy much labour may afterwards be spared: for constant use of virtue bringeth it unto a law.⁶³³

Object. To teach children while they are young, is but as to teach a Parrot or such like unreasonable creatures: they may learn what is taught them, but they cannot conceive it.

1. Answ. Though children have not so deep an apprehension while they are young, as they have when they come to riper years, yet so soon as they are capable of instruction, they do much better conceive what is taught them, then unreasonable creatures can do.

2. Though that were granted, yet it would not thereupon follow, that it is better not to be taught while they are young. For, first it is better that they should be framed and squared to a good course, before they can discern betwixt good and evil, then be suffered to run on in evil, till they get an habit therein; which after it is got, will hardly be cast off. Secondly, by teaching them before they can well conceive, their apprehension is much helped. What may be the reason that children of kings, and great men are commonly of more understanding at 12. or 14. years of age, then poor and mean men’s children at 17. or 18. but that they are sooner, and better instructed? Thirdly, as by age their understanding cometh to more and more ripeness, they will more and more conceive that which at first they did not so well understand. When scholars first learn their Latin rules, they learn them merely by rote, without understanding the meaning of them,⁶³⁴ but afterwards come to make very good use of them. Wherefore children are to be instructed betimes even for the benefit that may be after reaped, as corn is sown in winter to receive crop the harvest following: and to prevent the mischiefs that may fall out, lest they get head over their parents against their mind.

§. 38. Of mothers peculiar care in nurturing young children.

By the way let mothers especially note this point of timely nurture, as a point in peculiar appertaining to them. The⁶³⁵ grandmother Lois, and mother Eunice, first taught Timothy,⁶³⁶ Bathsheba taught Solomon when he was young. Oft doth Solomon warn children⁶³⁷ not to forsake their mothers teaching.

Whereby he implieth that mothers should teach their children especially while they are young: which duty so belongeth to a mother, as⁶³⁸ Solomon laieth the blame, and shame of the neglect thereof upon her: on the other side the honour of well nurturing children redoundeth especially to the mother. To this purpose is it, that the⁶³⁹ particular names of the mothers of the kings are recorded in Scripture: intimating thereby that mothers were a main cause of the piety, or impiety of such children. Solomon and Absalom had both one father, but divers mothers. May we not well think that Solomon’s mothers care to instruct him was an especial means of his piety: and that Absalom’s mothers neglect of this duty, was some cause of his impiety? It is expressly noted of Ahaziahs mother, that she was his counsellor to do wickedly, which made him so wicked⁶⁴⁰ as he was. Home-experience confirmeth as much: for if father and mother be of divers religions, most of the children will follow the mother. For while children are young, their mother is most in their sight: she feedeth, she appareleth them, she tendeth them when they are not well, (when the Shunammite’s child being ill, said to his father, my head, my head, he said to his servant, carry him to his mother.) Her precepts therefore⁶⁴¹ and practise in that respect are best heeded by the children, and she hath the best opportunity to persuade them to what she liketh best: so as what they learn in their younger years, commonly they learn of their mothers: and that which then they learn, for the most part sticketh most close unto them, and is longest retained by them, as was noted⁶⁴² before.

I have not thus in particular pressed this point upon mothers, as if I exempted fathers from all care of nurturing their children in the beginning: for in my text the Apostle named fathers: and Solomon saith, that his father taught him even while he was tender: and David felt the smart of neglecting his other children. It is therefore (as hath before been proved) a joint duty belonging to both. Fathers therefore must do their best endeavour, and see that mothers do theirs also, because he is a governor over child, mother, and all.

§. 39. Of letting slip the best time for nurture.

Contrary is the negligence of most parents, who let the best years wherein their children are most docible pass over in wantonness, vanity, and folly: and so lose that which can never be recovered again, most precious time. Hence is it that when they go about to reclaim their children, they find them exceedingly perverse and head-strong: much like to a strong big arm of a tree, which if a man go about to straiten, he cannot easily make it bow: and though it bow, yet will it not continue to stand as he would have it: nay it may be that it will rather break then bow much. Such a branch was Adonijah. It is apparent that in his childhood he was not well nurtured, for his father would not displease him from his childhood.⁶⁴³

The fathers putting off this duty to the mother, and the mothers putting it off to the father, is a great cause of the neglect thereof. Were both of them persuaded that it belonged to them both, and in that respect would to their power be helpful each to other, children would much better be instructed.

§. 40. Of parents continuing to nurture their children.

As parents must begin betimes to nurture their children, so they must hold on therein, as long as they retain any government over them: yea so long as they remain to be parents unto them. Some difference there may be in the manner of performing this duty: for children are to be used as children: and they who are grown in years, and of riper understanding, accordingly to be dealt withal: yet still must parents have a care of their well doing. The word used in my text and translated children, is a general word which in Scripture and other⁶⁴⁴ writers is used to set forth all sort of children, of what sex, of what age, of what degree soever they be. In handling the duty of children we⁶⁴⁵ showed, that children owed a subjection to parents so long as they lived together: wherefore by the rule of relation, so long also an authority remaineth in parents over their children, and accordingly they ought to have a fatherly care for their good. On this ground Eli did well in admonishing⁶⁴⁶ his children after they were married: his fault was that he went not far enough in doing his duty: somewhat he did, but not all that he should and might have done. Job is commended for the care he had over his children when they were grown in years: for day by day he sent for them and sanctified them: and that after they had several houses of their own, and dwelt apart: and this all their days.

For the performance of that which is now urged, parents must so carry themselves from time to time towards their children, as they ever keep the reins in their own hands, and⁶⁴⁷ retain a power to curb their children as they see occasion. They may, as their children grow up in years, slaken the reins more and more, but never let them clean go, and cast them loose on their children’s neck.

§. 41. Of parents folly in letting go all their power over their children.

Contrary is their folly who put themselves in their children’s power, and let go all their authority over them. Many⁶⁴⁸ parents that have thus done, having by woeful experience found the mischief and inconvenience that hath followed thereupon, have much repented their folly, and used means of redress, but all too late. For a mischief is much more easily prevented then redressed. All the power that David had could not hold in Absalom after he was permitted to have⁶⁴⁹ horses, and chariots, and men at his command. If David, as he begun, had continued to keep him within a compass, and still held him under, all the treasonable plots which he put in execution, might easily have been prevented. Our times afford too many examples of parents folly in this kind, and of the mischiefs following thereupon.

Of time of nurture thus far. The means thereof follow.

Parents Admonishing and Correcting Children

§. 42. Of adding admonition to instruction.

The means of helping forward the good work of nurture⁶⁵⁰ are especially two.

1. Frequent admonition.
2. Due correction.

Both of them are implied in this text: one in the word translated admonition, which (according to the notation of the⁶⁵¹ Greek word) is a putting of a thing into the mind, an urging and pressing of it: the other in the word translated nurture.⁶⁵²

Now both these are to be joined together, as being very helpful each to other. For admonition without correction is like to prove but mere vanity: and correction without admonition will be too much austerity.

The duty which the first of these setteth forth, is this,

Parents must oft whet instruction upon their children: they⁶⁵³ may not think it enough to tell their children what they ought to do, but to instruction they must add admonition: and, as it were, beat into their children’s heads the lessons which they teach them: that so they may make a deeper impression in their hearts. Thus shall their instructions be like the words of the wise which are as nails fastened, or fast knocked⁶⁵⁴ in: they remain firm where they are once fastened, and cannot easily be pluckt out: for as many blows do knock a nail up to the head (as we speak) so many admonitions do settle good instructions in a childes heart, and cause that the heart be established in that which is taught,⁶⁵⁵ which is a thing to be laboured after. The general exhortation of being⁶⁵⁶ instant in season and out of season may be applied to this purpose: but more pertinently that⁶⁵⁷ direction which is in particular given to parents of whetting God’s words upon their children.

To this purpose is it that Solomon useth to double his instructions, and urge them again and again, as⁶⁵⁸ hear the instruction, forsake not the law:⁶⁵⁹ receive my words, hide my commandments within thee: incline thine ears, apply thy heart, etc. yea oft he repeateth the very same precepts.

The apprehension of children is fickle, and their memory weak: if they be but once, or seldom, or slightly instructed, that which is taught will soon slip away, and do little or no good.

For the better performing of this duty, parents must think of the best means they can to fasten their instructions upon their children: and observe their inclination and disposition, and see with what they are most moved. Constant exhortations, and powerful persuasions are comprised under admonition, which in their kinds, as occasion requireth, are to be used.

§. 43. Of parents wearisomeness in instructing their children.

Contrary is the practise of those parents who soon wax weary in instructing their children. The Apostle laieth it down as a general caveat in good duties that we wax not⁶⁶⁰ weary: if in no good thing we must wax weary, shall parents wax weary in doing good to their children? Yet how many be there that having once taught their children, think they have done duty enough in that kind: if their children will take it, they may. They are loth to take too much pains in often urging the points which they have taught them.

Thus that teaching vanisheth away: and so it falleth out, as we say in the proverb, as good not at all as never the better. This is one point wherein old Eli failed: for he gave very good instruction to his children: but because he there stayed, neither was that accepted of God as a sufficient discharge of his duty, nor were his children any whit bettered thereby. If this were a fault in him notwithstanding his children were come to years of discretion, and to ripeness of understanding, how much greater is the fault in those whose children are but young?

Object. If a child take not instruction at first, he is but of an untoward and perverse disposition: all the pains that can be taken will be lost.

Answ. It may be childishness rather then perverseness, or some imperfection, rather then obstinacy. Considering the necessity of good nurture, no pains may be thought too much. There is more perverseness, and untowardness in such parents as wax weary in doing this duty, then in such children as at first are not wrought upon: for this is a means ordained of God to cure this untowardness.

§. 44. Of parents reproving their children.

The other means of helping nurture is correction.

Which is of two sorts; verbal by words, and real by blows.

The former is reprehension: and it must always go before the latter, which is most usually and properly called Correction.

Reprehension is a kind of middle thing betwixt admonition and correction: it is a sharp admonition, but a mild correction.

It is the rather to be used because it may be a means to prevent strokes and blows, especially in ingenuous, and good natured children (for⁶⁶¹ a reproof entereth more into him that is wise, then a hundred stripes into a fool) and because it may be used, when it is not so meet to use strokes and blows: as when children are grown to man-age.

The many good fruits which the Holy Ghost noteth to proceed from due reproof do show that it is a duty whereof parents ought to make conscience as they desire to promote the good of their children: and so much the rather because many good fruits redound to the parents that reprove, as well as to the children reproved. In regard of their good who are reproved, it is said,⁶⁶² Reproofs for instruction are the way of life: they cause⁶⁶³ understanding; and make⁶⁶⁴ prudent. In regard of their good who reprove, it is said,⁶⁶⁵ To them that rebuke shall be delight (that is, much comfort and matter of rejoicing, so as they shall not need to repent what they have done) and a blessing of good shall come upon them, that is, either a blessing of good men, who will bless, praise and commend them: or a blessing of good things, and that from the Lord who will reward them for this conscionable performance of their duty.

Upon these grounds⁶⁶⁶ holy men have not spared to rebuke their children as there was occasion. Though⁶⁶⁷ Eli did somewhat in this duty, yet because he was not more severe therein, he brought destruction both upon himself and his children.

The direction noted §. 40. and 47. and Treat. 4. §. 35. may be here applied.

§. 45. Of parents cockering their children.

Contrary is their too much doting on children, who are loth to give them a foul word. David (though otherwise a very wise man) herein manifested much folly, for he displeased not Adonijah at any time in saying, why hast thou done so? and like enough it is, that also he so cockered his other rebellious son Absalom. Note the fearful issue that followed thereupon both to father and children. Though their father would not displease them, yet they cared not to displease their father, yea to grieve his heart, and vex his soul. The like may all foolish doting parents look for at their children’s hands. For first parents by neglect of this duty highly displease God: therefore in just revenge will God give their children over to⁶⁶⁸ displease and vex them. Secondly, neglect of reproof is a means to make children rude, presumptuous, rebellious, and so careless to please their parents. Yea all things wherein children offend through want of education shall be required at their parents hands.

§. 46. Of correcting children.

The latter and more proper kind of correction which is by stripes and blows is also a means appointed by God to help the good nurture and education of children. It is the last remedy which a parent can use: a remedy which may do good when nothing else can.

It is by the Holy Ghost both expressly commanded, and also very oft pressed under these and such like phrases,⁶⁶⁹ Chasten thy son:⁶⁷⁰ correct thy son:⁶⁷¹ with-hold not correction from the child:⁶⁷² thou shalt smite him with the rod. Were there no other motive, this were sufficient. God’s charge was such a motive to Abraham, as at it he would have sacrificed his son:⁶⁷³ and wilt not thou at God’s command correct thy child?

It is further commended by God’s own example, which is not only set forth in some particular instances, but by his general constant dealing with all, and that as an especial token and fruit of his love. For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth,⁶⁷⁴ and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye be without chastisement whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards and not sons. Let this example of God be well weighed, for it is of great weight. Who can better tell what kind of dealing is fittest for children then God? Who can better nurture children then God? Who doth more truly aim at, and procure the good of children then God? Yea who doth more tender children then God? If God the father of spirits in wisdom and love thus deal with his children, fathers of the flesh may not think by the contrary to show wisdom or love. Their wisdom will be folly, their love hatred. Upon these grounds it is taken for a thing granted, that parents (who tender the good of their children as they should) do chastise their children as need requireth: for it is said, that the⁶⁷⁵ Lord correcteth whom he loveth, as a father the son in whom he delighteth. If parents used it not, this were no good inference to say, as a father: again, as a thing without controversy it is said,⁶⁷⁶ we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us.

The grounds of the equity of this duty, respect partly the⁶⁷⁷ children corrected, and partly the parents that correct. In regard of children, it freeth them from much evil, and worketh in them much good.

Correction is as physic to purge out much corruption⁶⁷⁸ which lurketh in children, and as a salve to heal many wounds and sores made by their folly. In which respect Solomon saith, that⁶⁷⁹ Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him: and again,⁶⁸⁰ The blueness of a wound is a purging medicine against evil: so do stripes the inward parts of the belly. In regard of the inward operation of this physic, correction is further said to preserve a child from death,⁶⁸¹ (if thou beatest him he shall not die) and that not only from temporal death (as many children are thus preserved from the Magistrates sword) but also from eternal death⁶⁸² (thou shalt deliver his soul from hell.) note this ye cockering parents, whose over-much lenity is very great cruelty. For may we not justly count him a cruel parent, that should suffer diseases, boils, sores, and wounds to remain, increase, and fester in his child, and give him no physic, nor apply any plaisters, or medicines to him? Nay rather who seeth his son running into a flaming fire, or deep water, and would not hold him back? Even so cruel, and more cruel are they, who suffer their children to run on in evil, rather then correct them.

Object. Who can endure to make his own child smart, and to put him to pain?

Answ. The future fruit is more to be considered, then the present pain. Potions, pills, and corrosives, are fulsome, bitter, and painful; but because there is a necessity of using them, and great mischief is prevented by the use of them, wise parents will not forbear them for the sensible bitterness, and pain. Fitly doth the Apostle thus answer that objection, No chastening for the⁶⁸³ present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous; nevertheless, afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness. This may be applied to parents corrections as well as to God’s.

The good which correction bringeth to children, is by Solomon noted in this and such like phrases, The rod giveth wisdom:⁶⁸⁴ for it maketh children observe, what is good, and what evil; what commendable, and what blame-worthy: and accordingly to do the good, and leave the evil, which is a great point of wisdom.

Object. Instruction will better do this.

Answ. Instruction may give them more knowledge, but it is correction which bringeth them to practise what they know, which is the⁶⁸⁵ chiefest point of wisdom.

In regard of parents, due correcting of their children both freeth them of many inconveniences, and also bringeth to them⁶⁸⁶ much quiet.

1. It spareth them much pains. For many admonitions oft repeated, and inculcated again and again, will not make many children so much to heed wholesome and good advice, as a little correction. They are much more sensible of smart, then of words.

2. It preventeth much grief, shame, and vexation: for⁶⁸⁷ a foolish son is a grief to his father, and bitterness to her that bare him. But it is⁶⁸⁸ the rod of correction that driveth away foolishness, and so preventeth that grief and bitterness.

3. It freeth them from the guilt of their children’s sin, so as they are not accessary thereto, as⁶⁸⁹ Eli was. For correction is the last remedy that a parent can use: if by that he can do no good, it is presupposed that he hath done his uttermost endeavour: in which respect, though the child die in his sin, yet the parent hath delivered his own soul.

The quiet which is brought to parents by correcting their children, is thus noted out by Solomon,⁶⁹⁰ Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest, yea he shall give delight unto thy soul. For children well nurtured, and by correction kept in a filial awe, will so carry themselves, as their parents may rest somewhat secure, and not disquiet themselves (as they do with children set at liberty) yea, as trees well pruned, and ground well tilled, they will bring forth pleasant and abundant fruit; and so their parents will have just cause to rejoice in them.

§. 47. A direction to parents in correcting their children.

For well using this biting corrosive of correction, parents must have respect to the matter for which they do correct, and to their manner of correcting.

In regard of the matter, these three things must be noted.⁶⁹¹

1. That they be sure there is a fault committed: that so there be just cause of correcting: else more hurt then good will proceed from thence. If a corrosive be laid where there is no sore, it will make one. If correction be unjustly given, it may provoke to wrath, but will do little good. This is it wherein earthly fathers are taxed, and made unlike to God, for that many times they correct after their own pleasure: which is a point of great injustice.⁶⁹²

2. That the fault be made known to the child corrected: and he apparently convinced thereof. Correction must be for instruction, which cannot be, except the child know why he is corrected: for it is all one to him, as if he were corrected for no fault, if he know not his fault. God thus at first proceeded with the serpent,⁶⁹³ with Eve, and with Adam. Thus Judges proceed in punishing malefactors. Yea thus will men deal with a dog. Should they not much more with a child?

3. That the faults be such especially, as the parents can show to their children (if at least they be of so much discretion) to be against God’s word; as swearing, lying, pilfering, and the like: for 1. These are most dangerous faults, and therefore more carefully to be purged out. 2. The child corrected will thus be the better evicted of his fault, the more condemn himself, and more contentedly bear the correction.

In regard of the manner of correcting, four general, and four⁶⁹⁴ particular rules are to be observed.

The general rules are these.

1. An eye must be had to God’s manner of correcting his children, and in particular of God’s correcting the parent himself: no better general direction can be given: for God’s pattern is a perfect rule.

2. Prayer must be made by parents for themselves and for their children: for themselves, to be directed in doing it: for their children, to be bettered by it. Thus will good Physicians in ministering physic. In all duties is prayer to be used; especially in this: for a parent is ready, partly through his own intemperate passion, and partly through the childs impatiency, to fall into one extreme or other. This is not to impose upon all, whensoever they take up the rod, to go and make a solemn prayer, but to lift up the heart for direction and blessing.

3. Correction must be given in love. All things must be done in⁶⁹⁵ love: much more this, that carrieth a show of anger and hatred. In love they will give physic to their children, and splinter a joint, if need be. God correcteth his children in love: so must⁶⁹⁶ parents. Love will make them do it with tenderness and compassion.

4. Correction must be given in a mild mood, when the affections⁶⁹⁷ are well ordered, and not distempered with choler, rage, fury, and other like passions. Disturbed passions cast a mist before the understanding, so as a man cannot discern what is enough, what too much. When passion is moved, correction must be deferred. God correcteth in measure.

The particular rules are these.

1. Due order must be kept. Correction by word must go before correction by the rod.⁶⁹⁸ I rebuke and chasten, saith the Lord. Thus a parent will show that he taketh no delight in smiting his child: it is necessity that forceth him thereunto. Thus a parent showeth himself like to God, who doth not punish willingly, Lam. 3. 33. Physicians, when they minister strong physic, will give a preparative: rebuke may be as a preparative. Good and pitiful Chirurgions will try all other means before they come to lance and sear.

2. Due respect must be had to the party corrected: if he be young and tender, the lighter correction must be used. Solomon oft mentioneth a rod, as meetest for a child; for that is the lightest correction. So if the child be of a flexible and ingenuous disposition, soon sneapt, the correction must accordingly be moderated. If he be well grown, and withal be stout, and stubborn, the correction may be more severe.

3. Due respect must be had to the fault: Sins directly⁶⁹⁹ against God, open, notorious, scandalous sins, known sins, sins often committed, in which they are grown up, and whereof they have gotten an habit, are with greater severity to be corrected.

4. A parent must behold his own faults in correcting his childes: so more compassion will be wrought in him.

§. 48. Of parents too much indulgency.

Contrary to this duty of correcting are two extremes.

1. Too much lenity.
2. Too much severity.

Many so cocker their children, as they will suffer them to⁷⁰⁰ run into any misdemeanour, rather then correct them. They cannot endure to hear their children cry: and therefore their children must be pleased in all their humours and evil desires. These parents bring shame to themselves, and mischief upon their children: for God is oft forced to correct such. Heavy are God’s corrections: and oft light on parent and child both: as appeareth by the judgment on Eli and his sons: for such parents make themselves accessary to their children’s sins: yea also to the judgments laid upon their children. God saith of such parents, that they honour their children above God. It is therefore a fond indulgency which maketh parents regard neither God’s honour, nor their own or children’s safety.

Mothers for the most part offend herein, who are so far from performing this duty themselves, as they are much offended with their husbands if they do it. And to proclaim their folly to all the world, they cannot commit their children to a Tutor or School-master, but with a strait charge, that they correct them not.

Object. Correction maketh children sots and blocks.

Answ. If God’s spirit deserve to have more credence then such foolish women, that objection is most false, for we heard⁷⁰¹ before how correction giveth wisdom, and driveth out foolishness.

2. Object. Mothers may be the more borne with herein, because with long trouble they did bear, and with great travel bring forth their children.

Answ. That may be a good motive for them to seek the true good of their children, that so their trouble and travel may not be in vain: but not to uphold them in the broad way that leadeth to destruction.

§. 49. Of parents too much severity in correcting their children.

They who offend in the other extreme of severity, of the⁷⁰² two are the more unnatural parents; they offend directly against the first branch of this text (Provoke not to wrath.) Nothing more provoketh then immoderate severity: for

1. It argueth no love in the parent, but rather hatred, at least wrath, and other such like distempered affections.

2. It softeneth not the childes heart, but hardeneth it rather.⁷⁰³

3. It maketh him dull, and stupid, and clean perverteth the right and true end of correction.

4. It oft maketh a child think of doing some mischief to his parent or himself.

That parents may the rather take heed of this extreme, I will briefly note wherein excess in severity is showed.

It is showed, when correction is given

1. For no fault. In this case, though correction be never so light, it is too severe.

2. For small faults, in wrath and fury, though the stripes be few and light, yet the parents behaviour is too much severity.

3. To children that are young and tender, or soft, mild and ingenuous, as if they were in some years, the most obstinate and perverse that could be.

4. Too often: for every thing done amiss: whereas parents⁷⁰⁴ should seem not to see or hear many things which they see, and hear.

5. Too sorely: so as the child is lamed, or some way so hurt as he shall feel it as long as he liveth.

Parents Directing Children into Adulthood

§. 50. Of Parents care in providing fit callings for their children.

Having laid down such duties of parents as especially respect the childhood of children, I proceed to lay forth such as have respect to their riper years wherein they are to be placed forth.

Here we are to note

1. The kinds of those duties.
2. The means of performing them.

The kinds may be drawn to two heads.

1. Providing fit places and callings for them to exercise their gifts.

2. Providing fit marriages for them.

We heard⁷⁰⁵ before how children were to be trained up, and fitted to some good calling even in their childhood. Now further, when by virtue of good education they are enabled to discharge the functions and duties of a calling, and by years they are well grown up, so as it is time they should be set to some particular calling:

Parents ought to provide fit callings for their children, and fit⁷⁰⁶ places for them to exercise the gifts which by nature or education they have gotten. For example, If children have been brought up in learning, parents must use what lawful and honest means they can to settle them in such a place and course as they may profess and exercise their gifts, according to their several kinds, be it Divinity, Law, Physic, or the like: or if they have been brought up in any trade, to provide that they may set up (as we speak) and exercise their trade. The two first children that ever were born of woman,⁷⁰⁷ Cain and Abel, were placed forth in several callings; and without doubt their places were so ordered by their parents. The like may be gathered out of these phrases,⁷⁰⁸ Esau was a man of the field, and Jacob dwelt in tents.⁷⁰⁹ It is noted of Samuel, that he made his two sons Judges. Had they been as faithful in well using their places, as their father was careful in providing them, they might have lived well themselves, and done much good to others. Jesse having many sons, had a care hereof: for⁷¹⁰ he sent his three eldest sons to the war; and placed them in a soldiers course of life:⁷¹¹ his youngest he made a shepherd, which was in those days and places a calling of greater reckoning then now it is with us.

1. Thus shall they make use of that ability whereunto by⁷¹² their parents providence, and their own diligence they have attained: otherwise that ability may soon be lost. Doth not daily experience show that many who have been well trained up by their parents in learning, so far as they have been fit to have entered into the ministry, for want of place and employment, have in time so forgotten all, as if they had never been trained up in learning: and so in other sciences.

2. Thus come they to do much more good in Church or common-wealth: till men be placed in distinct callings, they are but fitting and preparing for future times. I deny not but that both Church and common-wealth may reap much benefit by the pains and labour of the younger sort, who are trained up under others: but most properly are they counted members of the Church and common-wealth, and actual instruments of the good thereof, who have some particular distinct calling, whereby they do good to others.

3. Thus they come to live of themselves, and to be able to relieve others also. All the time of their education, they are commonly at the charge of others: at least, though by their pains they may gain much, yet the gain returns to others: they themselves for the most part have but a bare maintenance, meat, drink and cloth (as we say:) little have they to lay up for themselves for the time to come, or to give to others for the present.

4. They thus come to train up others against after times, as they themselves have been trained up: whereby a continual and perpetual succession of all kinds of callings, is from time to time preserved: and thus family, Church, and common-wealth upheld and maintained. In short time would all callings and functions utterly decay, if a continual supply were not thus made.

§. 51. Direction for parents in providing callings for their children.

Two especial cautions are to be observed by parents in⁷¹³ providing callings for their children.

1. That such callings be provided as their children have been trained up unto, and are in some measure fitted and enabled to perform the duties thereof: as to provide a Ministers place for him that hath been brought up in learning and studied divinity: so in other callings such, as their children may be their crafts-masters therein. Thus shall their children do the more good therein, both to others and themselves. Bezaleel and Aholiab were chosen to build the tabernacle because they were filled with wisdom to work all manner of work: likewise⁷¹⁴ the servants of Hiram were chosen to hew Cedar trees for the temple, because among the Jews there were not any that⁷¹⁵ could skill to hew timber, like unto the Sidonians. Pharaoh was careful to have men of activity rulers over his cattle.⁷¹⁶

2. That such means be used for providing a calling as parents in using them may with faith call upon God for his blessing. They that by lawful means are brought into a calling whereunto they are fitted, are set therein by God, as is implied by this phrase, as God hath called every one, etc. A lawful entrance into a calling is a matter of great moment: he that so entreth may in a right use thereof cast himself upon God’s blessing, and with strong confidence expect the same, saying as the Prophet did, Lord I have not thrust in my self thou⁷¹⁷ knowest.

§. 52. Of the extremes contrary to a parents lawful care in providing fit callings for his children.⁷¹⁸

The extreme in the defect contrary to a parents provident care in providing a fit calling, is, a careless neglect of children after they are well educated, a leaving them to shift for themselves.⁷¹⁹ It is noted of the ravenous fowls that have sharp talons, that so soon as they perceive their young ones to be able to fly, they will flap and beat them with their wings, and drive them out of their nests, and after that take no further care of them. We may not be like such cruel birds: reason and religion teacheth us otherwise. Good education is a good duty, but not a parents whole duty: the stay which is here made, may make all the former care and pains to be of little use.

Object. This is to be left to God’s providence.

Answ. Means rightly used are subordinate to God’s providence, and by them doth God manifest his providence and bring his counsel to pass: to neglect means is to thwart and cross the divine providence. It is therefore well done to rely on God’s providence: but ill done to neglect the means of effecting it. God’s blessing is best discerned in the use of means.

The extreme in the excess is a preposterous greediness in⁷²⁰ parents to bring their children to a calling. This is manifested two ways.

1. When they care not how fit their children be for the⁷²¹ place, so it be a place of gain and honour. Experience showeth that this is the bane of Church and commonwealth. Hereby it falleth out in the politic body, as it would in a natural body; if the hand should take upon it to see, or the leg to hear, or the foot to taste, what could from thence be expected but ruin to the body? Trades-men oft undo themselves, their families and friends, by undertaking such trades as they have no skill in, or whereof they are not crafts-masters. The more excellent the calling is, the more mischief is done by this greedy preposterousness. This extreme is so much worse then the former, as it is worse to do much hurt, then no good.

2. When they make no conscience of the means which⁷²² they use to bring their children into callings: but by unlawful means purchase their desires: as, by Simony to procure an ecclesiastical function (whence oft followeth also perjury) or by bribery to procure an office.

These indirect means take away difference betwixt fitness and unfitness of persons: for the unfittest that be may by money purchase a place. Besides, though children be never so fit for these callings, yet there is little hope of any blessing from God, when the first entrance is without him: yea against his will and word. Who can think that God hath placed such an one in his place? If God have not placed him, with what faith can he seek a blessing? With what hope can he expect a blessing? Much terror is by this means brought to many men’s consciences: and they are oft in a great strait, not knowing whether it be fittest for them to retain, or relinquish the⁷²³ place.

But by the way to resolve that doubt, if one that hath unlawfully entered be fit for the performance of his place, it is then safest for him to seek pardon for the former offence, and reconciliation with God, and upon true and unfeigned repentance to hold the place (if at least the law under which he liveth establish him therein) and be so much the more faithful in the discharge of the duties thereof.

§. 53. Of parents care in providing fit marriages for their children.

God hath further laid a charge upon parents to provide marriages⁷²⁴ for their children: for thus saith the Prophet in the name of the Lord unto parents,⁷²⁵ Take wives to your sons, and give your daughters to husbands: and thus the Apostle,⁷²⁶ If any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flour of her age, and need so require, let them marry. This direction was given in times of persecution, when by reason of the present necessity it was better not to marry: if then a parent ought to be careful (need requiring) to provide a marriage for his daughter, much more ought he in times of peace. Holy parents commended by the Holy Ghost have been careful in performing this duty, as⁷²⁷ Abraham,⁷²⁸ Isaac,⁷²⁹ Naomi, and others: yea⁷³⁰ Hagar had learned this duty in Abraham’s house. But the perfect pattern (which surpasseth all other examples) is of⁷³¹ God himself, who provided a fit match for his⁷³² son Adam.

1. Children may not marry without consent of parents, (as was⁷³³ before showed) parents therefore must be careful in time to provide for them.

2. Parents are to children in God’s place: they must therefore take upon them this care of God.

3. Marriage is the means which the Lord hath sanctified to preserve our bodies chaste and undefiled: as parents therefore desire to keep their children from uncleanness and pollution, they must take care that this means be used. Not only holy Apostles, but also⁷³⁴ heathen Philosophers, and that by the light of nature, have found this to be the fittest course.

4. This also is a means as to⁷³⁵ increase the commonwealth, and⁷³⁶ preserve an holy seed, and to erect new families, so to continue parents own houses and name.

§. 54. Direction to parents in providing marriages.

Two cautions are to be observed of parents in providing marriages for their children.

1. That the match which they provide be meet: so said God when he was about to provide a match for Adam, I will⁷³⁷ make him an help meet for him. Therefore⁷³⁸ the match provided must not be too near of kin, of a contrary religion, of too unequal an age, of too great disparity in estate. These things will hinder love, and cause disdain and hatred of one another.

2. Though the match may seem meet in the parents eye, yet he may not force his child thereto. Could a fitter match have been found out for Rebekah then Isaac? yet Rebekah’s friends⁷³⁹ asked her consent. I deny not but parents may use all manner of fair means to move their children to yield to that which they see good for them: but if they cannot move them to yield, to refer the matter to God, and not against their children’s minds to force them. When God had made a most meet match for Adam, he brought her to the man: namely to see how he would like her. For the nearest bond of all is betwixt man and wife; a man must leave father and mother, and⁷⁴⁰ cleave unto his wife; man and wife must always live together: great reason therefore that at the first joining them together there be a mutual liking of one another, lest ever after there be a perpetual dislike: and though the authority of parents ought in this case to be inviolable, yet a middle course is so to be held, as the parties may willingly with a mutual consent join themselves together.

§. 55. Of the extremes contrary to parents care in providing fit marriages for their children.

The extreme in the defect is, when parents carelessly let their children pass the flour of their age: and never consider whether need require that they should marry or no. Their children may sit long enough before they seek out a match for them, unless it be brought to them: and when one is offered though it be never so fit, yet except they may make an advantage thereof to themselves, they will hardly yield to it. Thus they make their children to seek out marriages for themselves, and without their consent to make them up: or else to live in discontent,⁷⁴¹ if not in uncleanness. By the carelessness of parents in this respect are children oft made a prey to the devil: whereof at the day of judgment parents shall give an account to God.

The extreme in the excess is,⁷⁴² when parents through a covetous desire to get great and rich matches for their children, marry them before they be of years of discretion to like or dislike, to know what is meet or unmeet; or able to perform even the essential duties of marriages: seldom do such unlawful marriages prosper.

In a like excess do they offend who for outward advantages match their children to such as by nature are unfit for marriage, to idiots, to⁷⁴³ idolaters, to profane persons, or they care not to whom. And if their children like not these matches, they will do to the uttermost of their power what they can to force them thereunto. Many mischiefs ordinarily fall out upon such marriages, as utter dislike betwixt husband and wife, continual complaining one of another, inquiring after divorce, or any other separation, wishing, yea practising one anothers death. To all these mischiefs do parents, the cause thereof, make themselves accessary.

§. 56. Of parents providing a stock for callings and marriages of their children.

An especial outward means whereby parents may be the better enabled to provide fit callings and marriages for their children, is, before hand to lay up some stock, or competent portion for their children. This is comprised under that general provision, whereof he that is careless is counted by the Apostle⁷⁴⁴ worse then an infidel: but more expressly is it noted in these words,⁷⁴⁵ parents ought to lay up for their children: and commended in⁷⁴⁶ Abraham’s example.

While children are under their parents they have no means to lay up for themselves: for all their service is for their parents. But in regard of the times wherein we live, it is needful for setting up in a good calling, and for obtaining a fit match, that children have some stock and portion. It lieth therefore upon the parents, and their duty it is to provide it.

Object. Christ forbiddeth to lay up treasures on earth.⁷⁴⁷

Answ. If the scope of that place be rightly marked, it will appear that Christ there forbiddeth not simply the thing it self, but

1. The mind of him that layeth up: namely when it is filled full of carking, and distrustful thoughts: fearing that in the time to come he shall not have sufficient. To this purpose doth Christ propound God’s providence over fowls and⁷⁴⁸ lilies.

2. The manner of laying up, when temporal things are preferred before spiritual and heavenly: therefore he addeth this precept, but lay up treasures in heaven, etc.⁷⁴⁹

3. The measure, when men never think they have laid up enough: but scrape what they can come by justly or unjustly; and spare more then needs, even things necessary, from themselves and others, to make a great stock and portion for their children. The word of⁷⁵⁰ treasuring up (which Christ there useth) implieth an immoderate measure.

Among other needful cautions for parents to be observed in laying up for their children, these three are especially to be noted.

1. That justly they come by that which they lay up: and lay nothing towards a childs portion which is any way unjustly gotten; for the treasures of wickedness profit nothing: they may⁷⁵¹ prove a fire to consume parents themselves, their children, their house, and whole posterity.

2. That they covet not too much to make their children rich, and for that purpose live meanly and basely themselves, yea and deprive themselves of many necessaries. An egregious⁷⁵² point of folly is this, which Solomon hath much taxed.

3. That all needful duties of charity to the poor, and of justice to the Church and common-wealth be performed, and pretext of laying up for children hinder none of these.

§. 57. Of the extremes contrary to a parents providing portions for his children.

The extremes contrary to the forenamed duty are these:

1. When parents live at the uttermost extent of their estate, and from time to time spend all their revenues or all their gains, and so are scarce able to make even at quarter day, or years end. What stock or portion can they lay up for children?

2. When parents live above their estate, and spend riotously their ordinary gains, or revenues, and for other necessary affairs are forced to run into debt. Many are so far from helping their children in this kind, as they are main hindrance unto them, urging their eldest son especially who is their heir, to be bound for them, and so lay such a burden on his back, as (to use the common phrase) they make it crack again.

3. When parents have enough for themselves and their children, and yet so covetously dote upon their wealth, as they will not bestow a groat to help them in calling and marriage, but say they keep all for them. What a wretched and foolish disposition is this, that they should still lay up more and more for their children, and yet refuse to bestow any part thereof upon them in their greatest need, when it might redound to their greatest benefit? God oft meeteth with such covetous misers, and crosseth their purposes, by making strangers to enjoy that which they greedily hoarded up.

§. 58. Of parents last speech to their children.

The last duty which parents owe to their children, is, when they cease to be parents: that is, when they are going out of this world. Their duty at that time in general is to do what lieth in them, that it may go well with their children after their departure. Both⁷⁵³ the reasons which are oft urged by the Holy Ghost, to stir up parents to yield obedience to God, taken from extent of God’s blessing (in this kind of phrase,⁷⁵⁴ Blessed shall their children be after them) and God’s⁷⁵⁵ promises made to that purpose do prove as much.

For the better performing of this duty, three general points, tending both to the temporal, and also to the spiritual good of children, are to be observed: and two particular points most tending to their temporal estate.

The three generals are these.

1. Good direction.
2. Faithful prayer.
3. A wise choice of some friends to be as parents to them.

1. For⁷⁵⁶ direction. When parents observe their time to draw near, they ought to commend some wise and wholesome precepts unto their children, the better to direct them in their Christian course. So did⁷⁵⁷ Isaac, and⁷⁵⁸ Jacob.

Ob. These Patriarchs had an extraordinary spirit of prophesying, & by virtue thereof foretold their children things to come.

Answ.⁷⁵⁹ They sustained a double person: one of a prophet, another of a father: as prophets, they had an extraordinary spirit; as parents, they performed ordinary duty: by their extraordinary spirit, they foretold things to come: the ordinary duty which they performed, was to direct their children how to carry themselves in those times to come. For their prophesies were not only predictions, but also instructions, to direct and teach them what to do. What they did by an extraordinary spirit in extraordinary things, we must do in ordinary duties by the ordinary spirit of understanding and wisdom which the Lord giveth us. But the direction which⁷⁶⁰ Isaac gave to Jacob, when he sent him to Laban, was no extraordinary prophesy: nor that which⁷⁶¹ David, when he was old, gave to Solomon: and again,⁷⁶² when he lay on his death-bed. Now these things are thus written for our imitation. And great reason there is to imitate those holy men in these things. For

1. The words of a dying parent are commonly most regarded: his last words do make a deep impression⁷⁶³ (this do the brethren of Joseph press upon him.) If ever therefore there be a time seasonable for a parent to give good instructions to his children, then is the time when parents are clean departing from their children.

2. Thus shall a parent manifest his true affection, and earnest desire of his children’s good: for now they cannot think that he seeketh his own ease, and profit, more then their good: as at other times some will be ready to say of their parents instructions and admonitions, Our parents know what is good for themselves.

That the last words of parents may be the more seasonably and⁷⁶⁴ profitably delivered to their children, they must note, on the one side, what evils their children are most prone unto, what temptations they are most assaulted withal, what snares they are most like to fall into; and on the other side, what virtues and graces are most needful for them, and wherein they fail most, and accordingly they must order and frame their last words. Note for a pattern herein⁷⁶⁵ Isaac’s counsel to Jacob, when he sent him to Laban, and thought he should never see him again: and⁷⁶⁶ David’s to his son Solomon.

§. 59. Of Parents last blessing to their children.

II. Concerning the prayers of parents for their children, I noted it⁷⁶⁷ before to be a general duty never to be omitted: yet here in particular I mention it again, because a parents blessing consisteth therein especially: and then is the most proper time for parents to bestow a blessing on their children, as⁷⁶⁸ Isaac,⁷⁶⁹ Jacob,⁷⁷⁰ David, and others did. Let parents therefore as they commend their own souls into God’s hand, so commend their children unto God’s grace and blessing. God’s providence is a good inheritance: many children do thereby exceedingly prosper, though they have but small outward means; whereas others that have great means used for their good, come to ruin; God’s curse following them. Now no such means can be thought of to procure God’s blessing, or to with-hold his curse, as the faithful prayers of parents for their children; especially when parents are leaving their children, and going to God.

§. 60. Of parents care to commend their children to some faithful friends.

III. The third general point of making choice of some faithful friends to commend their children unto, is especially in behalf of such as are not of sufficient age and discretion to look to themselves, or to those weighty affairs which belong unto them. The friends, which in this case are made choice of, ought to be such as the parents themselves by good experience have found to be honest, wise, faithful, and loving to them and theirs; whom parents are to set in their own place for the good of their children. This means did David use when he was old in the behalf⁷⁷¹ of his son Solomon. Many children have found much help thereby. Such may make a good supply of the departure of parents. These are so much the more needful, by how much the more unstable, and unbridled youth is; and by how much the less able children are to help and guide themselves.

§. 61. Of parents neglect of their children for the time to come.

Contrary to a parents providence for the good of his children after his departure, is the carelessness of parents for the time to come. They think the world is gone with them when they are gone, and therefore they will take no thought for the future times that shall be after them; as if it were enough for every one to look to his own time. There may seem to be more self-love in such parents then love of their children, in that their care determineth with their own time, and extendeth not it self to the time and continuance of their children. Hence is it, that not a word of direction and exhortation cometh out of their mouths to their children when they are departing, no blessing that they will leave behind them, no friends shall be deputed by them, to be as parents to their children. Let God provide, say they. But where there is a referring of matters to God’s providence, without the use of those means which God hath warranted and commended by his word, there can be little hope that God should take care of that which is so commended to him. Such men do not in faith depend upon God’s providence, but make the very name thereof a pretext to cast off that care, which God as a bounden duty requireth of them. As there is little love of their children in such parents, so there is less zeal of God’s glory: for a parents care of his children’s welfare, especially of their continuing to fear and serve the Lord after their own departure out of this world, is an especial means of preserving God’s fear in the world, and propagating it from age to age: so as this neglect is a greater fault then many are aware of.

§. 62. Of parents making a Will before they die.

The two particular things to be observed by parents for manifestation of their provident care over their children for the time to come, even after their departure, especially in regard of their temporal estate, are these,

1. That they make a will.
2. That they leave their estates to their children.

1. It hath been an ancient commendable practise both among⁷⁷² God’s people, and others also, that have been guided with common civility, when they who have any estate, wax old, or sick, and have any occasion of expecting death offered unto them, to make their last Will and testament. This is set forth in the old Testament under this phrase (Put thy house in order.) A duty it is expressly⁷⁷³ commanded by God: and that not without good reason. For

1. A parents Will is an especial means to settle peace among children after his departure, and to make them content with that allowance which he hath set out unto them, because by the Will they know it was their fathers pleasure they should have such and such a portion. If controversies should arise, yet a Will is a means for the law speedily to determine the same without any tedious and chargeable suits: for the Apostle taketh it for a ruled case, that no man disannuleth or addeth any thing to a man’s testament.⁷⁷⁴

2. After a parent hath made his Will, he may the more quietly settle himself for heavenly contemplations, and preparations to death: and think of such good instructions as are most fit to give as his farewell to his children: and the more willingly expect the moment of his dissolution: and the more patiently submit himself to the very stroke of death.

In performing this duty, a man must both observe a fit time,⁷⁷⁵ and also take good advice. The fit time is while his understanding is good, and his memory perfect: so as he may call to mind his debts, what he oweth, and what is owing to him: as also what goods he hath to bestow, and with discretion and wisdom order his estate. And because through the cavils which many unconscionable lawyers and others are like to make, his true meaning may be perverted, it is meet to have the advice of such as can in distinct words and phrases so express his meaning, as they shall be free from exception. Matters of weight are wisely to be managed.

§. 63. Of neglecting to make a Will.

Contrary is the daily practise of too many parents who are not willing to make any will at all: or else on vain hope that they may live longer, and when they are sick, upon conceit that they may recover, or at least longer continue to enjoy the use of their understanding and memory, put off the making of their Will till it be too late: and so die without Will, or make such a Will as ministreth more matter of suit, then if they had no Will at all; either because doubt is made whether he that made it had his understanding and memory or no: or because his Will is so abrupt and ambiguous, as his meaning cannot be known. The mischiefs that follow these neglects,⁷⁷⁶ are many. As

1. Discredit to the party deceased.
2. Contentions among his surviving children.
3. Wasting a great part, if not his whole estate, in suits of law.
4. Defeating many creditors of their due debt.

The reason which maketh many to put off the making of their Will is a foolish conceit, that if a man’s Will be once made, then he must needs die out of hand. But what ground have men for any such conceit? If sickness grow upon a man, so long as his Will is unmade his mind is unsettled, his mind being unsettled, the physic that is ministered to him cannot so kindly work; so as his death may be the more hastened for not making a Will. Besides, if his speech fail before his understanding, the thought that then he shall die without a Will may so perplex him, as his departure will be very unquiet and troublesome.

§. 64. Of parents leaving their estate to their children when they die.

It was⁷⁷⁷ before showed that parents were to lay up a portion for their children against their entrance into a calling, and marriage: There is a further duty required when they are going out of the world, namely that they leave their whole estate⁷⁷⁸ to their children. (Where I say whole, I exempt not works of charity, nor payment of debts, which is a point of justice, but I include more then is given as portions or stocks in their life time.) That estate especially which parents have received from their progenitors are they most bound to leave unto their children. It is expressly recorded that Abraham gave all⁷⁷⁹ that he had to Isaac. God’s law did provide for this among the Jews: for a man might not sell his land to cut it off from⁷⁸⁰ his posterity. This was it that made Naboth refuse to sell his vineyard to Ahab, as his answer implieth, God forbid that I⁷⁸¹ should give the inheritance of my fathers unto thee: because it was the inheritance of his fathers, that is, he had received it from them, he thought it unlawful to deprive his children of it. This phrase (if children, then heirs) taketh it for a granted⁷⁸² truth that children have a right to their parents estate: and if they have a right thereto, they may not be defeated thereof.

God giveth wealth unto parents but for their life time: in which time they are but as Guardians unto God’s children, and are accountable to God: so as they have not an absolute power to do with it what they will, but according to the directions of the great Lord and master they must use it, reserve it, and leave it.

For this end parents must order their manner of living according⁷⁸³ to that portion which the Lord hath appointed unto them, and by his providence bestowed upon them; they must (as it is said in the proverb) cut their coat according to their cloth. Of the two it is much better for parents to live under, then above their means. Provided that they neglect no duty of charity, or justice: nor through miserableness and niggardliness carry themselves unbeseeming the place wherein God hath set them, and estate which he hath bestowed upon them. He that liveth somewhat under his means, hath opportunity to lay up portions for other children (if he have many) and to reserve his inheritance entire to his eldest (beside many other good works of charity as God shall offer occasion) which he that liveth above his means cannot do.

§. 65. Of the inconveniences which improvident parents bring their children unto after their death.

Contrary to this branch of a parents providence, are many courses of improvident parents: For

1. Some parents lavish and bezel out all their estate in their own life time, making it to determine in their persons. Unworthy they are to receive any inheritance from ancestors. Their fault is double.

1. In spending prodigally above their estate.

2. In wronging their children, and depriving them of their right: for particular persons succeeding one another are but as divers links of a continued family, which are by God’s providence added one to another: this chain is not to be broken at any man’s pleasure; but for the preservation thereof, that which hath been received of the predecessors, must be left to the successors.

2. Others leave their estate to their children, but so encumbered with debts, bonds, recognizances, and statutes, as their children were better be without it, then have it. For the having it maketh them live at an answerable rate, and bringeth many burdens upon them: besides, the debts wherein they stand obliged make them as⁷⁸⁴ servants to their creditors: and in time they must be forced to sell all, or as captives lie in prison.

3. Others though they deal not so hardly with their children, yet they deal too hardly by peeling and polling their inheritance as much as they can: they will not forbear to make any present gain that they can, though it tend never so much to the prejudice and damage of their children after them: as they who cut down all the timber and wood that they can, and take out all the heart of their land.

4. Among these may be reckoned such parents as by mere negligence suffer things to go to decay for want of timely reparations: whereby it cometh to pass, that such damages as in the parents time might have been prevented with laying out a few shillings, cannot be renewed with many pounds.

5. Such also as care not in their life time to clear the titles of those things which they leave to their children: but leave all things so unsettled and litigious, as it oft costs children more in suit of law to maintain the inheritance which their parents leave them, then the inheritance is worth: and yet after all their pains and cost lose the inheritance too: whereas the parent that knew more then the child can, might with small pains and charge have well settled and cleared all.

These are mischiefs that many children have been brought into by the improvidence of their parents: which are the rather to be made known, that such as come after, may prove the more provident for their children.

§. 66. Of parents impartial respect to all their children.

Hitherto of parents duties. The persons to whom those duties are to be performed, are distinctly to be considered.

The parties to whom parents are to perform all the forenamed duties are expressed under this word (children) which⁷⁸⁵ hath not any special respect to priority of birth, to constitution of body, to affection of parent, or any such thing, as if first born, proper, beautiful, darling, or the like children were only meant, but all that are begotten and born of parents, all their children are meant. Whence I observe, that parents ought to have an impartial respect to all their children, and perform duty indifferently and equally to all. We have for proof hereof God’s pattern, who accounteth all his children dear or beloved children. The Greek word translated⁷⁸⁶ dear is very emphatical: it is properly attributed to an only child: the seventy that translated the Hebrew Bible into Greek, do with this word interpret that phrase, Only son:⁷⁸⁷ for where in Hebrew it is thus said to Abraham, take thy son, thine only one, they thus translate it, take thy son, thy dear one, or thy beloved one. Other Greek authors do so attribute the same word to an only child, yea also and to an only eye: as when a man hath but one eye they call it a beloved eye. This word then showeth that God so respecteth all his children, as if all were but one, all a first-born, all a darling child. So rare a virtue this impartial respect is (rare in the excellency of it, rare also in the scarcity of it) as throughout the Scripture I can scarce find a perfect pattern thereof⁷⁸⁸ among the sons of men. Many may be given of the contrary, as we shall after hear. But the more rare it is, the more we must labour after it, that so we may resemble God’s fatherhood.

1. All our children come from our own substance and⁷⁸⁹ bowels. Why then should we respect one child above another, more then we do one eye, or one ear above another? We are as tender over one as over another, though it may be we have more use of one then of another.

2. All our children are alike committed to us by God: the same precepts and directions given for all alike: the like account to be given for all. If a King should commit many of his children to one nurse, would not he be offended (and that justly) if she should put such a difference betwixt them, through a foolish partiality, as to respect some, and neglect others?

§. 67. Of parents preferring a dutiful child before a disobedient child.

Object. What if one child be more pious to God and parent, another more rebellious, may not a parent respect that more then this?

1. Answ. He may take notice of their different carriage, and accordingly reward the one, and punish the other, and yet carry an equal desire of doing good to both of them alike: for the punishing of the rebellious child is a parents duty; an evidence of love, and a means of doing him good.

2. Answ. It is no partiality to like grace and goodness in a child, and for grace and goodness sake to love his child so much the more, as also for impiety and obstinacy in rebellion to have his heart the more alienated from his child: this is rather a virtue in a parent. Partiality is when on by and undue respects one child is preferred before another.

§. 68. Of the prerogative of the first-born son.

Quest. May not a parent prefer his first-born child, and heir before his other children?

Answ. We must put difference betwixt a fathers disposing his estate upon his children, and the ordering of his affection towards them. A parents affection, and care of good education, and desire of true good, and faithful prayers to God, may be as great towards his younger children, as towards his eldest son and heir, and yet may he bestow the greatest patrimony upon the heir: which is no partiality.

2. Quest. Is it then just and equal that the eldest son should have a greater patrimony then any of the rest?

Answ. It is most just and equal. For

1. God hath so appointed it: yea⁷⁹⁰ he made this to be one of the prerogatives of the first-born, to have a double portion. Upon this ground⁷⁹¹ Joseph, who was the first-born of the true wife, had a double portion; and as a testimony thereof his posterity made two tribes.

2. The laws of all nations do order as much.

3. Our law giveth the whole inheritance of freeholds to the eldest son: in which respect it is due unto him. For in civil and temporal matters this rule is true, we live by law. I take it to be a matter of conscience for a parent to leave that to every child which by law is due to him. Neither is it without good reason that the law ordaineth that a parents whole estate of freehold land should descend: for

1. There is an excellency in the first born, as is evident by Jacob’s speech to his eldest son,⁷⁹² thou art my first born, my might, and the beginning of my strength, the excellency of dignity, and the excellency of power. And thereupon⁷⁹³ God took the first born as peculiar to himself.

2. Houses and families by this means are upheld and continued from age to age. How needful it is for the establishment of a commonwealth that families should thus be continued, is evident both by experience to all such as have but half an eye to see wherein the stability of a common wealth consisteth, and also by the many laws which God ordained among the Jews for this purpose: as

1. That⁷⁹⁴ no land should be quite cut off from a family.

2. That⁷⁹⁵ if any through poverty were forced to sell his land, the next of kin was to buy it.

3. That⁷⁹⁶ if a man that had sold his land, could by no means redeem it again, at the year of Jubilee he was to have the possession of it again.

4. That⁷⁹⁷ if daughters were heirs they should not marry out of their fathers tribe: and this reason is given, that every man may enjoy the inheritance of his fathers.

Object. By leaving the whole inheritance to the eldest, he may be made a Gentleman, and all the other beggars.

Answ. In this respect parents ought to be so much the more provident for their other children, in training them up to callings, or laying up portions, or settling other estates upon them beside the main inheritance, or in taking order that competent portions be raised out of the inheritance of the eldest son, in case God take them away before they have otherwise provided for their children.

Out of this answer may a third reason be gathered, to show that it is a behoveful law for the commonwealth that the heir should have all the land. For this law maketh parents more careful in training up their younger sons to sundry callings which are profitable to a commonwealth. If every child should have a part of his fathers lands, they would all so depend thereupon, as none of them would exercise themselves to such callings as are means of men’s maintenance.

§. 69. Of parents partiality towards some children.

Contrary to the forenamed duty of a parents equal respect to all his children, is partiality in fathers and mothers, manifested sundry ways. For

1. Many parents have their darling children, to whom so⁷⁹⁸ much affection is showed, as in comparison none is showed to others. When some are hugged in the bosom, others are neglected as if they were none of their own, but basely born. The unnaturalness of the eagle is noted in this kind, that she flaps and drives out of the nest one of her young ones, and feedeth only the other as her own. From such partiality in parents proceed many mischiefs: as these,

1. They give occasion to such as observe it, to suspect that those children who are so little respected, are none of their own.

2. They cause envy, malice, and much contention to arise among children. When Joseph’s brethren saw that their father⁷⁹⁹ loved him more then all them, they hated him, and could not speak peaceably unto him.

3. They provoke God to inflict some judgment on those children that are so cockered, and preferred before the rest: that so they may the better see their folly.

This sin of parents partiality is so much the greater, when upon outward respects they prefer the wicked and ungodly children before pious and gracious children. Isaac herein much failed, for⁸⁰⁰ he loved Esau (a⁸⁰¹ profane wretch) because he did eat of his Venison.

2. Other parents so set themselves to raise their house, as all their care is to advance their eldest son, by education, by liberal allowance, and by leaving all they have to him: and in the mean while neglect their younger children. Though (as was noted⁸⁰² before) the main inheritance may justly without show of partiality be left to the heir, yet to be careful only for him, and to neglect the other, savoureth rank of partiality. It is most agreeable to natural reason, that as life is given to all⁸⁰³ children, so means of maintaining life should be given to all.

3. In the number of partial parents may they be reckoned, who unjustly disinherit their first born. For the inheritance of right belonging to them, and they not deserving to be disinherited, assuredly it is some by respect or other which maketh parents prefer the younger before the elder: and this is plain partiality. This kind of partiality is commonly in such parents as have had children by several wives. Sometimes dislike of a former wife maketh a father dislike the children he hath by her, and through dislike to disinherit the heir by her. God gave the Jews an express law against this kind of⁸⁰⁴ partiality.

Sometimes again a gripulous seeking of advantage to themselves maketh parents to disinherit the right heir: as when a man after he hath buried the mother of his first born, hearing of another woman which is of great wealth, maketh suit for her. She refuseth because he hath an heir of a former wife. He to remove that block entereth covenant to make the son which he hath by her (if he have any) his heir: hereupon the marriage is consummate: his second wife bringeth forth a son: he for his covenant sake disinheriteth the first heir. An unjust, and unlawful practise.

§. 70. Of the causes for which the first-born may be disinherited.

Quest. May not then a first-born son be disinherited?

Answ. Yes, the Scripture noteth two causes wherein the first-born may be put from the inheritance.

1. If he be illegitimate: for such an one hath no good title: The son of the bondwoman shall not be heir with my son,⁸⁰⁵ saith Sarah, and that justly. To like purpose say the sons of Gilead’s wife to Jephthah, Thou shalt not inherit in our fathers house,⁸⁰⁶ for thou art the son of a strange woman. Just was that blame which Jotham laid upon the men of Shechem for making Abimelech⁸⁰⁷ the base son of Jerubbaal King: and just was God’s vengeance upon them for that wrong done to Jerubbaal’s legitimate children.

2. If he be notoriously wicked. Thus⁸⁰⁸ Reuben for committing abominable incest lost his birthright.

Many particular crimes are reckoned up by the⁸⁰⁹ civil Lawyers, which would be too long here to recite.

Parents Being Faithful to All under Their Care

§. 71. Of the duty of fathers and mothers in law.

The extent of this title (fathers) is in the last place to be⁸¹⁰ considered. Not only natural parents themselves, but also all that are in their place are comprised under it. As they who are in the place of parents,

1. By the bond of marriage.
2. By propinquity of blood.
3. By voluntary appointment.

The first sort are fathers and mothers in law: who are so reckoned either by the marriage of parents themselves, or by the marriage of their children.

That man or woman which is married to a parent that had children before their marriage, is in the place of a natural parent: thus Joseph was a⁸¹¹ father to Jesus, and⁸¹² Keturah a mother to Isaac. So again the natural parents of that son that hath married a wife, or of that daughter that is married to an husband, are in the place of parents to the wife of their son, and to the husband of their daughter. Thus⁸¹³ Jethro was a father to Moses, and⁸¹⁴ Naomi a mother to Ruth.

All these are to account their children in law (that is, the⁸¹⁵ children of their husband and wife, or the wives of their sons, and the husbands of their daughters) as their own natural children, and according to the age and place of these children to perform the forenamed duties, and every way to seek their good (except in such duties as after a peculiar manner belong to natural parents, as nursing to a natural mother, leaving the inheritance to a natural parent.)

For a pattern hereof take the forenamed examples of Joseph and Naomi. What natural parents could do more for their own children then Joseph did for Jesus, and Naomi for Ruth? The history noteth how Joseph took care to have his wives child⁸¹⁶ circumcised, and presented in the temple: how he⁸¹⁷ fled from place to place to preserve the childs life: how⁸¹⁸ perplexed he was when he thought the child was lost: how he⁸¹⁹ trained him up in his own house. The history also noteth how⁸²⁰ Naomi brought Ruth her sons wife into her own country, and retained her with her self, and⁸²¹ directed her whither to go, and⁸²² what husband to have, and⁸²³ became a nurse to her child.

1. Marriage maketh man and wife one flesh: in which respect⁸²⁴ they ought to have one mind, and the same affections, as mutually each to other, so jointly to the children of each other. On which ground also the husband and wife of a child, being one flesh with the child, ought as the child to be respected. On this ground God counteth the Saints his⁸²⁵ dear children, because they are⁸²⁶ espoused to his natural son.

2. To respect the children of an husband or wife as their own, is a great evidence of entire love to the husband and wife. And to respect the husband and wife of a child is a great evidence of love to the child it self. If the worlds proverb hold true (love me and love my dog) how much more true is this Christian rule, love me and love my child: or love me and love mine husband: or love me and love my wife.

3. This also is an especial means to kindle and preserve mutual love betwixt man and wife, who have children of former husbands and wives: as also betwixt parents and children.

§. 72. Of the perverse carriage of fathers and mothers in law to their children.

Contrary is the carriage of most fathers and mothers in law: especially of those who are married to husbands or to wives that had children before marriage: so far they are from performing the forenamed duty, as rather they envy at the prosperity of their husbands and wives children: and secretly endeavour to hinder it in what they can: and cunningly seek to alienate the natural parents affection from them: whence⁸²⁷ fearful tragedies have been made, and lamentable mischiefs have followed. What other reason can be given hereof⁸²⁸ but a plain instigation of the devil, who thus laboureth to disunite those whom God hath joined together? For avoiding this snare note the mischiefs that follow from thence.

1. Such parents sin against God’s ordinance: and as Eve, lean more to Satan’s suggestion then to God’s direction.

2. They alienate the hearts and affections of one from another: not only from their children, but from themselves.

3. They provoke their children in law to contemn and despise them, and to yield no duty unto them.

Hence note into what an hell unkind fathers and mothers in law do cast themselves. If this were duly weighed, I think they would be otherwise minded. But the god of this world doth so blind their eyes with self-love, and with envy, that they cannot see the mischiefs whereinto they implunge themselves.

This is a point the more to be weighed, because the fault here taxed is so common, and hath in all ages been too common.⁸²⁹ What grievous complaints have in former times been made, and still are made by children against fathers and mothers in law? Whence also direful imprecations have followed. Let widowers and widows that have children seriously think of it before hand: and be the more circumspect in taking a second or third husband or wife: and after they are married let them take heed of Satan’s snares: and let conscience of duty more prevail with them, then corruption of nature.

§. 73. Of the faults of parents to their children’s husbands and wives.

Many parents to the husbands and wives of their children do also much transgress and swerve from their duty: for

1. They will show much more respect to their own children then to the children of their husbands or wives: as by coming to their daughters when their husbands are abroad, and never but then: and sending for their sons to their house, but not for their wives.

2. In all differences they will take part with their own children, though it be in the worse part, and show great partiality.

3. They will oft give very ill counsel: advising their sons to keep their wives short: advising their daughters not to be too subject to their husbands, yea privily to purloin from their husbands.

4. If they live with their children, they will so pry into every thing that their children’s husband or wife doth, and show such suspicion and jealousy in every thing, as they cannot but cause much discord: and hence it oft cometh to pass, that either parent and child, or husband and wife must be parted: they cannot all in peace live together.

These faults I thus note, that they may the more carefully be avoided.

§. 74. Of their duty who are in stead of parents to Orphans.

The next sort of those who are in stead of parents, are those who in blood and kindred are next to parents: as grandfathers, grand-mothers, uncles, aunts, elder brothers, or sisters, their husbands or wives, and cousins.

These commonly are counted to be in the place of parents,⁸³⁰ when God taketh away natural and immediate parents from their children: so as they are parents to Orphans.

The duties which were prescribed to natural parents appertain to them (except⁸³¹ before excepted.) Their duty is to see these Orphans well educated, well placed in some good calling, well married, and (if the Orphans be left destitute of means) well provided for.

Mordecai is a worthy precedent and pattern for this kind of parents.⁸³² He brought up Esther his uncles daughter (for she had neither father nor mother) he took her for his own daughter: when she was taken from him,⁸³³ he went to know how she did, and what should become of her: and⁸³⁴ he gave her advice from time to time how to carry her self. Let such as are parents to Orphans take this example as a direction, and as a motive to perform the other duties prescribed to natural parents as need requireth, and occasion is offered.

God by his providence taking away natural parents committeth their Orphans as a charge to the next of kin: that as their natural parents brought them forth, these should bring them up: therefore for their recompense let them look to God, (who taketh upon himself to be⁸³⁵ a father of the fatherless) and for their encouragement remember the reward which Mordecai received of the Lord: yea also let them remember the blessing that God bestowed upon Esther. God doth oft so bless the means used for the education of Orphans, as they who take the care thereof have no cause to repent their pains and cost, but rather have much matter of comfort, joy and thanksgiving.

§. 75. Of the common neglect of Orphans.

Too too common is the contrary disposition of most kinsmen, and kinswomen; they think they are bound to none but their own children, and if they have no children, to none at all. Many are of Ruth’s kinsmans mind, they fear to mar⁸³⁶ their own inheritance. Though they be themselves exceeding rich, and spend much in apparel, pastimes and house-keeping, yet they can suffer the Orphans of their poor kindred to want, and to beg for need.

This is it that maketh the loss of natural parents to be so much the greater. And herein many Christians are more inhumane then the heathen: which the Apostle implieth, where he saith, they are worse then infidels: for Orphans next of kin⁸³⁷ are to be reckoned among those whom the Apostle termeth a man’s⁸³⁸ OWN.

§. 76. Of the duty of Guardians.

The last sort of those who are in place of parents, are such as have the charge of children committed to them by voluntary appointment of parents, or are chosen by children themselves, or by the magistrate when parents are dead, or lunatic, or any other way impotent, and unable to train up their own children.

Of these care and conscience is rather required, then cost and charges: for commonly both their charges are allowed, and their pains recompensed.

They who by reason of the death or impotency of natural parents have the charge of children committed to them, are commonly called Guardians: of whom two general duties are required.

1. That they look to their Pupils good education.
2. That they preserve their patrimony and inheritance.

For their education, the directions given before to natural parents are to be observed by them.

For preservation of their patrimony, they must do for their Pupils what they would do for their own children; and so carry themselves, as with good conscience they may give that account to their Pupils, or any other, which the law requireth.

The two forenamed duties, are the main ends for which Guardians are chosen: in performing whereof, if they be faithful, great redress will be made of the untimely death of parents; and notwithstanding parents die before their children be of discretion to manage their estate, yet will their houses and families be maintained, and young heirs kept from coney-catchers and cheaters.

It is noted of John, who had the mother of Jesus commended⁸³⁹ to him, that he took her to his own home: whereby is implied his provident care for her good.

§. 77. Of the fraud of Guardians.

Contrary is the practise of most Guardians, who take Pupils⁸⁴⁰ for their own advantage, and make a prey of them. The heathen could say, that Guardianship is to be performed for the benefit of the Pupil, and not of the Guardian. Yet among Christians is the forenamed fault of Guardians.

1. There are few children (that have not natural parents to look to their good education) but are exceedingly neglected therein, and brought up very rudely and licentiously: yea many times too sparingly and niggardly for diet, apparel, and other needful things, though they have sufficient to discharge all that shall be laid out upon them.

2. The main estate & patrimony of many Pupils is much impaired: and if they have lands, as much waste is made upon them as possibly can be: and when a reckoning is to be given, it shall be a large, unjust, and most unconscionable reckoning: if the Guardian can but get a general release, it is all that he careth for.

3. Marriages are after a sort forced upon many Pupils: and such matches put upon them as they cannot like; yea such as are no way fit for them, neither for estate, nor years, nor proportion of body, nor qualities of mind.

Little do these Guardians think of that account whereunto they shall be brought another day before the Lord, who styleth himself the⁸⁴¹ helper of the fatherless, and who beholdeth mischief to requite it. Fearful is that judgment which the Lord hath⁸⁴² threatened against those that oppress the fatherless. Let not therefore unjust Guardians think, that the gain they get wrongfully from their Pupils shall prosper: but rather let them look for God’s curse upon their own children, and goods.

If such as parents themselves have upon their death-beds committed their children unto, in confidence of their faithfulness, shall deal deceitfully with their Pupils, their sin is doubled, and trebled. For

1. They violate the bond of friendship, faithfulness, and trust reposed upon them.
2. They sin directly against justice.
3. Most monstrously they transgress the rules of charity.

§. 78. Of the duty of Schoolmasters and Tutors.

Among those who are by voluntary appointment set in the place of parents, are Schoolmasters and Tutors to be reckoned. The authority and charge of a parent is for a time committed to them: therefore for that time they ought to perform a parents duty.

Their duty is appropriated to education: it appertaineth not to them to maintain the children committed to them: they are rather themselves by their pains that way maintained.

All the duties which were before comprised under nurture, belong to Schoolmasters and Tutors. More particularly they are to instruct children in three things.

1. In learning.
2. In civility, and good manners.
3. In true piety, and religion.

I shall not need to speak more of these points then hath⁸⁴³ before been delivered: only to provoke them to be diligent in well nurturing children in those three points, let the benefit of good Schoolmasters and Tutors be well noted.

Schoolmasters commonly cast the first seed into the hearts of⁸⁴⁴ children: they first season them: as the seed is, such will the crop be: as the first seasoning is, so will the savour continue to be. If they sow no good seed at all, what harvest can be looked for? If they sow a corrupt seed of rudeness, licentiousness, profaneness, superstition, and any wickedness, the crop must needs be answerable thereto. But if they sow the good seed of learning, civility, and piety, there is great hope of a good crop.

Hence it followeth that they are of great use, and may bring much good, not only to the children themselves, and their parents,⁸⁴⁵ but also to the Church and common-wealth. Julian the Apostate was not ignorant hereof: and therefore endeavouring to root Christianity out of the world, he suffered no man that professed himself a Christian, to teach a school: but in stead of Christian Schoolmasters, he set up in every part of his dominions, heathenish Schoolmasters.

Tutors, to whose government young scholars, that are sent to the Universities, are committed, have to deal with children in their riper years; even when the time of settling them in a course is come: the very time wherein much good may be done to children, or else wherein they may be utterly perverted. There will be little hope of bowing them, and drawing them into another course after they be freed from the government of a Tutor. Tutors therefore, as they have need of great wisdom, so of good conscience, that they may have the greater care of their Pupils, and take the greater pains in teaching them the three forenamed points, learning, civility, and piety. A good Tutor may do much to repair the negligence, and amend the defects of a Schoolmaster: but there remain none to redress the failings of a Tutor: children for the most part are past redressing, when they cease to have a Tutor.

§. 79. Of the negligence of Schoolmasters and Tutors.

The vices contrary to the forenamed duty of Schoolmasters, are these.

1. Unskilfulness. Many that are more fit to be taught then to teach, take upon them this weighty calling. Some have not sufficient learning: some again are rude, and know not themselves good manners: and some know not the first principles of the oracles of God. No good can be expected from these.

2. Covetousness. All that many seek, is to multiply the number of their scholars, and to get as much as they can for boarding, and teaching: they aim more at their own gain then at their scholars profit. Children are not like to thrive well under them.

3. Negligence. Many are loth to take the pains of a Schoolmaster, and thereupon come as little into the school as they can: take every small occasion to be gone again: care not how much their children play: if they be able to hire a poor Usher, all the burden shall be cast upon him. Little is that fruit that can be looked for from them.

4. Want of piety. Many skilful and painful Schoolmasters, under whose teaching children come forward exceeding well in learning, think it nothing appertaineth to them to teach the grounds of religion, so as they altogether neglect piety. Assuredly they want it themselves: for were their own hearts seasoned with true piety, their consciences would move them to teach it to their children. The things of the kingdom of God are like unto leaven, which seasoneth the whole batch of dough with that season and savour which it self hath. When children spend almost all their time with their Schoolmasters, of whom should they learn it, if not of them? What blessing can be hoped from the pains of such Schoolmasters?

I might to these add the over-much remissness of some (whereby children get too great an head) and the too great severity of others, either in frequency of correcting, as if they delighted therein; or in the measure thereof, as if they had to do with beasts, whereby they affright children, make them dull, yea and impudent also. But these extremes were⁸⁴⁶ before handled.

The common fault of Tutors is altogether to neglect their Pupils. Many think a Tutor to be a mere titular matter: no more to be required of them but to bear the very name; and to undertake that the College be discharged for their Pupils diet. This conceit, and the practise answerable thereunto, is the blemish and bane of the Universities. Many children well trained up in schools, utterly lose the benefit of all their former education when they are sent to the University, because their Tutors altogether leave them to themselves: and so they are made a prey to idle and lewd companions. By reason hereof many parents are utterly discouraged to send their children to the University.