Of Domestical Duties

Volume II — The Second, Third and Fourth Treatises: Of Husband and Wife

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Submitting your selves one to another in the fear of God. — Ephesians 5:21

Seeking Marriage

§. 1. Of those who may seek to be married.

Having in the former treatise laid down the foundation of all domestical duties, by expounding the words of the Apostle, I purpose now distinctly to lay them forth in order: beginning with the first and chiefest couple in the family, man and wife.

Here we are first to speak of the persons who are to be accounted true and lawful husband and wife: and then of the duties which they owe each to other.

So as this Treatise consisteth of two parts.

1. The first declareth, who are man and wife.
2. The second noteth out those common mutual duties which they owe one to another. First of the first.

Husband and wife are they who are rightly joined together¹ by the bond of marriage.² Whereby two are made one flesh.

For the better clearing of this point, we will consider both the parties that may be so nearly joined together, and also the manner how they are rightly joined in so firm an unity.

About the parties we are to search,

1. Who may seek a mate for marriage.
2. What kind of mate is to be taken.

1. All they who are able without inevitable danger to their³ yoke fellow to perform the essential duties of marriage, may be married.

Out of this proposition arise three questions to be discussed.

1. Who are to be accounted able?
2. What danger is inevitable?
3. Whether marriage be free for all but such?

§. 2. Of ripeness of years in them that are to be married.

1. They are to be accounted able who have⁴ past the flour of their age, and are not by defect of nature, or any other occasion made impotent.

1. Ripeness of years is absolutely necessary for consummating a just and lawful marriage: wherefore as God at first, made Adam of full age, so when he sought out a wife for him, he made her of full age too: he made her a woman, not a child.⁵ Where the Apostle adviseth parents to take care for the marriage of their children, he putteth in this proviso, if they pass the flour of their age. Child-hood is counted the flour of age. While the flour of the plant sprouteth, the seed is green, unfit to be sown.

Quest. How long lasteth the flour of age?

Answ.⁶ The civil law, and common law also, set down twelve years for the flour of a females age, and fourteen, of a males; which is the least: for before those years they can have no need of marriage, nor yet are well fit for marriage, so as if they forbear some years longer, it will be much better for the parties themselves that marry,⁷ for the children which they bring forth, for the family whereof they are the head, and for the common wealth whereof they are members. Note the ages of the Kings of Israel and Judah when they were first married, and we shall find few of them to be under twenty, and those few, not above one or two years under: and yet of all sorts of people the Kings did use to marry the soonest, that so they might have heirs betimes.

Object.⁸ Solomon was but a child when he came to the crown, and yet⁹ he had then a child of a year old at least.

Answ. He was said to be a child not simply, but comparatively,¹⁰ in relation to his other brothers which were elder then he, &¹¹ in regard of that great work he was to undertake. In the time of his reign he is said to be¹² old: which could not be if he had been in years a child when he began to reign: for he reigned but forty years.

2. Object. Ahaz was but twenty year old when he began to reign, and reigned but sixteen years, and yet when he died Hezekiah his son was five and twenty year old,¹³ by which computation Ahaz had a child when he was but eleven, or twelve year old at most.

1. Answ. Some say that this was extraordinary, and render this reason, Ahaz so young a father as Elizabeth an old mother,¹⁴ should have hoped in Emmanuel of a virgin.

2. Answ. The beginning of that reign when Ahaz was but twenty year old, is to be referred to Jotham his father; for Ahaz was twenty year old when he (namely Jotham) began to reign: as¹⁵ Jehoiachin was eight year old, when he (namely his father Jehoiachim) began to reign: for Jehoiachin was¹⁶ eighteen, when he himself began to reign.

Object. Jotham was but¹⁷ twenty and five year old when he began to reign, how then could Ahaz his son at that time be twenty?

Answ. Jotham was five and twenty year old when his father Uzziah was struck with leprosy, from which time he¹⁸ reigned as King even in his fathers life time. But after his father was dead, the kingdom was established to him alone¹⁹ after a more solemn manner; in which respect it is said that then he began to reign: and then was his son Ahaz twenty year old, Jotham himself being about forty.

Contrary to the forenamed fitness of age is the practise of²⁰ such parents, or other friends of children, as make matches for them in their child-hood, and move them to consent, and so cause them to be married: such marriages are mock-marriages, and mere nullities. For children cannot know what appertaineth to marriage, much less can they perform that which is required of married persons: their consent therefore is justly accounted no consent, unless they do ratify it after they come to years.

§. 3. Of impotent persons that ought not to seek after marriage.

2. They are to be accounted impotent, and in that respect unable to perform the essential duties of marriage, who (to use the Scripture phrase) were born Eunuchs from their mothers²¹ womb: or by any accidental occasion are so made: as they who are defective, or closed in their secret parts: or taken with an incurable palsy: or possessed with frigidity, or any other such like impediment.

These ought not to seek after marriage: for by those signs of impotency God showeth that he calleth them to live single.

Contrary to this manifestation of God’s will do they sin,²² who conceal their impotency and join themselves in marriage, whereby they frustrate one main end of marriage, which is procreation of children; and do that wrong to the party whom they marry, as sufficient satisfaction can never be made.

§. 4. Of barrenness, that it hindereth not marriage.

Quest. Are such as are barren to be ranked among those impotent persons?

Answ. No, there is great difference betwixt impotency and barrenness.

1. Impotency may by outward sensible signs be known²³ and discerned, barrenness cannot: it is not discerned but by want of child-bearing.

2. Impotent persons cannot yield due benevolence: but such as are barren may.

3. Impotency is incurable: but barrenness is not simply so. Many after they have been a long while barren have become fruitful: and that not only by an extraordinary work of God above the course of nature (as²⁴ Sarah and²⁵ Elizabeth, with whom by reason of age it ceased to be after the manner of women) but also by such a blessing as might stand with the course of nature, being obtained by prayer (as²⁶ Rebekah and²⁷ Hannah) whereof daily experience giveth good evidence: for many after 10, 15, 20, and more years barrenness have brought forth children.

On these grounds many Saints, who have been barren, have married, and their practise therein not disallowed, nor their marriage dissolved.²⁸ For though procreation of children be one end of marriage, yet is it not the only end: and so inviolable is the marriage bond, that though it be made for children’s sake, yet for want of children it may not be broken.

§. 5. Of that inevitable danger which hindereth marriage.

3. They who are infected with such contagious diseases, as diffuse themselves into those who have society with them, and infect them also, ought not to seek after marriage: for that cannot but turn to the danger of the party with whom they marry. It was for mutual good one of another²⁹ that God ordained the law of marriage; to use it to the hurt and danger of one another, is against the main end of the first institution.

The law of shutting up a leper from all society with men proveth as much; for if lepers might not have mutual society³⁰ with any man, much less might they have matrimonial society with a wife or an husband.

By contagious diseases not only both the parties which company together will be infected, but also their issue: whereby their disease which otherwise might die with themselves, is propagated to their posterity. A like restraint may be applied to such foul and loathsome diseases, as make the company and society of that person, who is infected therewith, irksome, and odious to their companion.

Contrary to the end and use of marriage do they sin,³¹ who conceal such diseases, and so join themselves in marriage, to the unanswerable prejudice of the party whom they marry.

§. 6. Of the lawfulness of marriage to all sorts of persons.

Where there is no such just impediment as hath been before mentioned, it is lawful for all sorts of people of what³² calling or condition soever to marry. For marriage is honourable³³ in all, or among all, namely in, or among all sorts of people: whereupon it is accounted a Doctrine of devils to forbid³⁴ to marry. For it is a Doctrine contrary to God’s word, and a Doctrine that causeth much inward burning, and outward pollution, and so maketh their bodies, which should be temples of the Holy Ghost, to be sties of the devils.

The disease, for the redressing whereof marriage is sanctified, is a common disease which hath infected all sorts of people: why then shall not the remedy be as common?

In this case the Apostle saith indefinitely of all, without exception of any, to avoid fornication let every man have his own³⁵ wife, and let every woman have her own husband. And again, If they cannot contain let them marry: for it is better to marry then to burn.

Object.³⁶ There be Eunuchs which have made themselves Eunuchs (that is, have abstained from marriage and lived in a single³⁷ life continently) for the kingdom of heavens sake.

Answ. That is spoken of some particular persons to whom the gift of continency was given: not of any distinct conditions, and callings, as if all and every one of this or that calling had so done or were able so to do: whereupon Christ addeth this clause, He that is able to receive it, let him receive it, and the Apostle to the same purpose saith,³⁸ every one hath his proper gift of God.

Contrary to this necessary and warrantable liberty, is the impure and tyrannical restraint of the Church of Rome, whereby all that enter into any of their holy orders, are kept from marriage.

Do they not herein³⁹ tempt God by putting a yoke upon men’s necks, which neither our fathers nor we are able to bear?⁴⁰ No such restraint was ever enjoined by God’s word to any of those holy functions which he ordained: for under the Law it was lawful for high Priests, ordinary Priests, all sorts of Levites, and extraordinary Prophets, to marry: and under the Gospel, for⁴¹ Apostles, Bishops, Deacons, and all Ministers of the word.⁴² Fearful have been the effects of this Diabolical doctrine: as fornication, adultery, incest, Sodomy, buggery, and what not? Many wives put from their husbands, because their husbands were Ministers, and many Ministers put from their calling because they had wives: many children by this means basely born, and among them many in their infancy cruelly murdered.⁴³ Six thousand heads of infants were found in the ponds of a religious house. How many more thousands have been from time to time cast into other ponds, or buried in gardens, or other places, or other ways conveyed out of sight? Devilish must that doctrine needs be, which hath such devilish effects.⁴⁴ Well did he wish, that wished that all they who cannot contain, would take heed how they do rashly profess perfection, and vow virginity.

§. 7. Of the things which are absolutely necessary to make a person fit for marriage.

They who have power to marry must be careful in choosing an help meet for them: for⁴⁵ this was God’s care when first he instituted marriage. To make an help meet for marriage, some things are absolutely necessary for the very essence or being of marriage; others, necessary for the comfort and happiness of marriage.

In regard of the former sort, there must be chosen,

1. One of the same kind or nature: for among all the creatures which were made,⁴⁶ there was not found an help meet for man: therefore God out of his bone and flesh made a woman of his⁴⁷ own nature and kind.

Contrary to this is the detestable sin of buggery with beasts, expressly forbidden by the⁴⁸ law. A sin more then beastly: for the bruit beasts content themselves with their own kind: Monstrous it is in the kind thereof: and a cause of abominable monsters.⁴⁹ Contrary also is that copulation which witches have with devils: then which none more unnatural, none more prodigious and odious.

2. One of the contrary sex: the male must choose a female: the female a male. Thus God having made Adam a male,⁵⁰ made Eve a female, and joined them in marriage. A conjunction of these different sexes is only fit for increase of mankind, and other marriage duties.

Contrary are those unnatural commixtions of parties of the same sex: which the Apostle reckoneth up as judgments inflicted on the heathen, because they changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped, and served the creature more then the Creator.

3. One beyond those degrees of consanguinity and affinity which⁵¹ are forbidden by the law of God: these degrees are expressed by Moses Levit. 18. 6, 7, etc. And explained in a table of the degrees of consanguinity and affinity within which none may marry, appointed to be hung up in every Church.

Contrary is incest, a sin not only forbidden by God’s⁵² word, but so horrible even to the heathen as (to use the Apostles words, 1 Cor. 5. 1.) it is not so much as named among the Gentiles. Excellently is that censure verified by the heathen Orators pathetical exclamation against one Sassia who married her son in law, in these words: O incredible wickedness of a woman, not heard of in any age but this! O unbridled and untamed lust! O singular boldness! Not to fear the power of God, and fame of men! etc. Lust, impudency, madness, overcame shame, fear, and reason.

What may we now think of the dispensations which the Pope giveth for incestuous marriages, allowed unto great Princes even by the⁵³ Tridentine council? Doth he not herein show himself to be that man of sin, who opposeth and exalteth himself above all that is called God?

4. One that is free: nor married, nor betrothed to another: the law of marriage noteth thus much in this clause,⁵⁴ They two shall be one flesh. And in that⁵⁵ the law inflicteth the same punishment⁵⁶ upon the person which being betrothed committeth uncleanness, that it doth upon a married person, it is evident that it is unlawful to marry one betrothed to another, as well as one married to another. So firm is a contract, as the law calleth a betrothed maid, a wife: and a betrothed maid might not be put away without a bill of divorce.

Contrary is Bigamy, and Polygamy, whereof⁵⁷ before: unto which head may be referred marriages with such as have been espoused to others before. These are utterly unlawful.

§. 8. Of the lawfulness of other marriages after one of the married couple is dead.

1. Quest. Are they who have buried their husband or wife so free, as they may marry again?

Answ. Yea, as free as they who were never before married. The law doth not only permit a widow to marry again: but⁵⁸ if her husband died before he had any children, it commanded the next kinsman that was living and free to marry her, that he might raise up seed to his brother deceased: which if he refused to do, a penalty of ignominy was inflicted on him: the widow rejected was to loose his shoe from his foot,⁵⁹ and to spit in his face in the presence of the Elders. The Apostle expressly saith that a woman, when her husband is dead, is at liberty to be married (1 Cor. 7. 39.) yea speaking of young widows he further saith, I will that they marry (1 Tim. 5. 14.) This liberty which the Prophet of God, and Apostle of Christ grant to a wife, can by no show of reason be denied to an husband: for the bond of marriage giveth them a like power over one anothers body, (1 Cor. 7. 4.) and knitteth one as inviolably as the other, (Mat. 19. 6.) husbands therefore as well as wives have used this liberty, as Abraham (Gen. 25. 1.)⁶⁰ The Apostle that giveth this liberty, rendereth a reason thereof, taken from the limitation of that time wherein married persons have power one over another, and that is the time of this life only: For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband, so long as he liveth: but if the husband be dead she is loosed, etc. On this ground all the⁶¹ reasons which warrant or move such as never were married, to marry, may be applied to them that by death have their yoke-fellow taken from them.

2. Quest. May this liberty be extended any further then to a second marriage?

Answ. We find no restraint from a third, or fourth, or more marriages, if by the divine providence so many wives, or husbands one after another be taken away while there is need for the surviving party to use the benefit of marriage. The woman of Samaria that had five husbands one after another, is not blamed for being married to so many, but for living with one (after the other were dead) that was not her husband, (Joh. 4. 18.) Neither did the Lord condemn that woman which was said to have seven husbands one after another, (Mat. 22. 25, etc.)

Contrary is the opinion of⁶² Montanists, and Cataphryges, ancient heretics that accounted those marriages which the survivor made after the death of a yoke-fellow, to be adulterous: with which heresy⁶³ Tertullian an ancient and learned father was so far infected, as he wrote a treatise in defence thereof. It seemeth by their arguments that one main ground of their error was a misinterpretation of those Scriptures which forbid men to have two wives at once, and women to have two husbands at once, as, Two shall be one flesh, Gen. 2. 24. A Bishop and a Deacon must be the husband of one wife, 1 Tim. 3. 2, 12. Let a widow be taken that hath been the wife of one husband, 1 Tim. 5. 9. These are indeed express texts against such Digamists, and Polygamists as have been described⁶⁴ before: but they make no more against second or other after-marriages one mate being dead, then against first marriages. Into the roll of these heretics may they be put, who deny such after marriages to any kind of Ministers. So do our adversaries: they⁶⁵ exclude such as are married again after one wife is dead from such functions of inferior orders, as they admit those who are but once married unto. They allege many of those Scriptures which Montanists do (as 1 Tim. 3. 2, 12. And 5. 9) which showeth that they are infected with the same heresy, though they pretend to renounce it.

§. 9. Of equality in years betwixt husband and wife.

That matrimonial society may prove comfortable, it is requisite⁶⁶ that there should be some equality betwixt the parties that are married in Age, estate, Condition, Piety.

1. For Age, as the party that seeketh a mate must be of ripe years, fit to give consent, and able to perform marriage duties, so the mate which is taken must be somewhat answerable⁶⁷ in age: if one young, both young: if one of middle age, both so: if one grown to years, the other also. It is noted of Zachary and Elizabeth, that both were well stricken in years. If both were old together, then both also were young together. Equality in years maketh married persons more fit for procreation of children, for a mutual performance of marriage duties each to other, and for making their company and society every way more happy.

This equality is not over strictly to be taken, as if the married couple were to be just of the same age, but only for some answerableness in years: which may be though there be a disparity⁶⁸ of five or ten, or somewhat more years: especially if the excess of years be on the husbands part: for besides that according to the ordinary course of nature a man’s strength and vigour lasteth longer then a woman’s, it is very meet that the husband should be somewhat elder then his wife, because he is an head, a governor, a protector of his wife. The Scripture noteth many husbands to be elder then their wives (as Abraham was ten years elder then Sarah; and if we⁶⁹ narrowly mark the circumstances of the histories of Isaac and Jacob, and their wives, we shall find that the husbands were elder then their wives.) To my remembrance an approved example of an husband younger then his wife cannot be given out of Scripture.

Contrary to this equality in years, is the practise of many⁷⁰ men and women, who being aged, to satisfy their lust, or for some other by-respect, marry such as are but in the flour of their age, wherein they do many times much fail of their expectation: for those young ones finding the society of aged folks to be burdensome, and irksome unto them, soon begin to loath the same, and thereby cause more grief and vexation, then ever they did give comfort and contentment.

On the other side, others there be who in the prime and⁷¹ strength of their age, for wealth, honour, or such like respects, marry those that with age begin to be decrepit, and unfit to be married, hoping that they will not long live, but that with a little trouble they shall purchase much dignity or riches, & after a while be free again. But God oft meeteth with such in their kind, by prolonging the life of those aged persons, and so making the burden to be much more grievous and tedious then was imagined, and by taking away those young ones sooner then they looked for, whereby it cometh to pass that all their hopes perish.⁷² The heathen observed inequality in years to be occasions of many mischiefs, and thereupon prescribed rules against it.

§. 10. Of equality in estate and condition betwixt those that are to be married together.

2. Some equality in outward estate and wealth is also befitting⁷³ the parties that are to be married together, lest the disparity therein (especially if it be over-great) make the one insult over the other more then is meet: for if a man of great wealth be married to a poor woman, he will think to make her as his maid-servant, and expect that she should carry her self towards him so as beseemeth not a yoke-fellow, and a bedfellow: so as such an one may rather be said to be brought unto bondage, then marriage. And if a rich woman marry a poor man, she will look to be the master, and to rule him: so as the order which God hath established will be clean perverted: and the honour of marriage laid in the dust. For where no order is, there can be no honour.

3. The like may be said of outward condition, that therein⁷⁴ also there be some equality: that Princes, Nobles, and Gentlemen, marry such as are of their own rank: and the meaner sort such as are of their degree. Note what sort of wives Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob married, and it will appear that they had respect to this parity. Disparity in condition as well as in estate, is a means to make men and women swell and insult above that which is meet: yea and to twit one another in the teeth with their former estate and condition.

Contrary on the one side are the practises of such as affect⁷⁵ to marry above their own estate and degree: thinking by such marriages to advance themselves. This is the only thing which many seek after in seeking wives and husbands; whereby it cometh to pass that they oft meet with the worst matches, and make their marriage a kind of bondage unto them. Great portions make many women proud, dainty, lavish, idle, and careless; a man were much better, even for help of his outward estate, to marry a prudent, sober, thrifty, careful, diligent wife, though with a small portion, then such an one. A proud back, a dainty tooth, and a lavish hand will soon consume a great portion; but a wise woman buildeth her house: and a virtuous woman is a crown to her husband. Many wives also that are married to very rich husbands, are more stinted and pinched in their allowance, then such as are married to men of meaner estate. It is not the means which a man hath, but his mind and disposition that maketh him free and bountiful to his wife.

Contrary are the marriages which men of great authority⁷⁶ and ability make with mean women, yea their own maids many times, and those of the lowest rank, their kitchen-maids. And which women of noble blood, and great estate,⁷⁷ make with their servingmen. Do they not herein bewray much baseness of mind, and violence of lusts?

If it be said that such marriages are not simply unlawful, the rule of the civil law giveth a good answer, Always in marriages not only what is lawful, but what is honest and meet, is to be considered.

§. 11. Of equality in piety and religion betwixt those that are to be married together.

4. The parity which is of greatest consequence betwixt⁷⁸ parties to be married, is in piety. In which respect it is requisite that as a Christian be married to a Christian, and a professor of⁷⁹ the true faith to a professor of the same faith; so one that in truth feareth God, to one of the same mind and disposition, as it is noted of Zachary and Elizabeth, they were both righteous before God, etc. A worthy couple: one worthy of another: being both alike in such excellent qualities, they could⁸⁰ not but reap each from other much comfort, and profit every way.

This is one of the most principal points that are comprised under that proviso given by the holy Ghost in choosing a yoke fellow, in these words, In the Lord.⁸¹

There is no such means to increase love, preserve peace, provoke unto all duty, make helpful one to another in all things, and at all times, as this parity. Hereby shall they be made both able to do more good one to another, and capable to receive more good one from another: especially in the best things, even in those which concern their spiritual edification in this world, and eternal salvation in the world to come. For Christ is the fountain and head of all spiritual life and grace, (it pleased the father that in him should all fulness⁸² dwell: so as it is he that filleth all in all things.) Now Christ communicateth⁸³ that life and grace which is in him to those that are members of his body: If then I being a member of that mystical body, be linked by that near and inviolable bond of marriage to one of the members of that body, what hope is there of mutual communicating one to another, and mutual partaking one from another of those gifts and graces which either of us receive from Christ our head? If an unbelieving wife may be saved by a believing husband, and an unbelieving⁸⁴ husband by a believing wife: much more will one believer be more and more edified by another.

Happy is that family where both the governors thereof husband and wife are mutual members of Christ’s body: there will the house be made God’s Church, as the house of Aquila and Priscilla was. God’s worship will there be maintained.⁸⁵ Children will there be trained up in the nurture of the Lord: and servants also taught the fear of God: for they that are indeed of Christ’s kingdom, will be as leaven which⁸⁶ seasoneth the whole lump: instance the profession which Joshua⁸⁷ maketh to this purpose: and the effect which is noted of the ruler whose son Christ cured, he himself believed and⁸⁸ his whole house.

Here by the way, let me exhort parents & other governors⁸⁹ of children, both to train up their own children in true piety & fear of God, and also to seek such matches for them, as they may have some assurance that they are of the same faith, and of the same mind and heart: thus shall they procure to their children much happiness in their marriage as Abraham did to Isaac.⁹⁰

If parents ought in this respect to procure the good of their children, much more ought they who are of themselves, and have liberty to marry with whom they will, have an especial respect to parity in piety: especially females, because they are in subjection to their husbands: yet ought not men to be careless herein: for wives, if the fear of God possess not their hearts, though they be the weaker vessels, do oft make their husbands plain vassals to them.

§. 12. Of marriages betwixt persons of divers professions.

Contrary are marriages with persons of different dispositions, and⁹¹ divers professions in religion: especially when they are made with infidels or idolaters.

This is one of those unequal yokes, wherewith⁹² the Apostle⁹³ forbiddeth Christians to be yoked.

Great are the dangers and damages that ordinarily fall out thereupon. For first the⁹⁴ holy seed (to use the words of the holy Ghost) is thereby mixed: whereby it cometh to pass that⁹⁵ the holiness of the Lord is profaned, that is, they whom God hath chosen to be an holy nation, and a peculiar people to him, are polluted.

Object.⁹⁶ The unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife by the husband.

Answ. That is noted only as a remedy of an inconvenience, which being fallen out cannot be recalled: as when two infidels being married together, the one of them is converted to the true faith and the other remaineth an infidel, that the believer might with some comfort enjoy the company of the⁹⁷ other, the Apostle showeth that for matrimonial communion the unbeliever is sanctified by the believer. But hereby he giveth no liberty to believers to marry with unbelievers. For though God in mercy thus sanctify the unequal yoke which cannot be broken, yet they who professing God’s name do wittingly undergo that yoke, do as much as in them lieth, profane God’s holiness.

2. The professor of the true religion is thereby in danger of Apostasy. Which reason⁹⁸ the law it self presseth against this point: and the Scripture giveth many examples of the woeful issue thereof: as of⁹⁹ Solomon the wisest among men,¹⁰⁰ of Samson the strongest, of¹⁰¹ Jehoram and others.

Object. If I marry one of a contrary religion, I may convert a sinner from going astray, and save a soul from death.

Answ. It is but a mere may, thou hast no warrant to make that venture, but art forbid to avoid the contrary danger. There is great cause of fear that in an unequal yoke the worse will prevail over the better. We are naturally prone to yield to error, falsehood, and all manner of evil. Truth, virtue and grace, are against the current of nature. It is like to fall out in this unequal yoke, as if two oxen should in one yoke draw contrary ways one against the other on the side of an hill; that ox which draweth down-hill, though it be a poor, lean, weak one, will draw down the other, though it should be an able, lusty, strong one. All evil is down hill: all goodness is up hill: and by reason of the flesh which remaineth in all, so long as they remain on earth, they who have some goodness in them are prone and ready to fall away: but they which are evil are very obstinate therein. Yea evil also is of a more spreading and infecting nature. A little sour leaven will soon make a great batch of dough sour: but a great deal of sweet dough will not sweeten a little leaven. It is therefore an unwarrantable pretext for any to marry one of a contrary religion, or disposition, on hope to convert them. It is not in man’s power to convert another. It is a divine work, without God’s blessing it cannot be done. Little ground there is to expect a blessing from God in that course which is directly against his own ordinance. A curse may rather be feared. And woeful experience of all ages hath showed how God hath cursed such marriages.

Object. Saint¹⁰² Peter exhorteth wives so to carry themselves, as their husbands, which obey not the word, may by that means be won without the word, and¹⁰³ Saint Paul saith to such as were unequally matched, what knowest thou, ô wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? Or how knowest thou, ô man, whether thou shalt save thy wife? It appeareth therefore that an evil husband may be converted by a good wife: and an evil wife by a good husband.

Ans. These directions are noted only as a remedy to redress such irrevocable mischiefs as are fallen out, and not to give liberty of rushing wittingly into them (as was before noted.) When an ill event is fallen out, necessity lieth on a man; so as all means is to be used to redress the same. But thereupon to infer that a man may safely enter into that course which draweth a man to those mischiefs, what is it but to thrust himself into the fire, and to cast himself into temptation,¹⁰⁴ which he is taught to pray against? Besides, the forenamed directions are not grounded on any express promises, but upon mere suppositions.

3. Many other mischiefs are like to follow upon this kind of unequal marriage, besides danger of apostasy (which yet is the greatest) as

1. Many jars and contentions betwixt man and wife.¹⁰⁵ For how can there be mutual marriage-concord, betwixt those that are of different minds?

2. Disturbance of the family: one part holding with the man, another with the woman.

3. Wasting of goods: the husband spending what he can on such as are of his profession: and the wife what she can, on them that are of hers.

4. Hindrance of all holy duties in the house: the party that is of¹⁰⁶ the contrary profession not enduring that there should be any.

5. Profaneness and Atheism in children. For commonly when parents are of divers religions, children are of none:¹⁰⁷ instance that cursed blasphemer, whose mother was an Israelite, but his father an Egyptian.

The Scripture noteth such children to be¹⁰⁸ monsters, and¹⁰⁹ mongrels.

Object. Salmon married¹¹⁰ Rahab, and Boaz married Ruth, both which women were infidels.

Answ. They had been so, but were not so when they married them. Faith and repentance, as they alter the disposition, so also the condition of the worst that can be.¹¹¹ Rahab’s faith was manifested before she was married to Salmon: and¹¹² Ruth had forsaken her country gods, and chosen the God of Israel to be her God: and¹¹³ Boaz knew as much.

Object. But no such thing can be said of the¹¹⁴ daughter of the Philistines whom Samson married.

Answ. This was an extraordinary matter, and therefore not exemplary for all. That he did it by an extraordinary instinct is evident by this phrase, it was of the Lord: that it is not exemplary is evident, because¹¹⁵ God’s law, the rule of example, forbids it. God moved him thereto to manifest his own power and wisdom thereby.

His power, in that he was able to work by contraries: as to work enmity by amity; utter destruction by near conjunction: for God turned the heart of Samson, a chief man in Israel, to affect, and desire in marriage, a daughter of the Philistines: and moved the parents of that maid to give her to Samson in marriage: here was amity and near conjunction. Yet¹¹⁶ the history showeth that by this means an occasion was given to Samson to revenge himself, and the people of God on the Philistines.

His Wisdom, in that he turned that which had an apparent show of great evil, into much good. For, that Samson a Nazarite of the Lord, a chief man in Israel, should join in marriage with a daughter of idolaters, who also were spiteful enemies of the Lord’s people, carried a show of evil to such as knew not the spirit of Samson, nor the intent of the Lord: yet God by this means brought Samson to be a Judge and deliverer of his people.

By such a spirit as Elijah called for fire from heaven, did¹¹⁷ Samson marry an idolater. If any hence shall think of marrying Idolaters, I may say to them as Christ to his disciples, ye know not of what spirit ye are. This example of Samson can¹¹⁸ be no more warrant to others to marry with idolaters, then his practise in pulling down an house on his head, to self-murderers.¹¹⁹ The warrant of extraordinary matters is particular, proper and peculiar to them only that do them. But the warrant of exemplary matters must be the general and known will of God in his word.

Whether in some particular cases this general rule may be dispensed withal or not, I leave to the determination of more learned Divines, and submit all to the judgment of God’s Church.

§. 13. Of that mutual liking which must pass betwixt marriageable persons before they be married.

Having showed what persons are fit to be joined in marriage, it remaineth, to show after what manner they are to be joined.

There are in Scripture three steps or degrees commended unto us by which marriageable parties are in order to proceed unto marriage.

1. A mutual liking.

2. An actual contract.

3. A public solemnization of marriage.

I. The first liking is sometimes on the parents or other friends part, and then by them made known to the party to be married, as the friends of Rebekah, liking the offer of Isaac¹²⁰ which was made by Abraham’s servant, made it known to Rebekah her self. Sometimes again the first liking is on the parties part that is to be married: and then if that party be under the government of parents, the matter must be moved to them, before there be any further proceeding therein, as Samson who seeing and liking a daughter of the Philistines,¹²¹ told his father and his mother thereof. Yea though the party be not under the government of any, yet it is very meet that counsel be taken of wise and understanding friends: that in a matter so weighty as marriage is, there may be the advice of more heads then one, for the preventing of such mischiefs as through rashness might fall out. After a liking is thus taken by one party of a meet mate, that liking must be moved to the other party so liked, to know whether there be a reciprocal affection of one towards another. Thus Samson went and¹²² talked with that woman whom he liked to be his wife. If at first there be a good liking mutually and thoroughly settled in both their hearts of one another, love is like to continue in them for ever, as things which are well glued, and settled before they be shaken up and down, will never be severed asunder: but if they be joined together without glue, or shaken while the glue is moist, they cannot remain firm.

Mutual love and good liking of each other is as glue.

Let the parties to be married be herein well settled before they come to meet with trials through cohabitation, and that love will not easily be loosened by any trials.

Contrary is the adulterous and brutish practise of such as¹²³ so soon as they cast their eye on any whom they like, never advise or consult about a right and due proceeding unto marriage, but instantly with all the eagerness and speed they can, like brute beasts, seek to have their desire and lust satisfied. Though to keep themselves free from the penalty of the laws under which they live, they procure means to be married, yet they declare a lustful and adulterous mind. And their practise is too like to the practise of the Benjamites, who catched wives from among the daughters of Shiloh as they were dancing: or else to the practise of the old world, which so grieved the Spirit of God, that it repented him that he had¹²⁴ made man, and thereupon he was moved to bring a general deluge on the whole world. Their practise was this, that they took them wives of all that they chose: that is, they rashly and¹²⁵ suddenly married whomsoever they liked, without any consideration of their condition.

Getting Married

§. 14. Of a contract what it is?

II. When both parties have manifested a mutual liking¹²⁶ each to other, and upon mature deliberation and good advice do conceive one to be a fit match for another, it is requisite that a joint consent and absolute promise of marrying one another before sufficient witnesses be made. This rightly made is a contract, which is the beginning of a marriage.

The right making of a firm contract consisteth in two things:

1. In an actual taking of each other for espoused man and wife.

2. In a direct promise of marrying each other within a convenient time. So as a form of contract may be made to this purpose; First the man taking the woman by the hand to say, I A. take thee B. to my espoused wife, and do faithfully promise to marry thee in time meet and convenient. And then the woman again taking the man by the hand to say, I B. take thee A. to my espoused husband, and do faithfully promise to yield to be married to thee in time meet and convenient. This mutual and actual taking of one another for espoused man and wife in the time present, and a direct promise of marrying one another afterwards, settleth such a right and property of the one in the other as cannot be alienated without licence had from the great Judge of heaven, who hath by his divine ordinance settled that right.

§. 15. Of the grounds of a contract.

Quest. Is a contract absolutely necessary?

Answ. Though it have been an ancient custom continued¹²⁷ in all ages, yet I dare not pronounce it to be so absolutely necessary, as the want thereof should nullify a marriage, and make it to be no lawful marriage. But surely it is so meet and requisite, as I would advise all Christians that desire a blessing and good success on their marriage to be contracted before they are married.

If there were no other ground for it but this, that God hath sanctified it, and commended it unto us by his word, it were enough to persuade such as fear God to use it.

For I demand, why doth God commend unto his Church any thing by his word, but that his Church should make conscience of using it? Now that by God’s word it is commended, is without contradiction most evident. For, not to insist on that argument which, not without good probability, is alleged for the antiquity of a contract, and thus collected from God’s ordering of that first ancient marriage betwixt Adam and¹²⁸ Eve, God brought Eve to Adam on the first day that they were created to see how he would like her, and upon the sight of her, and notice which withal he had of her, by that wisdom which God gave him, he then took her to himself: which taking is supposed to be but a contract, because¹²⁹ he did not know her till after his fall. If it be objected that Adam and Eve are called¹³⁰ man and wife in the time of their innocency. It may be answered that those titles¹³¹ are in Scripture given to such as are only contracted, to show the near and firm conjunction betwixt parties espoused.

But not to insist on that which is but probable, it is more then probable that Lot’s daughters were contracted: for it is said that¹³² Lot had sons in law which married (or rather should marry) his daughters: and withal it is said that they had not known man: now then it must needs follow that they were called Lot’s sons in law because his daughters were espoused to them. But most evident for this purpose is that difference which the¹³³ law putteth betwixt a pure virgin, an espoused maid, and a married wife. So as contracted persons are in a middle degree betwixt single persons, and married persons: they are neither simply single, nor actually married. To show that this custom of a contract before marriage continued in God’s Church among the Saints, it is expressly noted that Mary the mother of the Lord¹³⁴ Jesus who lived many hundred years after that law, was contracted.

§. 16. Of the reasons which show how requisite a contract is.

Many good and weighty reasons may be alleged to show how requisite it is that a contract should go before marriage. For

1. It addeth much to the honour of marriage, that it should be deliberately and advisedly step after step, by one degree after another consummated and made up.

2. It putteth a difference betwixt such as intend marriage in the fear of the Lord, for such holy ends as are warranted in the word, and such as intend it only to satisfy their lust, or for other like carnal ends. For these can admit no delay, as was noted¹³⁵ before. But they that use this solemn preparation by a contract before marriage, show that they desire to have all things fit for so sacred a matter duly performed; and therefore they are content to make some stay for the better effecting thereof.

3. It is a means of knitting the hearts of the two parties to be married more firmly and inviolably together before they come to dwell together. For a contract being the beginning of a marriage, it is an evident demonstration of God’s counsel concerning the parties contracted, that God hath prepared them each for other to be man and wife: so as after the contract is made, they may simply and absolutely pray each for other, that God would bless them one to another, to live comfortably and happily together. Before a contract is made, they can but upon supposition (if God have appointed them to be man and wife) pray one for another. For oft it falleth out that after many great hopes and likelihoods of proceeding in such or such a match, by some occasion or other it is clean broken off: but a lawful contract knitteth so firm a knot as cannot be broken: so as a man may conclude that being contracted to a woman she shall be his wife: and so may a woman conclude of a man. The consideration hereof will further move them more narrowly to observe what good qualities, or what other things, which may make them more lovely one to another, are in each other.

4. It is a means to make them before hand prepare themselves to perform such marriage duties as God’s word requireth of man and wife. For a contract giveth them assurance of marriage if they live unto it: so as then they cannot but know that it is high time for them to think how they are to carry themselves, when they come to live in house together: and withal to consider, what crosses ordinarily do accompany the married estate, that they may be before hand prepared wisely to pass them over, or patiently to undergo them.

5. It may be a means of discovering many hidden and close inconveniences, which otherwise would never come to light. For many friends fearing lest the discovering of some evils which are carried closely, should make a breach betwixt themselves and their friends, will not make them known till they see some urgent necessity to move them so to do. Though the evil be such, as being known would hinder marriage, yet till they see some sure evidence, that they shall indeed be married (if no just exception be put in) they will hope that some other occasion may fall out to hinder the marriage, and in that respect conceal their exception. But because a contract is the beginning of marriage, after they have notice thereof, they will not forbear to disclose what they know. For this end is it, that the contract is three several times openly published in the Church, that if any do know any just cause why such persons as are contracted may not lawfully proceed to marriage, they make known the same. A commendable custom: and great pity, that it is so much neglected as it is.

6. It may prevent many plots and practises of inveigling, or stealing away maids and widows. For it oft falleth out, that when parents or other friends have provided a good match for their daughter, or for some other under their government, and all things on all parts well concluded, the wedding day appointed, and all things fitted and prepared for the solemnizing of the wedding, some desirous to forestall that marriage, by secret and cunning devices get the bride away a few days before, if not on the very morning of the intended wedding day, and marry her out of hand to another. That which maketh men so bold is, that they know a clandestine marriage being consummate shall stand firm in law. But a legal contract preventeth such mischiefs, because it maketh such a furtive marriage utterly void. None therefore knowing that a contract is lawfully made before hand, will be so bold, or rather so mad, as to offer to frustrate a marriage after any such manner.

7. It is a means to stir up the parties which are to be married, more carefully and diligently to provide all things fit for their dwelling together, and well ordering their household before hand; that they be not to seek for necessaries when they should use them. For being contracted, they know that it cannot be long ere they must come to dwell together.

§. 17. Of abusing, or neglecting a contract.

There are two extremes contrary to the forenamed doctrine of a contract. One of attributing too much to it: another of derogating too much from it. Many make it a very marriage, and thereupon have a greater solemnity at their contract, then¹³⁶ at their marriage: yea many take liberty after a contract to know their spouse, as if they were married: an unwarrantable and dishonest practise. Lot’s daughters were¹³⁷ contracted to husbands, and yet they are said to have known no man. The law styleth her that is contracted¹³⁸ a maid, to show that she ought to keep her self a virgin till the marriage be consummate. Therefore Mary is thus described,¹³⁹ a virgin espoused. But it is the common course of most to make light account of this warrantable and honourable proceeding to marriage by a contract. Few there be in comparison of the multitudes that are married, who make any conscience thereof. They think it needless, and utterly neglect it. No marvel that they meet with many mischiefs and inconveniences, when the means of preventing the same are not used. Let such duly weigh the reasons rendered in the former section.

§. 18. Of the distance of time betwixt the contract and marriage.

Quest. What distance of time must pass betwixt the making of a contract, and consummating of marriage?

Answ. This must be left to the wise consideration of the parties contracted, and of their friends, for the same time cannot precisely be prescribed to all. Occasions may fall out either of hastening, or putting off the marriage. Only extremes on both sides must be avoided. Neither ought the marriage be too suddenly solemnized upon the contract: (then the ends and reasons of a contract, before mentioned, are made void) nor yet too long put off (then may Satan take occasion to tempt them for their incontinency.) The laudable custom of our and other Churches showeth, that at least three weeks must pass betwixt contract and marriage. For the contract is¹⁴⁰ to be three times published, and that but once a week before the wedding be celebrated. And we read that the virgin Mary was at least three months contracted before Joseph took her to wife. For when the Angel first came to her she was¹⁴¹ espoused: after that she went to her cousin Elizabeth, with whom she abode three months: and then being returned home Joseph was warned by an Angel to take her to wife. I¹⁴² note not this as a rule for every one precisely to follow. For the virgin Mary had a just occasion to tarry three months with her old cousin Elizabeth: and so may others have occasions to put off their marriages: which may be lawful, so the marriage be not put off too long, and that there be a mutual and joint consent of both parties. For after the contract is made, neither the man nor the woman have the power of their own body.

Contrary is that unwarrantable course which many take, to¹⁴³ be affianced and made sure to a wife, and then to travel beyond sea, or to any other place, and be absent from their spouse a year, or two, or three, or it may be more years. If a man might not go to war, nor be charged with any business that should draw him from his wife the first year of his marriage, much less may he absent himself for any long time after he is contracted but not married. This may be a means to alienate the heart of his spouse from him for ever.

§. 19. Of a religious consecrating of marriage.

III. The last degree of consummating a marriage, is the open and public solemnization thereof: which consisteth in a religious consecration, and in a civil celebration thereof.

A religious consecration of marriage is performed by the blessing of a public Minister of the word in the open face of the Church in the day time. This of old hath been used of Christians, and still is continued among us. Though we have neither express precept, nor particular pattern in God’s word for this manner of solemnizing a marriage (for there is no particular form thereof set down in the Scripture) yet it being agreeable to the general rules thereof, we ought in conscience to subject our selves thereto.

The general rules are these, Let all things be done decently,¹⁴⁴ and in order. The Churches of God have such a custom. Submit¹⁴⁵ your selves to every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake, with¹⁴⁶ the like. But the foresaid manner of consecrating marriage, is very decent and in good order, a laudable custom of the Churches, and an ordinance of those governors under whom we live. Therefore warrantable, and to be observed. Neither is this order, custom, and ordinance appointed without just and weighty reasons. For

1. Marriage is a kind of public action: the well or ill ordering thereof much tendeth to the good or hurt of family, Church, and common-wealth. For by marriage families are erected, and Church and common-wealth increased and continued.

2. Marriage is honourable.¹⁴⁷¹⁴⁸ The most sacred and inviolable bond that knitteth any two persons together.

3. Marriage is¹⁴⁹ God’s covenant, wherein he himself hath a main and principal stroke. For God is the chiefest agent in joining man and woman in marriage.

On these grounds it hath been thought very requisite that marriage should be solemnized in the day time (as a work of light that need not be covertly and closely done) and that in a public place, whither any, that will, may have free access, either to except against it, and hinder it (if there be just cause) or to be a witness thereof, and to add his blessing thereto. And among public places the Church is thought the fittest, because it is the house of prayer, where persons and actions are most solemnly blessed. And of all persons a public Minister is thought to be the meetest to celebrate marriage, and to join¹⁵⁰ the parties to be married, together, because he stands in God’s room, and in and by his ministry God joineth them together, and blesseth them: so as after the minister hath rightly joined man and wife together in matrimony, it may be well said, Those whom God hath joined together, let no man put asunder. The form of consecrating marriage, which is prescribed in our liturgy or common-prayer-book, doth so distinctly, perspicuously, and fully set down whatsoever is to be observed and done by the parties to be married, their parents, or other governors, and the Minister that joineth them together, that I can add nothing thereunto. There are declared the grounds, ends, and uses of marriage. There open proclamation is made whether any can except against the intended marriage. There each party is solemnly charged, that if either of them do know any impediment, why they may not lawfully be married, to disclose it. There also each party is openly demanded if freely and willingly they will take one another for man and wife. There the duties of married persons are declared, and they severally asked whether they will subject themselves thereto or no. All which being openly professed, the parent or some in his stead is called forth to give the bride to the bridegroom. Then they two actually taking each other to be man and wife, and testifying the same by express words, and by mutual pledges, the Minister in God’s name joineth them together, pronounceth them to be lawful husband and wife, and by prayer craveth God’s blessing upon the action, and upon their persons. Thus is the marriage consecrated, and they two made one flesh, that is, lawfully joined together by the inviolable bond of marriage.

§. 20. Of clandestine marriages.

Contrary are clandestine marriages, such as are made in private houses, or other secret places, or in Churches without a sufficient number of witnesses, or in the night time, or without a lawful Minister of the word, with the like. As such seeking of secrecy taketh much from the honour and dignity of marriage, so it implieth some evil cleaving thereto: For every¹⁵¹ man that evil doth hateth the light. There is little hope that such marriages should have any good success. For where such means as are sanctified for obtaining a blessing on marriage are neglected, what blessing can thereupon be expected?

§. 21. Of a civil celebrating of marriage.

Though upon the forenamed consecrating of marriage it be in regard of the substance thereof fully consummate, yet for the greater solemnity of so honourable a thing, it is very requisite that further there be added a civil celebration of it: under¹⁵² which I comprise all those lawful customs that are used for the setting forth of the outward solemnity thereof, as meeting of friends, accompanying the bridegroom and bride both to and from the Church, putting on best apparel, feasting, with other tokens of rejoicing: for which we have express warrant out of God’s word.

For the general, that the marriage time is a time of rejoicing, some gather from the notation of the word, as if it were styled marriage of merry age. But to let that pass, the Scripture useth to set forth a time of rejoicing by the¹⁵³ joy of the bridegroom over his bride, and styleth¹⁵⁴ the voice of a bridegroom and a bride, the voice of joy and gladness. And on the contrary counteth it a judgment, when¹⁵⁵ joy is taken away from the bridegroom and the bride.

For meeting of friends at the time of marriage, it is noted that¹⁵⁶ Laban gathered together all the men of the place, when his daughter was married. And when Samson was married,¹⁵⁷ they brought thirty companions to him. And when a friend of the virgin Mary was married,¹⁵⁸ Jesus and his Disciples, besides many other, were invited thereto. And in the parable of the marriage of the Kings son, it is noted that¹⁵⁹ many guests were bidden to the wedding. In all which histories it is further noted, that feasts were made at the solemnizing of those marriages. And the phrases which the Prophet useth of¹⁶⁰ a Bridegrooms decking himself with ornaments, and a Brides adorning her self with Jewels, give warrant for putting on the best apparel at that time.

Here by the way let good heed be taken, that the things which may lawfully be used, be not unlawfully abused, as commonly marriage-festivities, and that especially in feastings, are.

§. 22. Of ill or well ordering marriage feasts.

Marriage feasts are abused,¹⁶¹

1. When they are made at an unseasonable time: as on the¹⁶² Lord’s day, or in a time of mourning.

2. When they exceed the ability of him that maketh the¹⁶³ feasts.

3. When the abundance prepared, is immoderately taken,¹⁶⁴ even to gluttony and drunkenness. The lewd practise of drinking healths to the bridegroom and bride, oft causeth much excess in drunkenness.

4. When too much time is spent therein.¹⁶⁵

5. When God is clean forgotten therein, and the company poisoned¹⁶⁶ with corrupt communication, unchaste songs, and the like.

6. When the needy and distressed are not remembered¹⁶⁷ therein.

For preventing of these abuses, a seasonable time for celebrating¹⁶⁸ marriage must be chosen out: and moderation used both by him that maketh the feast, and also by them that partake thereof: moderation I say in the measure of eating and drinking, and in the time spent therein: which time must be sanctified with such communication as is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. And for the more cheerfulness therein, witty questions and doubtful riddles may be propounded (as Samson did) to exercise the wit¹⁶⁹ and judgment of the guests: there may be also singing Psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, making melody in their hearts to the Lord. Yea further, that the marriage meeting, mirth, and feasting may be the better sanctified, good choice is to be made of the guests that are invited thereto. Hereof we have a worthy pattern in those who were married in Cana of Galilee,¹⁷⁰ and invited to their feast Jesus, his mother, and his Disciples. Such as Jesus, will minister occasion of savoury and sanctified communication, whereby all the guests may be much edified. Such as the virgin Mary will be a good example of modesty, sobriety, and other like Christian graces. Such as the Disciples, will be far from scorning and deriding wholesome and good instructions, but rather give all diligent heed thereunto, and lay them up in their hearts.

Above all, that the mirth and joy of marriage be not damped, as Belshazzar’s was, let them that are married, and all that come¹⁷¹ to rejoice with them, be sure that they have true assurance of their spiritual marriage with Christ, and of a good right in him to the creatures which they use. Otherwise their sins will be as that hand-writing which appeared to Belshazzar on the wall.

Finally, in regard of that liberty which God giveth with plenty and abundance to eat of the fat, and drink of the¹⁷² sweet, let the poor that scarce have sufficiency be remembered.

Thus by a right celebrating of marriage, is it much honoured: and man and wife with much honour are brought together.

§. 23. Of the honour of marriage in regard of the first institution thereof.

Great reason there is why marriage should with such honour be solemnized. For it is a most honourable thing. Honourable in the institution, ends, privileges, and mystery thereof. No ordinance was more honourable in the first institution thereof, as is evident by the Author thereof, the place where it was instituted, the time when it was instituted, the persons who were first married, and the Manner of joining them together.

1. The Author and first Institutor of marriage was the Lord¹⁷³ God. Could there have been a greater, or any way a more excellent Author?

2. The place was Paradise; the most fair, glorious, pleasant, honourable, commodious, and every way most excellent place that ever was in this world. Place, though it be but a circumstance, addeth much to the honour of a thing. Solemn ordinances are made in honourable places. Thus with us marriages are solemnized in Churches, not in private houses.

3. The time was the most pure and perfect time that ever was in the world, when no sin or pollution of man had stained it, even the time of man’s innocency. Purity addeth much to the honour of a thing.

4. The persons were the most honourable that ever were even the first father and mother of all mankind, they who had an absolute power and dominion over all creatures, and to whom all were subject. None but they ever had a true monarchy over the whole world.

5. The Manner was with as great deliberation as ever was used in instituting any ordinance. For first the three glorious¹⁷⁴ persons in the Trinity do meet to advise about it. For The Lord God said, and to whom should he speak? Not to any created power, but to him that was begotten of himself, that Wonderful, Counsellor, etc. In this consultation this ordinance is found to be very needful: (It is not good for man to be alone) thereupon a determination is set down, to make an help meet for man. For the better effecting hereof the Lord proceedeth thereto very deliberately, by sundry steps, and degrees.

1. All the creatures that lived on the earth, or breathed in the air, are brought before man, to see if an help meet for him might be found among them.

2. Every of them being thoroughly viewed, and found unfit, another creature is made and that out of man’s substance and side, and after his image.

3. This excellent creature thus made is by the maker thereof presented to man, to see how he would like it.

4. Man manifesting a good liking to her, she is given to him to be his wife.

5. The inviolable law of the near and firm union of man and wife together is enacted.

Let all the forenamed branches concerning the first institution of marriage expressly recorded by the Holy Ghost be well weighed, and we shall easily see that there is no ordinance now in force among the sons of men so honourable in the institution thereof, as this.

§. 24. Of the Ends of Marriage.

2. The Ends for which marriage was ordained add much to the honour thereof. They are especially three.¹⁷⁵

1. That the world might be increased: and not simply increased, but with a legitimate brood, and distinct families, which are the seminaries of cities and common-wealths. Yea also that in the world the Church by an holy seed might be preserved, and propagated, Mal. 2. 15.

2. That men might avoid fornication (1 Cor. 7. 2.) and possess their vessels in holiness and honour. In regard of that¹⁷⁶ proneness which is in man’s corrupt nature to lust, this end addeth much to the honour of marriage. It showeth that marriage is as an haven to such as are in jeopardy of their salvation through the gusts of temptations to lust. No sin is more hereditary; none whereof more children of Adam do partake, then this. Well might Christ say (Mat. 19. 11.) all men receive not this saying.

Of all the children of Adam that ever were, not one to a million of those that have come to ripeness of years have been true Eunuchs all their life time. Against this hereditary disease no remedy is so sovereign as this. Yea for those that have not the gift of continency this is the only warranted, and sanctified remedy.

3. That man and wife might be a mutual help one to¹⁷⁷ another, (Gen. 2. 18.) An help as for bringing forth, so for bringing up children; and as for erecting, so for well governing their family. An help also for well ordering prosperity, and well bearing adversity. An help in health and sickness.¹⁷⁸ An help while both live together, and when one is by death taken from the other. In this respect it is said (Pro. 18. 22.) who so findeth a wife, findeth a good thing, which by the rule of relation is true also, of an husband.¹⁷⁹

No such help can man have from any other creature as from a wife; or a woman as from an husband.

§. 25. Of the Privileges of marriage.

III. If¹⁸⁰ (as once of circumcision) it be demanded what is the privilege, advantage, and profit of marriage, I answer, Much every way.

1. By it men and women are made husbands and wives.

2. It is the only lawful means to make them fathers and mothers.

3. It is the ordinary means to make them masters and mistresses. All these are great dignities, wherein the image and glory of God consisteth.

4. It is the most effectual means of continuing a man’s¹⁸¹ name and memory in this world, that can be. Children are living monuments, and lively representations of their parents.

5. Many privileges have of old been granted to such as were married.¹⁸² In pleading causes, or giving sentence, they had the first place; and in choice of offices they were preferred.¹⁸³ In meetings they had the upper hand.¹⁸⁴ And if they had many children they were exempted from watchings, and other like burdensome functions. Among us, if the younger sister be married before the elder, the preeminence and precedency is given to the younger.

The privileges and honours which are given to married persons, were questionless the ground of that custom which Laban mentioneth of his country; that the younger was not to¹⁸⁵ be married before the elder.

§. 26. Of the mystery of Marriage.

IIII. Great is that mystery which is set forth by marriage, namely the sacred, spiritual, real, and inviolable union betwixt Christ and his Church: which is excellently deciphered in Solomon’s Song, and in Psal. 45. And expressly noted, Eph. 5. 32.

Hereby man and wife who entirely, as they ought, love one another, have an evident demonstration of Christ’s love to them. For as parents by that affection which they bear to their children, may better discern the mind, and meaning of God towards them, then such as never had child, so may married persons better know the disposition of Jesus Christ, who is the spouse of every faithful soul, then single persons.

§. 27. Of Marriage and single life compared together.

Let now the admirers and praisers of a single estate bring forth all their reasons, and put them in the other scale against marriage. If these two be duly poised, and rightly weighed, we shall find single life too light to be compared with honest marriage. All that can be said for the single estate, is grounded upon accidental occasions. Saint Paul, who of all the pen-men of holy Scripture hath spoken most for it, draweth all his commendations to the head of Expediency, and restraineth all unto¹⁸⁶ present necessity.

Object. He useth these words¹⁸⁷ (good, and¹⁸⁸ better.)

Answ. Those words have relation not to virtue, but to expediency: neither are they spoken in opposition to vice and sin, for then would it follow, that to marry (which is God’s ordinance, and honourable in all) were evil and sinful: which is to revive¹⁸⁹ that ancient heresy, that marriage is of the devil.¹⁹⁰ Of old they who have called lawful marriage a defilement, have been said to have the Apostate dragon dwelling in them. But the Apostle styleth that good, which is commodious, and that better which is more expedient: and yet not simply more expedient, but to some persons at some times. For if any have not the gift of continency, it is not only commodious or more expedient that they marry, but also absolutely necessary. They are commanded so to do (1 Cor. 7. 9.) Yet on the other side, if any have the gift of continency, they are not simply bound from marriage; there be other occasions, beside avoiding fornication, to move them to marry. It is therefore truly said that Virginity is not commanded, but advised unto.¹⁹¹ We have no precept for it, but leave it to the power of them that have that power. So far forth as men and women see just occasion of abstaining from marriage (being at least able so to do) they are by the Apostle persuaded to use their liberty and keep themselves free. But all the occasions which¹⁹² move them to remain single arise from the weakness and wickedness of men. Their wickedness who raise troubles against others, their weakness who suffer themselves to be disquieted and too much distracted with affairs of the family, care for wife, children, and the like. Were it not for the wickedness of some, and weakness of others, to please an husband¹⁹³ or a wife, would be no hindrance to pleasing of the Lord. If therefore man had stood in his entire and innocent estate, no such wickedness or weakness had seized upon him: and then in no respect could the single estate have been preferred¹⁹⁴ before the married. But since the fall, Virginity (where it is given) may be of good use: and therefore the Church doth give due honour both to virginity and marriage.

§. 28. Of celebrating marriage with sorrow.

Contrary to the forenamed joyful celebrating of marriage are all those indirect courses which bring much grief, trouble and vexation thereunto: as forced, stolen, unequal, or any other way unlawful marriages: marriages without parents, or other governors and friends consent: or huddled up to avoid the danger of law for former uncleanness committed, with the like. Many by their preposterous and undue performing of so weighty a matter, do not only cause great trouble and disquietness on the marriage day, but also much sorrow all the days of their life. If such find no joy, comfort or help in marriage, but rather the contrary, let them not blame God’s ordinance, but their own folly and perverseness.

Marital Unity and Sexual Faithfulness

§. 1. Of the heads of those common-mutual duties.

In the first part of this Treatise concerning man and wife, hath been declared, who are so to be accounted: in this second part their common-mutual duties are to be laid forth. These are either¹⁹⁵ absolutely necessary for the being and abiding of marriage: or¹⁹⁶ needful and requisite for the well being and well abiding of it, that is, for the good estate of marriage, and for a commendable, and comfortable living together.

There are two kinds of the former

1. Matrimonial Unity.
2. Matrimonial Chastity.

The latter also may be drawn to two heads: for they are either such as the married couple are mutually to perform each to other: or such as both of them are jointly to perform to others.

Those mutual duties are

1. A loving affection of one to another.
2. A provident care of one for another.

Under that provident care I comprise both the Means whereby it may be the better effected (which is Cohabitation) and the Matter wherein it consisteth:

And this respecteth the soul, the body, the good-name, and the goods of each other.

The joint duties which are to be performed to others, respect those who are in the house, and those who are out of the house.

They who are in the house are

1. Members of the family.
2. Guests which come to the family.

Many more particulars are comprised under these general heads, which I purpose distinctly to deliver, as I come to them in their several proper places.

§. 2. Of Matrimonial unity.

The first, highest, chiefest, and most absolutely necessary common-mutual duty betwixt man and wife, is Matrimonial Unity, whereby husband and wife do account one another to be one flesh, and accordingly preserve the inviolable union whereby they are knit together. This is that duty which the Apostle enjoineth to husbands and wives, in these words, Let¹⁹⁷ not the wife depart from her husband: Let not the husband put away his wife. He there speaketh of renouncing each other, and making the matrimonial bond frustrate, and of no effect: which bond he would have to be kept firm and inviolable, and they two who are thereby made one, constantly to remain one, and not to make themselves two again. This matrimonial unity is so necessary, as it may not be dis-united or dissolved though one be a Christian, the other a Pagan. If any brother¹⁹⁸ (saith the Apostle) hath a wife that believeth not, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, let her not leave him.

The reasons of this inviolable union are especially two: One taken from the Author of marriage: the other from the nature thereof.

1. The Author of marriage is God. It is his ordinance: and¹⁹⁹ he it is that by his ordinance hath made of two, one flesh. Now mark the consequence which Christ as a ruled case, and undeniable principle inferreth thereon, What God hath joined together²⁰⁰ let no man put asunder: If no man, then nor wife, nor husband himself.

2. Such is the nature of the matrimonial bond as it maketh of two one, and²⁰¹ more firmly bindeth them two together, then any other bond can bind any other two together, how then should they be two again?

§. 3. Of Desertion.

The vice contrary to matrimonial unity is Desertion, when one of the married couple through indignation of the true religion, and utter detestation thereof, or some other like cause, shall apparently renounce all matrimonial unity, and withdraw him or her self from all society with the other, and live among Infidels, Idolaters, heretics, or other such persecutors, as a faithful Christian with safety of life, or a good conscience, cannot abide among; and though all good means that can be thought of be used to reclaim the party so departed, yet nothing will prevail, but obstinately persisteth in renouncing all matrimonial fellowship.

This Desertion is in the case of marriage so capital, as it²⁰² freeth the innocent party from any further seeking after the other. In which respect the Apostle saith, If the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases, 1 Cor. 7. 15. By bondage he meaneth matrimonial subjection (by reason whereof neither of the married persons have power of their own body, but one of the others.) Now they that are not under this bondage, are not bound to seek after it. That Desertion therefore on the delinquents²⁰³ part is such a dissolution of marriage, as freeth the innocent party from the bondage thereof. In many reformed Churches beyond the seas Desertion is accounted so far to dissolve the very bond of marriage, as liberty is given to the party forsaken to marry another: and it is also applied to other cases then that which is above mentioned: as when an²⁰⁴ Infidel, Idolater, or Heretic shall depart from one of the true religion for other causes then hatred of religion: or when both man and wife having lived as Idolaters among Idolaters,²⁰⁵ one of them being converted to the true faith, leaveth his abode among Idolaters, and goeth to the professors of the true faith, but can by no means get the other party to remove: or when one of the true religion shall depart from another of the same profession, and will by no means be brought to live with the party so left, but openly manifesteth peremptory obstinacy; the matter being heard and adjudged by the Magistrate, the marriage bond may be broken, and liberty given to the party forsaken to marry another. But because our Church hath no such custom, nor our law determined such cases, I leave them to the custom of other Churches.

§. 4. Of matrimonial Chastity.

The second necessary common-mutual marriage-duty is Matrimonial chastity. Chastity in a large extent is taken for all manner of purity in soul or body: in which respect the Apostle calleth the Church of God a chaste virgin. But in the²⁰⁶ sense wherein we here use it, it especially appertaineth to the body: which is that virtue whereby we possess our vessels (to²⁰⁷ use the Apostles phrase) in holiness and honour: or more plainly to our purpose, whereby we keep our bodies undefiled.

Chastity thus restrained to the body is of

• Single life.
• Wedlock.

That of single life is opposed to fornication: and it is either of such as never were married. Such an one was S. Paul, in which respect he wisheth that all were as he, 1 Cor. 7. 7. Or of such as are lawfully freed from the bond of marriage. Such an one the Apostle calleth²⁰⁸ a widow indeed. Chastity of wedlock is that virtue whereby parties married, observing the lawful and honest use of marriage, keep their bodies from being defiled with strange flesh: thus the Apostle commandeth wives to be chaste, Tit. 2. 5. So as²⁰⁹ they that keep the laws of wedlock are as chaste as they that contain.

Here by the way note the dotage of our adversaries, who think there is no chastity, but of single persons: whereupon in their speeches and writings²¹⁰ they oppose chastity and matrimony one to another, as two contraries.

Some of their holy fathers and Popes, and those not the least learned, nor of worst note among them, have inferred by their arguments against Priests marriage, that marriage is a living in the flesh, a sowing to the flesh, a pollution of the flesh. To that²¹¹ purpose S. Paul’s advice to man and wife to abstain, that they may give themselves to fasting and prayer, is urged: but directly contrary to the intent of the Apostle. For,

1. He speaketh there of extraordinary humiliation. 2. He interposeth this limitation, for a time. 3. He saith not simply, that ye may pray, but that ye may give your selves. (or have²¹² leisure) to prayer: as if it did only hinder, but not pollute prayer.

But how can the forenamed spots and blots of marriage stand with that beauty and glory wherewith the Apostle setteth it forth in these words, marriage is honourable in all, Heb. 13. 4. If marriage were as Papists set it forth to be, the marriage-bed were very unfitly called a bed undefiled.

Behold how contrary the spirits of S. Paul and of their Popes were. I wot well far more contrary then chastity and matrimony.

But to return to our matter, clear it is, that married persons may be chaste, and accordingly they ought to be chaste. To which purpose the Apostle counselling men and women, for avoiding fornication, to have wives and husbands, inserteth this particle OWN (Let every man have his OWN wife,²¹³ and every woman have her OWN husband) whereby he implieth, that they should not have to do with any other. That which²¹⁴ Solomon expresseth of an husband, by the rule of relation must be applied to a wife. As the man must be satisfied at all times in his wife, and even ravished with her love; so must the woman be satisfied at all times in her husband, and even ravished with his love. By the like rule the precept given to wives, to be chaste, must husbands take as directed to themselves²¹⁵ also, and be chaste. This duty did Isaac and Rebekah faithfully and mutually perform each to other.

1. It was one main end, why marriage (especially since the²¹⁶ fall of man) was ordained, to live chastely. This the Apostle implieth, where he saith, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.²¹⁷ And again, If they cannot contain let them marry.

2. By chastity is a godly seed preserved on earth. By this reason doth the Prophet Malachy enforce this duty. For after he had said, that the Lord made one, meaning of two one flesh²¹⁸ by marriage, he inferreth this exhortation, Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal unfaithfully against the wife of his youth.

3. An especial part of the honour of marriage consisteth in²¹⁹ chastity: whereupon the Apostle having given this high commendation of marriage, that it is honourable in all, addeth this clause (and the bed undefiled) to show the reason of that honour. As if he had said, Because the marriage-bed is in it self a bed undefiled, marriage is therefore in it self honourable, and doth so far remain honourable, as the bed remaineth undefiled.

§. 5. Of Adultery.

The vice contrary to matrimonial chastity is Adultery, one of the most capital vices in that estate: a vice whereby way is made for Divorce: as is clear and evident by the determination of Christ himself, concerning that point, first²²⁰ propounded in his sermon on the mount, and again²²¹ repeated in his conference with the Pharisees, where condemning unjust divorces, he excepteth the divorce made for adultery.

And great reason there is thereof. For²²² the adulterer maketh himself one flesh with his harlot. Why then should he remain to be one flesh with his wife? Two (saith the Law) shall be one flesh: not three. The like may be said of a wife committing adultery.

§. 6. Of pardoning adultery upon repentance.

Quest. Seeing by adultery just cause of divorce is given, may this fault upon the repentance of the delinquent person be so forgiven, as no divorce be sought by the innocent person, but both continue to live together in wedlock as before?

Answ. Though it be not meet in this case, to impose it as an inviolable law upon the innocent party, to retain the delinquent, because of repentance (for we have no direct and strict warrant for it) yet I doubt not but they may so do, if they will, and that without just exception to the contrary, they ought so to do. For the law of divorce did not necessarily enjoin any to sue out the bill, but only afforded them liberty to use that punishment if they saw cause. I doubt not but for warrant of this liberty, we may take God’s pattern, in retaining Churches and people after they have committed spiritual adultery: and Christ’s forgiving the woman that had committed adultery. For,²²³ Seeing Christ said to an adulteress, I condemn thee not, go and sin no more, who cannot conceive that an husband ought to forgive that which he seeth the Lord both of husband and wife hath forgiven: and that he ought not to account her an adulteress, whose fault he believeth to be blotted out, by the mercy of God, upon her repentance?

§. 7. Of the difference of adultery in a man, and in a wife.

Quest. Is the bond of marriage as much violated on the²²⁴ man’s part when he committeth adultery as on the woman’s when she doth so?

Answ. Though the ancient Romans and Canonists have aggravated the woman’s fault in this kind far above the man’s, and given the man more privileges then the woman, yet I see not how that difference in the sin can stand with the tenor of God’s word. I deny not but that more inconveniences may follow upon the woman’s default then upon the man’s: as, greater infamy before men, worse disturbance²²⁵ of the family, more mistaking of legitimate, or illegitimate children, with the like. The man cannot so well know which be his own children, as the woman; he may take base children to be his own, and so cast the inheritance upon them; and suspect his own to be basely born, and so deprive them of their patrimony. But the woman is freed from all such mistakings. Yet in regard of the breach of wedlock, and transgression against God, the sin of either party is alike. God’s word maketh no disparity betwixt them. At the beginning God said of them both,²²⁶ they two shall be one flesh: not the woman only with the man, but the man also with the woman is made one flesh.²²⁷ Their power also over one another in this respect is alike. If on just occasion they abstain,²²⁸ it must be with mutual consent. If the husband leave his wife,²²⁹ she is as free, as he should be, if she left him. Accordingly the punishment²³⁰ which by God’s law was to be inflicted on Adulterers is the same, whether the man or the woman be the delinquent, (Deut. 22. 22.) If difference be made, it is meet that adulterous husbands be so much the more severely punished, by how much the more it appertaineth to them to excel in virtue, and to govern their wives by example.

§. 8. Of the heinousness of Adultery.

But to return to the discovery of the heinousness of Adultery, I find no sin throughout the whole Scripture so notoriously in the several colours thereof set forth, as it is. For besides that it is²³¹ by name forbidden in the Decalogue, it is further expressly branded to be committed,

1. Against each person in the holy Trinity: the father (whose²³² covenant is broken) the son (whose²³³ members are made the members of an harlot) and the Holy Ghost (whose²³⁴ Temple is polluted.)

2. Against ones neighbour, as²³⁵ the party with whom the sin is committed (for this sin cannot be committed singly by one alone) the husband and wife of each party²³⁶ (who cannot rest contented with any satisfaction) the²³⁷ children born in adultery (whom they brand with an indelible character of infamy, and deprive of many privileges that otherwise they might enjoy) the²³⁸ alliance and friends of each party (to whom the grief and disgrace of this foul sin reacheth) the whole family appertaining to either of them (for²³⁹ this is as a fire in an house) the town, city, and nation where such unclean birds roost (for²⁴⁰ all they lie open to the vengeance of God for this sin) and the very Church of God (the²⁴¹ holy seed whereof is by this sin hindered).

3. Against the parties themselves that commit this sin, and that against their²⁴² souls,²⁴³ bodies,²⁴⁴ name,²⁴⁵ goods, and all that appertaineth to them.

As this sin is in it self a sinful sin, so by the bitter and²⁴⁶ cursed fruits which proceed from it, it is made out of measure sinful. For

1. By it husbands and wives affection (which of all other ought to be the most inviolable) is so alienated, as seldom it is reconciled again.

2. By it the goods of the family are much wasted: the adulterous husband spending that wherewith he should provide for his family, on his harlot: and the adulterous wife purloining what she can from her husband.

3. By it husbands and wives are stirred up to wish, and long after one anothers death: and not only inwardly in heart to wish it, but outwardly also in deed to practise it.

4. If from this sin there arise not a galling and terrifying conscience (as oft there doth) then (which is worse) a seared conscience, an hard heart, a reprobate sense, and an impudent face.

Wherefore God accordingly deals with such sinners. In²⁴⁷ his soul²⁴⁸ he hateth them: by his word he hath denounced many fearful judgments against them, both in²⁴⁹ this world, and in²⁵⁰ the world to come (against no sin more.) This sin is reckoned to be one of the most principal causes of the greatest judgments that ever were inflicted in the world: as of the²⁵¹ general deluge: of that²⁵² fire and brimstone which destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah: of²⁵³ Canaan’s spewing out her Inhabitants: of that²⁵⁴ plague which destroyed in one day 24000: and of the²⁵⁵ Israelites captivity, with the like: By all which we see that fearful doom verified,²⁵⁶ Whoremongers, and adulterers God will judge. Now consider what²⁵⁷ a fearful thing it is to fall into the hands of the living God.

§. 9. Of remedies against Adultery, and in particular of due benevolence, and of defect or excess therein.

For preventing this heinous sin (to omit many other remedies which God’s word hath prescribed, as²⁵⁸ a diligent keeping of the heart (that lustful thoughts proceed not from thence) of the²⁵⁹ eyes (that they wander not on the beauty or properness of any ones person, or on lascivious pictures, or any other like allurements) of the²⁶⁰ ears (that they hearken not to any enticements of others) of the²⁶¹ tongue (that it utter no unchaste and corrupt communication) of the²⁶² lips (that they delight not in wanton kisses) of the²⁶³ hands (that they use no wanton dalliance) of the²⁶⁴ feet (that they carry thee not too near to the place where adultery may be committed) of thy²⁶⁵ company (that thou be not defiled with others wantonness and uncleanness) of thy²⁶⁶ diet (that it be not immoderate) of thine²⁶⁷ apparel (that it be not garish and lascivious) of thy²⁶⁸ time (that it be not vainly and idly spent) to omit, I say, these and other like remedies.) One of the best remedies that can be prescribed to married persons (next to an²⁶⁹ awful fear of God, and a continual setting of him before them, wheresoever they are) is, that husband and wife mutually delight each in other, and maintain a pure and fervent love betwixt themselves, yielding that²⁷⁰ due benevolence one to another which is warranted & sanctified by God’s word, and ordained of God for this particular end. This due benevolence (as the Apostle styleth it) is one of the most proper and essential acts of marriage: and necessary for the main and principal ends thereof: as for preservation of chastity in such as have not the gift of continency, for increasing the world with a legitimate brood, and for linking the affections of the married couple more firmly together. These ends of marriage, at least the two former, are made void without this duty be performed.

As it is called²⁷¹ benevolence because it must be performed with good will and delight, willingly, readily and cheerfully; so it is said to be²⁷² due because it is a debt which the wife oweth to her husband, and he to her.²⁷³ For the wife hath not the power of her own body, but the husband; and likewise also the husband hath not the power of his own body, but the wife.

I have my warrant from the Apostle to prescribe this duty as a remedy against adultery. For²⁷⁴ to avoid fornication, he adviseth man and wife to render due benevolence one to another. If then this question be moved (How will marriage keep men and women from adultery?) this answer out of the Apostles words may be given (by rendering due benevolence:) which he further inculcateth by declaring the mischief that may follow upon the neglect of this duty, namely²⁷⁵ a casting of themselves into the snares of Satan. Well might he press this duty to that end, because no other means is of like force: nor fasting, nor watching, nor hard lodging, nor long travel, nor much labour, nor cold, nor solitariness, nor any thing else.²⁷⁶ Some that have by these means endeavoured much to beat down their bodies, and subdue lust (but neglected the forenamed remedy) have notwithstanding felt lust boiling in them.

There are two extremes contrary to this duty. One in the defect: another in the excess.

Defect therein is, when in case of need it is not required, or being required by the one, it is not yielded by the other. Modesty is pretended by some for not requiring it: but in a duty so warrantable and needful, pretence of modesty is (to speak the least) a sign of great infirmity, and a cause of much iniquity. To deny this duty being justly required, is to deny a due debt, and to give Satan great advantage. The punishment inflicted on Onan, (Gen. 38. 9, 10.) showeth how great a wrong this is. From that punishment²⁷⁷ the Hebrews gather that this sin is a kind of murder. It is so much the more heinous when hatred, stoutness, niceness, fear of having too many children, or any other like respects, are the cause thereof.

Excess is either in the measure, or in the time. In the measure, when husband or wife is insatiable; provoking, rather then assuaging lust, and weakening their natural vigor more then suppressing their unnatural humor. Many husbands and wives are much oppressed by their bedfellows unsatiableness in this kind.

In the time, when it is against Piety, Mercy, or Modesty.

1. Against Piety, when no day, nor duty of Religion, no not extraordinary days, and duties of humiliation, will make them forbear.²⁷⁸ The Prophets bidding the bridegroom and bride go out of their chamber in the day of a Fast, and²⁷⁹ the Apostles excepting of Prayer and fasting, where he enjoineth this duty of due benevolence, show that in the time of a Fast it must be forborne.

2. Against Mercy, when one of the married couple being weak by sickness, pain, labour, travel, or any other like means, and through that weakness not well able to perform his duty, the other notwithstanding will have it performed. I will have mercy, and not sacrifice, saith the Lord. Shall God’s sacrifice give place to mercy, and shall not man’s or woman’s lust? For so I may well term this unseasonable desire.

Quest. What if an husband or wife continue so long sick, or otherwise weak, as the other cannot contain?

Answ. In such cases of necessity the body must be beaten down, and earnest prayer made for the gift of continency: for assuredly the Lord who hath brought thee to that necessity, will give thee grace sufficient.

3. Against Modesty,²⁸⁰ when husbands require this duty in that time, which under the Law was called the time of a wives separation for her disease (Lev. 15. 19. etc.) For what can be expected from such polluted copulation, but a leprous and loathsome generation? This kind of intemperancy is expressly forbidden (Levit. 18. 19.) and a capital punishment inflicted on such as offended therein (Levit. 20. 18.) Abstinence in this time is set in the catalogue of those notes which declare a man to be righteous (Ezek. 18. 6.) and the contrary intemperancy is put in the roll of such abominations as provoked God to spew out the Canaanites (Levit. 18. 28.) and to forsake his own inheritance (Ezek. 22. 10.)

To this kind of intemperancy²⁸¹ some refer a man’s knowing of his wife after she hath conceived with child. But I find no such matter condemned in God’s word: neither dare I make that a sin which is not there condemned.²⁸² Certain Sectaries among the Jews are branded for this error.

1. Object. No other creature will so do: so as it may seem to be against nature.

Answ. 1. I deny the argument: though some forbear, yet all do not.

2. I deny the consequence: for other creatures are not so tied one male to one female, as an husband to his own wife.²⁸³ Besides, that which beasts by nature are tied unto, must be left to man’s discretion.

2. Object. After a woman hath once conceived, no more conceptions can be expected, till she be delivered.

Answ. Conception is not the only end of this duty: for it is to be rendered to such as are barren.

Quest. What if the wife give suck to her child, ought not her husband then to forbear?

Answ. Because giving suck is a mother duty, man ought to do what he can to contain.

Living Together in Love

§. 10. Of mutual love betwixt man and wife.

Hitherto of those common mutual duties which tend to the preservation of the very being of marriage, and are in that respect absolutely necessary. The other common mutual duties (though they be not of so absolute necessity as the former) are in their kind necessary for the good estate of marriage, and for the better preserving of that knot: so as, if they be not performed, the end and right use of marriage will be perverted, & that estate made uncomfortable, & very burdensome. The first of these is love. A loving mutual affection must pass betwixt husband and wife, or else no duty will be well performed: this is the ground of all the rest. In some respects love is proper and peculiar to an husband, as²⁸⁴ I purpose to show when I come to speak of an husbands particular duties. But love is also required of wives, and they are commanded to be lovers of their husbands, as well as husbands to love their wives:²⁸⁵ so as it is a common mutual duty belonging to husband and wife too: and that is true wedlock, when man and wife are linked together by the bond of love. Under love all other duties²⁸⁶ are comprised: for without it no duty can be well performed.²⁸⁷ Love is the fulfilling of the Law, that is, the very life of all those duties which the law requireth. It is the²⁸⁸ bond of perfection, which bindeth together all those duties that pass betwixt party and party. Where love aboundeth, there all duties will readily and cheerfully be performed. Where love is wanting, there every duty will either be altogether neglected, or so carelessly performed, that as good not be performed at all: in which respect the Apostle willeth, that all things be done²⁸⁹ in love. Love as it provoketh the party in whom it ruleth to do all the good it can; so it stirreth up the party loved to repay good for good. It is like fire, which is not only hot in it self, but also conveyeth heat into that which is near it: whence ariseth a reflection of heat from one to another. Note how admirably this is set forth betwixt Christ and his Spouse in the Song of Solomon: and it is further manifested in the examples of all good husbands and wives noted in the Scripture: they did mutually bear a very loving affection one to another.

Though love be a general duty which every one oweth to another,²⁹⁰ even to his enemy, yet the nearer that God hath linked any together, the more are they bound to this duty, and the more must they abound therein. But of all others are²⁹¹ man and wife most nearly and firmly linked together. Of all others therefore are they most bound hereunto, & that in the highest degree that may be, even like to Jonathan’s love, who loved David²⁹² as his own soul. Solomon saith, He that findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord: which by the rule of relation is also true of an husband, She that findeth an husband findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord. Man and wife therefore are each to other an especial pledge of God’s favour, and in this respect above all others under God to be loved. If this be the ground (as it ought to be) of their mutual²⁹³ love, their love will be fervent and constant. Neither will the want, or withering of any outward allurements, as beauty, personage, parentage, friends, riches, honours, or the like, with-hold or with-draw, extinguish or extenuate their love: neither will any excellencies of nature or grace in other husbands and wives draw their hearts from their own to those other: nor yet will the love of a former yoke-fellow dead and gone, any whit lessen the love of the living mate.

This instance I have the rather mentioned, because in many,²⁹⁴ who are far from setting their affection on strange flesh, their love of a former husband or wife departed is so fast fixed in their heart, as they can never again so entirely love any other. They who are so minded are not fit to be joined with another yoke-fellow after they are loosed from one. If they marry again, and manifest such a mind, they plainly show that they respect this or that person more then God’s ordinance. By God’s ordinance man and wife are no longer bound one to another then they live together. Death is an absolute diremption, and maketh an utter dissolution of the marriage bond. If the man²⁹⁵ be dead, the wife is delivered from the law of the man, so as she may take another man. Which liberty is also given to the man. Being now free, if they marry another (that other being now a true husband or wife) their love must be as entire to that other as it was to the former: yea, and more entire, if there were any defect in the former. For as children married out of their parents house must not retain such a love of their parents as shall swallow up their love of the party to whom they are married, but must according to the law, leave father and mother, and cleave to their yoke-fellow: so neither must the love of a former husband or wife be predominant when they are married to another. This other must be as close cleaved unto, as if they had never been joined to a former. The living husband or wife is the present pledge of God’s favour. He is now thine own husband: and she is now thine own wife: and not the party that is dead. I deny not but the memory of a virtuous husband or wife ought to be precious to the surviving party: for the memorial of the just is blessed.²⁹⁶ But as the virtue of a person deceased may not be buried with the dead corpse: so neither may the person be kept above ground with the memory of his or her virtue: which after a sort is done, when love of the party deceased either taketh away, or extenuateth the love of the living. This is to give dominion to the dead over the living: which is more then the law enjoineth.

§. 11. Of husbands and wives mutual hatred contrary to love.

There is a generation of so crabbed and crooked a disposition²⁹⁷ as they cannot love, but rather hate one another because they are man and wife: for many husbands having wives, and wives husbands every way worthy to be loved, will notwithstanding say to the astonishment of the hearers, I have indeed a good husband, or I have a good wife: but I cannot love him, or I cannot love her: and being demanded a reason, stick not openly and impudently to reply, I think I could love him if he were not mine husband, or I think I could love her if she were not my wife. O more then monstrous impudency! Is not this directly to oppose against God’s ordinance, and against that order which he hath set betwixt man and woman? Is it not to trample under foot God’s favour? Though there were nothing else to move love but this, that such an one is thine husband, or such an one is thy wife, yet this should be motive enough. And shall this be the ground of thine hatred? Assuredly such a spirit is a plain diabolical spirit, contrary to that spirit which is from above; and if it be not cast out, it will cast those whom it possesseth into the fire of hell.

§. 12. Of mutual peace betwixt Man and Wife.

Among other means of maintaining an inward loving affection betwixt man and wife, outward mutual peace, concord, and agreement is one of the principal. Whereupon the Apostle exhorteth to keep the unity of the spirit in the bond of²⁹⁸ peace: for peace is a bond that tieth one to another, and maketh them to be as one, even one in spirit: as on the contrary side outward discord disunites men’s spirits. We are enjoined to follow peace with all men: how much more of all persons ought²⁹⁹ husbands to have peace with their wives, and wives with their husbands? They are nearer then brothers and sisters. Behold then how good and pleasant a thing it is for them to dwell together in unity.³⁰⁰ Dwell together they must: but without peace there is no dwelling together: It is better to dwell in a corner of the house top then with a contentious woman in a wide house. Persons at variance were far better be out of sight and place, then present together. Out of sight and place man and wife must not be, at peace therefore³⁰¹ they must be. Mutual peace betwixt them is a great refreshing to their minds, being beaten with the discords of others. It is said that a wife is in this respect as an haven to man (how much more man to his wife?) If the haven be calm, and free from storms and tempests, what a refreshing will it be to the Mariner that hath been tossed in the sea with winds and waves?

For maintaining peace,

1. All offences so much as possibly may be must be avoided.³⁰² The husband must be watchful over himself that he give no offence to his wife: and so the wife on the other side. Offences cause contentions.

2. When an offence is given by the one party, it must³⁰³ not be taken by the other; but rather passed by: and then will not peace be broken. The second blow makes³⁰⁴ the fray.³⁰⁵

3. If both be incensed together, the fire is like to be the greater: with the greater speed therefore must they both labour to put it out. Wrath must not lie in bed with two such³⁰⁶ bed-fellows: neither may they part beds for wrath sake. That this fire may be the sooner quenched, they must both strive first to offer reconciliation. Theirs is the glory who do first begin, for they are most properly the blessed peacemakers. Not³⁰⁷ to accept peace when it is offered is more then heathenish: but when wrath is incensed, to seek atonement is the duty of a Christian, and a grace that cometh from above.

4. Children, servants, nor any other in the family must be³⁰⁸ bolstered up by the one against the other. The man’s partaking with any of the house against his wife, or the wives against her husband, is an usual cause of contention betwixt man and wife.

5. They must forbear to twit one another in the teeth³⁰⁹ with the husbands or wives of other persons: or with their own former husbands or wives (in case they have had any before.) Comparisons in this kind are very odious. They stir up much passion, and cause great contentions.

6. Above all they must take heed of rash and unjust jealousy,³¹⁰ which is the bane of marriage, and greatest cause of discontent that can be given betwixt man and wife. Jealous persons are ready to pick quarrels, and to seek occasions of discord: they will take every word, look, action, and motion, in the worse part, and so take offence where none is given. When jealousy is once kindled, it is as a flaming fire that can hardly be put out. It maketh the party whom it possesseth implacable.³¹¹

7. In all things that may stand with a good conscience they must endeavour to please one another: and either of³¹² them suffer their own will to be crossed, rather then discontent to be given to the other. Saint Paul noteth this as a common³¹³ mutual duty belonging to them both, and expresseth their care thereof under a word that signifieth more then ordinary³¹⁴ care, and implieth a dividing of the mind into divers thoughts, casting this way, and that way, and every way how to give best content.

§. 13. Of contentions betwixt man and wife.

Contrary to mutual peace are contentions betwixt man and wife: which are too frequent in most families, and by which³¹⁵ the common good is much hindered. Discord betwixt man and wife in an house is as contention betwixt the master and pilot in a ship: may not great danger, and much mischief be thence justly feared? We heard before that man to his wife, and she to him, is as an haven. Now by experience we find that if the haven be tempestuous it is much more troublesome, and dangerous to the Mariner then the wide sea. Wherefore let man and wife be of the same mind one to another as Abraham was to Lot, and when occasions of discord are offered, say, Let there be no strife betwixt thee and me, for we are man and wife: no more two, but one flesh.

§. 14. Of husbands and wives dwelling together.

From a mutual affection of love proceedeth a mutual provident care in husband and wife one for another. In handling whereof we will first note the means whereby their mutual providence may be the better effected and manifested, and then the matter whereabout it must be conversant. The means in one word is cohabitation. For a duty it is that man and wife dwell together. The phrase used in setting out the woman’s creation (he built a woman, whereby the erecting of³¹⁶ a family is intimated) implieth as much: so doth the law of marriage whereby man is enjoined to leave father and mother, and to cleave unto his wife, that is, to go out of his fathers house, and to dwell with his wife: and so doth this phrase (forget³¹⁷ thy fathers house) taken from the duty of a wife, and mystically applied to the Church. Saint Peter expressly chargeth husbands³¹⁸ to dwell with their wives: and Saint Paul layeth it to³¹⁹ the charge both of husbands and wives not to leave one another, but to dwell together, yea though the one be an infidel. Surely it was conscience of this duty which made the³²⁰ Levite to go after his wife, that went away from him, to bring her home again: and which made³²¹ Jacob’s wives to leave their fathers house, and go with their husband.³²² The word under which Saint Peter compriseth this duty is a title appropriated to an husband: and an answerable title is appropriated to a wife: from which the notation of our two usual English words (husband, housewife) doth not much differ.

The power which the one hath of the others body, and³²³ the advantage which by living asunder, they give unto Satan, (both of which are expressly noted, 1 Cor. 7. 4, 5.) do show the necessity of this duty: and the many benefits arising from thence do further press the equity of it. By husbands and³²⁴ wives dwelling together all marriage duties are better performed: mutual love is better bred, preserved, and increased: the good gifts of either of them are better observed by the other: better help and succour is mutually by each afforded to the other: and in fine they are made more capable of doing good one to another, and of receiving good one from another. Why then should they have any mind of living asunder, unless they be forced by extraordinary occasions, as captivity, close imprisonment, contagious sickness, and such like, which are no faults of theirs, but crosses to be borne with grief; and instant prayer, together with all other good means, to be used to bring them together again? Yea if the imprisonment, banishment, or other like kind of absence,³²⁵ be such as one may if they will come at the other, the party that is free ought to come to the other, if at least that other require it.

§. 15. Of the respects for which man and wife may for a time live asunder.

Quest. May there be any just causes for man and wife willingly to live asunder?

Answ. There can nor ought to be any cause of utter relinquishing one another, which is a kind of³²⁶ desertion: but for living asunder for a time there may be just causes, as

1. Weighty and urgent affairs which concern the good of the Church, or commonwealth: as when a man is sent forth to war, or on an ambassage (in which case though he may take his wife with him, yet is he not necessarily bound thereto, especially if the place whither he is sent be far off, the passage thereto difficult and dangerous, and his abode there not long.) When³²⁷ Reuben, Gad, and half the tribe of Manasseh passed over Jordan to help their brethren in their battles against the Canaanites, they left their wives behind them in their families:³²⁸ when Uriah went to war, he left his wife at home: and³²⁹ when Moses was to bring Israel out of Egypt, his wife remained at her fathers house.

2. Main duties of their particular calling: as of Mariners, who are oft to be on the sea: Merchants who trade in other countries: Lawyers who attend public places of justice: Courtiers, who in their months, or quarters, attend their Prince: Keepers of women in child-bed, and sick persons: and other nurses.

Provided always that in these, and other like cases, there be³³⁰ a joint and mutual consent of both parties: for if man and wife may not defraud one another for a time to give themselves to fasting and prayer without consent: much less may they for lighter occasions live any time asunder without³³¹ consent. Provided also that they take no delight to live asunder, but rather be grieved that they are forced so to do: and in testimony thereof to take all occasions that they can to manifest their longing desire one after another by letters, messages, tokens, and other like kindnesses: and to return with all the speed they can. No distance, or absence ought any whit to diminish their mutual love.

§. 16. Of the error of Papists about man and wifes separation.³³²

Contrary to the duty of cohabitation is the doctrine of Papists, whereby they teach, that

Separation may be made betwixt man and wife for many causes from bed, or cohabitation, for a certain or uncertain time. The Council of Trent is bold to denounce Anathema against such as say, the Church erreth therein. If the many causes which they allege, besides adultery, be well weighed, we shall find them without all warrant of God’s word.³³³ They draw them to two heads, 1. Mutual consent. 2. Demerit.

By consent (say they) of both parties married to attain a greater and perfecter estate, marriage consummate may be loosed from bed and cohabitation.

Answ. 1. In marriage there is a covenant of God (Prov. 2. 17.) as well as of the two parties: the consent therefore of parties is not sufficient to break it.

2. No estate in this world can be greater or perfecter then is meet for married persons. Adam and Eve in their best estate were married: and now is marriage honourable in all.³³⁴

3. The estates which they count more perfect, are either such as are not in man’s power (as perpetual continency) or such as may be as well performed by married persons as by single persons (as Ecclesiastical functions) if at least they be such as are warranted by God’s word. High Priests, and other Priests, all sorts of Levites, extraordinary Prophets and Apostles were married. What greater functions then these?

The causes which for demerit, they say, make a separation, are 1. Adultery. 2. Departing from the Catholic faith. 3. Soliciting or impelling unto sin.

Concerning³³⁵ Adultery, we deny not, but that it giveth just cause of divorce: but withal we say (as³³⁶ we have good warrant from Christ’s words) that it is the only cause of just divorce. For to make a separation for departing from the Catholic faith,³³⁷ is directly contrary to S. Paul’s and S. Peter’s doctrine, 1 Cor. 7. 12, 13, 14. 1 Pet. 3. 1.

As for soliciting and impelling unto sin, though it may be cause to move an husband or a wife to walk more warily and³³⁸ wisely, and in extremity to avoid society for a time, or to complain to the Magistrate for relief, who may see it meet to lay the delinquent person in prison, or else otherwise keep them sunder till that delinquent be reclaimed and brought to a better mind: yet is it no sufficient cause finally to dissolve marriage in regard of bed and cohabitation.

They urge that if the right eye cause to offend, it must be plucked out.

Ans. 1. That is but a metaphor, and may sundry other ways be applied.

2. The words are not simply, but by way of comparison to be taken, rather pluck it out, then to be made to stumble thereby.

3. Plucking out, applied to the point in hand, may be by many other ways, then by dissolving marriage.

4. That general inhibition (whosoever shall put away his wife,³³⁹ causeth her to commit adultery) restrained only with the exception of fornication, admitteth neither this, nor any other such cause of dissolving marriage.

§. 17. Of husbands and wives unlawful absenting themselves one from another.

Contrary also to the forenamed duty of cohabitation, is the practise of many men, who living themselves in one place (suppose at London) send their wives unto some country house, and there even mew them up, as Hawks, never caring to come at them, but are then most merry, when their wives are farthest off. If their wives live at home they will be abroad, mealing and lodging where their wives shall not know: their own house is as a prison to them: they are not well, but when they are out of it. Of the like lewd conceit and practise are many wives, who on no other occasion then mere lightness, being eager in pursuing their pleasures, and satisfying their lusts, gad out of their own houses in the day, lie out of them in the night, and remain in other company days and nights: or at least are glad when their husbands have occasion to be from home; not unlike to the light huswife which Solomon describeth, Prov. 7. 10. etc. I speak of matters too famous, or rather infamous. I would there were no just cause to tax this lightness. But let such as desire to approve themselves to God or man, take heed of these heinous and more then heathenish vices. Though Israel play the harlot, yet let not Judah³⁴⁰ offend.

Too near to the forenamed kind of unlawful separation³⁴¹ do they come, who though they live both in one house, yet make that house by their estranging themselves one from another as two houses: the man abiding in one end thereof, his wife in another: and so have their several rooms, several tables, several servants, all several: Or if the straitness of their house will not suffer them so to part other rooms, yet they will have several bed-chambers, or at least several beds: so as they that shall call them bed-fellows, shall but nick-name them. Thus they rob each other of that due benevolence which they mutually owe one to another, they expose themselves to the devils snares, they more and more estrange their hearts one from another, and deprive themselves of such mutual comforts and helps, as by matrimonial society they might afford to, and receive from one another.

Caring for Each Other’s Souls

§. 18. Of husbands and wives mutual prayers.

The matter whereabout husbands and wives mutual providence ought to be conversant, is in general the good of one another; that each of them do that for the other, which Solomon in particular applieth to a wife, viz. good and not evil all³⁴² the days of their life. Now the good of man extendeth to his soul, body, good name, and goods.

A general duty tending to the good of all these is prayer.³⁴³ S. Peter requireth such a carriage of man and wife one towards another, as their prayers be not hindered: whereby he taketh it for grant, that prayer is a mutual duty which one oweth to the other: which duty Isaac performed for his wife. Herein may³⁴⁴ man and wife be helpful each to other in all things needful to either of them: for it is the means which God in wisdom³⁴⁵ hath sanctified for the obtaining of every needful blessing for our selves or others. By many it is counted but a slight duty and of small use; but the truth is, that to perform it aright, in truth and faith, is both difficult in the deed, and powerful in the effect. It is the best duty that one can perform for another, and the least to be neglected. We heard before, that Isaac prayed for his wife: and to show the good he did to her thereby, it is noted, that the Lord was entreated of him: so as she, being³⁴⁶ barren before, by that means conceived. All the physic in the world could not have done her so much good.³⁴⁷ Always therefore,³⁴⁸ without ceasing is this duty to be performed. Whensoever man and wife make any prayer, therein they must be mindful of one another: yea and oft must they of purpose take occasion to make prayers in special one for another: and that both in absence, and also in presence of one another.

This latter doth especially concern the husband, who is as a Priest unto his wife, and ought to be her mouth to God when they two are together: yet I doubt not, but that the wife may pray in the husbands presence when they two are alone, either for trial (that he may have knowledge of her ability and gift in that kind) or for help (if the wife be much better able to perform that duty then the man is, as many wives are.) Not without cause therefore have I reckoned this among common mutual duties.

§. 19. Of the things for which husbands and wives are to pray alone.

There are sundry needful blessings which husbands and wives are to pray for that appertain only to themselves, and are most meet to be mentioned in private prayer betwixt themselves, as

1. That as they two are one flesh, so they may be also one spirit: that their hearts may be as one, knit together by a true, spiritual, matrimonial love: always delighting one in another, ever helpful one to another, and ready with all willingness and cheerfulness to perform all those duties which they owe one to another.

2. That their marriage bed may be sanctified: and as it is by God’s ordinance, so it may remain to them by their well using it, a bed undefiled. There is no other thing, for which mutual prayer in private betwixt man and wife is more needful: and that so much the rather, because of the natural heat of lust which is in most: which if it be not by prayer (the best means for that purpose) assuaged, it may prove a defilement³⁴⁹ of the undefiled bed: and man and wife become adulterers one to another. As other things, so this also is sanctified by the word and prayer. The word giveth a warrant and direction for the use of it: prayer both seasoneth it, and procureth a blessing upon it.

3. That they may have children, and those such as may be heirs of salvation, and live in this world to their own and others good: that they may be comely and well proportioned children: nor idiots in understanding, nor monsters in bodily shape, nor yet lewd and infamous in their lives: which could not but be a grief to their parents, and might also open the mouths of the wicked against them.

4. That God would give them competency of this worlds goods, and other good means well to nourish, nurture, and place forth their children: and a sufficiency for the maintenance of their family, and of that estate wherein God setteth them.

5. That such needful gifts and graces as are wanting in either of them may be wrought: and such vices and infirmities as they are subject unto may be redressed.

These and many other like things give occasion to man and wife in special manner to pray one for another, and one with another.

§. 20. Of husbands and wives hateful imprecations and wishes one against another.

Contrary to that holy and heavenly duty of prayer are those direful and hellish imprecations and execrations, which ordinarily do pass out of the mouths of many husbands and wives against one another (and that many times for very light occasions) cursing the day that ever they knew one another, and wishing that one of them had been under the ground before they came together. Most odious are these and such like execrations in any man’s mouth, but more then most odious in the mouth of man and wife against one another.

Many who for outward shame forbear to belch forth such rotten stinking speech, make small conscience of wishing the like in their hearts. If an husband be any whit harsh, and a wife shrewish: or if through sickness, or any other like occasion they seem burdensome each to other: or if any dislike of one arise in the heart of the other: or if their hearts be set upon others: or if the survivor be to carry away the goods and lands, their hearts will be filled with a thousand wishes of one anothers death. Yea, many times such as have very good husbands or wives, without any show of reason (only through an inward corruption of their heart, and malicious instigation of Satan, not taking notice of their own good) are ready to wish they were in heaven: making thereby a pretence of their eternal bliss to whom they so wish, whereas indeed their only desire is to be loosed and freed from them. God oft meets with such wicked wishers (whereby he showeth how hateful such wishes are to him) for sometimes according to their wish he taketh away good husbands and wives from those that are evil: and when they are gone he maketh their loss to be so sensibly felt, as those ungodly wishers do, (as we speak) in every vein of their heart repent them of their rash wishes. Yea, to aggravate their wretchedness the more, he giveth them such crabbed and perverse husbands and wives in the room and stead of those good ones (for seldom comes a better) as they are forced with many deep sighs and groans to wish (but all in vain) their former wives and husbands³⁵⁰ alive again, and so to verify the proverb, A good thing is not so well discerned by enjoying, as by wanting it. Sometimes again God in anger crosseth their wishes, and first taketh away the wishers of others death: or else prolongeth the life of both to³⁵¹ their greater vexation.

§. 21. Of husbands and wives neglect of mutual prayer.

The very neglect of mutual prayer in husbands and wives for each other is also a sin contrary to the forenamed duty of prayer: whereof if all that are guilty were as well known to man as to God, how many unkind husbands and wives careless of one anothers good would be noted, more then are? Rare are those husbands and wives, that have their seasons to pray alone together one with another, if ever they pray one for another. Though in outward complements they may seem very kind, and in the outward things of this world, very provident, yet if they pray not one for another, they are neither kind, nor provident. Hearty, fervent, frequent prayer is the greatest token of kindness, and best part of providence that can be.

§. 22. Of husbands and wives mutual care for one anothers salvation.

From the general duty of prayer which is profitable to all things, I come to the particular branches of man and wives³⁵² mutual provident care: and will first begin with that which is first to be sought, the good of one anothers soul: which the Apostle intimateth to be a thing to be sought after, where he saith,³⁵³ What knowest thou, ô wife, whether thou shalt SAVE thine husband, or what knowest thou, ô man, whether thou shalt SAVE thy wife?³⁵⁴ S. Peter enjoineth wives to do their endeavour to win their husbands: and³⁵⁵ S. Paul setteth before husbands the pattern of Christ’s love, which had especial respect³⁵⁶ to the soul and the salvation thereof: so as this is a mutual duty appertaining to them both, which S. Peter further implieth where he styleth them coheirs of the grace of life.

It is the greatest good that one can possibly do for another, to be a means of helping forward his salvation. And there is³⁵⁷ nothing that can more soundly and firmly knit the heart of one to another, then to be a means thereof.

§. 23. Of husbands and wives care to win one the other, when one of them is not called.

That the salvation of the soul may be the better effected, respect must be had to the present and particular estate of husband or wife. If one be a believer the other not, the believer must use all the means that may be, to draw on the other also to believe. If both be believers, their mutual care must be to edify one another in their most holy faith.

For the first, it is the main drift of S. Peter’s exhortation to³⁵⁸ believing wives, about their conversation, to draw on their unbelieving husbands to the true faith. His phrase (that they³⁵⁹ may be won or gained) as in general it hath respect to their souls salvation, so in particular to their first conversion. Now if this duty appertain to a wife, much more to an husband, who is appointed an head to his wife, and a Saviour. To this end doth S. Paul advise believing husbands and wives that³⁶⁰ are married to unbelievers, to dwell with them.

For what a woeful thing is it, that two which in this world³⁶¹ are so nearly linked together as to make one flesh, should in the world to come be so far separated one from another, as heaven is from hell. This indeed shall so fall out in many: for Christ hath expressly foretold it, that of two that were in one bed together (who are more fitly set forth under this phrase then man and wife, who most usually are styled bedfellows?) one shall be taken (to mercy and glory) the other shall be forsaken (or left to endless and easeless torture and torment.) But though it be foretold that thus it shall fall out with many a couple, yet our care must be, and that with our uttermost power,³⁶² to prevent it, as in our selves, so in our bedfellow.

If it please the Lord to give such a blessing to the endeavour of an husband or wife, as to be a means of the conversion of their bedfellow, then will the party converted both entirely love the other, and also heartily bless God (as there is just cause) that ever they were so nearly linked together.

This duty of winning one another, is to be applied to such as are married not only to plain infidels, but also to Papists or other like Idolaters, to Atheists, or any other profane persons, to heretics, separatists, schismatics, or any that believe not aright.

§. 24. Of husbands and wives edifying one another.

The second duty tending to the souls salvation is, that two believers being married together, they endeavour mutually to build up one another more and more.³⁶³ One Christian oweth this duty to another: much more man and wife.³⁶⁴ Take heed (saith the Apostle) that no man fall away from the grace of God. If no man, then nor wife nor husband.

A spiritual edifying of one another is the best use which³⁶⁵ we can make (and ought to make) of those³⁶⁶ joints and bonds whereby we are knit one to another. By virtue of them³⁶⁷ the body (namely the mystical body of Christ) receiveth increase to the edifying of it self, and³⁶⁸ increaseth with the increase of God. Now the bond of marriage being of all other the firmest, and that whereby we are nearest knit together, by virtue of what bond should we edify one another, if not by virtue of the marriage bond?

§. 25. Of husbands and wives hindering sin one in another.

Two things are requisite unto spiritual edification.

One respecteth the hindrances of growth in grace.

The other the helps thereof.

The hindrances of grace are all manner of sins. Sin to grace is as water to fire: it slaketh the heat of it, and if without ho it be poured on it, it will clean put it out. In regard hereof there ought to be a mutual care in husbands and wives, both to prevent sin before it be committed, and also to make what redress they can after it is committed.

That it is a mutual duty for husbands and wives so much³⁶⁹ as they can, to prevent sin one in another is evident, by that reason which the Apostle useth, to keep them from defrauding one another, in these words, that Satan tempt you not.³⁷⁰ For out of the scope and matter of those words, this general doctrine may be gathered, husbands and wives ought to be careful to keep one another from the temptations of Satan, that is, from sin, whereunto all his temptations tend.³⁷¹ Rebekah performed the duty of a good wife in keeping Isaac from blessing Esau: which if he had done, he had sinned against³⁷² God’s express word. Though she failed in the manner of doing it, yet her end was good.

As that love they owe one to another, so that care which they³⁷³ ought to have of themselves requireth as much, for sin provoketh God’s wrath, his wrath sendeth down vengeance, that vengeance which falleth on the husband can hardly miss the wife, or that the husband, which falleth on the wife; and that by reason of their near union: though it fall not on both their pates, yet it cannot but much affect, and even afflict the party that escapeth. The wives of those rebels who were³⁷⁴ swallowed up quick in the wilderness, perished in like manner with their husbands. For they who are so near as husbands and wives, and do not what they can to prevent one anothers sins, make themselves accessary thereto.

For the better effecting of this duty, husbands and wives³⁷⁵ must be watchful over one another, and observe what sins either of them are given unto, or what occasions are offered to draw either of them into sin. If either of them be choleric or prone to be angry on a sudden, the other must endeavour to take away all occasions of offence: and if both should be testy and hasty to wrath, when the one seeth the other first moved, the party whose passion is not yet stirred, ought the rather to be settled and composed to all meekness and patience, lest, if both together be provoked, the whole household be set on fire. If either of them be given to drunkenness, covetousness, or any other sin, the other ought by wise and gentle persuasions to keep them (as much as they can) from those sins. Yea they may also get others, that are discreet and able, to dissuade them: or use what other good means they can to that purpose.

§. 26. Of husbands and wives redressing sin in one another.

When either husband or wife is fallen into any sin, a mutual duty it is for the other, to use what redress may be of that sin: as if one of them were wounded, the other must take care for the healing of that wound. Abigail performed³⁷⁶ her duty in this kind, when, after she had heard what churlish entertainment her husband gave to David’s servants, she hastened to carry store of provision to David, and humbled her self before him, and so moved David to assuage his wrath: yea she took a seasonable time also to tell her husband his fault, and the danger whereinto he brought himself thereby.

More directly, and with better success did Jacob redress the superstition, or rather Idolatry of his wife Rachel, as may be gathered by comparing Gen. 31. 19, 34. with Gen. 35. 2, 4.

A brother at large must not suffer sin to lie on his brother:³⁷⁷ much less may husband or wife the one upon the other.

Thou shalt not hate thy brother (saith the law) and suffer³⁷⁸ sin to lie on him. To do this then is a token and fruit of hatred. If an husband should see his wife, or a wife her husband lying in the fire, or water, ready to be burnt or drowned, and not afford their best help to pull them out, might they not justly be thought to hate them? But sin is as fire and water, which will burn and drown men in perdition.

This duty may be performed by meek instructions, pithy persuasions, gentle reproofs: yea, and by the help of some³⁷⁹ good Minister, or other discreet and faithful friend.

§. 27. Of husbands and wives helping forward the growth of grace in each other.

Hitherto of preventing, and redressing hindrances of grace. Hereunto must be added an helping forward of the growth thereof: which man and wife must mutually endeavour to effect one in another. The care which Elkanah had to carry his³⁸⁰ wives along with himself unto the Tabernacle of the Lord year by year, showeth that his desire was to uphold them in the fear of God: yea the gifts and portions, which at that time he used to bestow on them, imply the care that he had to encourage them to hold on in serving the Lord. It was without question the main end which the Shunamite aimed at in³⁸¹ providing lodging for the Prophet, that both she and her husband might be built up in Grace.

This duty may be the better effected by these means following.³⁸²

1. By taking notice of the beginning, and least measure of Grace: and approving the same.

2. By frequent conference about such things as concern the same: mutually propounding questions one to another thereabouts, and answering the same.

3. By their mutual practise and example: making themselves each to other a pattern of piety.

4. By performing exercises of religion, as praying, singing psalms, reading the word, and the like together.

5. By maintaining holy and religious exercises in the family.³⁸³ Though this duty especially appertain to the husband, yet the wife must put her husband in mind thereof, if he forget it; and stir him up, if he be backward: Thus did the good Shunamite, 2 King. 4. 9, 10. No man’s persuasion in this kind, can so much prevail with a man as his wives.

6. By stirring up one another to go to the house of God,³⁸⁴ to hear the word, partake of the Sacrament, and conscionably perform all the parts of God’s public worship.

Great need there is, that husbands and wives should endeavour to help forward the growth of grace in each other, because we are all so prone to fall away and wax cold, even as³⁸⁵ water if the fire go out, and more fuel be not put under.³⁸⁶ And of all other, husbands and wives may be most helpful herein, because they can soonest espy the beginning of decay by reason of their near, and continual familiarity together.

§. 28. Of the sins of husbands and wives contrary to a mutual care of one anothers salvation.

The vices contrary to that general mutual duty of husbands and wives in procuring the Salvation of one another, and to the particular branches comprised under it, are many: As

1. A careless neglect thereof: when as husbands and wives³⁸⁷ so mind earthly things, as they think it enough if they be provident one for another in the things of this life. Hereof most that live in this earth are guilty: and among others, even many of them who have the name of very good and kind husbands and wives. But whatsoever the opinion of others be of them, the truth is, that if they fail in this point, they go no further then the very heathen have done, and their kindness may be as the apes kindness, which causeth death.

2. The unworthy walking, and unchristian carriage of a believer³⁸⁸ that is married to one that believeth not: hereby the unbeliever is kept off from embracing the Gospel, and made the more to dislike and detest it. If a popish or profane husband be married to a wife that maketh profession of the truth of the Gospel, and she be stout, proud, wanton, waspish, wasteful, or given to any other like vices, will he not be ready thereupon to inveigh against the religion she professeth, and utterly protest against it? So also a popish or profane wife, if she be married to such an husband.

3. Negligence in observing one anothers disposition or conversation:³⁸⁹ whereby it cometh to pass that they keep not back, nor restrain one another from running into any sin: but prove such husbands and wives one to another as Eli proved a father to his sons: whence it fell out, that God’s severe vengeance fell upon the neck of the one, and of the other. Pilate’s wife though an heathenish woman, shall rise up in judgment against many such wives, for she did what she could to keep³⁹⁰ her husband from shedding innocent blood.

4. A complemental soothing of one anothers humour, and seeking³⁹¹ mutually to please one another in all things, without respect of good or evil. Such as these the Scripture termeth³⁹² men-pleasers. Hence it cometh to pass that husbands and wives are so far from drawing one another from sin, that the better rather yields unto the worse, and both run into³⁹³ evil, as Adam was persuaded by his wife to transgress against God’s express charge: and wise Solomon was drawn by his wives unto Idolatry, 1 King. 11. 4. And Sapphira consented to the sacrilege of Ananias her husband, Act. 5. 2.

5. An undue fear of offending one another by Christian instruction,³⁹⁴ admonition, reproof, and the like. Many who are oft moved in conscience to make known to their husbands and wives the sins wherein they live, and the danger wherein they lie by reason thereof, do notwithstanding through careless and causeless fear, refrain and forbear to do so.

6. An impious, and envious disposition, whereby many husbands³⁹⁵ and wives are moved to mock, and scoff at that holy zeal, and forwardness which they observe in their bedfellows: as Michal who resembled David to a fool, or³⁹⁶ vain-fellow, because he manifested his zeal by dancing before the Ark. Thus do many nip the work of the spirit in the very bud, and cause grace soon to wither. But cursed be that husband, or wife, that thus perverteth the main end of their near conjunction.

Guarding Each Other’s Health, Reputation, and Property

§. 29. Of husbands and wives mutual care over one anothers body.

After the good of the soul followeth the good of the body, wherein husband and wife must show their provident care each over other: and do what lieth in them to procure the well-fare of one anothers person, and to nourish and cherish one anothers body. This duty the Apostle layeth down under the comparison of a body which he calleth flesh, saying,³⁹⁷ No man hateth his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it: now man and wife are³⁹⁸ one flesh. This duty the Apostle in particular applieth to husbands. At the first institution of marriage it was in particular applied to the wife, whom God made to be³⁹⁹ an help meet for man: so as it is a mutual duty appertaining to both. It seemeth that⁴⁰⁰ Rebekah was so careful of Isaac in this respect, that she could readily make savoury meat for him, such as he loved.

This duty extendeth it self to all estates both of prosperity and adversity, of health and sickness: for so much do they mutually covenant and promise when they are first joined together in marriage, I take thee (saith each to other) for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health to love and to cherish. Wherefore they ought mutually both to rejoice in the well-fare of one another, and also in all distress to succour and comfort each other, putting their shoulders under one anothers burden, and helping to ease one another as much as they can. That which Solomon said of a friend and a brother, may fitly be applied in this case to husband and wife, a friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity,⁴⁰¹ that is, a trusty and faithful friend is constant in his goodwill, and ready to perform all duties, of kindness at any time, whether it be prosperity or adversity: the change of outward estate maketh no alteration in his loving affection and friendly carriage: yea he seemeth to be as it were born and brought forth against the time of trouble and affliction, because then is his provident care and tender affection most manifested. Of all friends none ought to be more careful, none more faithful one to another then man and wife. How then ought they to love at all times, and if any trial come to either of them, the other so to carry himself, as it may be truly said they were joined together for adversity?

Thus shall they verify the truth of that whereby God was moved to create of mankind male, and female, namely that it was not good for man to be alone, but that it was rather good,⁴⁰² that is, needful, profitable, and comfortable for man and woman to be together. In which respect the wise-man saith, he that findeth a wife findeth a good thing; and by the rule of⁴⁰³ relation we may infer, she that findeth an husband findeth a good thing.

§. 30. Of husbands and wives backwardness to help one another in time of need.

Contrary to this duty is a certain unnatural affection in sundry husbands and wives, who much grudge to provide the things that are needful for one another. The man commonly thinks the charge too great, the woman thinks the pains too much: they are affected one to another as if they were mere strangers: nay many strangers will be more ready to perform, and more cheerful in performing needful duties (as occasion is offered) then such unnatural husbands and wives. If a little sickness, or other like cross fall on one of them, the other thinks, never any had such a burden; and by their discontent make the burden much more heavy then otherwise it would be: even as when two oxen are in one yoke, and the one holdeth back, the draught is made much harder to the other. Thus do they pervert one of the principal ends of marriage, which is to be a continual comfort and⁴⁰⁴ help each to other, and to ease the burdens of one another: in which respect they are made yoke-fellows. Job’s wife by her unnatural carriage towards him in his affliction⁴⁰⁵ did much aggravate his misery: when he stood in most need of her help, she afforded least unto him: it appears by Job’s complaint of her, in these words, my breath is strange to⁴⁰⁶ my wife, that she altogether neglected him in his misery. The common speech of many after their husband or wife having long lien sick is departed, bewrayeth their unnatural affection: their speech is this, if my husband (or wife) had died so much sooner I had saved so much money. What doth this intimate but that they could have been contented their husband (or wife) should have died sooner that they might have spared the more.

§. 31. Of Husbands and Wives mutual respect of one anothers good name.

The provident care of husbands and wives ought further to extend it self to the credit and good name of one another. As dear ought the good name of the wife be unto the husband, and of the husband to the wife, as their own.⁴⁰⁷ The great regard that Joseph had of the credit of Mary his espoused wife, made him think of putting her away privily when he observed her to be with child and knew not of whom: for he was not willing⁴⁰⁸ to make her a public example. The same respect moved⁴⁰⁹ Bathsheba to send secretly to David, and tell him that she was with child. The commendation which the good husband⁴¹⁰ (noted by Solomon) giveth of his wife being approved by the Holy Ghost, showeth how man and wife ought in that respect to honour each other: and that on good grounds. For

1. A good name is a most precious thing:⁴¹¹ better then precious ointment, which giveth a sweet savour, and⁴¹² to be chosen above great riches.⁴¹³

2. So nearly are husbands and wives joined together, the good name of the one cannot but tend to the honour and credit of the other; so that herein they seek their own honour also.

§. 32. Of husbands and wives preventing each others discredit.

For direction herein, consider we how this duty may be⁴¹⁴ performed, and how it may be manifested.

For the better performing of it, care must be had both to prevent and redress an ill name, and also to procure and preserve a good name.

To prevent an ill name respect must be had of these three things following,⁴¹⁵

1. What one relateth of another, and how.
2. What ear they give to things related by others.
3. What censure they give of one another.

For the first, husbands and wives may in no case delight to⁴¹⁶ discover unto others, and spread abroad the infirmities, and imperfections of one another, or any thing that may tend to the discredit of either of them: but rather cover and conceal them as much as they may with a good conscience. It is expressed that⁴¹⁷ Joseph being a just man laboured to conceal that blemish which he imagined to be in his wife, so as this may stand with justice: yea also it is a part of love, for⁴¹⁸ love covereth a multitude of sins.

For the second, husbands and wives must not have their⁴¹⁹ ears wide opened to hear every tale and report that shall be brought to one against the other, but rather show themselves displeased and offended with them that are ready to relate things of evil report. If an husband or wife manifest a willingness to hearken after tales and reports of one another, the devil will stir up instruments enow to fill their heads with tales, and those for the most part both frivolous and forged: not only strangers, but children, servants, and they which are of the same family will ever be telling some tale or other, to curry favour, as we speak. But an utter dislike of such flattering tale-bearers, will take away occasion from them of telling untrue, or slight reports.

For the third, the judgment and censure which husbands⁴²⁰ and wives give one of another must either be very charitable, or very sparing. If one hear reported any notorious crime of the other, they may not be over-heady or hasty to judge and condemn, no though they think they see some evidence thereof, but rather suspend their judgment. This seemeth to be the mind of Joseph: though he observed Mary to be with⁴²¹ child, yet would he not presently judge her to be a notorious adulteress, or condemn her for an hypocrite, unworthy to live, and therefore would not make her a public example.

In brief, that husbands and wives may be the more sparing in censuring one another, they must not rashly believe any evil report of one another, but rather suppress all light suspicions as much as they can.

That the judgment which they give one of another, may be charitable, in judging they must well observe the properties of love, which are 1. To interpret doubtful things in the better part. 2. To mitigate, so far as truth and justice will suffer, the faults which are evident. Michal offended against⁴²² the first in an high degree, and was cursed. Abigail observed⁴²³ the latter, and was blessed.

§. 33. Of the wisdom of husbands and wives, in redressing one anothers ill name.

To redress an ill name, husbands and wives must first give one another notice of the report that goeth of them, and endeavour⁴²⁴ to work in them both a sight, and also a sense of those evils which are in the mouths of others: after notice given, they must labour to bring them to repentance of those sins, for which they are ill reported of, and to a manifestation of repentance, by doing things meet for repentance, which is by a zealous and conscionable practise of such virtues as are clean contrary to the vices for which they were evil spoken of. It may with good probability be gathered out of the history of the Levite, whose wife played the whore, that thus he⁴²⁵ dealt with her. And thus Abigail endeavoured to deal with her husband.⁴²⁶

§. 34. Of husbands and wives care in procuring one anothers good name.

To procure a good report, husbands and wives must⁴²⁷ First, take notice of the good qualities which are in one another, and as one hath occasion to speak of the other, to make those good qualities the subject of their speech: as we⁴²⁸ heard it before commended in the husband of that wife which is described by Solomon.

Secondly, they must lend a willing and joyful ear to such as shall (so far as they can conceive) truly and unfeignedly, without flattery or hypocrisy, speak any thing in commendation of the one or of the other: not thinking themselves dispraised (which is the conceit of many) when their bed-fellow is praised: but rather having their hearts the more enlarged to praise God, for bestowing on them such an excellent token and pledge of his favour.

Thirdly, they must imitate those good things which they behold, or hear to be in one another, and so imitate them as they which have before time known both husband and wife, may say, this she learned of him, or this he learned of her.

§. 35. Of husbands and wives wisdom, in preserving each others good name.

To preserve a good name, it will be meet for an husband or⁴²⁹ wife, wisely and seasonably to give one another notice of that good fame which is raised of them, thereby to provoke them both to give glory to God for the same⁴³⁰ (as the Apostle thanketh God for that report which was spread abroad of the faith and love of the Colossians) and also to walk worthy of that good report (as the Apostle who had given a great testimony of the bounty of the Corinthians, earnestly exhorteth them to finish their benevolence, lest (saith he) I should be ashamed in⁴³¹ this my constant boasting.) For if they of whom there is once a good report raised, decay, wax cold, grow backward, or fall into notorious and scandalous sins, they will clean extinguish and put out their good name among men, and turn it into an evil report, according to that which Solomon saith, Dead flies cause the ointment of the Apothecary to send forth a⁴³² stinking savour: so doth a little folly him that is in reputation for wisdom and honour.⁴³³

§. 36. Of husbands and wives like affection towards one anothers credit.

In the last place, to manifest a mutual provident care of one anothers good name, husbands and wives must be so affected with the report that goeth of either of them, as if the report were of their own selves. If the report be good, to be glad thereof, and to rejoice thereat; if it be evil, to be grieved, and after an holy manner vexed at it: thus shall they show a true sympathy and fellow feeling of one anothers credit, according to that general rule of the Apostle,⁴³⁴ Rejoice with them that rejoice, and weep with them that weep.

§. 37. Of the vices contrary to that mutual care, which man and wife should have of one anothers credit.

Vices contrary to these duties concerning the good name of⁴³⁵ an husband and wife, are in general two.

One is a readiness to disgrace and discredit one another,⁴³⁶ like Michal the wife of David, of whom we heard before. A hateful and detestable vice this is, which cannot stand with⁴³⁷ true matrimonial love, but rather argueth an utter dislike, and a plain hatred of one another.

Husbands and wives discredit one another, either by procuring an ill name, or hindering a good name.

An ill name is procured by these means following.

1. By blazing abroad one anothers infirmities: as when⁴³⁸ tattling Gossips meet, their usual prate is about their husbands, complaining of some vice or other in them: My husband, saith one, is covetous: I cannot get of him any thing almost: he maketh me go as no body goeth. And my husband, replieth another, is so furious as none can tell how to speak to him: so one after another goeth on in this track, some discovering such infirmities as should be concealed; others (which is worse) plainly belying their husbands. In like manner also husbands when they meet with their boon companions, make their wives the common subject of all their talk: one accusing his wife of one vice; another his, of another. There are two respects for which this vice (most detestable in it self) is made more odious in an husband or a wife. 1. Because they know more then any other of one anothers infirmities: so as if they be so evilly minded, they may much more discredit one another, then any other can. 2. Because in regard of their near union they are most bound to conceal and cover each others imperfections.⁴³⁹ Ham was cursed for revealing his fathers nakedness. But a more horrible curse do husbands and wives deserve, that so do.

2. By opening their ears, and giving credit to every light⁴⁴⁰ report that any shall raise. More secret heart-burning of one against the other, and more open quarrels and contentions betwixt them, ordinarily arise from hence then from any other thing.

3. By perverting and mis-interpreting one anothers actions,⁴⁴¹ words, yea and thoughts also: taking every thing in the worst part.

4. By concealing from one another the common evil rumors⁴⁴² which are raised of them, and are in every man’s mouth: of all other, bedfellows are most fit to disclose such things one to another: and most bound to do it. Most fit, because of their mutual familiarity: most bound, because of their near union.

Many husbands and wives do hinder one anothers good⁴⁴³ name by envying one at the good report that is made of the other, and gainsaying the same: as if the credit of the one must needs turn to the discredit of the other. Thus as water quencheth hot iron, so this envious disposition is a means to extinguish the heat of fame, and to put out the glorious light of a good name. Whereby as they impair the credit and honour of one another, so they monstrously discredit and dishonour themselves.

The other general vice in this kind, is a careless regard,⁴⁴⁴ or plain neglect of one anothers fame: when the husband is no way affected with any report that goeth of his wife, nor the wife with any of the husband: but as if they were mere strangers one to another, they pass by all reports made of one another. What mutual love can there be in such? Howsoever their hands have been joined together, surely their hearts were never united, so as it had been better they had never known one another, unless the Lord do afterwards knit their hearts, and unite their affections more nearly and firmly together.

§. 38. Of husbands and wives mutual providence about the goods of the family.

Yet there remaineth one thing more, whereabout husbands⁴⁴⁵ and wives ought to manifest a mutual provident care each over other: and that is about the goods of this world. Howsoever the husband, while he liveth with his wife, hath the truest property in them, and the greatest title unto them, yet I refer this to those mutual duties which man and wife owe each to other, in three respects.

First, because in conscience they appertain to the use of the wife, as well as of the husband.

Secondly, because the wife is by God’s providence appointed a joint governor with the husband of the family, and in that respect ought to be an help in providing such a sufficiency of the goods of this world, as are needful for that estate wherein God hath set them, and for that charge which God hath committed to them.

Thirdly, because the wife, if she survive the husband, ought to have such a portion of those goods, as are meet for her place and charge.

In these respects we see it requisite, yea a bounden duty, that husband and wife, even in a mutual regard one of another, be as provident as they can be with a good conscience in getting, keeping, and disposing competent goods and riches for the mutual good one of another. Concerning the husbands duty in this respect no question is made: the practise of all good husbands mentioned in Scripture, the care of providing for their⁴⁴⁶ own enjoined to them, their place and office to be their wives head, with many other like arguments, whereof we shall more distinctly speak, when we come to declare the particular duties of husbands, do prove as much. The greatest question is concerning the wife, whether she be bound to take any care about the goods. But if the Scripture be thoroughly searched, we shall find proof enough to show that even she also is bound hereunto. For first, the general end which God aimed at in making the woman (namely to be⁴⁴⁷ an help to man) implieth as much: for herein may she be a very great help, as we shall see by and by in sundry particulars. 2. That general property attributed to a wife to be⁴⁴⁸ a good thing, confirmeth as much: for that which is profitable is called good: and it is one respect wherein a wife is termed a good thing, that she may by her providence and diligence bring much profit to her husband: and therefore in this, among other respects, the good wife which Solomon describeth, is said⁴⁴⁹ to do good to her husband all the days of her life: for by her industry and providence she did so preserve and increase his goods, that⁴⁵⁰ the heart of her husband trusted in her, and he had no need of spoil. If the particular actions whereby that good wife is described be well noted, we may easily observe that she was an especial help unto her husband, even in his outward estate. From all which, we may infer these two points. First, that this provident care about outward temporal goods is lawful, not unbeseeming a Christian man or woman. Secondly, that it is a mutual duty appertaining both to husband and wife.

For the first, how needful the goods of this world are for preservation of life and health, estate of the family, good of Church and common-wealth, relief of the poor, with the like uses, no man can be ignorant. God hath given them as blessings to his children, and that often times in great abundance; and his children have accordingly been thankful for them: so as a provident care about them is not unlawful, but very expedient and needful.

For the second, If there should not be a joint care herein, the care and pains of the one might be altogether in vain. For suppose an husband be industrious, as⁴⁵¹ Jacob was, and get much abroad, if the wife either by her unthriftiness, idleness, negligence, or the like vices, suffer that which is brought home to be embezzled and wasted; or by her prodigality, bravery, or love of vain company, consume it her self, where will be the profit of the husbands pains? Or on the other side, if a wife should be as painful and prosperous in getting, as⁴⁵² the good housewife before mentioned was, and the husband by carding, dicing, drinking, revelling, or other like means should waste all away, what fruit would remain of the wives providence? In this mutual provident care of husband and wife, each of them must have an eye to their own place: affairs abroad do most appertain to the man, and are especially⁴⁵³ to be ordered by him: that which the wife is especially to care for, is the business of the house: for the Apostle layeth it down as a rule for wives (as we shall hereafter more particularly declare) that they⁴⁵⁴ keep at home, and⁴⁵⁵ govern the house. By this means may they be very profitable each to other.

§. 39. Of the vices contrary to the good providence of husband and wife, about the goods of the family.

Contrary to that duty, are these vices following.

1. Covetousness, and overmuch care for themselves: as⁴⁵⁶ when an husband so raketh, and scrapeth, and hoardeth up for himself, as he neither affordeth unto his wife so much as is⁴⁵⁷ meet for her place while he liveth with her, nor thinketh of providing sufficient maintenance for her, if she over-live him, but rather thinketh how to defraud her of that which the law casteth upon her. Or when a wife secretly hoardeth up whatsoever she can get, either by her own industry, or else by purloining from her husband: sometimes selling corn, wares, household-stuff, or other like commodities, so privily as the husband shall never know it: sometimes taking money out of his counter, box, bag, chest, or the like, so as either it shall not be missed, or if it be, it shall not be known who had it. Many there be who in mistrust of their husbands providence, or in dislike of them, or on some other by-respects, commit whatsoever they can get to the trust and custody of others, whereby it oft cometh to pass, that they themselves, meeting with deceitful friends, are utterly defeated, even because they dare not make their fraud known. As Covetousness is in it self an odious sin; so it is made much more heinous by defrauding husband or wife, who ought to be as dear each to other as themselves.

2. Prodigality, and too lavish spending upon themselves,⁴⁵⁸ and those things which are most agreeable to their own corrupt humor: as when husbands without any mean or measure, spend their goods abroad in hunting, hawking, carding, dicing, eating, drinking, or the like, and suffer their wives to want at home, and yet took their wives to maintain them, and therefore had their portion. Or when wives bring their husbands into debt, and weaken, if not clean overthrow their estate, by gorgeous decking and adorning their houses, by brave and costly apparel, by dainty fare, by gossipping abroad, with the like. Many wives are so violent herein, that if their desire and humour be not satisfied, their husbands shall have no rest (forsooth they brought a portion, and maintained they must and will be; it skilleth not whether their husbands estate can bear it or no) in so much as many are forced wittingly, for quietness sake, to suffer their estate to sink. O foolish and wretched wives! How little do they consider that they were married to do their husbands good, and not evil all the days of their life? Is this to be an help to man? Or rather is it not clean to thwart God’s counsel, and pervert his purpose? Can we think that God will forbear, and not be avenged of them? Yet much more will God be avenged of the forenamed husbands, because of that image of himself which he hath placed in them, and because of that place and authority wherein he hath set them. The Apostle expressly saith of them, that they are worse then Infidels, which being so, they must look for⁴⁵⁹ the greater judgment.

3. Idleness, and a careless neglect of their estate. Many⁴⁶⁰ men spend day after day, like a bird that flieth up and down, as it falleth out, from tree to tree, from twig to twig: they go from place to place, but know not for what end: as they meet with any company, so they abide as long as the company tarrieth, and then seek after other company, and are ready to go with any to Ale-house, Tavern, Play-house, Bowling-alley, or other like places. Many women also spend all the forenoon in lying a bed and tiring themselves, and the afternoon as occasion is offered in sitting idly at home, or walking forth to little purpose, but only to wear out time, little regarding their husbands estate, whether it increase, or diminish. Thus by the idleness and carelessness of husband and wife, come fair estates many times to ruin, and both of them brought to penury and beggary.

Serving Together in Family Ministry

§. 40. Of husbands and wives joint care in governing the family.

Hitherto I have delivered such common duties as mutually respect the husband and wife, and are to be performed of each to other. There are other common duties which they are both jointly bound to perform to other persons: and those either members of the family, or strangers coming to the family.

Concerning the members of the family, though there be some peculiar duties belonging to the master, and some to the mistress, some to the father, and some to the mother, of which we shall speak in their due place; yet in general the government of the family, and the several members thereof belongeth to the husband and wife both (if at least they have a family) and a joint common duty it is to be helpful one to another therein.

Object. Seeing it is not necessarily required, that a husband and wife should have a family to govern, for two may be married and have neither children nor servants (as many are) and yet be true husband and wife; why is this care of a family ranked among the duties of husband and wife?

Answ. 1. Because ordinarily when two are married they gather a family, and are the governors thereof: so as though it fail in some particulars, yet for the most part it holdeth.

2. Because the joint government whereof I speak in this place is by virtue of the marriage-bond: for if a man and a woman should live together in an house, and by mutual consent have a joint authority and government, this would be very offensive to all that should know it, or hear of it: neither were they by any ordinance of God bound to be so helpful one to another as husband and wife: nor the members of a family so bound to subject themselves to both.

3. The duty whereof I speak, though it be about the government of a family, yet hath it respect to an husband as he is an husband, and to a wife as she is a wife; namely, that by virtue of their marriage-bond, and near union, they be helpful one to another in well-ordering the things of the family.

Whether the man ought to look to the good government of his house is a question without all question. He is the highest in the family, and hath both authority over all, and the charge of all is committed to his charge: he is as a king in his own house: as a king is to see that land well governed where he is king, so he that is the chief ruler in an house. The duty which the Apostle applieth in particular to Bishops & Deacons, in general appertaineth to all husbands,⁴⁶¹ that they rule their own house honestly: and again,⁴⁶² that they be such as can rule their children well, and their own households. The care of many husbands is in this respect commended in Scripture, as of⁴⁶³ Abram, of⁴⁶⁴ Jacob, of⁴⁶⁵ Joshua, of⁴⁶⁶ David, the⁴⁶⁷ Ruler at Galilee, and of many other. That the wife also ought to be an help to him therein, is very evident: for the Apostle layeth it expressly to their charge,⁴⁶⁸ that they govern the house: would the Wise man have so highly commended a wife⁴⁶⁹ for well governing her husbands house if it had not appertained to her? It is very likely that wise Abigail had a great hand in governing Nabal’s house, because the servants made complaint to her of Nabal’s churlishness, and because she had the servants at command, readily to do what she would have them; yea also, because she could so readily prepare such store of provision for David and his men, as she did. Hence is it that the wife is called⁴⁷⁰ mistress of the house, as well as the husband⁴⁷¹ master of the house.

Object.⁴⁷² A woman is not to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man.

Answ. 1. That branch of teaching hath respect to public assemblies, and Churches, in which she may not teach: but not to private families, in which she may, and ought to teach: for⁴⁷³ Bathsheba taught Solomon. When⁴⁷⁴ Apollos was brought to the house of Aquila, Priscilla the wife of Aquila did help to expound to Apollos the way of God more perfectly.

2. The other branch concerning authority, hath not reference to the inferior members in the family, over which the wife of an household governor hath authority, but only to the husband, over whom if she take any authority, she usurpeth it. Therefore neither this place of Scripture, nor any other doth exclude the wife, being jointly considered with the husband, to rule & govern those in the family which are under them both.

2. Object. This joint government of the wife doth much impair the dignity and authority of the husband.

Answ. Nothing less: for she is subordinate to her husband, and must so rule others as she be subject to her husband, and not command any thing against his command, (provided that his command be not against the Lord, and his word.) We see that in all estates the king or highest governor hath other Magistrates under him, who have a command over the subjects, and yet thereby the kings supreme authority is no whit impaired, but rather the better established, and he the more honoured. So is it in a family.⁴⁷⁵

Let therefore husbands and wives herein assist one another, for so they may be very helpful one to another, and bring, by their mutual help in governing, much good to the family. The husband by his help aiding his wife, addeth much authority unto her, and so causeth that she is not despised, nor lightly esteemed. The wife by her help causeth many things to be espied, and so redressed, which otherwise might never have been found out: for two eyes see more then one, especially when one of those is more at hand, and in presence, as the⁴⁷⁶ wife is in the house.

Besides there are many things in well governing a family more fit for one to meddle withal then for the other: as for the husband to meddle with the great and weighty affairs of the family (as performing God’s worship, appointing and settling good orders, providing convenient house-room, and other necessaries for the family: keeping children when they grow⁴⁷⁷ great, or wax stubborn, in awe: ruling men servants, with the like.) And for the wife to meddle with some less, but very needful matters, as nourishing and instructing children when they are young, adorning the house, ordering the provision brought into the house, ruling maid servants, with the like. Yea further, as the man especially is to perform the very actions of prayer, reading the word, catechizing, and other like duties in the family, so the wife may be a great help in putting her husband in mind both of the duty it self, and of the time of performing it, and encouraging him to do it, in gathering the family together, and exhorting them to be forward, in making her self an example to the rest by her diligent and reverend attention, in oft urging and pressing to her children and servants such points of instruction as her husband hath taught; yea, in praying, reading, teaching, and performing like exercises her self, so far as she is able, when her husband is absent, or negligent and careless, and will not himself do them; or it may be, is not able to do them: or if she perform them not her self, in getting some other to perform them.

§. 41. Of the vices contrary to a joint care of governing the family.

The mind and practise of many, both husbands and wives,⁴⁷⁸ is contrary to this duty.

Many a husband because the wives office is especially to⁴⁷⁹ abide at home, will put off all government to the wife: leaving it to her not only to order the things in the house, but also to bring in all needful things, to order and govern the children both young and old, yea even to provide for them also, to take in, to put out, to use all sorts of servants as pleaseth her: yea, if servants shall be stubborn and stout against her, he will take no notice of it, nor endure to be told of it, much less afford her his assistance, but suffer her to be disgraced and despised. As for religious duties, he will no way meddle with them. Oh base minded men, unworthy to be husbands and heads of wives! Shall your wives who were made to be an help to you, have no help from you, no not in those things which especially belong to your charge? Shall the weaker vessels bear all the burden? Assuredly as the man carrieth away the greatest reputation and honour when a family is well governed (though it be by the joint care and wisdom of his wife) so lieth he most open to the judgment of God if the government thereof be neglected, and through the neglect thereof, children and servants grow impious: instance⁴⁸⁰ Eli, and⁴⁸¹ David. For as in a common-wealth, the greatest honour of good government, victorious battles, happy peace, and prosperity, and the greatest dishonor and damage of the contrary, redoundeth to the king, so to the man who is chief governor in a family: for it is presupposed, that all which do any good are instruments of the highest governor: if any evil or mischief fall out, that it is through his negligence.

On the other side, because the husband is the most principal,⁴⁸² many wives think that the government of the family nothing at all appertains to them, and thereupon are careless of the good thereof, and will not stir their least finger to order any thing aright: but, if any thing be amiss, lay all the blame on their husbands. Do not such pervert that main end for which God made them, even to be an help? Do they not carry themselves most unworthy of the place wherein God hath set them, namely to be joint-governors with their husbands, and partakers of their dignities? As by their negligence they make themselves accessary to all the evil which falleth out in the family, so assuredly shall they have their part in those judgments which are executed on the head thereof.

Most contrary to the forenamed duty is the practise of⁴⁸³ such as are hindrances one to another in governing the family: as when wives are not only negligent themselves in coming to religious exercises, but keep back children and servants, and so are a great grief unto their religious husbands: or when they use any of the children or servants to be instruments of iniquity; or are themselves disquiet and troublesome in the house, like to her of whom Solomon speaketh in this proverb, It is better to dwell in the corner of the house⁴⁸⁴ top, then with a contentious woman in a wide house.

Husbands also are oft an hindrance to that good government which their wives would help forward, when they scoff and scorn at that good counsel which their wives give them for that purpose, or when they will not suffer their wives to meddle with any thing at all, nor endure that they should find any fault, much less take in hand to redress any thing that is amiss. These and such like perverse dispositions are in husbands and wives, whereby it cometh to pass that they who were joined together to be a mutual help each to other, prove heavy, yea intolerable burdens.

§. 42. Of husbands and wives mutual help in hospitality.

The next common duty of husband and wife respecteth such as come to their house, but are no particular members thereof, whether they be kindred, alliance, acquaintance, or strangers, especially if they be Saints, to whom⁴⁸⁵ hospitality, that is, a kind and courteous entertainment, is due. Herein therefore must husbands and wives be helpful one to another: for as it is required of⁴⁸⁶ husbands, so also of⁴⁸⁷ wives to be harborous, namely while they are married, together with their husbands, and when they are widows, of themselves.⁴⁸⁸ Abraham and Sarah were herein an help one to another, when the three Angels in shapes of men came to their house: so were⁴⁸⁹ the Shunammite and her husband when Elisha the Prophet came to their house.

For hospitality, that it is a commendable duty belonging⁴⁹⁰ to such as are house-keepers and able to give entertainment, is evident by the precepts and examples before specified, as also by the blessing which God thereupon hath brought to the houses of them that were given thereunto, which the Apostle intimateth in these words,⁴⁹¹ thereby some have entertained Angels unawares. Now therefore husbands and wives being (as we have heard) joint governors, as in other things, so in this they ought to lend an helping hand each to other, and that for these reasons.

1. Because in giving entertainment there are sundry⁴⁹² things to be done, whereof some are proper to the husbands place, and some to the wives. To take order for the provision of things without doors is more fit for the husband,⁴⁹³ Abraham did it: to order the smaller things within doors is more fit for the wife; that was left to⁴⁹⁴ Sarah.

2. Because it is meet that guests should know they are welcome⁴⁹⁵ both to the husband and to the wife, that so they may be the more cheerful.

3. Because a mutual consent, and cheerful help herein will⁴⁹⁶ be an especial means, as to manifest their mutual affection, so to hold the hearts of man and wife firm and close together, and make them the better like and love one the other: especially if the husband shall show himself as ready and willing to entertain his wives friends and kindred as his own, and so the wife her husbands (as they ought.) For as they themselves are made one flesh, so ought each of them to esteem of the others friends as of their own.

4. Because thus they show a mutual desire of bringing⁴⁹⁷ God’s blessing on each other, and upon their whole family.

§. 43. Of vices contrary to mutual help in hospitality.

Contrary to this duty is for the most part covetousness in the husband, and laziness in the wife. The man, because the charge of the family lieth on him, distrustfully feareth lest he should want for his own.

I deny not but that a provident care for our own, & namely for them of the family, is needful and commendable,⁴⁹⁸ he that provideth not for them is worse then an infidel: so as a man may be overlavish in giving entertainment, if he go beyond his means, impoverish his estate, and disable himself to provide for his own, as many do: yet when a man hath sufficient, yea and abundance, when there is no just cause, but merely upon an undue fear too carkingly, and distrustfully to pinch, and grudge to give entertainment to any, is unbeseeming a Christian, yea also to be worse then an infidel; not worthy to have an house, or any thing fit for entertainment; no nor worthy of common society.

The woman on the other side grudgeth at the pains she must take, and trouble she must undergo about entertaining guests, and thereupon is loth that any at any time should come to their house.

Concerning a wife, I deny not but that an husband may be in this kind overburdensome to her, by being too jovial, as they speak, and bringing guests too often into the house, especially if they be guests of no good name; and by that means make her even weary of her life: but yet for a wife to refuse all pains in that kind, and to be discontented when her husband invites any friends, or when any come (as the three Angels did to Abraham) unawares, argueth not a loving affection, nor a wivelike subjection unto her husband, to be in her.

These faults are so much the greater when the husband, or wife, are free and forward in entertaining their own kindred and friends: but are backward, and grudge at the entertainment of each others friends and kindred. Hence commonly ariseth much heart-burning of one against the other: yea much jar and contention betwixt them: and from dislike of the practise of one another in this kind oft followeth a dislike of one anothers person: so that as the fault is bad in it self, it proves to be much worse in the mischiefs that follow upon it.

§. 44. Of husbands and wives mutual help in relieving the poor.

The last common and joint duty wherein husband and wife ought to be helpful each to other, respecteth those that are without the house, namely the poor, and such as stand in need of their help, who are to be relieved and succoured. Because man and wife usually meal together, and are joint partakers of God’s good creatures, they must put one another in mind of that precept of charity which was given to the Jews when they were at their meals,⁴⁹⁹ send part unto them for whom none is provided. The good wife which is set forth by the Holy Ghost for a pattern and example unto others to follow, together with her husband, are noted to be helpful one to another in this duty: for she is said⁵⁰⁰ to stretch out her hand to the poor, and to the needy: and he is said⁵⁰¹ to praise her, thereby encouraging her to hold on in doing those good things which she did. What liberty the wife hath, or how far forth she may be restrained in case her husband utterly refuse to give consent, we shall⁵⁰² hereafter declare in the particular duties of wives: the point here noted is, that both the husband himself must according to his ability be bountiful to the poor, and suffer his wife, yea provoke her so to be, and withal allow her wherewithal to be bountiful: and that the wife also must stir up her husband to liberality in this respect, and her self open her hand to the poor in the things which lawfully she may give.

There is nothing whereby a man or wife can bring more profit to the house, then by giving to the poor: that which is given to the poor is⁵⁰³ lent to the Lord, and he will repay it with great increase: it is as⁵⁰⁴ seed, which being liberally sown, will bring forth a plentiful harvest: yea, it is a means to make us⁵⁰⁵ friends, to speak a good word for us at the bar of Christ’s judgment seat: and it bringeth not only the⁵⁰⁶ blessing of men, but⁵⁰⁷ of God also, even the greatest blessing of all, the⁵⁰⁸ blessing of eternal life: for it is⁵⁰⁹ a sacrifice with which God is well pleased. The Apostle noteth this to be one of Christ’s oracles, which by word of mouth he left unto his Disciples,⁵¹⁰ It is more blessed to give then to receive.

Besides, husbands and wives in distributing alms, may receive⁵¹¹ good direction one from another: the husband by telling the wife who are fit to be relieved (for commonly husbands better know those which are abroad out of the family) the wife by telling the husband what things are fittest to be given away: for wives commonly know of what things there is greatest store, and what may in the house be best spared.

§. 45. Of husbands and wives unmercifulness to the poor.

Contrary is the unmercifulness of many husbands, who⁵¹² are not only hard-hearted themselves (never giving any thing unless by the law of the land they be forced, & then they part⁵¹³ with that which is given, so grudgingly, as it is nothing at all acceptable to God (for⁵¹⁴ God loveth a cheerful giver) but also tie their wives hands, and suffer them to give nothing. Wherein⁵¹⁵ they bring both the cry of the poor, and also the groans and grief of a merciful wife who is thus restrained, upon their own necks, and aggravate their sin in an high degree.

On the other side, the unmercifulness of many wives is also contrary to the forenamed duty: for there are many, who though they have liberty to give of the common goods, and also allowance of their own out of which they may give, yet covetously hoard up all they can get, give not a pennies worth, but rather suffer victuals and other things to perish in the house, and when they are naught to fling them away, then that any thing whilst it is good should be given out of the house. Shall not the creatures which are spoiled in an house, and the poor that have wanted, make a loud cry in the ears⁵¹⁶ of the Lord against them? Yea further, many wives are grieved at their husbands bounty, and still moving him to shut his hand, and give no more. Are they not plain devils herein, opposing against that which is good?

A Wife’s Respect for Her Husband

§. 1. Of the general heads of this treatise.

In the particular declaration of wives duties, the Apostle noteth two points,

1. The duty required.
2. The reason to enforce it.

In setting forth the duty, he declareth

1. The matter wherein it consisteth.
2. The manner how it is to be performed.

In the matter we may note,

1. The thing required,⁵¹⁷ subjection.
2. The person whom it respecteth, their⁵¹⁸ own husbands.

The manner respecteth the quality and the extent of that subjection.

To declare the quality of wives subjection to their husbands, two rules are set down.

1. That it be such a subjection, as⁵¹⁹ should be performed to Christ.

2. That it be such a subjection as the⁵²⁰ Church performeth unto Christ.

The extent of wives subjection doth stretch it self very far, even to⁵²¹ all things.

The reason to enforce all these points is taken from that place of eminency and authority, wherein the husband is set above his wife: which is,

1. Propounded under the metaphor of an head (for the husband is the head of the wife.)

2. Amplified by that resemblance which therein he hath unto Christ.

In which resemblance two points are noted.

1. That the husband, by virtue of his place, carrieth the very image of Christ (even as Christ is the head of the Church.)

2. That the husband by virtue of his office is a protector of his wife (and he is the saviour of the body.)

§. 2. Of a wives subjection in general.⁵²²

The first point to be handled in the treatise of wives particular duties is the general matter of all (subjection) under which all other particulars are comprised, for it hath as large⁵²³ an extent as that honour which is required in the fifth commandment, being applied to wives. When first the Lord declared unto woman her duty, he set it down under this phrase, Thy desire shall be subject to thine husband, Gen. 3. 16.

Object. That was a punishment inflicted on her for her transgression?

Answ. And a law too, for trial of her obedience, which if it be not observed, her nature will be more depraved, and her fault more increased. Besides, we cannot but think that the woman was made before the fall, that the man might rule over her. Upon this ground the Prophets and Apostles have oft urged the same. Sarah is commended for this, that she was subject to her husband (1 Pet. 3. 6.) Hereby the Holy Ghost would teach wives, that subjection ought to be as salt to season every duty which they perform to their husband. Their very opinion, affection, speech, action, and all that concerneth the husband, must savour of subjection. Contrary is the disposition of many wives, whom ambition hath tainted and corrupted within and without: they cannot endure to hear of subjection: they imagine that they are made slaves thereby. But I hope partly by that which hath been before delivered concerning those common duties which man and wife do mutually owe each to other, and partly by the particulars which under this general are comprised, but most especially⁵²⁴ by the duties which the husband in particular oweth to his wife, it will evidently appear, that this subjection is no servitude. But were it more then it is, seeing God requireth subjection of a wife to her husband, the wife is bound to yield it. And good reason it is that she who first drew man into sin, should be now subject to him, lest by the like womanish weakness she fall again.

§. 3. Of an husbands superiority over a wife, to be acknowledged by a wife.⁵²⁵

The subjection which is required of a wife to her husband implieth two things.

1. That she acknowledge her husband to be her superior.
2. That she respect him as her superior.

That acknowledgment of the husbands superiority is twofold

1. General of any husband.
2. Particular of her own husband.

The general is the ground of the particular: for till a wife be informed that an husband, by virtue of his place, is his wives superior, she will not be persuaded that her own husband is above her, or hath any authority over her.

First therefore concerning the general, I will lay down⁵²⁶ some evident and undeniable proofs, to show that an husband is his wives superior, and hath authority over her. The proofs are these following.

1. God of whom,⁵²⁷ the powers that be ordained, are, hath power to place his Image in whom he will, and to whom God giveth superiority and authority, the same ought to be acknowledged to be due unto them. But God said of the man to the woman, he shall rule over thee, (Gen. 3. 16.)

2. Nature hath placed an eminency in the male over the⁵²⁸ female: so as where they are linked together in one yoke, it is given by nature that he should govern, she obey. This did the heathen by light of nature observe.

3. The titles and names, whereby an husband is set forth, do imply a superiority and authority in him, as⁵²⁹ Lord, (1 Pet. 3. 6.)⁵³⁰ master, (Est. 1. 17.)⁵³¹ Guide, (Prov. 2. 17.)⁵³² Head, (1 Cor. 11. 3.)⁵³³ Image and glory of God, (1 Cor. 11. 7.)

4. The persons whom the husband by virtue of his place, and whom the wife by virtue of her place, represent, most evidently prove as much: for an husband representeth Christ, and a wife, the Church, (Eph. 5. 23.)

5. The circumstances noted by the Holy Ghost at the woman’s creation imply no less, as that she was created after man, for man’s good, and out of man’s side, (Gen. 2. 18, etc.)

6. The very⁵³⁴ attire which nature and custom of all times and places have taught women to put on, confirmeth the same: as long hair, veils, and other coverings over the head: this and the former argument doth the Apostle himself use to this very purpose, 1 Cor. 11. 7, etc.

The point then being so clear, wives ought in conscience to acknowledge as much: namely that an husband hath superiority⁵³⁵ and authority over a wife. The acknowledgment hereof is a main and principal duty, and a ground of all other duties. Till a wife be fully instructed therein and truly persuaded thereof, no duty can be performed by her as it ought: for subjection hath relation to superiority and authority. The very notation of the word implieth as much. How then can subjection be yielded, if husbands be not acknowledged superiors? It may be forced, as one King conquered in battle by another, may be compelled to yield homage to the conqueror, but yet because he still thinketh with himself, that he is no whit inferior, he will hardly be brought willingly to yield a subjects duty to him, but rather expect a time when he may free himself and take revenge of the conqueror.

§. 4. Of a fond conceit, that husband and wife are equal.

Contrary to the forenamed subjection is the opinion of many wives, who think themselves every way as good as their husbands, and no way inferior to them.

The reason whereof seemeth to be that small inequality⁵³⁶ which is betwixt the husband and the wife: for of all degrees wherein there is any difference betwixt person and person, there is the least disparity betwixt man and wife. Though the man be as the head, yet is the woman as the heart, which is the most excellent part of the body next the head, far more excellent then any other member under the head, and almost equal to the head in many respects, and as necessary as the head. As an evidence, that a wife is to man as the heart to the head, she was at her⁵³⁷ first creation taken out of the side of man where his heart lieth; and though the woman was at first⁵³⁸ of the man created out of his side, yet is the man also by the woman. Ever since the first creation man hath been born and brought forth out of the woman’s womb: so as neither the man is without the woman, nor the woman without the man: yea, as⁵³⁹ the wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband, so the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. They are also⁵⁴⁰ heirs together of the grace of life. Besides, wives are mothers of the same children, whereof their husbands are fathers (for God said to both,⁵⁴¹ multiply and increase) and mistresses of the same servants whereof they are masters (for Sarah is called⁵⁴² mistress) and in many other respects there is a common equity betwixt husbands and wives; whence many wives gather that in all things there ought to be a mutual equality.

But from some particulars to infer a general is a very weak argument.

1. Doth it follow, that because in many things there is a common equity betwixt Judges of Assize, Justices of peace, and Constables of towns, that therefore there is in all things an equality betwixt them?

2. In many things there is not a common equity: for the husband may command his wife, but not she him.

3. Even in those things wherein there is a common equity, there is not an equality: for the husband hath ever even in all things a superiority: as if there be any difference even in the forenamed instances, the husband must have the stroke: as in giving the name of Rachel’s youngest child, where the wife would have one name, the husband another, that name which the husband gave, stood, (Gen. 35. 18.)

Though there seem to be never so little disparity, yet God having so expressly appointed subjection, it ought to be acknowledged: and⁵⁴³ though husband and wife may mutually serve one another through love: yet the Apostle suffereth not a woman to rule over the man.

§. 5. Of a wives acknowledgment of her own husbands superiority.⁵⁴⁴

The truth and life of that general acknowledgment of husbands honour, consisteth in the particular application thereof unto their own proper husbands.

The next duty therefore is, that wives acknowledge their⁵⁴⁵ own husbands, even those to whom by God’s providence they are joined in marriage, to be worthy of an husbands honour, and to be their superior: thus much the Apostle intendeth by that particle of restraint⁵⁴⁶ (own) which he useth very often: so likewise doth⁵⁴⁷ S. Peter, exhorting wives to be in subjection⁵⁴⁸ to their own husbands: and hereunto restraining the commendation of the ancient good wives, that they were in subjection to their own husbands.

Object. What if a man of mean place be married to a woman of eminent place, or a servant be married to his mistress, or an aged woman to a youth, must such a wife acknowledge such an husband her superior?

Answ. Yea verily: for in giving her self to be his wife, and⁵⁴⁹ taking him to be her husband, she advanceth him above her self, and subjecteth her self unto him. It booteth nothing what either of them were before marriage: by virtue of the matrimonial bond the husband is made the head of his wife, though the husband were before marriage a very beggar, and of mean parentage, and the wife very wealthy and of a noble stock; or though he were her prentice, or bondslave; which also holdeth in the case betwixt an aged woman and a youth: for the Scripture hath made no exception in any of those cases.

2. Object. But what if a man of lewd and beastly conditions, as a drunkard, a glutton, a profane swaggerer, an impious swearer, and blasphemer, be married to a wife, sober, religious Matron, must she account him her superior, and worthy of an husbands honour?

Answ. Surely she must. For the evil quality and disposition⁵⁵⁰ of his heart and life, doth not deprive a man of that civil honour which God hath given unto him. Though an husband in regard of evil qualities may carry the Image of the devil, yet in regard of his place and office he beareth the image of God: so do Magistrates in the common-wealth, Ministers in the Church, parents and masters in the family. Note for our present purpose, the exhortation of S. Peter to Christian wives which had infidel husbands,⁵⁵¹ Be in subjection to them: let your conversation be in fear. If Infidels carry not the devils Image, and are not, so long as they are Infidels, vassals of Satan, who are? Yet wives must be subject to them, and fear them.

§. 6. Of wives denying honour to their own husbands.

Contrary thereunto is a very perverse disposition in some⁵⁵² wives, who think they could better subject themselves to any husband, then their own. Though in general they acknowledge that an husband is his wives superior, yet when the application cometh to themselves they fail, and cannot be brought to yield, that they are their husbands inferiors. This is a vice worse then the former. For to acknowledge no husband to be superior over his wife, but to think man and wife in all things equal, may proceed from ignorance of mind, and error of judgment. But for a wife who knoweth and acknowledgeth the general, that an husband is above his wife, to imagine that she her self is not inferior to her husband, ariseth from monstrous self-conceit, and intolerable arrogancy, as if she her self were above her own sex, and more then a woman.

Contrary also is the practise of such⁵⁵³ women, as purposely marry men of far lower rank then themselves, for this very end, that they may rule over their own husbands: and of others who being⁵⁵⁴ aged, for that end marry youths, if not very boys. A mind and practise very unseemly, and clean thwarting God’s ordinance. But let them think of ruling⁵⁵⁵ what they list, the truth is, that they make themselves subjects both by God’s law and man’s: of which subjection such wives do oft feel the heaviest burden. Solomon noteth this to be one of the things for which the earth is disquieted, when⁵⁵⁶ a servant reigneth. Now when can a servant more domineer, then when he hath married his mistress? As for aged women who are married to youths, I may say (as in another case it was said) woe to thee ô wife whose husband is a child. Unmeet it is⁵⁵⁷ that an aged man should be married to a young maid, but much more unmeet for an aged woman to be married to a youth.

§. 7. Of a wives inward fear of her husband.⁵⁵⁸

Hitherto of a wives acknowledgment of her husbands superiority. It followeth to speak of that answerable respect which she ought to bear towards him.

A wive-like respect of her husband consisteth in two points:

1. Reverence.
2. Obedience.

The reverence which she oweth to him is⁵⁵⁹

1. Inward.
2. Outward.

Inward reverence is an awful respect which a wife in her heart hath of her husband, esteeming him worthy of all honour for his place, and office sake, because he is her husband. Doubtless Sarah had in her heart a reverend respect and honourable esteem of her husband, when⁵⁶⁰ being alone, and thinking of him in her very thought she gave him this title Lord. This inward reverence the Scripture compriseth under this word Fear: as where our Apostle saith,⁵⁶¹ Let the wife see that she fear her husband: and where⁵⁶² S. Peter exhorteth wives to have their conversation in Fear. It is no slavish fear of her husband which ought to possess the heart of a wife, dreading blows, frowns, spiteful words, or the like; but such an awful respect of him as maketh her (to use the Apostles word)⁵⁶³ care how she may please him. This wive-like Fear is manifested by two effects: one is Joy, when she giveth contentment to her husband, and observeth him to be pleased with that which she doth: the other is grief, when he is justly offended and grieved, especially with any thing that she her self hath done.

Unless this inward reverence and due respect of an husband⁵⁶⁴ be first placed in the heart of a wife, either no outward reverence and obedience will be performed at all, or if it be performed, it will be very unsound, only in show, hypocritical and deceitful: so that as good never a whit as never the better. For according to ones inward affection and disposition will the outward action and conversation be framed.⁵⁶⁵ Michal first despised David in her heart, and thence it followed that she⁵⁶⁶ uttered most unreverend and vile speeches of him, even to his face. Wherefore after the judgment of a wife is rightly informed of an husbands superiority, and her will persuaded to account her own husband her head and guide, it is very needful that her heart and affection be accordingly seasoned with the salt of good respect, and high esteem, which breedeth fear: and that thus her heart may be seasoned, she ought oft and seriously to meditate of his place and office, and of that honour which the Lord by virtue thereof hath planted in him. And if he have gifts worthy his place, as knowledge, wisdom, piety, temperance, love, and the like, she ought to take notice thereof, and to think him worthy of double honour.

§. 8. Of a wives base esteem of her husband.

Contrary to this inward reverence of the heart is a base and vile esteem which many have of their husbands, thinking no better of them then of other men; nay worse then of others; despising their husbands in their heart, like Michal, of whom we heard before. This, as it is in it self a vile vice, so is it a cause of many other vices, as of presumption, rebellion,⁵⁶⁷ yea and of adultery it self many times: and it is also a main hindrance of all duty.

It commonly riseth either from self-conceit (whereby wives overween their own gifts, thinking them so excellent⁵⁶⁸ as they need no guide or head, but are rather fit to guide and rule both their husband and all the household: of which proud and presumptuous spirit Jezebel seemeth to be, who with an audacious and impudent face said to Ahab her husband,⁵⁶⁹ Dost thou now govern the kingdom of Israel? Up, I will give thee the vineyard of Naboth. So also all those wives which are noted to draw away their husbands hearts from the Lord, as the wives of⁵⁷⁰ Solomon,⁵⁷¹ Jehoram, and others: which they learned of their great grandmother⁵⁷² Eve:) or else from some infirmities of mind or body, or of life, which they behold in their⁵⁷³ husbands (whence it cometh to pass, that many husbands who are highly honoured and greatly accounted of by others, are much despised by their wives, because their wives always conversing with them are privy to such infirmities as are concealed from others:) or, which is worst of all, from unjust surmises⁵⁷⁴ and suspicions, suspecting many evil things of their husbands whereof they are no way guilty, and misinterpreting, and perverting things well done, as⁵⁷⁵ Michal perverted David’s holy zeal.

For redress of this enormous vice, wives ought first in regard⁵⁷⁶ of themselves to purge out of their hearts pride, and self-conceit, thinking humbly and lowly of themselves, and that even in regard of their sex and the weakness thereof: and if the Lord have endued them with any gift above the ordinary sort of women, to note well their own infirmities, and to lay them by their eminent gifts: thus by looking on their black feet, their proud-peacock-feathers may be cast down. Yea also when they behold any infirmities in their husbands, they ought to reflect their eyes on their own infirmities, which it may be are even as many and as grievous, if not more in number, and more heinous in their nature and kind: at least let them consider that they are subject to the same, if God leave them to the sway of their own corruption.

Secondly, wives ought in regard of their husbands to surmise no evil whereof they have not sure proof and evidence: but rather interpret every thing in better part: and follow the rule of love,⁵⁷⁷ which beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. If they note any defects of nature, and deformity of body, or any enormous and notorious vices in their husband, then ought they to turn their eyes and thoughts from his person to his place, and from his vicious qualities to his honourable office (which is to be an husband) and this will abate that vile esteem which otherwise might be occasioned from the forenamed means.

§. 9. Of wive-like sobriety.⁵⁷⁸

A wives outward reverence towards her husband is a manifestation of her inward due respect of him. Now then seeing⁵⁷⁹ the intent of the heart, and inward disposition cannot be discerned by man simply in it self, that the husband may know his wives good affection towards him, it is behoveful that she manifest the same by her outward reverence.

A wives outward reverence consisteth in her reverend

• Gesture.
• Speech.

For the first, that a reverend gesture & carriage of her self to⁵⁸⁰ her husband, and in her husbands presence, beseemeth a wife, was of old implied by the veil which the woman used to put on, when she was brought unto her husband, as is noted in the⁵⁸¹ example of Rebekah: whereunto the Apostle alludeth in these words,⁵⁸² the woman ought to have power on her head. That cover on the woman’s head, as in general it implied subjection, so in particular this kind of subjection, viz. a reverend carriage and gesture. But most expressly is this duty set down by⁵⁸³ Saint Peter who exhorteth wives to order their conversation before their husbands, so as it be pure, with reverence.

This reverend conversation consisteth in a wive-like sobriety, mildness, courtesy, and modesty.

By sobriety I mean such a comely, grave, and gracious carriage, as giveth evidence to the husband that his wife respecteth his place & the authority which God hath given him. Sobriety in general is required of all women by reason of their sex; and surely it doth well become them all: but much more doth it become wives: most of all, in their husbands presence.⁵⁸⁴ The Apostle in particular enjoineth it to Deacons wives, yet not so as proper unto them, but in a further respect appertaining to them not only as wives, but as the wives of Deacons.

Contrary to this sobriety is lightness and wantonness: which vices in a wife, especially before her husband, argueth little respect, if not a plain contempt of him.

Object. Thus shall all delightful familiarity betwixt husband and wife be taken away.

Answ. Though the forenamed sobriety be opposed to lightness⁵⁸⁵ and wantonness, yet not to matrimonial familiarity: which is so far permitted to man and wife, as if any other man and woman should so behave themselves one towards another as an husband and wife lawfully may, it might justly be counted lightness and sin: instance the example of Isaac and Rebekah, who so sported together, as Abimelech,⁵⁸⁶ knowing them to be such as feared God, gathered by that sporting that they were man and wife: for he thought that otherwise they would not have been so familiar together.

This⁵⁸⁷ familiarity argueth both liking and love: and showeth that the man and wife delight in one anothers person. But the lightness here condemned in a wife, is not so much a mutual familiarity with her husband by his good liking, as a wanton dallying with others to his grief and disgrace.

§. 10. Of wive-like mildness.⁵⁸⁸

Mildness in a wife hath respect also to the ordering of her countenance, gesture, and whole carriage before her husband, whereby she manifesteth a pleasingness to him, and a contentedness and willingness to be under him and ruled by him. Excellently is this set forth in the spouse of Christ whose eyes are said to be as doves eyes, her lips to drop as honey combs, and⁵⁸⁹ she her self every way pleasant: whereupon it is noted that she appeared to her husband as the bright morning, and that his heart was wounded with her. Assuredly the clear sky is not more pleasant in time of harvest, then a mild and amiable countenance and carriage of a wife in her husbands presence.⁵⁹⁰ And though her husband should be of an harsh and cruel disposition, yet by this means might he be made meek and gentle. For the keepers of Lions are said to bring them to some tameness by handling them gently and speaking to them fairly.

Contrary to this mildness is a frowning brow, a louring eye, a sullen look, a pouting lip, a swelling face, a deriding mouth, a scornful cast of the arms and hands, a disdainful turning of this side and that side of the body, and a fretful flinging out of her husbands presence: all which and other like contemptuous gestures are as thick clouds overspreading the heavens in a Summers day, which make it very uncomfortable. They oft stir up much passion in the man, and bring much mischief upon the wife her self.

§. 11. Of wive-like courtesy and obeisance.⁵⁹¹

Courtesy is that virtue whereby a wife taketh occasion to testify her acknowledgment of her husbands superiority by some outward obeisance to him. Rebekah, so soon as she saw Isaac, whom she had taken for her husband, lighted from her Camel and came to him on foot, which was a kind of obeisance. This is not so to be taken as if no difference were to be made betwixt the carriage of a servant, or child, and a wife: or as if a wife should bow at every word that she speaketh to her husband. Though in the kind and extent of many duties the same things are required of wives which are required of children and servants, because God hath made them all inferiors, and exacted subjection of all: yet in the manner and measure of many duties there is great difference: as in this, the obeisance of children and servants ought to be more submissive, and more frequent. Yet because God hath placed authority in the husband over his wife, she is every way to testify her reverend respect of her husband, and therefore at some times, on some occasions (as when he is going on a journey for a time from her, or when he returneth home again, or when she hath a solemn and great suit to make unto him, or when he offereth an especial and extraordinary favour unto her, or (as I have observed such wives as know what beseemeth their place, and are not ashamed to manifest as much) when she sitteth⁵⁹² down or riseth up from table) to declare her reverence by some obeisance. This cannot but much work on the heart of a good and kind husband, and make him the more to respect his wife, when he beholdeth this evidence of her respect to him. Yea it cannot but be a good pattern to children⁵⁹³ and servants, and a motive to stir them up to yield all submissive obeisance both to her husband and to her self. For it may make them thus to reason with themselves, shall⁵⁹⁴ we scorn or think much to yield that to our father or master which our mother or mistress thinketh not much to yield to her husband? Shall she bow to him, and shall not we much more bow to her? Thus a wives honouring of her husband by yielding obeisance to him, maketh both him and her self to be more honoured of others.

Contrarily minded are they, who not only altogether omit⁵⁹⁵ this duty, but also gibe and scoff at the very hearing thereof, saying, thus wives shall be made no better then children or servants. But though scornful dames deride these outward evidences of their subjection, yet such wives as fear the Lord ought not to be hindered thereby from doing their duty: for by such evil examples they might be discouraged from every good duty. It is sufficient that such holy women as trusted in God so behaved themselves. But for this particular, we know that equals scorn not upon occasions to perform this kind of courtesy in making obeisance one to another: how much less ought wives, who are their husbands inferiors?

§. 12. Of wife-like modesty in apparel.⁵⁹⁶

Modesty appertaining to a wife is much manifested in her apparel. S. Paul requireth this modesty in general of all sorts of women: but S. Peter presseth it in particular upon wives. For as it well beseemeth all women, so wives after a peculiar manner, namely, in attiring themselves, to respect rather their husbands place and state, then their own birth and parentage, but much rather then their own mind and humour. A wives modesty therefore requireth that her apparel be neither for costliness above her husbands ability, nor for curiousness unbeseeming his calling. As a poor man’s wife must not affect costly apparel, so neither Ministers, grave Counsellors, sage Magistrates, no nor conscionable Professors wives, hunt after new fashions, or in light and garish apparel attire themselves. It is a token of great reverence in a wife towards her husband, to have an eye to his place and state in her apparel.

On the contrary, such proud dames as must have their own will in their attire, and think it nothing appertaineth⁵⁹⁷ to their husbands to order them therein, who care not what their husbands ability, or what his place and calling be, they show little respect and reverence to their husbands. Such are they, who are no whit moved with their husbands example: but though the man’s apparel be plain and grave, yet the wives shall be costly and garish. Yea many there be that stand in some more awe of their husbands sight, but show little more respect unto him, who have their silken gowns, Beaver hats, and other like attire not agreeable to their place and state, lie in the country, if they be of the city; or in the city, if they be of the country, in a friends house where their husbands shall⁵⁹⁸ not know it, and when their husbands are not with them, wear them, and paint their faces, lay out their hair, and in every thing follow the fashion. What can they which behold this think, but that such a wives care is more to please other light vain persons, then her grave, discreet husband: or that her husband can nothing at all prevail with her: which as it staineth her own credit, so it leaveth a blot of dishonour even upon him. If the care of a wife were to give evidence of the reverence which she beareth to her husband, his desire and example would in this respect more prevail with her, then the humour of her own heart.

§. 13. Of a wives reverend speech to her husband.⁵⁹⁹

As by gesture, so by speech also, must a wives reverence be manifested: this must be answerable to that. For by words as well as by deeds, the affection of the heart is manifested,⁶⁰⁰ Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh. A wives reverence is manifested by her speech, both in her husbands presence, and also in his absence. For this end in his presence her words must be few, reverend and meek. First few: For the⁶⁰¹ Apostle enjoineth⁶⁰² silence to wives in their husbands presence, and enforceth that duty with a strong reason in these words: I permit not the woman to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence: the inference of the latter clause upon the former showeth that he speaketh not only of a woman’s silence in the Church, but also of a wives silence before her husband: which is further cleared by another like place, where the same Apostle enjoineth wives to⁶⁰³ learn of their husbands at home. The reason before mentioned for silence, on the one side implieth a reverend subjection, as on the other side too much speech implieth an usurpation of authority.

Object. Then belike a wife must be always mute before her husband.

Answ. No such matter: for silence in that place is not opposed to speech, as if she should not speak at all, but to loquacity, to talkativeness, to over-much tattling: her husbands presence must somewhat restrain her tongue, and so will her very silence testify a reverend respect. Otherwise silence, as it is opposed to speech, would imply stoutness of stomach, and stubbornness of heart, which is an extreme contrary to loquacity. But the mean betwixt both, is for a wife to be sparing in speech, to expect a fit time and just occasion of speech, to be willing to hearken to the word of knowledge coming out of her husbands mouth. This argueth reverence.⁶⁰⁴ Elihu manifested the reverend respect, which as a younger he bare to his elders, by forbearing to speak while they had any thing to say. How much more ought wives in regard both of their sex and of their place?

Contrary is their practise, who must and will have all the⁶⁰⁵ prate. If their husbands have begun to speak, their slippery tongues cannot expect and tarry till he have done: if (as very hasty and forward they are to speak) they prevent not their husbands, they will surely take the tale out of his mouth before he have done: Thus they disgrace themselves, and dishonour their husbands.

§. 14. Of the titles which wives give their husbands.⁶⁰⁶

As their words must be few, so those few words must be reverend and meek: both which are also implied under the forenamed word⁶⁰⁷ silence: which in the original signifieth also⁶⁰⁸ quietness.

Reverence hath respect to the titles whereby a wife nameth her husband. Meekness to the manner of framing her speech to him.⁶⁰⁹

For the titles which a wife in speaking to her husband, or naming him, giveth unto him, they must be such as signify superiority, and so savour of reverence. Such are the titles wherewith husbands are named in the Scripture;⁶¹⁰ they are titles of honour. Such also are the titles which the Church (who by our Apostle is made a pattern for wives in all subjection) giveth to her Spouse Christ Jesus, as may be gathered out of the Song of songs. It is likely that Sarah did usually give this title Lord to her husband. For having occasion to think of him, presently this title⁶¹¹ Lord was in her heart: which would not so suddenly have risen up, if she had not ordinarily used it. According to the usual titles which we give to any, do we in our hearts name them, when we have occasion to think of them. Among all other titles the name husband, as it is the most usual, so it is the fittest and meetest title. It intimateth reverence, and savoureth not of niceness & singularity, as these titles, Head, Guide, master, man, and the like do: which though they be lawful titles, because the Scripture attributeth them to husbands, and they signify superiority, yet because they are unusual and savour of singularity, they are not so meet. Common use and practise hath made the addition of the husbands surname to this title master, more meet.

Saint⁶¹² Peter by this argument proveth that Sarah obeyed Abraham, because she called him Lord.

Contrary are those compellations which argue equality or inferiority rather then superiority, as brother, Cousin, Friend, man, etc. If a stranger be in presence, how can he tell by this manner of compellation, that he whom thou speakest unto is thy husband? If he espy any matrimonial familiarity betwixt you, what can he judge of it otherwise to be, lightness and wantonness? Remember the fearful issue that had like to have fallen out by reason of such compellations given by⁶¹³ Sarah and⁶¹⁴ Rebekah to their husbands. Not unlike to those are such as these, Sweet, Sweeting, Heart, Sweet-heart, love, Joy, Dear, etc. And such as these, Duck, Chick, Pigsny, etc. And husbands Christian names, as John, Thomas, William, Henry, etc. Which if they be contracted (as many use to contract them thus, Jack, Tom, Will, Hall) they are much more unseemly: servants are usually so called.

But what may we say of those titles given to an husband by his wife, not seldom in passion, but usually in ordinary speech, which are not fit to be given to the basest men that be, as Grub, Rogue, and the like, which I am even ashamed to name, but that the sins of women are to be cast as dirt on their faces, that they may be the more ashamed?

Object. Many of the forenamed titles are titles of amity and familiarity.

Answ. Subjection is that mark which wives are directed to aim at in their thoughts, words, deeds, and whole conversation towards their husband. Such tokens of familiarity as are not withal tokens of subjection and reverence, are unbeseeming a wife, because they swerve from that mark.

§. 15. Of wives meekness in their speeches.⁶¹⁵

Meekness in a wives manner of framing her speech to her husband, doth also commend her reverend respect of him. This is an especial effect of that meek and quiet spirit which S. Peter requireth of wives; which duty he doth strongly enforce by this weighty argument,⁶¹⁶ which is before God a thing much set by. Is a wives meekness much set by before God, and shall not wives hold it both a bounden duty, and comely ornament, and grace unto them? As the form of words which a wife useth in asking or answering questions, or any other kind of discourse which she holdeth with her husband, so her moderation in persisting, arguing and pressing matters, yea and the mild composition of her countenance in speaking, declare her meekness. If she be desirous to obtain any thing of him, fairly she must entreat it, as the⁶¹⁷ Shunammite: If she would move him to perform a bounden duty, mildly she must persuade him. If she would restrain and keep him from doing that which is evil, even that also she must do with some meekness, as⁶¹⁸ Pilate’s wife: If she have occasion to tell him of a fault, therein she ought to manifest humility and reverence, by observing a fit season, and doing it after a gentle manner as⁶¹⁹ Abigail: who as she wisely behaved her self in this respect with her husband in observing a fit season, so also with David by intimating his fault unto him, rather then plainly reproving him, when she said, It shall be no grief nor offence unto my Lord, that he hath not shed blood causeless. This meekness requireth also silence and patience, even when she is reproved.

Contrary is the waspish and shrewish disposition of many⁶²⁰ wives to their husbands, who care not how hastily and unadvisedly they speak to them, like⁶²¹ Rachel; nor how angerly and chidingly, like⁶²² Jezebel; nor how disdainfully, and spitefully, like⁶²³ Zipporah; nor how scoffingly, and frumpingly, like⁶²⁴ Michal; nor how reproachfully and disgracefully, like⁶²⁵ Job’s wife. If they be reproved by their husbands, their husbands shall be reproached by them: & they are ready to answer again, not only word for word, but ten for one. Many wives by their shrewish speeches, show no more respect to their husbands, then to their servants, if so much. The least occasion moveth them not only inwardly to be angry and fret against them, but also outwardly to manifest the same by chiding and brawling. The very object whereupon many wives usually spit out their venomous words, is their husband; when their stomachs are full, they must needs ease them on their husbands: wherein their fault is doubled.

Let wives therefore learn first to moderate their passion, and then to keep in their tongues with bit and bridle, but most of all to take heed that their husbands taste not of the bitterness thereof, no not though they should by some oversight of their husbands be provoked. It is to be noted how Solomon calleth the jars which are between man and wife, the contentions of a wife, whereby he intimateth that she commonly⁶²⁶ is the cause thereof, either by provoking her husband, or not bearing with him.

§. 16. Of a wives speech of her husband in his absence.⁶²⁷

The reverence which a wife beareth to her husband, must further be manifested by her speeches of him in his absence. So did Sarah manifest her reverence, and so must all such as desire⁶²⁸ to be accounted the daughters of Sarah. The Church speaking of her Spouse, doth it with as great reverence, as if she⁶²⁹ had spoken to him. It was for honour and reverence sake, that the Virgin Mary called Joseph the father of Jesus, when she⁶³⁰ spake of him.

This showeth that a wives reverend speeches in presence of her husband and to his face, are not in flattery to please him and fawn upon him, but in sincerity to please God and perform her duty.

Contrary therefore to their duty deal they, who in presence⁶³¹ can afford the fairest and meekest speeches that may be to their husbands face, but⁶³² behind their backs speak most reproachfully of them.

A Wife’s Not Going Against Her Husband’s Will (I)

§. 17. Of a wives obedience in general.

Hitherto of a wives reverence, it followeth to speak of her obedience: The first law that ever was given to woman since her fall, laid upon her this duty of obedience to her husband, in these words,⁶³³ Thy desire shall be to thine husband, and he shall rule over thee. How can an husband rule over a wife, if she obey not him? The principal part of that submission which in this⁶³⁴ text, and in many other places is required of a wife, consisteth in obedience: and therefore it is expressly commended unto wives in the example of Sarah who⁶³⁵ obeyed Abraham. Thus by obedience doth the Church manifest her subjection to Christ.

The place wherein God hath set an husband; namely, to be an⁶³⁶ head; the authority which he hath given unto him, to be a⁶³⁷ Lord and⁶³⁸ master; the duty which he requireth of him⁶³⁹ to rule, do all require obedience of a wife. Is not obedience to be yielded to an Head, Lord, and master? Take away all authority from an husband, if ye exempt a wife from obedience.

Contrary is the stoutness of such wives as must have their⁶⁴⁰ own will, and do what they list, or else all shall be out of quiet. Their will must be done, they must rule and over-rule all, they must command not only children and servants, but husbands also, if at least the husband will be at peace. Look into families, observe the estate and condition of many of them, and then tell me if these things be not so. If an husband be a man of courage, and seek to stand upon his right, and maintain his authority by requiring obedience of his wife, strange it is to behold what an hurly burly she will make in the house: but if he be a milk-sop, and basely yield unto his wife, and suffer her to rule, then, it may be, there shall be some outward quiet. The ground hereof is an ambitious and proud humour in women, who must needs rule, or else they think themselves slaves. But let them think as they list: assuredly herein they thwart God’s ordinance, pervert the order of nature, deface the image of Christ, overthrow the ground of all duty, hinder the good of the family, become an ill pattern to children and servants, lay themselves open to Satan, and incur many other mischiefs which cannot but follow upon the violating of this main duty of obedience, which if it be not performed, how can other duties be expected?

§. 18. Of the cases wherein a wife hath power to order things of the house without her husbands consent.

A wives obedience requireth

• Submission.
• Contentment.

Submission in yielding to her husbands mind and will.

Contentment⁶⁴¹ in resting satisfied and content with his estate and ability.

That Submission consisteth in two things.

First, in abstaining from doing things against her husbands mind.

Secondly, in doing what her husband requireth. The former of these requireth that a wife have her husbands consent for the things which she doth. For the better clearing whereof we are to consider,

1. What kind of husbands they must be whose consent is required.

2. How many ways his consent may be given.

3. What are the things whereabout his consent is to be expected.

For the first, as on the one side it oft falleth out that a wise,⁶⁴² provident, and religious man is married to a foolish woman, a very idiot, that hath no understanding, of whom there can be no question, but that such a wife is to do nothing of her self, and of her own head, but altogether to be ordered by her husband: So on the other side, it oft falleth out that a wise, virtuous, and gracious woman, is married to an husband destitute⁶⁴³ of understanding, to a very natural (as we say) or a frenzy man, or to one made very blockish, and stupid, unfit to manage his affairs through some distemper, wound, or sickness. In such a case the whole government lieth upon the wife, so as her husbands consent is not to be expected.

Quest. What if the husband be a wicked and profane man, and so blinded and stupefied in his soul, doth not this spiritual blindness and blockishness give a religious wife as great liberty as natural stupidity?

Answ. No verily: For S. Peter exhorteth faithful wives⁶⁴⁴ that were married to Infidel husbands to be subject to them, and that in fear.

The reason is clear: For spiritual blindness disableth not from civil government: indeed nothing that such a man doth is acceptable to God, or available to his own salvation; but yet it may be profitable to man: a wicked man may be provident enough for wife, children, and whole family in outward temporal things.

Again, it oft falleth out, that an husband is a long time⁶⁴⁵ far off absent from the house: sometimes by reason of his calling, as an Ambassador, Soldier, or Mariner; sometimes also carelessly or wilfully neglecting house, goods, wife, children and all: and in his absence hath left no order for the ordering of things at home: in this case also there is no question, but that the wife hath power to dispose matters without her husbands consent: provided that she observe those rules of God’s word concerning justice, equity, truth and mercy, which an husband in his disposing of them ought to observe.

The first of these cases declareth an impotency in the husband: the other an impossibility for him to order matters: wherefore the wife being next to the husband, the power of ordering things is devolved on her: she is not bound to have his consent.

§. 19. Of divers kinds of consent.

II. A consent may be general or particular. A general⁶⁴⁶ consent is given, when without distinct respect to this or that particular, liberty is granted to a wife by her husband to do all things as seemeth good in her own eyes.⁶⁴⁷ That excellent good wife, and notable good house-wife that is set forth by the Wise-man, had such a consent. For first, it is said,⁶⁴⁸ The heart of her husband trusteth in her; and then it is inferred, that she ordereth all the things of the house, whereof many particulars are there specified. Whence I gather, that her husband observing her to be a godly, wise, faithful, and industrious woman, gave her power and liberty to do in the house-hold affairs, what she thought good, (he being a public magistrate, for⁶⁴⁹ he was known in the gates, sitting among the Elders of the land) and accordingly she used her liberty.

A particular consent is that which is given to one or more particular⁶⁵⁰ things, as that consent⁶⁵¹ which Abraham gave to Sarah about Hagar; and⁶⁵² that which Elkanah gave to Hannah about tarrying at home till her child was weaned.

This particular consent may be expressed or implied. An expressed consent is when the husband manifesteth his good liking by word, writing, message, or sign, and that whether his consent be asked (as was noted in the example of Elkanah) or freely offered.

An implicit consent, when by any probable conjecture it may be gathered that the husbands will is not against such a thing,⁶⁵³ though he have not manifested his mind concerning that very particular. This implicit consent may be gathered either by his silence when he is present to see a thing done, or otherwise hath knowledge thereof: or else when he is absent, by his former carriage or disposition in other like cases. The Scripture accounteth an husbands silence, when he knoweth a thing and may, but doth not forbid it, to be a consent: as⁶⁵⁴ in the case of a wives vow. For any thing we read to the contrary⁶⁵⁵ the Shunammite had no other consent to prepare a chamber for the Prophet, and to go unto him, then her husbands silence, and not forbidding it when he knew it.

As for the other kind of implicit consent, it may be set forth in this following instance: suppose a good wife hath an husband whom she knoweth by his former carriage and disposition to be a pitiful and charitable man, taking all occasions to show mercy, and in his absence there falleth out a fit and needful occasion of showing mercy; if she take that occasion to show mercy, she hath an implicit consent, for she may well think that if her husband knew it he would approve what she doth. It is to be supposed that⁶⁵⁶ Hannah upon some such ground vowed her child to God. For it is not likely that she who would not tarry at home to wean her child without her husbands consent, would much less vow him to the Lord (which was a far greater matter) without some persuasion of her husbands good liking thereof. Now that a wife may show she dealeth uprightly in this case upon a true persuasion of her heart concerning her husbands mind, she ought (when conveniently she can) to make known to her husband what she hath done: as without all question Hannah did; and so much may be gathered out of these words which Elkanah uttered to Hannah,⁶⁵⁷ the Lord establish his word.

§. 20. Of the things whereabout a wife must have her husbands consent.

The things whereabout an husbands consent is to be expected, are such as he by virtue of his place and authority hath power to order: as for example, ordering and disposing the goods, cattle, servants, and children of the family, entertaining strangers; yea, also ordering even his wives going abroad, and making of vows, with the like: now then distinctly to lay down a wives duty in this first branch of obedience, it is this:

A wife must do nothing which appertaineth to her husbands authority simply without, or directly against his consent. Do not these words of that old law (thy desire shall be to thy husband)⁶⁵⁸ imply as much? I deny not but that there may be sundry things proper and peculiar to a wife, wherein I will not restrain her liberty: and therefore I use this phrase (which appertaineth to her husbands authority.) And I grant the forenamed general and implicit consent, to be a true consent, so as there needeth not an express particular consent for every thing, and therefore I have added these clauses (simply without, or directly against consent.)

That is done simply without consent which is done without all warrant from the husband, and that so covertly as she is afraid it should come to his notice, imagining he would by no means like it: As Rahels taking her fathers idols without all⁶⁵⁹ consent of Jacob.

That is done directly against consent which is expressly forbidden and disclaimed by the husband.

But to descend to the particulars before mentioned: First concerning the goods of the family: It is a question controverted whether the wife have power to dispose them without or against the husbands consent.

Before I determine the question, I think it needful to declare, 1. What goods, 2. What occasion of giving the question is about.

§. 21. Of the things which a wife may dispose without her husbands consent.

1. For the goods, some are proper and peculiar to the wife:⁶⁶⁰ others are common. Goods proper to the wife are such as before marriage she her self, or her friends except from the husband to her sole and proper use and disposing, whereunto he also yieldeth: or such as after marriage he giveth unto her to dispose as she please: suppose it be some rent, annuity, fees, veils, or the like.

These kinds of goods are exempted out of the question⁶⁶¹ in hand; the wife hath liberty to dispose them as she please without any further consent then she had by virtue of her husbands former grant.

To these I may refer other goods, but of another nature, namely such as some friend of hers, suppose father, mother, brother, or any other, observing her husband to be a very hard man, not allowing sufficient for her self, much less to distribute on charitable uses, shall give unto her to dispose as she please, charging her not to let her husband know thereof. Now because it is in the power of a free doner to order his gift as he please, and because he so ordereth this gift as he will not have her husband know of it, I doubt not but she may of her self according to the doners mind without her husbands consent, dispose such goods. She is herein but as a feoffee in trust.

Again of common goods some are set forth by the husband to be spent about the family, other he reserveth for a stock, or to lay forth as he himself shall see occasion.

Concerning those which are set forth to be spent, I doubt not but the wife hath power to dispose them; neither is she bound to ask any further consent of her husband. For it is the wives place and duty to guide or govern the house,⁶⁶² by virtue whereof, providing sufficiently for the family, she may, as she seeth good occasion, of such goods as are set apart to be spent, distribute to poor, or otherwise.

This I have noted for such tender consciences as think they cannot give a bit of bread, or scrap of meat to a poor body, or make a mess of broth or caudle for a sick body, except they first ask their husbands consent.

Provided that if her husband expressly forbid this liberty, she take it not except necessity require it.

But our question is concerning such goods as the husband hath not set apart, but reserved to his own disposing.

§. 22. Of a wives liberty in extraordinary matters.

II. For the occasion of disposing goods it may be ordinary or extraordinary. Extraordinary for the good of the husband himself, and others in the family, or such as are out of the family. If there fall out an extraordinary occasion whereby the wife by disposing the goods without or against the consent of her husband may bring a great good to the family, or prevent and keep a great mischief from it, she is not to stay for his consent; instance the example of⁶⁶³ Abigail. Thus a faithful provident wife observing her husband to riot, and to spend all he can get in carding, dicing, and drinking, may without his consent lay up what goods she can for her husbands, her own, her children’s, and whole households good. This is no part of disobedience, but a point wherein she may show her self a great good help unto her husband;⁶⁶⁴ for which end a wife was first made.

Concerning such as are out of the family, if they be in great need, and require present relief, though the wife know her husband to be so hard-hearted, as he will not suffer her to relieve such an one, yet without his consent she may relieve him. The ground of this and other like cases is that rule laid down by the Prophets, and by Christ himself, viz.⁶⁶⁵ I will have mercy and not sacrifice. If God in case of mercy dispenseth with a duty due to himself, will he not much more dispense with a duty due to an husband?

§. 23. Of a wives restraint in disposing goods without consent of her husband: and of the ground of that restraint.⁶⁶⁶

Out of all these things thus premised I gather the true state⁶⁶⁷ of the question in controversy concerning the power of wives in disposing the goods of the family to be this,

Whether a wife may privily and simply without, or openly and directly against her husbands consent distribute such common goods of the family as her husband reserveth to his own disposing, there being no extraordinary necessity?

The most ancient and common answer unto this question hath been negative, namely, that a wife hath not power so to do: whereunto I for my part subscribe.

The ground of this answer is taken from that primary law of the wives subjection,⁶⁶⁸ Thy desire shall be unto thine husband. How is her desire subject to her husband, if in the case propounded she stand not upon his consent? It is further confirmed both by the⁶⁶⁹ forenamed, and also by all other proofs that might be produced out of the Scripture concerning the subjection of wives unto their husbands. If in ordering the goods of the family she yield not subjection, wherein shall she yield it?

Against this ground-work some object that⁶⁷⁰ the same law of subjection is imposed upon a younger brother in the very same words, and yet a younger brother was not thereby bound⁶⁷¹ to have his elder brothers consent in disposing his goods.

Answ. The law of the regality (as I may so speak) and preeminence of the first born was under those words ordained: and therefore a younger brother was made a subject to his elder, while he remained in the family, as a son to the father. The elder brother was as a lord over his other brothers: whereupon when Isaac conferred the right of the first born upon Jacob (thinking he had been his eldest son Esau) he used these words, Be lord over thy brethren, and let thy⁶⁷² mothers sons bow down to thee. Which being so, questionless the younger brother might not simply without or directly against the elder brothers consent dispose the goods of the family: so as this objection more strongly establisheth the forenamed argument.

Again it is objected that that old law is to be expounded of weighty matters.

Answ. The Apostle who was guided by the spirit of the⁶⁷³ law-maker, extendeth that law to every thing: But is not this matter of disposing goods a weighty matter? The consequences which I shall by and by note to follow hereupon will show it to be a matter of moment.

§. 24. Of the example of the Shunammite in asking her husbands consent.⁶⁷⁴

As another reason may be alleged the Shunammite’s pattern who asked her husbands consent before she prepared the things that were thought meet for the Prophets entertainment: and before she used the things which were meet for her journey.

Object. It is indeed commendable for wives to seek their husbands consent as she did, but where such consent cannot be had, it is not necessary.

Answ. This example being grounded upon a law (as we showed⁶⁷⁵ before) it doth not only declare what may be done, but also what ought to be done. And if a wife be bound to have her husbands consent for doing of a thing, by consequence it followeth that she is bound from doing it, without her husbands consent.

2. Answ. They that except against this reason taken from example, use themselves the like reason in other points, as the examples of Abigail, Joanna, and Susanna for the contrary.

2. Object. In the Shunammite’s example there was more then a merciful relief of the Prophet, namely bringing him into the house to diet and to lodge, wherein the husband must have a chief stroke.

Answ. The word of God maketh not that difference betwixt relieving and entertaining: it extendeth a wives subjection to every thing: wherefore the husband hath a chief stroke as well in the one, as in the other.

§. 25. Of the law of a wives vow.

A third reason is taken from the law of a wives vow: whereby⁶⁷⁶ in general is implied, that a wife might not make a vow without her husbands consent: whence it followeth as an argument taken from the greater to the less, that she may not dispose the goods without his consent. Yea,⁶⁷⁷ the Law further expressly saith, that though she hath vowed, yet her husband hath power to disannul her vow. Note here, how the Lord will rather depart from his own right (as I may so speak) then have that order which he hath appointed betwixt man and woman broken. The Lord’s right, was to have what was vowed to him performed: the order which he appointed, was to have the wife subject to her husband: rather then the wife should do that which the husband would not have done, the Lord remitted a wives vow in case her husband would not consent to have it performed. Now then I demand, is the disposing of goods a greater matter then the performing of a vow? Or hath a wife in these days more liberty then in former? If she have, by what law? Was there ever under the Law a straiter charge laid upon wives then this, Let wives be subject to their husbands in every thing.

Object. That point of a woman’s subjection in performing her vow, is a particular ruled case: but not this of disposing goods.

Answ. The Scripture by particular Laws and examples teacheth directions for other cases like to them: and arguments drawn by just and necessary consequence, are counted as sound as express testimonies. Whereas it is said, that this particular in question is not expressly decided, I take the reason thereof to be this, that in former times they so well marked the extent of the general law of a wives subjection, as they made no question of doing this or other like things without their husbands consent. Neither did good wives take that liberty, neither had they any patrons of such liberty.

2. Object. The case of a wives disposing goods is unlike to that of vows, because vows are voluntary, but disposing goods, as a work of mercy, is necessary.

Answ. Though it were a voluntary thing to make, or not to make a vow: yet a vow being made, it was not in the power of the party that made it, not to perform it: it was a⁶⁷⁸ necessary duty to perform a vow, even expressly commanded. As for the pretended work of mercy, I will⁶⁷⁹ hereafter show, that a wife is not necessarily tied thereunto.

§. 26. Of human laws which restrain wives from disposing goods, without or against their husbands consent.

A fourth is taken from the laws of men whereunto we are subject, and which we must obey even for conscience sake, so far as they thwart not God’s Law, which in this case they do not, as the reasons before gathered out of God’s word do show.

Now our Law saith, that⁶⁸⁰ every gift, grant, or disposition of goods, lands, or other thing whatsoever made by a woman⁶⁸¹ covert, and all and every obligation and feoffment made by her, and recovery suffered, if they be done without her husbands consent, are void. Yea,⁶⁸² if she do wrong to another, she hath not any thing to make satisfaction during coverture: either her husband must do it, or by imprisonment of her person must it be done. And⁶⁸³ though she have inheritance of her own, yet can she not grant any annuity out of it during her coverture, without her husband: if any deed be made to that purpose without his consent, or in her name alone, it is void in law. Yea,⁶⁸⁴ if there be debate between the husband and his wife, whereby certain lands of the husbands be assigned to the wife with his consent, if out of such lands she grant an annuity to a stranger, the grant is void. And⁶⁸⁵ if he covenant to give her yearly such and such apparel, she cannot dispose it as she list without his consent, but only use and wear it her self.⁶⁸⁶ Neither can she lease her own land for years, for life, etc. If she do, it is void, and the Lessee entering by force thereof, is a Disseisor to the husband, and Trespasser. And⁶⁸⁷ if she sell any thing, the sale is void, except she be a merchant, where by the custom she is enabled to merchandize. Finally,⁶⁸⁸ she cannot make executors without the consent of her husband, nor a devise, or will.⁶⁸⁹ If she make a will, and thereby devise her own inheritance, and her husband die, and she after die without any new publication of it, it is of no force, because it was void at first. These and many other like cases which might be alleged evidently show that by law a wife hath not power of her self, without her husband, to dispose the common goods of the family.

§. 27. Of the inconveniences which may follow upon a wives disposing goods without or against her husbands consent.

A fifth reason may be taken from the mischiefs which would⁶⁹⁰ fall out if this liberty were given unto women: which are these that follow:

1. The estate of the family might be wasted before any redress could be thought of: for if the wife may dispose the goods without her husbands consent, it must also be granted without his knowledge: for it is to be supposed that if he knew of the disposing of that which he liketh not, he would hinder it: if without his knowledge, then may that which he thinketh to be remaining as a stock for the family, be laid out by the wife, and nothing left: whereas if he knew of the spending of that stock, it might be he would be more thrifty and sparing in other expenses.

Object. This liberty is not granted to wives beyond their husbands ability.

Answ. Wives cannot always know their husbands ability: for their husbands may be much indebted, and yet to maintain his credit, whereby he hopeth to raise his estate, may allow liberal maintenance for his house, if thereupon his wife shall gather that he is very rich, and accordingly be very bountiful in her gifts, she may soon go beyond his ability, and so increase his debt, as he shall never be able to recover himself.

2. Persons of contrary religions and dispositions being⁶⁹¹ out of the family, might be maintained by the goods of the same family: for if the husband were of one religion, and the wife of another, he without her knowledge might maintain those of his religion, and she without his knowledge might maintain them of her religion.

Object. This liberty of disposing goods given to the wife is limited within the bounds of the household of faith.

Answ. If Divines grant them this liberty, they will themselves judge and determine who be of the household of faith: Popish wives will say (say we what we can to the contrary) that Jesuits, Priests, and Friars, are of the household of faith, principal members thereof.

3. Many jars and contentions would thence arise betwixt⁶⁹² husband and wife: for if a wife shall persist to do that which her husband will not consent unto, assuredly one of a thousand will not well brook it, but will rather seek all the ways he can to cross her; thinking himself despised, if she, whether he will or no, have her mind.

Object. Wives must use this liberty with all due respect unto their husbands authority.

Answ. If the husband peremptorily stand upon his authority, and by all the fair means that can be used, will not yield this liberty, I know not what better respect she can show to this authority, then to forbear and abstain from doing that which otherwise she would most gladly do: But if when it cometh to the uttermost point, and she shall say it is her right, and if she cannot have his consent, she will do it without his consent, she therein showeth no great respect.

Many other inconveniences might be reckoned up, but I will not longer insist on them, only from these let it be well considered, whether it were not better for a family, that the husband should be barred from disposing the goods without consent of his wife (so as there might be according to the proverb, but⁶⁹³ one hand in the purse) then both husband and wife to have liberty to dispose them without each others consent.

§. 28. Of property in goods, whether it give liberty to dispose them as a wife will.

To justify a wives liberty in disposing the common goods⁶⁹⁴ of the family without her husbands consent, it is said, that she hath a true right and property in those goods.

1. Answ. Though it were granted that a wife hath a true property in the goods, yet this conclusion would not follow thereupon, that she hath power of her self to dispose the goods without her husbands consent: for the authority which God hath given an husband, and subjection which he hath laid on a wife, restrain her power and liberty in that which is her own: as for example, suppose⁶⁹⁵ that a woman at the time of her marriage have a lease for years, or the wardship of the body and lands of an infant, or have it by gift or⁶⁹⁶ purchase after marriage, she cannot give it away whatsoever the extremity be: but her husband may any time during coverture, dispose of it: and such his disposition shall cut off the wives interest. Or suppose that the only child of her father be an inheritrix of land, and have in her self (her father being dead) the full possession thereof: or that a widow have the right unto, and possession of her husbands estate, and thus possessed be married to an husband, hath she being a wife liberty to dispose that estate which she brought with her without or against her husbands consent? I think none will say it. Sure I am that what she giveth, lendeth, selleth, or otherwise disposeth without his consent, he if he will, may for his lifetime recover again: and yet no man will deny but that she hath the truest interest and property in the forenamed lands and inheritance.

Object. May she not as well dispose of her own inheritance, as of those goods, or revenues which her husband giveth her?

Answ. No, for the gift of the husband is a general consent of his for her to dispose that which is given her as she seeth meet.

§. 29. Of the reasons against a wives property in the common goods of the family.

2. Answ. It may safely be denied that a wife hath a property in the common goods of the family whereof she is no heir, for property in goods is a civil matter, and to be limited according to the law of man under which we live. Where the law, or custom of the place, make all the children coheirs, all have an equal right to their several parts: where the eldest only is made heir, he hath a right to all: where the youngest only is made heir, he hath a right to all: but neither the law of nations, nor of the land where we live give the wife a property.⁶⁹⁷ By the common law marriage is a gift of all the goods and chattels personal of the wife to her husband, so that no kind of property in the same remaineth in her.⁶⁹⁸ And all personal goods and chattels during marriage given to the wife are presently ipso facto transferred (as to the property of them) to the husband. So that by our law she is so far from gaining any property by her marriage in her husbands goods, as she loseth all the property she formerly had in her own goods. Yea⁶⁹⁹ her necessary apparel is not hers in property. While she remaineth a wife she is (to use the law-phrase) under covert baron.⁷⁰⁰ She can neither let, sell, alien, give, nor otherwise of right make any thing away, no nor yet make a will so to dispose any goods while her husband liveth without his consent: which yet an husband may while his wife liveth, and that without or against her consent.

Object. The law states a wife in a great part of the husbands goods, providing for her jointure or thirds which the husband cannot make away without her consent.

Answ. This provision is only for the time of her widowhood in case she overlive him: but for the time that she remaineth his wife he may make away all, and she can recover none, till he be dead.

Object. This restraint of wives is only in the court of men.

Answ. Seeing it is not against the law of God, it must also hold good in the court of Conscience. Nay it is agreeable to the law of God and grounded thereupon.

For (to omit the proofs before alleged) what might be the reason that the daughters of Zelophehad, who were heirs to their father, were forbidden to marry out of their fathers tribe, and that a law was made that no daughters that possessed any inheritance should marry out of their fathers tribe, but because all that a woman had before marriage, passed upon the husband and became his by virtue of marriage? This also for that purpose is by some not unfitly, nor without probability noted, that it is the common phrase of Scripture to term husbands⁷⁰¹ (but not wives) rich, implying thereby that riches by a property appertain to husbands: yea usually in Scripture goods and lands are said to be the husbands.

Object. The wives of Jacob do term the goods which their husbands had theirs, saying, the riches which God hath taken from our father is OURS, Gen. 31. 16.

Answ. They use the word Ours in opposition to their fathers house, and in relation not to their persons, but to their⁷⁰² husbands family, and therefore they add and our children’s: So as by that place no greater right can be proved for wives, then for children. When the Holy Ghost speaketh of the same goods, he saith not in relation to husband and wives both, their flocks, their substance, but only in relation to the husband, his flocks, his substance. For as in mixture of wine and water, though the greater quantity be water, yet we call the whole, wine: so in the common goods of the family, though the wife should bring the greater part, we call all the husbands.

§. 30. Of answers to the reasons for a wives property.

To prove a wives property in the common goods of the family the reasons following are alleged.

1. Object. Marriage giving a wife right of her husbands body,⁷⁰³ doth much more of his goods.

Answ. I deny the consequence. For the use of the body is a proper act of the matrimonial bond, wherein the difference betwixt superiority and subjection appeareth not: the wife hath as great a power over the husbands body as the husband over the wives: which is not so in the goods: no one thing can be named, wherein the power and authority of the husband more consisteth, then in the goods.

2. Object. In the form of marriage the man saith to his wife, with all my worldly goods I thee endow.

Answ. 1. Those words are to be taken of the use of his goods, and not of a property in them.

2. If an husband shall intend a property by them, that property which she hath thereby, she hath not by virtue of the general law of marriage, but of his particular free donation.

3. In all countries those words are not used in the form of marriage. If those words give the wife her property, then such wives as are married without those words used, have no property: so as this cannot be a general ground of liberty for all wives.

3. Object. A wife hath as good an estate in her husbands goods as the Church in Christ’s blood: but there the Church hath a property.

Answ. Neither of those points can be proved. But if a wives right in her husbands goods be as the Churches in Christ’s blood, what is gotten thereby? The Church hath not power without or against Christ’s consent to dispose his blood: The Church of Rome is counted a proud usurping strumpet for taking upon her so to do.

§. 31. Of the privileges of wives above Children and servants in and about the goods of the family.

Quest. Where then is the preferment of the wife above servants and children, if she have not a property?

I answer, Much every manner of way.

1. There⁷⁰⁴ is due to her a more free and plentiful use of all the goods, then unto them.

2. By her place she hath the ordering and disposing of the goods allotted for the common use of the family: as was⁷⁰⁵ before granted.

3. Her husband ought to give her a portion to dispose as she shall see good,⁷⁰⁶ as we shall after show, when we come to the husbands duties.

4. She is a joint governor with her husband over the children and servants, as was showed⁷⁰⁷ before.

Again I answer, that this argument might as well be alleged against that fear, subjection, and obedience which the Scripture expressly requireth of wives, and it might be demanded, if wives must fear and obey their husbands and be subject unto them, where is their preferment above their children and servants. But⁷⁰⁸ it hath been showed that though the same things for matter be required of wives which are required of children and servants, yet there is a great difference in the manner of performing them.

§. 32. Of examples and other reasons alleged for liberty of wives to dispose goods.

2. Abigail’s example is alleged for a wives liberty: and⁷⁰⁹ the example of the good house wife described by Solomon.

Answ. 1. Abigail’s example was extraordinary; besides, who can tell whether the heart of her husband so trusted not in her as he referred the whole government of the house to her, and so she had a general consent for what she did.

2. It is clear that the other good-wife had her husbands consent for what she did: for besides that it is said the heart of her husband trusted in her, it is also said, that he praised her. Therefore he was neither ignorant of that which she did, nor unwilling she should do it: it was neither without nor against his consent.

3. It is alleged that wives have as great a care in getting⁷¹⁰ goods, or in preserving them for the good of the family: therefore it is just and equal, that they should have a like power in disposing them.

Answ. Though question may be made of the former part, at least for the greater sort and number of wives, yet for answer to this reason I need not question it; for the consequence doth not follow, though that be granted. The right of disposing goods doth not simply rise from the care and pains of getting and preserving them: but from that order that the Lord hath been pleased to set down. A wise and industrious child may be a means to raise and increase his fathers estate, when his father taketh little care and pains about it: yea a faithful and wise steward or other servant (as Jacob and Joseph were) may do much more by his pains and care in getting and preserving the goods of the family, then his master: yet will it not thereupon follow, that such a child, or such a servant hath as great a right and power to dispose such goods as his father or his master.

4. The near conjunction betwixt man and wife is alleged:⁷¹¹ they are said to be yoke-fellows, and thence is inferred that they have a like power in disposing goods.

Answ. They are yoke-fellows in mutual familiarity, not in equal authority; and in relation to others as children and servants, not in opposition each to other. In this respect she is subject, not equal. If therefore he will one thing, and she another, she may not think to have an equal right and power, she must give place and yield.

A Wife’s Not Going Against Her Husband’s Will (II)

§. 33. Of the subjection of wives in distributing goods to charitable uses.⁷¹²

Some that grant that a wife is so subjected to her husband in a civil manner, as she may not dispose any part of his goods at her pleasure to any civil use, deny this subjection to extend to giving of alms, and such like charitable uses.

Before I come to determine this question, let it be remembered, that it was before granted, that⁷¹³ ordinary duty must give place to extraordinary need, so that relief in present necessity is not controverted. Let it be also remembered that⁷¹⁴ a wife may have goods proper to her self, yea⁷¹⁵ it shall be showed that an husband ought according to his ability to commit something to her discretion and disposition: of these and such like goods she is as much bound as her husband to expend something to charitable uses: and (as God offereth occasion)⁷¹⁶ to reach forth her hand to the poor and needy.

Yea further let this be premised, that in case a wife be forbidden or restrained by her husband, she ought to use all the good means she can by her self and her friends to move her husband to grant her some liberty, that she may have some trial of her merciful and charitable disposition: if herein she cannot prevail, then she ought to make known unto her husband such persons cases as she thinks meet to be relieved, and use all the motives she can to persuade him to afford them some relief.

But put the case a wise, religious, merciful wife, be married⁷¹⁷ to a covetous worldling, who though he have wit, and understanding enough to manage civil affairs, and to provide for the outward temporal estate of the house, yet hath no heart to relieve the poor, and is not only unwilling himself to do good in that kind, but will not suffer his wife to do it, whether may a wife privily take of such goods as he hath reserved to his own disposing, and simply without any kind of consent distribute them to charitable uses, or though he expressly forbid her, yet directly against his consent dispose them?

With reverend respect to better judgments, I think she may⁷¹⁸ not (except before excepted.) For it being before proved in general, that she had no such liberty in disposing goods, I cannot see how this particular end of giving alms can dispense with her general subjection in every thing, except there were some particular warrant for it in God’s word.

§. 34. Of general exhortations to works of mercy. How far they bind wives.

Object. The many general exhortations unto works of mercy, which without limitation to any particular persons, are indefinitely directed to all, do give sufficient warrant to wives: such as these,⁷¹⁹ Give alms.⁷²⁰ Let us do good.⁷²¹ To distribute forget not, etc.

Answ. All these are strong motives to provoke wives to be merciful and charitable in such things as they may, by any means with their husbands consent, or in such things as by their husbands are given to them. Yea also they are strong motives to provoke husbands to allow them liberty to give alms. But in the case propounded they give no liberty to wives: for it is a ruled case laid down by Christ himself, that works of charity must be done, and alms must be given of such things⁷²² as we have, or which are in our power to give. Now if the husband will not give her that power, she hath not power to give, and so is excused.⁷²³ In this case her true will, and her faithful and earnest desire shall be accepted for the deed, according to that which the Apostle saith, if there be first a willing mind, it is accepted according to that a man hath, and not according to that he hath not. Many cases may be given wherein inferiors are restrained from works of mercy; as suppose a son or servant be desirous to visit one sick or in prison, but his parent or master (though leave be asked) will not suffer him, but charge him not to stir out of doors, or to go with him another way, shall this son or servant notwithstanding that charge, do that work of mercy?

§. 35. Of obedience to an husband in such things as he sinfully forbiddeth.

Object. 2. This restraint is not in the Lord, but rather against him and his word, therefore a wife is not bound thereunto.

Answ. Though the husband sin in restraining his wife, yet she in that restraint may obey, and that in the Lord: because the Lord who hath commanded her to be subject in every thing, hath no where warranted her not to be subject in this particular. It is expressly said in the law concerning a wives vows, that if her husband break them after he hath heard them, he shall bear her iniquity.⁷²⁴ Did not he then sin in restraining her, and was not she guiltless though she yielded to his restraint? The condition betwixt husbands and wives in this case, is not unlike the case betwixt other superiors in authority, and their inferiors in subjection. But other inferiors may lawfully abstain from such things as their governors do sinfully charge them to abstain from. For suppose a son grown to be a man, live in his fathers house at his fathers finding, and have no set portion of his own, and his father will not give him leave to bestow any thing on charitable uses, is he now bound to give alms? Shall the curse be executed on him if he give not? A cross indeed I acknowledge it to be, both to such a son, and also to a wife to be so restrained: but not a curse or sin; the sin and curse lieth on their head, who restrain them by virtue of their authority, wherein they abuse their authority: as other governors may do and oft do, and yet neither liberty granted thereby to subjects, nor authority taken from governors. In this resemblance betwixt a son and a wife I desire not to be mistaken; for I allege it not to make the state of a wife and a son all one: but to show that those general precepts of giving alms, may have their exceptions, as they which in particular handle that point, give other examples. There must therefore be a further ground then the general commandment of alms-giving to prove the forenamed liberty of wives.

§. 36. Of Zipporah’s case in circumcising her son.

Object. 3. A wife was made to be an help to her husband: in those things therefore wherein he faileth, she must make supply, as Zipporah who performed a duty which belonged to her⁷²⁵ husband, and not unto her.

Answ. She may be an help in many other things, though this be out of her power: yea and in this also by counsel, persuasion, and other like means she may be a great help. The case of Zipporah was extraordinary, and of an urgent present necessity, even to save the life of her husband. Besides, Moses was of himself unable to do it, but willing that she should do it. Now what is this to ordinary cases, and such cases as husbands are able enough themselves to do, but altogether unwilling that it should be done by their wives?⁷²⁶

But what if Zipporah’s example herein be not warrantable? For it doth not appear that it was simply approved of God: God doth oft remove temporary judgments for the very works sake that is done, though in the manner it be sinfully done. Instance the repentance of Ahab, 1 King. 21. 29.

§. 37. Of the wife of Chuza’s case in ministering to Christ.

4. Object. Joanna the wife of Chuza, Herod’s steward, ministered unto Christ of her substance without her husbands consent.

Answ. If this could be proved it were somewhat to the purpose; but this clause without her husbands consent (wherein the main state of the question consisteth) is not in the text, nor by any good probability can be gathered out of it. All the show of probability that can be showed for it is, that Joanna is there said to be the wife of Chuza, Herod’s steward. But to show that that is nothing, let it be noted,

1. That phrase doth not imply that Chuza was then living. It is said that David begat Solomon of the wife of Uriah, but⁷²⁷ Uriah was not then living: therefore the translators for perspicuity sake do insert these words (her that had been) the wife of Uriah. So likewise Onan is commanded to go in to his⁷²⁸ brothers wife, yet doth not this imply that his brother was then living.

Object. Why should mention be made of Chuza, Herod’s steward, if he were not then living?

Answ. To show that Joanna was a woman of great place, whereby this fruit of her faith in following Christ was the more commended. Thus in another kind Matthew is entitled⁷²⁹ the Publican, after he had clean relinquished that office, the more to commend his faith.

I do not here directly affirm that Chuza was then dead, but for ought that this phrase doth imply, he might be dead.

2. Some gather that this steward was that Ruler whose⁷³⁰ son Christ healed, who thereupon believed with all his house. Which if he were, then it cannot be doubted, but that his wife followed Christ with his good liking and consent.

3. Chuza being Herod’s steward, and so a man of great place, and public employment, might, if he were then living, depute the managing of all affairs at home to his wife, as the⁷³¹ husband of the good wife commended by Solomon, and so she might have at least a general consent.

I do not certainly determine any of these expressly to be so, I do but note them as probabilities, yet such as do sufficiently overthrow the surmised liberty of a wife in giving alms without any consent of her husband: for this of all other probabilities seemeth to be most improbable. Into my heart it can never enter to imagine that Christ would give such an occasion of slander unto his enemies, as to say he carried about with him other men’s wives, without or against the consent of their husbands, and suffered them to spend the goods of their husbands upon him. I had much rather think that either such women as followed him had no husbands living, or if they had, that they did that which they did with the consent of their husbands.

§. 38. Of the restraint of wives about allowance for themselves or families without their husbands consent.⁷³²

That which hath hitherto been delivered concerning a wives subjection in disposing goods, may also be applied to other things concerning her self, children, servants, etc. Whereof I will give some examples.

A wife hath not power to appoint what she list her self without or against her husbands consent, either for her own allowance, or for her family; she must rather rest satisfied with that which he appointeth: for he being the head, must have the over-ruling stroke therein. Besides he better knoweth what may be afforded.

Quest. What if an husband make himself poorer then he is: and the allowance which he appointeth be meaner then his means, and unbeseeming his place and state?

Answ. She ought, if possibly she can by her own instant persuasion, or any other fair means, move him to that which tendeth to his honour and reputation: but if she can no way prevail, her subjection requireth contentment and patience.

§. 39. Of a wives subjection to her husband about children.⁷³³

A wife may not simply without, or directly against her husbands consent, order and dispose of the children in giving them names, apparelling their bodies, appointing their callings, places of bringing up, marriages, or portions.

1. For giving names to children, besides that it is throughout⁷³⁴ the Scripture for the most part enjoined to the husband, as to⁷³⁵ Abraham, to⁷³⁶ Zacharias, and to others, and that accordingly husbands have ordinarily done, as⁷³⁷ Adam,⁷³⁸ Lamech,⁷³⁹ Abraham, and others. It is to be noted that when there was a difference betwixt the man and his wife in giving a childs name, he giving one name, she another, the name which he gave, stood; though⁷⁴⁰ Rachel named her youngest son Benoni, yet Benjamin (which name Jacob gave) was the childs name. So also when⁷⁴¹ Elizabeth told her friends that her childs name must be John, they would not rest therein, till Zacharias had ratified that name. Yea though Joseph were but the supposed father of Jesus, yet because he was the husband of Mary the mother of Jesus,⁷⁴² he had this honour given him, to give the name unto her child.

Whereas in Scripture it is sometimes said that the mothers named their children, as⁷⁴³ Leah,⁷⁴⁴ Rachel, and others, it is upon the forenamed ground to be supposed that they had their husbands consent.

2. For appointing place and marriage it is noted that⁷⁴⁵ Rebekah⁷⁴⁶ asked the consent of her husband: though she told her son Jacob that he should go to Haran to his uncle Laban to be there kept in safety from the fury of Esau, yet she would not send him till⁷⁴⁷ Isaac had given his consent for his abode there, and taking a wife from thence.

3. For deputing unto a calling, it is noted of⁷⁴⁸ Hannah, that⁷⁴⁹ though before her child was born she had by solemn vow dedicated him to the Lord, yet when the child was born⁷⁵⁰ she asked her husbands consent about it.⁷⁵¹

4. That which is noted of⁷⁵² Hannah’s carrying a little coat to her son year by year when she went up with her husband, showeth that she did it not without her husbands consent. Women are for the most part prone to prank up their children above their husbands place and calling, and therefore good reason that therein they should be governed by their husbands.

Object. What if husbands be more forward to have their children attired vainly and unseemly, then wives?

Answ. A wife must do what she can to hinder it: if she can no way prevail with him, she by reason of her subjection is much more excused, then he could be, if he would suffer his wife therein to have her will.

5. The law that layeth the charge upon husbands to give⁷⁵³ such and such portions to his children, and the answerable practise of husbands from time to time, show that the wife of her self hath not power to order them.

§. 40. Of a wives subjection to her husband about ordering servants and beasts.⁷⁵⁴

If wives must have their husbands consent in ordering and disposing of their children which come out of her womb, much more of their servants.

They may not take in, or thrust out servants against their husbands mind. In this point, as in many other, Sarah manifested her wive-like obedience; in that⁷⁵⁵ she would not deal roughly with her maid though she were provoked: much less⁷⁵⁶ put her out of doors till she had made the matter known to her husband. Though she failed in the manner, yet in the thing it self she is a good example. It is further noted and approved in the⁷⁵⁷ Shunammite that she asked her husbands consent about sending a servant with her.

My meaning is not that such wives as have servants allowed them to attend upon them should ask their husbands consent whensoever they have occasion to use them; for their husbands by allowing them men for their attendance manifest their will and consent that they may use them as they see occasion: but that they should not use and employ their servants in such things as they know their husbands would dislike, except they can gain their husbands consent.

Against those particulars of children and servants it may be objected, that wives are parents of their children as well as husbands, and mistresses of servants as well as they masters, and therefore have altogether as great power over them as their husbands.

Answ. Indeed if the authority of the husband come not between, that may be granted in relation betwixt her and them: but her power being subordinate to her husbands in relation to him she hath not so great a power: the power of a wife that now we speak of is directly in relation to her husband.

The like may be said of their beasts and cattle, a particular point noted also in the example of the Shunammite, who having occasion to use a beast went to her husband, and said, send I pray thee with me one of the asses.⁷⁵⁸

§. 41. Of a wives subjection in entertaining strangers journeying abroad, and making vows.⁷⁵⁹

If wives may not at their pleasure use the things appertaining to the house, much less may they bring strangers into the house and entertain them without or against their husbands consent. The good Shunammite so often named as a precedent⁷⁶⁰ for good wives, first asked her husbands consent, before she lodged a Prophet of the Lord.

The same pattern is also commended unto wives to move them not to journey abroad without their husbands consent. For though that good wife had a very weighty and just occasion⁷⁶¹ to go unto the Prophet, yet she would not before she knew her husbands mind.

As for a wives power to make vows, in that the law giveth an husband power to disannul her vow when he knoweth it, it implieth that she ought to have his consent in making it, if⁷⁶² at least she desire to have it established, which she ought to desire, or else she mocketh God.

I have thought good to mention these particular points for illustration of a wives subjection, because they are all of them grounded on God’s word: many other might be added to them, but these are sufficient.

§. 42. Of aberrations contrary to a wives subjection in doing things without or against their husbands consent.

Now consider we the usual vices and aberrations contrary to those duties: the general sum of all is, for a wife to take on her to do what she list, whether her husband will or no, either not willing that he should know what she doth, or not caring though it be against his mind and will. Of this sort are

1. Such as privily take money out of their husbands closets,⁷⁶³ counters, or other like places where he layeth it, never telling him of it, nor willing that he should know it: likewise such as after the like manner take ware out of the shop, corn out of the garner, sheep out of the flock, or any other goods to sell and make money of: or to give away, or otherwise to use so as their husbands shall never know, if they can hinder it. Such wives herein sin heinously, and that in many respects.

First they disobey the ordinance of God in a main branch of their particular calling, which is subjection.

2. They ill repay the care and pains which their husbands take for their good. Many such wives recompense evil for good, which is a devilish quality.

3. They are oft a means to impair and impoverish their husbands estate.

4. They show themselves no better then⁷⁶⁴ pilfering thieves thereby. All that can be justly and truly said for their right in the common goods, cannot defend them from the guilt of theft: they are the more dangerous by how much the more they are trusted, and less suspected: and their fact is so much the more heinous by how much the more dear their husbands ought to be unto them.

5. They are a very ill example to other inferiors in the house, for seldom hath a man a deceitful wife, but some of the children or servants, are made accessary thereunto, being made her instruments to take the goods, and bestow them as she ordereth, and so are made unfaithful.

6. They make themselves slaves to their own children and servants, whom they dare not displease, lest they should tell what was done.

7. They teach their children and servants to be thieves: for besides that such as are used by their mistresses to purloin for them, are thereby made accessary to their sin, they will also purloin for themselves, when their mistresses shall not know. So as what with the wives purloining one way, and the children’s or servants another way, a man’s estate may be wasted as dew before the Sun, and he not know which way.

2. Such as will have what allowance they think best for⁷⁶⁵ themselves and family, and scornfully say, They will not be at their husbands finding: they know best what allowance is fittest for the family, and that it shall have. Many will make their husbands ear tingle again, yea and make the whole house (if not the street also) ring of it, if they think their allowance be not answerable to the uttermost extent of their husbands estate. This impatiency and insolency, as it crosseth God’s ordinance, so it maketh both their lives uncomfortable.

3. Such as cocker, attire, or any way bring up their children⁷⁶⁶ otherwise then their husbands would, even to the grief and dishonour of their husbands: keeping them at home when their husbands, for their better education, would have them abroad: as these sin in hindering the good of their children, so also in not yielding to their husbands.⁷⁶⁷

4. Such as will have their own will about servants, taking in, and putting out whom they please, and when they please: using some servants whom they find for their turn to the prejudice of their husbands: and carrying themselves so sharply⁷⁶⁸ and shrewishly to others that are for their husbands turn, as a good, trusty, faithful servant cannot long stay in the house.

5. Such as secretly lend out their husbands horses, or other⁷⁶⁹ like cattle, more respecting to pleasure a vain friend, then to please a good husband. This fault is so much the greater, when it is done to the damage and prejudice of the husband.

6. Such as are then most frolic and jolly, when their husbands are furthest off and cannot know it. Solomon sets it down as a note of a strumpet,⁷⁷⁰ then to trick up her house and to seek for guests, when her husband is gone a journey far off. Then ought she to be most solitary, and by abstaining from merry meetings, to show that there can be no greater damp to her mirth, then the absence of her husband.

7. Such as think their houses a prison unto them, that cannot⁷⁷¹ long tarry at home: they think they have power to go when and whither they will, and to tarry out as long as they list, think their husbands of it what they will.⁷⁷² The Apostle layeth down this as a mark of a wanton wife, and an idle house-wife, being idle (saith he) they go about from house to house: therefore in⁷⁷³ another place he exhorteth them to be keepers at home. The Wise-man goeth further, and maketh this to be another note of a strumpet, that⁷⁷⁴ her feet cannot abide in the house: which we may see verified in⁷⁷⁵ the Levites adulterous wife, whose fearful end was a stamp of God’s judgment on such loose lewdness.

8. Such as care not how or what they bind themselves unto⁷⁷⁶ without their husbands consent, or knowledge: Herein especially offend such as being seduced by Jesuits, Priests, or Friars, take the Sacrament, and thereupon by solemn vow and oath bind themselves never to read an English Bible, nor any Protestants books, no nor to go to any of their Churches, or to hear any of their Sermons: and such most of all as enter into some Popish Nunnery, and vow never to return to their husbands again.

Object.⁷⁷⁷ Hannah vowed her child to God without her husbands consent, why may not they much more vow themselves to God?

Answ. Assuredly she was persuaded that her husband would not be against it, and so had an implicit consent: which may well be gathered, because afterwards she made it known to him, as both the⁷⁷⁸ name given to the child, and⁷⁷⁹ that speech of Hannah, I will bring him that he may appear before the Lord, and there abide for ever, and the answer of her husband,⁷⁸⁰ The Lord establish his word, and⁷⁸¹ his going up with her when he was dedicated to the Lord, do all show.

Thus far of the first branch of a wives submission in abstaining from doing things without her husbands consent. The second followeth, in doing the things which he requireth.

A Wife’s Active Obedience to Her Husband

§. 43. Of a wives active Obedience.

It is a good proof and trial of a wives obedience, to abstain from doing such things as otherwise she would do, if her husbands contrary will did not restrain her: but yet that is not sufficient, there must be an active, as well as a passive obedience yielded. That old Law before mentioned (thy desire shall be subject to thine husband, and he shall rule over thee) implieth so much also. If she refuse to do what he would have her to do, her desire is not subject to him, but to her self, neither doth he rule over her.

This active part of her obedience hath respect

1. To his commandments, readily to do what he lawfully⁷⁸² commands.

2. To his reproofs, carefully to redress what he justly blameth.

For the first, so far ought a wife to be from thinking scorn to be commanded by her husband, that the very knowledge which by any means she hath of her husbands mind and will, ought to have the force of a straight commandment with her. This readiness to obey is commended in the wives of Jacob, to whom when Jacob had declared what motives he had to depart from their fathers house, intimating thereby that he meant to depart, and would have them to go with him, yet before he particularly expressed his will, they readily answered, Whatsoever God⁷⁸³ hath said unto thee, do: whereby they gave him to understand that they were ready to yield unto whatsoever he would have done.

§. 44. Of a wives willingness to dwell where her husband will.⁷⁸⁴

To make this part of a wives obedience somewhat more clear, I will exemplify it by two or three particular instances, recorded and approved in God’s word.

The first is, that a wife ought to be willing to dwell where her husband will have her dwell.

The wives of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, herein manifested their wive-like obedience: though their husbands brought them from their own country, and from their fathers house, yet they refused not to go with them, but dwelt in a strange country, and that in tents.

Note in particular what Jacob’s wives say to their husband in this case, Is there any portion or inheritance for us in our fathers⁷⁸⁵ house? implying thereby, that seeing it was their husbands pleasure to be gone, they would not any longer tarry in their fathers house, to look for any more portion or inheritance there.

These examples do further show that if an husband have just occasion to remove from one country to another, and in those countries from place to place, his wife ought to yield to go with him, if he require it at her hands. Note what the Apostle saith, have we not power to lead about a wife? That interrogation⁷⁸⁶ implieth a strong asseveration. The husband then having power to lead about a wife from place to place, she ought to submit her self to that power. This clause (as well as other Apostles, and as the brethren of the Lord and Cephas) showeth, that this was not only a power which might be used, but which was used by husbands, and yielded unto by wives.

Object. The forenamed examples are extraordinary, and that upon extraordinary occasions.

Answ. Yet they may be patterns for ordinary occasions which are lawful and warrantable. Was it not an extraordinary fact of Elijah to pray first that there might be no rain, and⁷⁸⁷ then again that there might be rain? Yet is this propounded as a general pattern to move us to pray for things lawful.

Now in laying down this duty I added the clause and caveat of just occasion, to meet both with such as upon discontent, or superstition, leave the land where the true Gospel is maintained, and preached, and go into idolatrous places: and also with such wandering giddy heads as only to satisfy their own humour, and to see fashions, as we speak, can never rest in a place, but are continually removing from country to country, and from place to place: I think (to use the words of the Apostle) a wife is not under bondage in such cases.⁷⁸⁸

But if a man be sent of an ambassage by his Prince, or country: or if a Preacher or Professor be called into another country, as Bucer and Peter Martyr were into England in King Edward’s days (which to this day is usual in other countries) or if a man be adjudged unto long imprisonment, and upon these and other like occasions shall require his wife to be with him, she ought in duty to yield unto his demand.

Contrary is the mind and practise of many wives, who⁷⁸⁹ being affected and addicted to one place more then another, as to the place where they were bred and brought up, where their greatest, best, and most friends dwell, and where they have good acquaintance, refuse to go and dwell where their husbands calling lieth, though he require, and desire them never so much. Thus many husbands are forced to their great damage for peace sake to yield unto their wives, and so either to relinquish their calling, or to have two houses; whence it followeth, that sometimes they must neglect their servants and calling, and sometimes be absent from their wives, if not from their children also. Some wives pretend that they cannot endure the smoke of the city, other that they cannot endure the air of the country: whereas indeed their own humour and conceit stuffs them more then either city smoke or country air. I cannot call such the daughters of Sarah herein:⁷⁹⁰ they are not like those forenamed holy women that trusted in God, and were subject to their husbands, but rather like to that light housewife of the Levite, who would not dwell in her husbands⁷⁹¹ house at mount Ephraim, but at her fathers house in Beth-lehem Judah. Such wives as I speak of, in matrimonial chastity may be more honest, but in wivelike subjection are little more dutiful. Let this be taken for a fault, and it will be the sooner amended.

§. 45. Of a wives readiness to come to her husband when he requires it.⁷⁹²

Another particular instance of a wives readiness to yield unto her husbands commandment is, to come to her husband when her husband requireth it, either by calling her, or sending for her. The forenamed⁷⁹³ wives of Jacob being sent for to their husband in the field where he was, made no excuse, but came presently. So far ought wives herein to subject their wills to their husbands, that though it may seem to them some disparagement to come, yet if their husbands will have it so they must yield, otherwise they seem even to⁷⁹⁴ despise their husbands.

Contrary is Vashti-like stoutness, when wives think and⁷⁹⁵ say, it is a servants part to come when they are called or sent for, and they will never yield to be their husbands servants, to come at his command. By the same reason may all duties of subjection be rejected. But for this particular, let such stout⁷⁹⁶ dames note the issue of Vashti’s stubbornness. As many excuses might be alleged for her as I think for any: for first, she was⁷⁹⁷ royally descended, being the daughter of a King. Secondly, she was then among the honourable women of the kingdom. Thirdly, the King was in drink when he sent for her. Fourthly, he sent for her to show her beauty before multitudes of men, which was not seemly. But all these were not sufficient to excuse her fault, and free her from blame. First, though she were of royal parentage, yet she was a wife, and her husband sent for her. Secondly, being among the noble women of the kingdom, she should the rather have showed her self a pattern of subjection in this kind. Thirdly, though he were in drink, yet remained he an husband: and the thing which he commanded was not such but that she might have done it without sin. Fourthly, if she thought the thing unseemly, she should first have used all the fair means she could to have been spared; but if by all she could not have prevailed, then (the thing being not simply unlawful and a sin) she should have yielded.

Object. Her fault was not in that as a wife she came not to her husband, but in that as a subject she came not to her Sovereign.

Answ. Her fault was in both: and in the judgment passed against her, that former was most urged, namely that by her⁷⁹⁸ example all women might learn to despise their husbands.

2. Object. Her fact is so censured but by heathen men, that had no understanding of God’s word.

Answ. 1. The holy Scripture by the several circumstances so distinctly noted intimateth that her rebellious fact was a notorious fault: and accordingly both⁷⁹⁹ judicious commenters, and also Preachers do tax her of sinful disobedience to her husband.

2. Though they were heathen, yet they showed what subjection is required of wives to their husbands by the very light of nature, whereby this sin is aggravated.

3. Abimelech was but a heathen man, yet his sentence concerning a woman’s subjection in these words, he is to thee a⁸⁰⁰ covering of the eyes, is taken to be judicious, and being approved by the Holy Ghost, to be a good proof. As for that particular of Vashti, why is it so largely recorded in the Scripture but for instruction, and admonition unto wives?

§. 46. Of a wives readiness to do what her husband requireth.⁸⁰¹

A third particular instance of a wives readiness to yield unto her husbands commandment, is, to perform what business he requireth of her. When of a sudden there came three men to Abram, and he was desirous to entertain them, he bid his wife make ready quickly three measures of meal, etc. And she⁸⁰² did it accordingly. Jeroboam having a weighty occasion to send to Ahijah the Prophet, thought it meet to send by his⁸⁰³ wife, she accordingly (though a Queen) went: she did as her husband would have her.

Contrary is the humour of many wives who will not do⁸⁰⁴ any thing upon command. If such a wives husband being desirous to entertain a friend on the sudden, shall use Abram’s phrase, make ready quickly, etc. She will say, let him come and do it himself, if he will have it so quickly done, I will not be his drudge: or if, having a matter of moment and secrecy, he will his wife her self to do it, she will reply, I am none of your servants; cannot you put it to one of them, or do it your self? Yet will such wives be ready to command their husbands to do every toy, and if he do it not, they can reply, is this such a matter? And may not a wife speak to her husband? Were the point of obedience well learned, it would cast such wives into another mould.

These few particulars may serve for direction in many hundreds. I proceed to the other part of a wives active obedience, which respecteth the reproofs of her husband.

§. 47. Of a wives meek taking a reproof.⁸⁰⁵

The husband having authority over his wife, by virtue thereof he hath power, yea it is his duty as there is needful cause to rebuke her: By just consequence therefore it followeth,⁸⁰⁶ that it is her duty to yield obedience thereunto. Which ought the rather to be done because the chiefest trial of sound obedience lieth herein. For nothing goeth so much against ones stomach as reproof: she that yields when she is rebuked, will much more when she is entreated. This point of obedience is manifested two ways.

1. By meekness in taking a reproof.

2. By endeavour to redress what is justly reproved. The very point of obedience especially consisteth in this latter: the former is as a good preparative thereunto, without which it will hardly be done, at least not well done.

Meekness in this case is one of the most principal fruits of⁸⁰⁷ that meek and quiet spirit which S. Peter commendeth unto wives. Howsoever Rachel justly deserved blame for coming in a fuming chafe, and with an imperious command to her husband, yet in that she meekly took his sharp reproof (for she replied not against it, but meekly gave a direction for the better accomplishment of her desire) her example is commendable: commendable I say, not in the matter of her direction, but in her patient bearing of reproof.

Much wisdom may be learned hereby: for when any⁸⁰⁸ meekly take a reproof, thereby they suppress their passion, and keep it from rising as a cloud before their understanding and darkening it, and so may they better judge of the matter reproved whether it be just or no: and whether it need redress or no: whereof they who are impatient of reproof, and fret and fume against it, cannot so well judge. The virgin Mary made good use of Christ’s reproving her, and thereby⁸⁰⁹ learned and taught a good point of wisdom, namely so to refer our affairs to Christ as we expect his pleasure; and not prescribe time, means, manner, or any other like circumstances unto him.

Quest. What if the husbands reproof be bitter?⁸¹⁰

Answ. He therein forgets his place, yet thereupon she must not forget her duty. If Jacob’s reproof be well noted, we shall find it very tart, for it is expressly said that his anger was kindled against her, (Gen. 30. 2.) so as he spake in anger: the manner and form of his words being with an interrogation, and the⁸¹¹ matter also, am I in God’s stead, etc. declare tartness: yet (as was declared before) she showed meekness.

Quest. What if his reproof be unjust?

2. Answ. Yet may not meekness be forgotten. In such a case a wife may make a just apology to clear her own innocency, and manifest her husbands error: but if he refuse to hear her, or will not believe her, then (as S. Peter speaketh in another⁸¹² case) she must endure grief for conscience toward God.

The two reasons which there he rendereth in that other case may not unfitly be applied to this.

1. In general this is thank-worthy, it is a grace, a glory to⁸¹³ her: a matter that deserveth praise and commendation.

2. In particular it is acceptable to God: howsoever their husbands⁸¹⁴ may deal roughly and untowardly with them, yet God will graciously respect them, if they shall patiently in obedience to his ordinance bear their husbands unjust reproofs.

3. I may add this reason also, that thus they shall show themselves good Christians indeed, in that they are not overcome⁸¹⁵ of evil.

Contrary is their mind who by no means will brook a rebuke at their husbands hands: it skills not whether it be just or unjust: if their husbands reprove them, they shall be sure to have the reproof rebounded back again upon their faces, and that with greater violence then ever it came from them. There be some that seem to be very good wives till they be tried by the touch-stone of reproof: but then though the reproof be for matter most just, for manner most mild, and that in private betwixt their husbands and themselves, yet they grow so impatient, or rather mad, as they forbear not to give their husbands the most scornful speeches that they can invent, using withal bitter imprecations and execrations, and threaten to drown or hang themselves if they be crossed of their wills. Yea further, if wise husbands shall forbear them in their passion, and after it is allayed tell them how unbeseeming their places they carried themselves, they will seek to justify themselves, and lay all the blame on their husbands for crossing them in their will: or if they cannot but see their fault, yet they will only say, it is my infirmity: but yet ever continue in that infirmity: and though they make show of fearing God, yet labour not to purge this corrupt humour out of their hearts. Hence is it for the most part that contentions arise betwixt man and wife. If wives would learn in this point to be subject, many jars, which from time to time arise betwixt them, would be allayed, if not prevented. Michal⁸¹⁶ the wife of David, and Job’s wife (though they gave just occasion to be most sharply reproved, yet) shall rise up in judgment against these wives, because they were silent after they were reproved, and replied not. Solomon oft titles such as cannot bear rebuke scorners: so as hereby wives show that⁸¹⁷ they are very scornful.

§. 48. Of a wives readiness to redress what her husband justly reproveth in her.⁸¹⁸

A further degree of obedience in bearing reproof is, that⁸¹⁹ a wife readily redress what is justly reproved by her husband: I say justly, because where no fault is, there needs no amendment: patience may be needful (as was before showed) but no repentance of that which is not amiss. But where any thing is amiss, there must be a redress. Rachel did amiss in⁸²⁰ bringing Idols into her husbands house: her husband in⁸²¹ bidding her among others to put away their strange gods, reproved them all. Whereupon she with all the rest gave to him all their strange gods. This was a good redress.

A reproof may be justly given either for a good duty omitted; or for an evil thing committed: and accordingly must the redress or amendment be. A duty formerly omitted must after the reproof be more carefully observed and performed, if it be a continual duty, and may be again performed: otherwise the redress is a testification of true sorrow for that fault. When an evil is committed, if any means can be used to make up the hurt, and redress the mischief that followed thereupon, it must be done: if not, sorrow as before, must be testified, and care taken that the same, or the like be not committed again.

As a good conscience requireth as much of all Christians by whomsoever they be reproved, so the respect which a wife oweth to an husband doth after an especial manner require it. Otherwise her fault is doubled, 1. By continuance in her sin; 2. By disobedience to her husband.

Contrary is their spirit who for reproof wax the worse:⁸²² being like those scorners (of whom Solomon speaketh) that hate those that reprove them. It is the speech of some wives, that if their husbands would let them alone they would do the better: but upon rebuke they will never amend: the more their husbands find fault, the more will they go on, in doing what they do. What other judgment can be given of such, then that which the wise man giveth, there is more hope⁸²³ of a fool then of them. Of submission hitherto.

§. 49. Of a wives contentment with her husbands present estate.⁸²⁴

Contentment is also a part of obedience: it hath respect to a man’s outward estate and ability, in and with which a wife must rest satisfied and contented, whether it be high or low, great or mean, wealthy or needy, above, equal, or under that estate wherein she was before marriage: yea though a man have been sometimes great in estate, yet, if he decay therein, and be brought to a mean estate, she ought to rest content. Thus much Job implieth in his reply to his wife, saying, shall we receive⁸²⁵ good at the hand of God, and not receive evil? The evil he speaketh of was the loss of his goods, servants, and children, together with other miseries that Satan through God’s permission inflicted upon him: the receiving of evil which he speaketh of was a resting content with it, and a patient bearing of it. Evil may be laid on any, and so they forced to bear it: but they only receive it, who are content with it. Now in that he useth the plural number (WE) and speaking to his wife saith (shall not we receive evil) he showeth that his wife ought as well as he to have rest contented in that poor and miserable estate: For

1. Man and wife being one flesh, by virtue of their matrimonial union, both his advancement, and also his abasement is hers: as she riseth with him, so she falleth with him. Wherefore as she is willing to be advanced with him, so she must be content to be abased with him.

2. If at the time of marriage her husband was of meaner estate then she, she voluntarily put her self into that mean estate: for a wife taketh her husband (as he her) for better for worse, for richer for poorer. And shall she not be content with her own act? If after marriage his estate decay, and wax meaner then it was, she is to be persuaded that by God it was so ordered, and that God aimed at her humiliation as well as his: and thereupon she ought in her dutiful submission to God’s over-ruling providence to be patient and content: this Job implieth under this phrase, shall we not receive evil at the hand of God? and under this, The Lord taketh away.

3. A wives contentment is a great ease to her husband lying under a cross: and it maketh the burden seem much lighter then otherwise it would, if at least he be a kind husband, and affected with his wives passion, as he ought to be. For a loving husband in every distress is more perplexed for his wife, then for himself.

§. 50. Of wives discontent at their husbands estate.

Contrary is the impatiency, and discontent of wives at⁸²⁶ the meanness, and (as they think) baseness of their husbands estate: which is many ways manifested.

1. Some when they are married finding their husbands estate⁸²⁷ weaker then they imagined, repent their marriage, and stick not to tell their husbands, that if they had before known them to be no better men then they find them to be, they should have been no husbands for them. Wherein first they bewray their foolish indiscretion by saying, when it is too late, if I had⁸²⁸ thought this; and withal they manifest their own rashness and unadvisedness, in that they gave their hands and plighted their troth to those whom they knew not. If they say, they were deceived by their friends whom they put in trust, I answer that marriage is too weighty a matter to be wholly referred over to the trust of friends: every one that yieldeth to be married, ought well to know the party unto whom in this case they yield: and above all they ought to seek direction, help, and blessing from God. If notwithstanding all the means which possibly they could use, they be deceived, they are to look unto God, and to behold his providence therein: and duly to weigh whether the Lord have crossed their desire for their humiliation, or for trial of their patience, wisdom and other like graces, or else to wean them from some vain and worldly delights, whereunto they were too much addicted.

2. Others observing their husbands estate to be decayed⁸²⁹ and wasted, never search after the occasion, but lay all the blame upon their husbands, and with their discontented looks, passionate words, and impatient carriage, so vex their hearts, as they make the cross much more heavy then otherwise it could be. Though the estate should be overthrown by the unthriftiness of an husband, yet ought a wife to look unto God’s providence therein, as was noted before.

3. Others scorning to stoop, and to come down to their⁸³⁰ husbands present condition, through their pride and vainglory are a great means to make his estate much the worse: for they, so long as by any means they can get it, will not abate any thing of their brave apparel, dainty cheer, rich furniture, and other like things, which are causes of great expense to their husbands: hereby also it cometh oft to pass that husbands are thought to be wealthier then indeed they are, and so greater taxations and charges then they can bear are laid upon them for King, Country, Church, Poor, and the like.

4. Others, through discontent lie long lazing in their beds,⁸³¹ or idly sit still when they are up, and will not take any whit the more pains to raise up and increase their husbands estate: whereby God is provoked more and more to weaken their estates, that so he may the more punish such pride and laziness in wives.

A Wife’s Submission to Christ First

§. 51. Of cases wherein a wife ought not to forbear what her husband forbiddeth.⁸³²

So much of the distinct branches of a wives subjection. The limitation and manner of performing it next followeth.

To know the limitation of a wives obedience, and the manner how she ought to yield subjection unto her husband, two things must be considered:

1. The place of an husband.
2. The place of a wife.

The husbands place is noted in this phrase, as to the Lord:⁸³³ whereby is showed that the husband even by virtue of his place is to his wife in Christ’s stead: which is further more plainly laid down in these words following, the husband is⁸³⁴ the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the Church.

The wives place is intimated in these words, as the Church⁸³⁵ is subject unto Christ, so let wives be to their own husbands: whereby it is clear that the obedience which a wife performeth to her husband must be such an obedience as the Church performeth to Christ.

From the place of an husband, I gather this general ground concerning a wives subjection, that

Subjection must be yielded to the husband as to Christ, whence will follow two conclusions, one negative, which is this,

The wife must yield no other subjection to her husband then what may stand with her subjection to Christ.

The other affirmative, which is this,

The wife must subject her self to her husband in that manner that she would or should subject her self to Christ.

The former is a necessary condition required of all inferiors in their subjection, and obedience (as I showed⁸³⁶ before) much more in a wives subjection to her husband, because there is of all unequals⁸³⁷ the least disparity betwixt husbands and wives.

Hence for our present purpose, I gather these two other more particular conclusions, The first whereof is this,

1. If God expressly command the wife any duty, and her husband will not by any means give consent that she shall do it, but forbid her, she may and ought to do it without, or against his consent.

Two cautions are warily to be observed about this conclusion:⁸³⁸

1. That the wife be sure that God hath commanded her that which she doth without or against her husbands consent. If she doubt, then she must stay, and forbear till she gain his consent. When two opposite cases meet together, and the one be doubtful, the other plain and express: the doubtful case must give place to the more evident. Now the law of subjection is indefinite, thy desire shall be subject to thine husband;⁸³⁹ the extent of it is general, in every thing; the only reservation and exception is in the Lord; wherefore if the wife be not sure that that which her husband forbiddeth her is against the Lord, she must forbear to do it.

The second caution is that she use all good means she can to gain her husbands consent, before she do, even that which is commanded, against his consent. Thus shall she testify her subjection both to God and her husband. To God, in that nothing can keep her from doing his express commandment: she will rather offend her husband then God, when one of them must needs be offended. To her husband, in that she putteth it to the uttermost push, and useth all the means she can to avoid his offence, in so much as he himself might see (if the god of this world blinded not his eyes) that the offence is no way given on her part, but merely taken on his.

For proof of this, it is without all contradiction true, that the wife is not bound to greater subjection unto her husband then the subject is unto the magistrate: but a subject ought not to forbear a bounden duty commanded of God, because his governor forbids him. Instance the example of Daniel,⁸⁴⁰ who daily made his prayers to God, though the King had made a solemn decree that none should ask any petition of God or man within thirty days but of the king. Instance also the Apostles,⁸⁴¹ who preached the Gospel, though they were expressly forbidden.

Though the Scripture be plentiful in affording examples of wives subjection, yet it is very sparing in recording examples of those who in such warrantable cases refused to be subject, lest wives from thence should take too great liberty.

Some are recorded, but such as are either extraordinary, or not every way justifiable. Abigail’s example was extraordinary,⁸⁴² and therefore not imitable but in such like extraordinary cases.

The example of Rebekah, which may seem somewhat more⁸⁴³ pertinent, is not every way to be justified. For though the thing which she intended were for the substance of it very good, and ought to have been done, namely the blessing of Jacob, (for God foreshowed that the blessing appertained to Jacob, in that he said, The elder shall serve the younger) yet⁸⁴⁴ because she put not her husband in mind of God’s word, nor laboured to persuade him to fulfill the same, but went about the matter deceitfully, she cannot therein be justified. But in the general this example showeth that God’s word must be yielded unto rather then an husbands will.

For better application of this point I will lay down some particular instances agreeable to God’s word. Suppose a wife well instructed in the true religion be married to an idolatrous or profane husband, and he without any just cause forbid her to go to the Church, especially on the Lord’s days, to pray in English, to read the word, to teach her children the principles of religion, to restore that which she hath unjustly and fraudulently gotten, with the like, she may, and must do them notwithstanding.

Object. Why may not giving of alms be reckoned among these?

Answ. 1. Because the husband hath a greater power over the goods, then over these things.

2. Because alms-giving is not simply commanded to all, but to such as have wherewithal to give: but these things are simply commanded to all.

§. 52. Of cases wherein a wife ought to forbear what her husband requireth.

The other particular conclusion is this, that

If an husband require his wife to do that which God hath forbidden she ought not to do it.

Two cautions like the former are likewise to be observed⁸⁴⁵ about this point.

First, that she be sure (being truly informed by God’s word) that that which she refuseth to do at her husbands command, is forbidden by God.

Secondly, that she first labour with all meekness and by all good means that she can to dissuade her husband from urging and pressing that upon her, which with a good conscience she cannot do.

A like proof may be brought for this as was for the former: for we know that a wife is not bound unto greater subjection to her husband then a son is unto a father: but a son may in the case propounded forbear to do that which his father requireth and commandeth him to do: instance the approved example of Jonathan, who refused to bring David⁸⁴⁶ unto Saul to be slain, though his father commanded him so to do. I might also instance the same in Saul’s subjects and⁸⁴⁷ servants, who refused to slay the Priests of the Lord at his command. Though an husband be not reckoned in particular among those to whom we are forbidden to hearken if they⁸⁴⁸ entice us to idolatry, yet by the rule of relation he is implied, and by just consequence gathered from this clause, thy friend which is as thine own soul; for who so dear as an husband?

To exemplify this in some particulars as I did the former, If an husband shall command his wife to go to Mass, to a stage play, to play at dice, to prostitute her body to uncleanness, to go garishly and whorishly attired, to sell by scant weights, short measures, or the like, she ought not to do so.

§. 53. Of wives faults in showing more respect to their husbands then to God.

Contrary to this limitation is on the one side a fawning flattering disposition of such wives as seek to please their husbands, so as they care not to displease God, (Jezebel was such an one; to please her husband most lewdly she did⁸⁴⁹ practise Naboth’s death) and on the other side a fainting timorous heart which maketh them fear their husbands more then they fear God. Good Sarah, that worthy precedent of⁸⁵⁰ good wives in other things, somewhat failed herein. Did wives duly consider, and always remember that they have an husband (namely Christ) in heaven, as well as on earth, and that there is greater difference betwixt that and this husband, then betwixt heaven and earth, and that both in giving reward, and taking revenge, there is no comparison betwixt them, their care of pleasing, or their fear of offending their husband in heaven would be much more then of pleasing, or offending their husband on earth: if any thing were commanded or forbidden them by their husbands on earth against Christ, they would say, If I do this, or forbear that, I should work falsehood against mine own soul; for nothing can be hid from mine husband in heaven: yea I should herein obey Satan, rather then God.

§. 54. Of the manner of a wives subjection to her husband.

The second general conclusion concerning the manner of a wives subjection, which was gathered from the place of an husband, was this, that

The wife must subject her self to her husband in that manner, that she would or should subject her self to Christ. The particle As in this clause (as unto the Lord) importeth so much.

This very conclusion is also inferred out of the place of a wife: In the same place that the Church is to Christ, a wife is to an husband: therefore such subjection as the Church yieldeth to Christ, must a wife yield to her husband; which the very words of the Apostle do expressly affirm. Now we⁸⁵¹ know that every Christian wife in her particular ought to yield that obedience to Christ which the Church in general doth: therefore also she must yield such subjection to her husband as she should to Christ.

Quest.⁸⁵² What if an husband be an enemy of Christ? Must such subjection be yielded to an enemy of Christ as to Christ himself?

Answ. Yea: because in his office he is in Christ’s stead, though in his heart an enemy. In this case will the wisdom, patience, and obedience of a wife be best tried. It is noted of the Church, that she is a Lilly among thorns. She remaineth⁸⁵³ Lilly-like, white, soft, pleasant, amiable, though she be joined with thorns, which are scraggy, prickly, sharp: so a wife must be mild, meek, gentle, obedient, though she be matched with a crooked, perverse, profane, wicked husband: thus shall her virtue and grace shine forth the more clearly, even as the stars shine forth most brightly in the darkest night. Among wives Abigail deserveth great praise, that forgot not her duty, though she were married to a churlish, covetous, drunken sot, a very Nabal in name and deed. As for those who take occasion from the wickedness of their husbands to neglect their duty, they add to their cross a curse: for a cross it is to have a bad husband, but to be a bad wife is a sin, which pulleth down a curse. Let wives therefore remove their eyes from the disposition of their husbands person, to the condition of his place: and by virtue thereof, seeing he beareth Christ’s image, be subject to him as unto Christ.

This general conclusion might be applied to the matter of subjection as well as to the manner, for the Church acknowledgeth Christ her superior, feareth him inwardly, reverenceth him outwardly, obeyeth him also both by forbearing to do what he forbiddeth, and also by doing what he commandeth, which points having been before distinctly and largely handled and applied to wives, I will not repeat them again. Wherefore now to insist in the manner only, there are four⁸⁵⁴ virtues which are especially needful hereunto, whereby the Church seasoneth her subjection to Christ, and wives also may and must season their subjection to their husbands.

These are the four,

1. Humility, 2. Sincerity, 3. Cheerfulness, 4. Constancy.

§. 55. Of wives humility in every duty.⁸⁵⁵

Humility is that grace that keeps one from thinking highly of himself above that which is meet: and in regard of that mean conceit which he hath of himself maketh him think reverendly, and highly of others: so as if humility be placed in a wives heart, it will make her think better of her husband then of her self, and so make her the more willing to yield all subjection unto him. The Apostle requireth it of all⁸⁵⁶ Christians as a general sauce to season all other duties: but after a peculiar manner is it needful for inferiors: most of all for wives, because there are⁸⁵⁷ many prerogatives appertaining to their place, which may soon make them think they ought not to be subject, unless they be humbly minded. That the Church doth herewith season her subjection, is clear by the book of Canticles, where oft she acknowledgeth her own meanness, and the excellency of her spouse.

Therefore as the Church is humbly subject to Christ, so let wives be to their husbands.

§. 56. Of wives pride.

Contrary is pride, which puffeth up wives, & maketh them think there is no reason they should be subject to husbands, they can rule themselves well enough, yea and rule their husbands too, as well as their husbands rule them. No more pestilent vice for an inferior, then this: it is the cause of all rebellion, disobedience, & disloyalty: only by pride, cometh contention.⁸⁵⁸

§. 57. Of Wives sincerity in every duty.⁸⁵⁹

II. Sincerity is that grace that maketh one to be within even in truth, what without he appeareth to be in show. This is that⁸⁶⁰ Singleness of heart which is expressly required of servants, and may be applied to wives, for indeed it appertaineth to all sorts. Because it is only discerned by the Lord, who is the⁸⁶¹ searcher of all hearts, it will move a wife to have an eye to him in all she doth, and to endeavour to approve her self to him above all: therefore uprightness and walking before God are oft joined together: he that is upright will assuredly walk before God, that is, endeavour to approve himself to God, as⁸⁶² Noah did, and as⁸⁶³ God commanded Abraham to do.

Though there were no other motive in the world to move her to subjection, yet for conscience sake to Christ she should yield it.⁸⁶⁴ S. Peter testifieth of holy women, that they trusted in God and were subject to their husbands: implying thereby, that their conscience to God made them be subject to their husbands. Was not Sarah’s subjection seasoned with sincerity, when⁸⁶⁵ within her self, in her heart she called her husband Lord?

Great reason there is that wives should in sincerity subject⁸⁶⁶ themselves: for

1. In their subjection even to their husbands they have to⁸⁶⁷ do with Christ, in whose room their husbands stand: so as, though their husbands who are but men, see only the face and outward behaviour, yet Christ seeth their heart and inward disposition: though their husbands see only the things which they do before their faces, and can hear only of such things as are done before others: yet Christ seeth and knoweth the things that are done in the most secret places that can be, when no creature beside themselves is privy thereunto: Now let it be granted that in their outward carriage they give very good contentment unto their husbands, and please them every way, yet if sincerity have been wanting, with what face can they appear before Christ? He will take another manner account of them: before Christ all their outward complement will stand them in no stead at all.

2. Herein lieth a main difference betwixt true, Christian,⁸⁶⁸ religious wives, and mere natural women: these may be subject on by-respects, as namely, that their husbands may the more love them, or live the more quietly and peaceably with them, or that they may the more readily obtain what they desire at their husbands hands, or for fear of their husbands displeasure and wrath, knowing him to be an angry, furious man, so as otherwise it might be worse with them, they might want many needful things, or carry away many sore blows if they were not subject. But the other have respect to Christ’s ordinance, whereby their husbands are made their head, and to his word and will, whereby they are commanded subjection. Thus⁸⁶⁹ holy women subjected themselves; they cannot be holy that do not thus subject themselves: for this is a sweet perfume that sendeth forth a good savour into Christ’s nostrils, and maketh the things we do pleasant and acceptable to him.

3. The benefit of this virtue being planted in a wives heart⁸⁷⁰ is very great, and that both to her husband, and also to her self.

To her husband, in that it will make her manifest her respect of him before others, behind his back, as well as before himself in his presence: and also will make her faithful to him, and careful to do his will wheresoever he be, with her, or from her.

To her self, in that it will minister inward sweet comfort unto her, though her husband should take no notice of her subjection, or mis-interpret it, or ill requite it; for she might say as Hezekiah did,⁸⁷¹ Remember ô Lord how I have walked before thee in truth, and with a perfect heart, and have done that which is good in thy sight.

That the Church doth season all her subjection with sincerity is clear, in that she is said to be⁸⁷² all glorious within: (there is no glory within, without sincerity) and in that she is oft said⁸⁷³ to seek him whom her soul loved: if her soul loved him, in sincerity of heart she was subject to him: Therefore as the Church is sincerely subject to Christ, so let wives be to their husbands.

§. 58. Of wives complemental subjection.

Contrary to sincerity is dissimulation, and mere outward, complemental subjection: when a wife doth even despise her husband in her heart, as Michal did David and yet carry a fair⁸⁷⁴ face before him, as that adulterous woman, who eateth, and wipeth her mouth, and saith I have not committed iniquity. Solomon maketh it a note of a lewd wife to flatter with her words.⁸⁷⁵ Though such a wife should perform all the duties named before, yet would those all be nothing to God, if they were done with a double heart, and not in singleness of heart. For as many outward imperfections are pardoned by God, where sincerity is, so no outward actions are accepted of him though they seem never so fair, where there is no sincerity.

§. 59. Of wives cheerfulness in every duty.⁸⁷⁶

III. Cheerfulness is more apparent then sincerity, and maketh subjection the more pleasing not only to God, but also to man, who by the effects thereof may easily discern it.

For God, as he doth himself all things willingly and cheerfully, so he expecteth that his children should therein follow him, and thereby show themselves his children. God loveth a⁸⁷⁷ cheerful giver: not only a cheerful giver of alms, but of all duty to God and man.

For men, it maketh them also much better accept any duty when they observe it to be done cheerfully: this did even ravish David with joy, to see his people offer their gifts willingly⁸⁷⁸ unto the Lord: when an husband seeth his wife willingly and cheerfully perform her duty, it cannot but raise up love in him. This cheerfulness is manifested by a ready, quick, and speedy performance of her duty. Sarah’s readiness to obey,⁸⁷⁹ showeth that what she did, she did willingly.

That thus the Church subjecteth her self to Christ is evident by that which David saith, They shall be willing in the day⁸⁸⁰ of thy power. Therefore as the Church is cheerfully subject unto Christ, so let wives be to their husbands.

§. 60. Of wives sullen and forced obedience.

Contrary to this cheerfulness is the sullen disposition of some wives, who will indeed be subject to their husbands, and obey, but with such a louring and sour countenance, with such pouting and muttering, as they grieve their husbands more in the manner, then they can be pleased with the thing it self that they do: herein they show themselves like to a curst cow, which having given a fair soap of milk, casteth all down with her heel, and so verify the proverb, As good never a whit as never the better. Such subjection is in truth no subjection, it can neither be acceptable to God, nor profitable to their husbands, nor comfortable to their own souls.

§. 61. Of wives constancy in doing their duty.⁸⁸¹

IIII. Constancy is a virtue which maketh all the rest perfect, and setteth the crown upon them; without which they are all nothing. This is in those who after they have begun well, continue to do well unto the end, and thereby reap the fruit of all. It hath respect both to continuance without intermission, and also to perseverance without revolting, and giving clean over. So as it is not enough to be subject by starts and fits: one while yielding all good obedience, another while stout and rebellious: neither is it sufficient in former times to have been a good wife, and after prove bad: but there must be daily proceeding and holding on from time to time, so long as husband and wife live together. This grace was in her of whom it is said, She will do him good, and not evil all the days of her life. Such were all the holy wives commended in Scripture: among other particulars, mention is made of the wife of Phinehas, who on her death-bed showed the reverend⁸⁸² good respect she bare to her husband, though he were a wicked and lewd man. This grace doth the Church add to all her other virtues, she in all parts of her subjection remaineth constant, & faithful unto the death, whereby it cometh to pass, that at length she receiveth the reward of her holy obedience, which is full and perfect communion and fellowship with her spouse Christ Jesus in heaven. In regard of her unmoveable constancy it is said, that the gates of hell shall never prevail against⁸⁸³ her. Therefore as the Church is constantly subject unto Christ, so let wives be to their husbands.

§. 62. Of wives repenting their former goodness.⁸⁸⁴

Contrary to this Constancy is first intermission of duty, a returning to it, and a leaving it off by turns: like one that is sick of an ague, sometimes well, sometimes ill, one while hot, another while cold. That sometimes ceasing taketh away all the virtue, grace and glory, from sometimes doing. Besides, it is twenty to one that through the corruption of nature, that diversity and intercourse of fits at length will cease, and end in the worse. It is very likely that Michal was such an one: for one while she showed her self so full of respect to David, as⁸⁸⁵ for his sake she incurred the King her fathers displeasure: another while in her heart she despised him, and with her tongue⁸⁸⁶ taunted him.

Contrary also to the forenamed Constancy is Apostasy,⁸⁸⁷ that is, a clean relinquishing of the former good course, as if a wife repented her of her former good beginning. Such an one is she that is said to forsake the guide of her youth, and forget the⁸⁸⁸ covenant of her God. For ought we read to the contrary, Job’s wife was such an one. And such are many who in their younger years, while their religious parents lived (as Joash while⁸⁸⁹ old good Jehoiada lived) have behaved themselves very well like good dutiful wives, but being grown to elder years, have grown also so stout and rebellious, as if they clean repented themselves of their former good beginning. This revolt ariseth sometimes from the evil counsel of wicked Gossips, and sometimes from their own proud humour. I may say of these wives subjection, as the Prophet saith of the righteousness of revolters,⁸⁹⁰ their subjection shall not be remembered, but in their rebellion they shall die. Therefore as the Church is subject to Christ, let wives be to their husbands.

§. 63. Of the extent of a wives obedience.⁸⁹¹

The extent of a wives subjection (which remaineth now to be handled) is set down under these general terms (in every thing) which are not so generally to be taken as if they admitted no restraint or limitation, for then would they contradict such cautions as these, in the fear of the Lord, as to the Lord, in⁸⁹² the Lord. For man is so corrupt by nature, and of so perverse a disposition, that oft he willeth and commandeth that which is contrary to God’s will and commandment: which when he doth, that Christian principle laid down as a ruled case by the Apostle must take place, we ought rather to obey God then men.⁸⁹³

Quest. Why then is this extent laid down in such general terms?

Answ. 1. To teach wives that it is not sufficient for them to obey their husbands in some things, as they themselves think meet, but in all things whatsoever they be wherein the husband by virtue of his superiority and authority hath power to command his wife. Thus this general extent excludeth not God’s will, but the wives will. She may do nothing against God’s will; but many things must she do against her own will if her husband require her.

2. To show that the husbands authority and power is very large: it hath no restraint but God’s contrary command, whereof if a wife be not assured, she must yield to her husbands will.

§. 64. Of a wives labouring to bring her judgment to the bent of her husbands.⁸⁹⁴

From that extent I gather these two conclusions:

1. A wife must labour to bring her judgment and will to her husbands.

2. Though in her judgment she cannot think that most meet which her husband requireth, yet she must yield to it in practise.

In the former of these, I say not simply that a wife is bound to bring her judgment to the bent of her husbands; for he may be deceived in his judgment, and she may see his error, and then unless her understanding should be blinded, she cannot conceive that to be true which he judgeth so: but I speak of endeavour (when she hath not sure and undeniable grounds to the contrary) to suspect her judgment when it’s contrary to her husbands, and to think she may be in an error, and thereupon not be too peremptory and resolute in contradicting her husbands opinion. This submission even of her judgment respecteth not only things necessary, for which her husband hath an express determinate warrant out of the Scripture, but also things doubtful & indifferent: for even so far doth this clause (in every thing) extend: and the subjection of a wife respecteth not her practise only, but her judgment and opinion also: which if she can bring to the lawfulness and meetness of that which her husband requireth, she will much more cheerfully perform it. To this purpose (as I take it) may be applied that exhortation of the Apostle unto women, that they learn in silence with all subjection:⁸⁹⁵ which though it be principally meant of learning in the Church, yet it excludeth not her learning at home of her husband: for in the next words he addeth, I suffer not a woman to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.

§. 65. Of wives overweening conceit of their own wisdom.

Contrary is the presumption of such wives as think themselves wiser then their husbands, and able better to judge matters then they can. I deny not but that a wife may have more understanding then her husband: for some men are very ignorant and blockish; and on the other side, some women well instructed, who thereby have attained to a great measure of knowledge, and discretion; but many though they have husbands of sufficient and good understanding, wise and discreet men, yet think that that which they have once conceived to be a truth, must needs be so: and such is their peremptoriness, that they will not be brought to think that they may err: but say they will never be brought to think otherwise then they do, though all the husbands in the world should be of another opinion: not much unlike to the Wiseman’s fool, who thinketh himself wiser then seven men⁸⁹⁶ that can render a reason.

§. 66. Of a wives yielding to her husband in such things as she thinketh not to be the meetest.⁸⁹⁷

The latter conclusion concerning a wives yielding in practise to that which her husband requireth, though she cannot bring her judgment to think as he doth about the meetness of it,⁸⁹⁸ hath respect to indifferent things, namely, to such as are neither in their particulars commanded, nor forbidden by God: as the outward affairs of the house, ordering it, disposing goods, entertaining guests, etc.

Quest. May she not reason with her husband about such matters as she thinketh unmeet, and labour to persuade her husband not to persist in the pressing thereof, yea endeavour to bring her husband to see the unmeetness (as she thinketh) of that which she seeth?

Answ. With modesty, humility, and reverence, she may so do: and he ought to hearken unto her, as the husband of the Shunammite did, 2 King. 4. 23, 24. But yet, if notwithstanding all that she can say, he persist in his resolution, and will have it done, she must yield.

First, her subjection is most manifested in such cases: herein she apparently showeth, that what she doth, she doth in respect of her husbands place, and power: were it not for that, she would not do it. Other things are not so evident proofs of her subjection to her husband: for if he command her to do that which God hath expressly commanded, and so she ought to do it, whether her husband commanded it or no, it may be thought she doth it on God’s command, and not on her husbands. If her husband command her to do that which God hath expressly forbidden, then ought she by no means to yield unto it: if she do, it may rather be termed a joint conspiracy of husband and wife together against God’s will (as S. Peter said to Sapphira the wife of Ananias, How is it that ye have agreed together to tempt the⁸⁹⁹ spirit of the Lord?) then subjection to the image of God in her husband.

Secondly, her yielding in indifferent things tendeth much to the peace of the family, as subjects yielding to their Magistrates in such cases maketh much to the peace of the common wealth. For in differences and dissensions one side must yield, or else great mischief is like to follow: now of the two, who should yield but the inferior?

§. 67. Of wives making their own will their law.

Contrary is the custom of many wives, who never will do any more then they themselves think meet, though their husbands require it never so much: surely they come far short of this Apostolical extent (in every thing) though in their own eyes they may seem to be very much subject. But when wives will no further be subject, then their own judgments, wills and affections concur with their husbands, what can be thought but that they are subject rather to their own wills, then to the will of their husbands? Many such wives, from the least difference in judgment & opinion, even in the smallest matters, take occasion to refuse subjection, and think they have warrant enough so to do: whence oftentimes there ariseth much contention, the fault whereof lieth especially on the wives neck, though the occasion may arise from the husband: and I think that wives themselves would so judge of the like cases betwixt them and their children.

§. 68. Of care in choosing such husbands as wives may without grief be subject unto.⁹⁰⁰

Object. If the case be such betwixt man and wife, it is not good to marry.

Answ. This is no good inference; for all the seeming hardness of a wives case is in the lewdness of an husband, who abuseth his place and power: and not in that subjection which is required by God. For if an husband carry himself to his wife as⁹⁰¹ God requireth, she will find her yoke to be easy, and her subjection a great benefit even unto her self. Wherefore I would exhort parties that are unmarried, whether maidens or widows, to be very careful in their choice of husbands: and in their choice to respect above all, their good qualities and conditions, therein bearing the image of Christ, as well as in their office, and authority: so as their wives may with joy and comfort, not with grief and anguish, be subject unto them: then will subjection prove a vexation, when the husband is an ignorant, profane, idolatrous, worldly, wicked man: wives of such husbands are oft brought into many straits. Ye widows and maidens who are free, be not too free and forward in giving your consent to whom you know not: among other motives, oft think of this point of subjection, to which all wives are bound: this I say, both of the several branches, and also of the extent thereof. After you are married it is in vain to think of freedom from subjection. By taking husbands, and giving your selves to be wives, you bind your selves to the law of the man, as long as he liveth. Then as you desire to be accepted of God, and to find mercy and comfort from him, you must bear this yoke, how heavy and grievous soever it seem to be.

§. 69. Of the reasons to move wives to do their duties.

Hitherto of wives duties: The reasons noted by the Apostle to enforce those duties now follow. They are laid down in these words.

EPHES. 5. 22. —As unto the Lord.

Vers. 23. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the Church: and he is the Saviour of the body.

Vers. 24. Wherefore as the Church is subject, etc.

The main ground of all the reasons which the Apostle here intimateth, is taken from the place wherein God hath set an husband, which is first by consequence implied in these words, as to the Lord: and then more plainly and directly expressed in these, the husband is the head of the wife. The particle prefixed before these words (for) being a causal conjunction, doth show, that they are here set down as a reason, which is first propounded under a metaphor (head) and then amplified by that resemblance which an husband hath therein unto Christ (even as Christ, etc.) which resemblance is further commended by the virtue and benefit that proceedeth from the head-ship of Christ properly, and of an husband also by consequence, in these words (and is the Saviour of the body.) Upon an husbands resemblance unto Christ, he inferreth that a wife should have a resemblance unto the Church, and so concludeth, Therefore as the Church is in subjection to Christ, so let wives be to their husbands.

Out of the forenamed ground of a wives subjection, and the several amplifications thereof, and the inference thereupon made, five several and distinct reasons may be gathered to enforce a wives subjection to her husband.

The first is taken from an husbands place: he is in the Lord’s stead to his wife (as to the Lord.)

The second from his office: he is an head to his wife.

The third from the image he beareth, or from the resemblance betwixt him and Christ (even as Christ etc.)

The fourth from the benefit that his wife receiveth from him (he is the Saviour etc.)

The fifth from the example and pattern of the Church (as the Church is in subjection, etc.)

§. 70. Of an husbands place.

The place wherein God hath set an husband as it serveth⁹⁰² to direct a wife in the manner of her subjection, whereof I have spoken⁹⁰³ before, so also it serveth to move a wife to yield such subjection as is required: which will evidently appear by these two conclusions following from thence.

1. A wife by subjecting her self to her husband, therein is subject unto Christ.

2. A wife by refusing to be subject unto her husband, therein refuseth to be subject unto Christ.

That these two conclusions are rightly and justly gathered from the forenamed ground I prove by like conclusions which the Holy Ghost inferreth upon the like ground. It is evident that Christ Jesus, even incarnate and made flesh, was in the room and stead of his father, whereupon Christ said to Philip that desired to see the father, he that hath seen me hath seen the father: Now mark what Christ thence inferreth both on⁹⁰⁴ the one side (he that receiveth me receiveth him that sent me) and on the other (he that honoureth not the son, honoureth not the father that sent him.) It is also evident that Ministers of the Gospel stand in the room and stead of Christ: for thus saith the Apostle of himself and other Ministers, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did beseech you by us, we pray you in Christ’s stead, etc. Now mark again the conclusions inferred thereupon by Christ, on the one side, he that heareth⁹⁰⁵ you, heareth me, and on the other, he that despiseth you, despiseth me. On this ground it was that God said to Samuel concerning the people that rejected his government, they have not cast thee away, but they have cast me away.⁹⁰⁶

To apply this reason, I hope such wives as live under the Gospel have so much religion and piety in them as to acknowledge, it becometh them well to be subject unto the Lord Christ Jesus: here then learn one especial and principal part of subjection unto Christ, which is to be subject unto your husbands: thus shall you show your selves to be the wives of the Lord Christ, as the Apostle saith of obedient servants, they are the servants of God.⁹⁰⁷

Again I hope none are so void of all religion and piety as to refuse to be subject unto Christ: here then take notice, that if wilfully ye refuse to be subject to your husbands, ye wilfully refuse to be subject to Christ: fitly on this ground may I apply that to wives, which the Apostle speaketh of subjects, whosoever resisteth the power and authority of an husband,⁹⁰⁸ resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves judgment.

A strong motive is this first motive. If it were duly considered of wives, they would more readily, and cheerfully be subject, then many are; they would not so lightly think of their husbands place, nor so reproachfully speak against God’s Ministers who plainly declare their duty unto them, as many do.

§. 71. Of an husbands office.

The second reason is like unto this taken from an husbands⁹⁰⁹ office, he is the wives head: which is also urged to this very purpose in other places.

This metaphor showeth that to his wife he is as the head of a natural body, both more eminent in place, and also more excellent in dignity: by virtue of both which, he is a ruler and governor of his wife. Nature teacheth us that this is true of the head of a natural body: and the Apostle by entitling an husband, an head, teacheth us that it is as true of an husband: whence it followeth, that it standeth with common equity, and with the light of nature, that the wife should be subject to her husband. This argument doth the Apostle in plain terms urge in another place, saying, doth not nature teach you, etc.⁹¹⁰

Go therefore, ô wives, unto the school of nature, look upon the outward parts and members of your bodies. Do they desire to be above the head? Are they loth to be subject unto the head? Let your soul then learn of your body. Were it not monstrous for the side to be advanced above the head? If the body should not be subject to the head, would not destruction follow upon head, body, and all the parts thereof? As monstrous, and much more monstrous is it for a wife to be above her husband: and as great, yea and greater disturbance and ruin would fall on that family. The order which God hath set therein would be clean overthrown thereby: and they that overthrow it would show themselves oppugners of God’s wisdom in establishing order. This reason drawn from nature is of force to move very Pagans, and Savages to yield subjection, how much more Christian wives, it being also agreeable to God’s word, and ratified thereby?

§. 72. Of the resemblance betwixt Christ and an husband.

The third reason taken from an husbands resemblance unto⁹¹¹ Christ herein, addeth an edge unto that former reason: in being an head, he is like Christ. So as there is a kind of fellowship and copartnership betwixt Christ, and an husband: they are brethren in office, as two kings of several places.

Object. There is no equality betwixt Christ the Lord from heaven, and an earthly husband: the disparity betwixt them is infinite.

Answ. Yet there may be similitude, resemblance, and fellowship: inequality is no hindrance to these. Two kings may be more different in estate then a subject and a king; yet those two kings brethren and fellows in office. There may be a resemblance where there is no parity, and a likeness where there is no equality. The glorious and bright Sun in the firmament, and a dim candle in an house, have a kind of fellowship, and the same office, which is to give light: yet there is no equality betwixt them. So then an husband resembleth not only the head of a natural body, but also the glorious image of Christ, and is that to his wife which Christ is to his Church.

To apply this point, mark how from it two positions (worthy to be noted) do arise.

1. Subjection is due to an husband as well as to Christ.⁹¹²

I say not as great, because of the difference in glory: but as well, because of the likeness in office. A Constable (though a poor mean man) must be obeyed as well as an high sheriff: A beggars child must obey his father, as well as a kings child. Such wives therefore who are not subject, wrong their husbands, as well as they wrong Christ who are not subject to him.

2. They who by their subjection maintain the honour of their husbands place, maintain thereby the honour of Christ’s place: and again by the rule of contraries, They who by refusing to be subject impeach the honour of their husbands place, impeach thereby the honour of Christ’s place.

The obedience of a poor man’s child or servant justifieth that obedience which kings children and servants owe their father and sovereign: and so on the contrary, disobedience in mean ones, dishonoureth the place of great ones.

The argument of Memucan drawn from the greater to the⁹¹³ less (in these words, Vashti the Queen hath not done wrong to the king only, but also to all the princes, and all the people) may be applied from the less to the greater. Disobedient wives do wrong not only to their own particular husbands, but also to all heads, even to Christ the head of the Church.

If a natural body, and the Church were flexible, and could be seduced, and drawn to presume, and rebel against their heads, the ill example of wives were enough to move them thereunto, for, as much as in them lieth, they by example seduce them.

From the last forenamed positions (viz. That the obedience of a good wife maintaineth the honour of Christ’s place, and on the contrary side that the disobedience of an ill wife impaireth the honour thereof) I may justly infer two other conclusions.

1. That Christ will assuredly reward the good subjection of⁹¹⁴ good wives: for he hath said (and what he hath said he can and will perform) them that honour me will I honour.

2. That he will sorely revenge the rebellion of evil wives: for again he hath said, they that despise me, shall be despised.

We know that fellows in office are ready to stand for the⁹¹⁵ credit of one anothers place, and to maintain the honour thereof: and that not without good reason: for thereby they maintain their own honour and credit.

Wherefore as good wives may well expect a reward at Christ’s hands, howsoever their husbands respect their obedience, whether well or ill: (a great encouragement for wives to perform their duties, though their husbands be never so ill) so evil wives have just cause to fear revenge at Christ’s hand, how soever their husbands bear with them.

They who duly weigh this reason taken from that resemblance which is betwixt Christ and the Church, cannot but hold it to be a motive of great moment.

§. 73. Of the benefit which a wife hath by an husband.

The fourth reason taken from the benefit which a wife receiveth⁹¹⁶ from her husband, doth yet further press the point in hand. Though Christ be properly the Saviour of the body, yet even herein an husband carrieth a resemblance of Christ, and is after a manner a Saviour: for by virtue of his place and office he is on the one side her protector, to defend her from hurt, and preserve her from danger; and on the other side, a provider of all needful and necessary things for her: in which respect she is taken from her parents and friends, and wholly committed⁹¹⁷ to him: (as Jacob’s wives said, Have we any more portion or inheritance in our fathers house?) yea she her self, and all she hath is given to him: and he again communicateth what soever he hath to her good, and for her use. David compareth a wife to⁹¹⁸ a Vine, in relation to her husband: intimating thereby, that by him she is raised to that height of honour she hath, as a vine by the tree, or frame near unto which it is planted. By his honour is she dignified, by his wealth is she enriched. He is, under God, all in all to her; in the family he is a King to govern and aid her, a Priest to pray with her and for her, a Prophet to teach and instruct her. As the head is placed in the highest place over the body, and understanding placed in it, to govern, direct, protect, and every way seek the good of the body, and as Christ is united to the Church as a spouse, and made her head, that she might be saved, maintained, and provided for by him; so for this end was an husband placed in his place of superiority; and his authority was committed to him, to be a Saviour of his wife. Wherefore if none of the former motives prevail with wives, and move them to be subject to their husbands, yet ought this.

For from this reason flow these two conclusions.

1. The subjection required of a wife is for her own good.
2. In refusing to obey she showeth her self both ungrateful to her husband, and also injurious to her self.

That her subjection is for her own good, is evident by this⁹¹⁹ end for which an husband is made an head, to be a Saviour: not to puff him up, to make him insult and tyrannize over his wife. So as if she be subject unto him, she may reap much good from him. As the Church is wisely governed, and safely protected by subjecting her self to her head Christ Jesus; and as the body partaketh of much good, and is preserved from much evil by subjecting it self to the head, so if a wife be subject to her husband, she will fare much the better thereby, all the ease, profit, and benefit thereof will be hers. If therefore she tender her own good, this is a way and means ordained of God for this end; let her herein seek it.

If notwithstanding this she refuse to be subject unto her husband, doth she not (as we say) stand in her own light? She being by her sex the weaker, and the more unable to help her self, if she shall reject this good help which God hath provided for her, is she not most injurious to her own self? And considering⁹²⁰ the care and pains her husband undergoeth for her sake, is it not most unnatural and monstrous ingratitude, inwardly to despise, or outwardly to scorn such an head? No better testimony of a grateful heart can be given by a wife to her husband, then cheerful and ready subjection: and no greater ingratitude can be showed, then rebellion, and disdain. Now among vices ingratitude is one of the most odious to God and man: so as both to avoid the black spot of ingratitude, and to carry away the name of gratefulness, ought wives to be subject.

§. 74. Of the example of the Church set before wives.

The last reason taken from the example of the Church is also⁹²¹ of good force to persuade wives unto subjection. Example more prevails with many then precept. If any example may be of force, then this most of all: for it is not the example of one only, but of many; not of many ignorant, and wicked persons, but of understanding, wise, holy and righteous persons, even all the saints that ever were, are, or shall be: for the Church compriseth all under it, even that whole society of Saints, which are chosen of God in his eternal counsel, redeemed of Christ by his precious blood, and effectually called by the Gospel of salvation, God’s spirit working inwardly and powerfully upon them, those very souls of just and perfect men now triumphing in heaven, not excepted: note how this Church is described in the 26, and 27. Verses. Let this example therefore be oft thought of: it will never repent any to follow it: for it treadeth the only right path to eternal glory, whereunto they shall assuredly come that follow it.

But to show the force of this reason a little more distinctly, note these two conclusions following from it.

1. Wives are as much bound to be subject to their husbands, as the Church to Christ. Else why should this example be thus set before them, and pressed upon them? Why are husbands set in Christ’s stead, and resembled to him?

2. A wives subjection to her husband, answerable to the Churches subjection unto Christ, is an evidence that she is of the Church, guided by the same Spirit that the Church is. For it cannot be performed by the power of nature, it is a supernatural work, and so an evidence of the Spirit.

Wherefore, ô Christian wives, as your husbands by their place resemble Christ, so do you by your practise resemble the Church. Of the two this is the more commendable: for that is a dignity, this a virtue: but true virtue is much more glorious then any dignity can be.

These reasons being well poised, and the force of them all joined together, they cannot but work on the stoutest stomach that is: wherefore if this point of subjection seem to be too bitter a pill to be well digested, let it be sweetened with the syrup of these reasons, and it will much better be swallowed, and have the more kindly work.

A Husband’s Affectionate Authority over His Wife

§. 1. Of the General Heads of this Treatise.

As the wife is to know her duty, so the husband⁹²² much more his, because he is to be a guide, and good example to his wife, he is to dwell with her according to knowledge, (1 Pet. 3. 7.) the more eminent his place is, the more knowledge he ought to have how to walk worthy thereof. Neglect of duty in him is more dishonourable unto God, because by virtue of his place he is⁹²³ the Image and glory of God, and more pernicious not to his wife only, but also to the whole family, because of that power and authority he hath, which he may abuse to the maintenance of his wickedness, having in the house no superior power to restrain his fury: whereas the wife, though never so wicked, may by the power of her husband be kept under, and restrained from outrage.

Wherefore to go on in order, in laying down the husbands⁹²⁴ duties (as we have the wives) we are to consider,

1. The duties themselves.
2. The reasons to enforce them.

In setting down the duties we must note

1. The matter wherein they consist.
2. The manner how they are to be performed.

The Apostle compriseth the whole matter of them all under love, which is the sum and head of all.

This we will first handle: and then proceed to other particulars.

§. 2. Of that love which husbands owe their wives.⁹²⁵

This head of all the rest, love, is expressly set down, and alone mentioned in this, and in many other places of Scripture, whereby it is evident, that all other duties are comprised under it.

To omit other places, where this duty is urged in⁹²⁶ this place, love is four times by name expressed, beside that it is intimated under many other terms and phrases.

Whosoever therefore taketh a wife, must, in this respect that she is his wife, love her: as it is noted of Isaac (the best pattern of husbands noted in the Scripture)⁹²⁷ he took Rebekah, she was his wife and he loved her.

Many good reasons hereof may be rendered.⁹²⁸

1. Because no duty on the husbands part can be rightly performed except it be seasoned with love. The Apostle exhorteth all Christians to do all their things in love: much more⁹²⁹ ought husbands: though in place they be above their wives, yet love may not be forgotten.

2. Because of all persons on earth a wife is the most proper⁹³⁰ object of love: nor friend, nor child, nor parent ought so to be loved as a wife: she is termed, the wife of his bosom, to show that she ought to be as his heart in his bosom.

3. Because his place of eminency, and power of authority⁹³¹ may soon puff him up, and make him insult over his wife, and trample her under his feet, if an entire love of her be not planted in his heart. To keep him from abusing his authority is love so much pressed upon him.

4. Because wives through the weakness of their sex (for⁹³² they are the weaker vessels) are much prone to provoke their husbands. So as if there be not love predominant in the husband, there is like to be but little peace betwixt man and wife. Love covereth a multitude of imperfections.

5. Because as Christ by his love first manifested provoketh the Church to love him, so an husband by loving his wife should provoke her to love him again: showing himself like the Sun which is the fountain of light, and from which the Moon receiveth what light she hath: so he should be the fountain of love to his wife.

Object. Love was before laid down as a common duty appertaining both to man and wife: how is it then here required as a particular and peculiar duty of an husband?

Answ. In regard of the general extent of love it is indeed a common duty belonging to the one as well as to the other, yea⁹³³ belonging to all Christians, to all men: for it is the very nature of love, and an especial property thereof, to seek not her own things, but the good of others, which all are bound to do by virtue of the bond of nature; more then others, Christians by virtue of the bond of the spirit: among Christians, especially wives and husbands by virtue of the matrimonial bond: of married couples, most of all husbands by virtue of their place and charge. Their place is a place of authority, which without love will soon turn into tyranny. Their charge is especially and above all, to seek the good of their wives: as wives are the chiefest, and greatest charge of husbands, so their chiefest and greatest care must be for them: the parents and friends of wives as they give over all their authority to their husbands, so they cast all care upon them: wherefore that husbands may take the more care of their wives, and the better seek their good, they ought after a peculiar manner to love them. Husbands are most of all bound to love: and bound to love their wives most of all.

Thus this affection of love is a distinct duty in it self, peculiarly⁹³⁴ appertaining to an husband: and also a common condition which must be annexed to every other duty of an husband, to season and sweeten the same. His look, his speech, his carriage, and all his actions, wherein he hath to do with his wife, must be seasoned with love: love must show it self in his commandments, in his reproofs, in his instructions, in his admonitions, in his authority, in his familiarity, when they are alone together, when they are in company before others, in civil affairs, in religious matters, at all times, in all things: as salt must be first and last upon the table, and eaten with every bit of meat, so must love be first in an husbands heart, and last out of it, and mixed with every thing wherein he hath to do with his wife.

§. 3. Of an husbands hatred and want of love.

Contrary hereunto is hatred of heart: which vice as it is⁹³⁵ very odious and detestable in it self, so much more when the wife is made the object thereof. As love provoketh an husband to do his wife what good he can, so hatred, to do her what mischief he can. Moses noteth a man’s hatred of his⁹³⁶ wife to be a cause of much mischief: for the nearer, and dearer any persons be, the more violent will that hatred be which is fastened on them.

Hence was it that a divorce was suffered to be made betwixt⁹³⁷ a man and his wife, in case he hated her: which law questionless was made for relief of the wife, lest the hatred which her husband conceived against her should work her some mischief, if he were forced to keep her as his wife: which Christ seemeth to imply in these words, Moses, because of the⁹³⁸ hardness of your hearts, suffered you to put away your wives. This therefore being so pestilent a poison, let husbands take heed how they suffer it to soak into them.

Neither is it sufficient for an husband not to hate his wife,⁹³⁹ for even the want of love, though it be only a privation, yet is it a great vice, and contrary also to the forenamed duty of love. Where this want of love is, there can be no duty well performed, even as when the great wheel of a clock, the first mover of all the rest, is out of frame, never a wheel can be in good order. They that think lightly hereof, plainly discover that there is little or no love of God in them at all: for if the Apostles inference be good, taken from a man’s neighbour or brother whom⁹⁴⁰ he hath seen, it will much more be good having relation to a wife: for how can he who loveth not his wife, (whom God hath given to him as a token of his favour, and as an help meet for him, to be in his bosom, and ever in his sight, yea to be no more two, but one flesh) love God whom he hath not seen? If any man saith, he loveth God, and hate his wife, he is a liar. Let husbands therefore by loving their wives give evidence that they love God.

§. 4. Of an husbands wise maintaining his authority.⁹⁴¹

All the branches which grow out of this root of love, as they have respect to husbands duties, may be drawn to two heads:

1. A wise maintaining of his authority.
2. A right managing of the same.

That these two are branches of an husbands love, is evident by the place wherein God hath set him, which is a place of authority; for the best good that any can do, and so the best fruits of love which he can show forth to any, are such as are done in his own proper place, and by virtue thereof. If then an husband relinquish his authority, he disableth himself from doing that good, and showing those fruits of love which otherwise he might. If he abuse his authority, he turneth the edge and point of his sword amiss: in stead of holding it over his wife for her protection, he turneth it into her bowels to her destruction, and so manifesteth thereby more hatred then love.

Now then to handle these two severally, and distinctly:

I. That an husband ought wisely to maintain his authority,⁹⁴² is implied under this Apostolical precept, husbands dwell with your wives according to knowledge, that is, as such as are well able to maintain the honour of that place wherein God⁹⁴³ hath set you: not as sots and fools without understanding. The same is also implied under the titles of preeminence which the Scripture attributeth to husbands, as Lord, master,⁹⁴⁴ head, guide, image and glory of God, etc.

The honour and authority of God, and of his son Christ⁹⁴⁵ Jesus, is maintained in and by the honour and authority of an husband, as the Kings authority is maintained by the authority of his Privy Council and other Magistrates under him; yea, as an husbands authority is in the family maintained by the authority of his wife: (for as the man is the glory of God, so⁹⁴⁶ the woman is the glory of the man.)

The good of the wife her self is thus also much promoted,⁹⁴⁷ even as the good of the body is helped forward by the heads abiding in his place; should the head be put under any of the parts of the body, the body and all the parts thereof could not but receive much damage thereby: even so the wife and whole family would feel the damage of the husbands loss of his authority.

1. Quest. Is it in the power of the husband to maintain his own authority?

Answ. Yea, in his more then in any others: for note the⁹⁴⁸ counsel of the Apostle to Timothy, (though in another case, yet very pertinent to this purpose) Let no man despise thy youth. It was therefore in Timothies power to maintain his honour, and not to suffer it to be despised; and so is it in an husbands power.

2. Quest. How may an husband best maintain his authority?

Answ. That direction which the Apostle giveth to Timothy⁹⁴⁹ to maintain his authority, may fitly be applied for this purpose unto an husband; Be an ensample in conversation, in love, in spirit, in faith, and in pureness: as if he had said, If thou walk before them worthy of thy place and calling, and worthy of that honour and respect which is due thereunto, showing forth the fruits of love, faith, and other like graces, assuredly they will reverence thy youth; but if otherwise thou carry thy self basely, and not beseeming a minister, thou givest them just occasion to despise thee. Even thus may husbands best maintain their authority by being an ensample in love, gravity, piety, honesty, etc. The fruits of these and other like graces showed forth by husbands before their wives and family, cannot but work a reverend and dutiful respect in their wives and whole house towards them: for by this means they shall more clearly discern the image of God shine forth in their faces.

Object. Very goodness and grace it self is hated of wicked and ungodly wives: it was an act of piety that made Michal despise David.

Answ. 1. Grant it to be so: yet this may be a good direction for such husbands as have not such wicked wives.

2. This doth not always so fall out, no, nor yet for the most part in those that are wicked; true virtue and integrity doth oft cause admiration in such as love it not.

3. Though some be of so crooked and perverse a disposition as to take occasion of contempt, where none is given, yet shall that husband justify himself before God and man, that carrieth himself worthy of his place.

§. 5. Of husbands losing their authority.

Contrary is their practise who by their profaneness, riotousness,⁹⁵⁰ drunkenness, lewdness, lightness, unthriftiness, and other like base carriage, make themselves contemptible, and so lose their authority: though a wife ought not to take these occasions to despise her husband, yet is it a just judgment on him to be despised, seeing he maketh himself contemptible.

Contrary also to the forenamed directions is the stern,⁹⁵¹ rough, and cruel carriage of husbands, who by violence and tyranny go about to maintain their authority. Force may indeed cause fear, but a slavish fear, such a fear as breedeth more hatred then love, more inward contempt, then outward respect.

And contrary is their servile disposition, who against their⁹⁵² own judgment yield to the bent of their wives mind in such things as are unlawful: they will lose their authority rather then give discontent to their wives: which is a fault expressly forbidden by the⁹⁵³ law: and yet a fault whereinto not only wicked⁹⁵⁴ Ahab, but also wise Solomon fell: how heinous a fault, and how grievous a fall this was in Solomon, the fearful issue thereof showeth. Like to him not in wisdom, but in this point of egregious folly, are such as upon their wives⁹⁵⁵ instigation, suffer Priests and Jesuits, to lurk and celebrate Masses in their houses, and yield to be present thereat themselves. Like to Ahab are such Magistrates as suffer their wives to oversway them in course of Justice: hence it cometh to pass that more petitions and suits are made to the wives of Magistrates in the cases of Justice then to the Magistrates themselves: and the favour of their wives is more esteemed then their own: so as the power of governing, and the main stroke in determining matters, is from their wives; they are but the mouths and instruments of their wives, in so much as among the common people the title of their places and offices is given to their wives. Some husbands suffer this by reason of their fearful, and foolish disposition, wanting courage and wisdom to maintain the honour of their places against the insolency of their wives: others upon a subtle, covetous, wicked mind, that by the means of their wives there may be more freedom for receiving bribes. Among these I may reckon those who against their own mind, to satisfy their wives mind, suffer both wives and children to follow the fashion, to attire themselves unbeseeming their places, to frequent light company, with the like; and also those who upon their wives importunity are moved (as Samson was) to reveal such secrets⁹⁵⁶ as are not meet to be known. Husbands may hearken to their wives moving good things, but they may not obey them in evil things: if they do, their fault is double: 1. In doing evil: 2. In losing their authority.

Let husbands therefore be very watchful against their wives evil instigations. Satan laboured to supplant Job by his wife: and by this doth he subvert many in these days.

§. 6. Of husbands high account of wives.⁹⁵⁷

As authority must be well maintained, so must it be well managed: for which purpose two things are needful:

1. That an husband tenderly respect his wife.
2. That providently he care for her.

An husbands tender respect of his wife is

• Inward.
• Outward.

Inward in regard of his

• Opinion of her.
• Affection to her.

Outward in regard of his carriage towards her.

For an husbands opinion of his wife, two things are to be weighed

• Her place.
• Her person.

1. Her place is indeed a place of inferiority, and subjection, yet the nearest to equality that may be: a place of common⁹⁵⁸ equity in many respects, wherein man and wife are after a sort even fellows, and partners: Hence then it followeth that

The husband must account his wife a yoke-fellow and companion. This is one point of giving honour to the wife: and it is implied under that phrase whereby the end of making a wife is noted,⁹⁵⁹ which in our English is translated, meet for him, word for word as before him that is, like himself, one in whom he might⁹⁶⁰ see himself, or even (to use our Apostles word) himself. These phrases imply a kind of fellowship: as also the many prerogatives that are common to both, which have been noted⁹⁶¹ before.

As a wives acknowledgment of her husbands superiority is the ground-work of all her duties, so an husbands acknowledgment of that fellowship which is betwixt him and his wife, will make him carry himself much more amiably, familiarly, lovingly, and every way as beseemeth a good husband towards her.

§. 7. Of that fellowship which is betwixt man and wife, notwithstanding a wives inferiority.

Object. Fellowship betwixt man and wife cannot stand with a wives inferiority and subjection.

Answ. They are of very mean capacity that cannot see how these may stand together. Is there not a fellowship betwixt superior and inferior magistrates in relation to their subjects? Yea the Scripture mentioneth a fellowship betwixt Christ the head and other Saints in relation to the glory⁹⁶² whereof all are made partakers (for it termeth us joint heirs with Christ:) and in relation to God’s people a fellowship betwixt God and his ministers (for it termeth them labourers together⁹⁶³ with God) yet none can deny the Saints, and ministers to be inferior and in subjection to Christ, and God. But distinctly to answer the objection.

1. There may not only be a fellowship, but also an equality in some things betwixt those that in other things are one of them inferior and subject: as betwixt man and wife in the power of one anothers bodies: for the wife (as well as the husband)⁹⁶⁴ is therein both a servant, and a mistress, a servant to yield her body, a mistress to have the power of his.

2. There may be fellowship in the very same things wherein is inferiority: for fellowship hath respect to the thing it self, inferiority to the measure, and manner: as in giving light the Sun and Moon have a fellowship, but in the measure and manner the Moon is inferior: the Moon hath not so much light as the Sun, and that which it hath it hath from the Sun: and as in governing, the king and other magistrates have a fellowship, but in the measure, and manner of government they are inferior to him: Even so is it betwixt man and wife, in many things wherein there is a fellowship, the wife is notwithstanding inferior: so as inferiority may stand with fellowship.

3. There are no unequals betwixt which there is so near a parity as betwixt man and wife: if therefore there may be a fellowship betwixt any that are superior, and inferior one to another, then much more betwixt man and wife.

As⁹⁶⁵ the soul therefore ruleth over the body, by a mutual and loving consent and agreement, so must a man over his wife.

§. 8. Of husbands too mean account of wives.

Contrary is the conceit of many who think there is no⁹⁶⁶ difference betwixt a wife and servant but in familiarity: and that wives were made to be servants to their husbands, because subjection, fear and obedience are required of them: whence it cometh to pass that wives are oft used little better then servants. A conceit and practise savouring too much of heathenish, and sottish arrogancy. Did God at first take the wife out of man’s side, that man should tread her under his feet? Or rather that he should set her at his side next to him above all children, servants, or any other in the family, how near, or dear unto him soever? For none can be nearer then a wife, and none ought to be dearer.

§. 9. Of husbands good esteem of their own wives.⁹⁶⁷

2. For the person of a wife, An husband ought to esteem that particular person to whom by God’s providence he is joined in marriage, to be the fittest, and best for him. This is implied under that particle of restraint (OWN) noted by the Apostle where he saith⁹⁶⁸ husbands love your OWN wives, and again presseth it under a comparison of the body (as⁹⁶⁹ your OWN bodies) Every one thinketh his own body best and fittest for him. A man might happily wish some defects or enormities in his own body to be amended, and desire that his were like an others, more strait, strong, and comely then his own, yet would he not have his head to be upon that other man’s body: the same opinion ought a man (that would love his wife) to have of her.

Good reason there is for him so to do: for true is the proverb,⁹⁷⁰ if it be rightly taken, marriages are first made in heaven, that is, God hath an over-ruling hand in ordering them: which⁹⁷¹ Solomon implieth by that opposition which he maketh betwixt wealth and a wife: that is from our fathers, this from the Lord: in which respect he saith,⁹⁷² he which findeth a wife receiveth favour of the Lord. If therefore thou art loved of God, and lovest him, he will make thy wife prove a good thing to thee.

Object. A wife may be a very lewd and wicked woman: how then can she be accounted the best wife?

Answ. 1. It may be she was good enough when first she was brought to thee, but thou by thine evil example, or negligent government, or hard usage, hast made her so bad as she is. Which if it be so, then is she to be considered not as thou hast marr’d her, but as thou didst marry her.

2. Though she be not in relation to other wives the best in condition, yet in relation to thee she may be the best in event: if not for thine ease and quiet, yet for trial of thy wisdom and patience: and so as⁹⁷³ a school of virtue she may be unto thee. As⁹⁷⁴ a skilful pilots sufficiency is tried and known by tempestuous seas, so a man’s wisdom by a troublesome wife. Yea she may be given thee as a punishment of some former sins, as seeking after a beautiful, honourable, rich, proper wife, rather then a religious and honest one: or seeking her without any direction or help first sought of God, or otherwise then thou hast warrant from God, as by stealth, and without parents consent; or some other sins in another kind, to bring thee to repentance: or as a means to restrain and wean thee from some future sins whereunto thou art subject, and so prove a blessed cross to keep thee from a fearful curse.

§. 10. Of husbands preposterous opinion of their own wives.

Contrary is a corrupt and perverse opinion which many have of their own wives, thinking them of all other the worst and unfittest; yea though they be such as every way both in gifts and qualities of mind, and also in grace and comeliness of body deserve all good respect and esteem. Whereas others (which look with a single eye) commend their good parts, they misinterpret and misjudge all: if their wives be religious, they think them hypocrites: if grave, sober and modest, melancholic: if cheerful, wanton: if they keep at home, idle drones: if they take occasion (though never so just) of going abroad, gadders, and lightfooted. This bad opinion of their wives is a cause that their hearts are clean removed from their own, and set upon strange flesh: whereby the devil gaineth what he desireth, that is, to put asunder such as God hath joined together, and to join those whom God hath put asunder.

§. 11. Of husbands entire affection to their wives.⁹⁷⁵

An husbands affection to his wife must be answerable to his opinion of her: he ought therefore to delight in his wife entirely, that is, so to delight in her as wholly and only delighting in her: In this respect the Prophets wife is called the⁹⁷⁶ desire, or delight, or pleasure of his eyes: that wherein he most of all delighted, and therefore by a propriety so called.

Such delight did Isaac take in his wife as it drove out a contrary strong passion, namely the grief which he took for the departure of his mother: for it is noted that he⁹⁷⁷ loved her, and was comforted after his mothers death.

This kind of affection the wise-man doth elegantly set forth in these words, Rejoice with the wife of thy youth: Let her⁹⁷⁸ be as the loving Hind, and pleasant Roe, and be thou ravished always with her love. Here note both the metaphors, and also the hyperbole which are used to set forth an husbands delight in his wife. In the metaphors again note both the creatures whereunto a wife is resembled, and also the attributes given to them. The creatures are two, an Hind and a Roe, which are the females of an Hart and a Roe-Buck: now it is noted of the Hart and Roe-Buck, that of all other beasts they are most enamoured (as I may so speak) with their mates, and even mad again in their heat and desire after them.

These metaphors hath Solomon used to set forth that unfeigned and earnest, entire and ardent affection which an husband ought to bear unto his wife: which being taken in a good sense, and rightly applied, so as they exceed not the bonds of christian modesty and decency, are very fit, and pertinent to the purpose: if we stretch them beyond modesty, we wrong the pen-man of them, or rather the Holy Ghost that directed him, and propound a pernicious pattern unto husbands.

The attributes given to the forenamed creatures much amplify the point: the former is termed a loving Hind, the latter⁹⁷⁹ a pleasant Roe, word for word an Hind of Loves, a Roe of favour, that is, exceedingly loved and favoured: (for to set forth the extent of God’s love unto his son, Christ is called the son of his love:)

These comparisons applied to a wife, do lively set forth that delight which an husband ought to take in her, and yet is it much further amplified by the hyperbole used in this phrase, be thou ravished with her love, word for word err thou in her love,⁹⁸⁰ by which no sinful error, or dotage is meant, but a lawful earnest affection: implying two things especially: First so far to exceed, as to make a man oversee some such blemishes in his wife, as others would soon espy and mislike: or else to count them no blemishes, delighting in her never a whit the less for them. For example, if a man have a wife, not very beautiful, or proper, but having some deformity in her body, some imperfection in her speech, sight, gesture, or any part of her body, yet so to affect her, and delight in her, as if she were the fairest, and every way most complete woman in the world. Secondly, so highly to esteem, so ardently to affect, so tenderly to respect her, as others may think him even to dote on her. An husbands affection to his wife cannot be too great if it be kept within the bonds of honesty, sobriety and comeliness. The wives affection ought to be as great to her husband, yet because of the husbands place of authority, he must especially take all occasions to manifest this his inward affection. Read the Song of Songs, and in it you shall observe such affection manifested by Christ to his Spouse, as would make one think he did (with reverence in an holy manner to use the phrase) even err in his love and dote on her. A good pattern and precedent for husbands. For nothing is more lovely then a⁹⁸¹ good wife.

§. 12. Of the Stoical disposition of husbands to their wives.

Contrary is the disposition of such husbands as have no heat, or heart of affection in them: but Stoick-like delight no more in their own wives then in any other women, nor account them any dearer then others. A disposition no way warranted by the word. The faithful Saints of God before mentioned, as also many other like to them, were no Stoics, without all affection: nor did they think it a matter unbeseeming them after a peculiar manner to delight in their wives (witness Isaac’s sporting with his wife) for this is a privilege which appertaineth⁹⁸² to the estate of marriage. But that I be not mistaken herein, let it be noted that the affection whereof I speak is not a carnal, sensual, beastly affection, but such an one as may stand with Christian gravity and sobriety: having relation to the soul of a man’s wife as well as to her body, grounded both on the near conjunction of marriage, and also on the inward qualities of his wife.

Thus far of an husbands inward respect of his wife. It followeth to speak of his outward carriage towards her.

A Husband’s Humble Gentleness to His Wife

§. 13. Of an husbands kind acceptance of such things as his wife doth.⁹⁸³

S. Peter giveth a general rule for an husbands outward carriage to his wife, which is, that he dwell with her according to knowledge, that is, as a man able to order his carriage wisely to his own honour and his wives good, that so she may have just cause to bless God that ever she was joined to such an husband.

Out of this general these two branches sprout forth.

1. That an husband give no just offence to his wife.
2. That wisely he order that offence which is given by her.

To avoid giving of offence he must have respect,

1. To that which she doth as duty to him.
2. To that which he doth as duty to her.

In regard of the former two things are requisite:

1. That he kindly accept what she is willing and able to do.
2. That he wisely commend and reward what she doth well.

Thus having for orders sake laid down these heads, I will distinctly handle the several points.

The first particular wherein an husband showeth himself⁹⁸⁴ to be a man of knowledge in walking before his wife, is by a kind and respective acceptation of every good duty which his wife performeth. Abraham in testimony of his good acceptance of Sarah’s pains in nursing her child, made a great feast when the child was weaned: and Elkanah on a like respect gave liberty⁹⁸⁵ to his wife to do what seemed her best.

A great encouragement must this needs be unto wives to be subject unto their husbands in all things, when they observe no part of their subjection to be carelessly neglected, but rather graciously accepted: it quickens the spirit of a wife to think that her care and pains in pleasing her husband shall not be in vain.

§. 14. Of husbands slighting and rejecting their wives goodness.

Contrary is their practise who thinking all which a wife⁹⁸⁶ doth to be but her duty, take little or no notice thereof; or if they cannot but take notice of it, yet lightly regard it, and slightly pass it over. This oftentimes maketh a wife even repent the good she hath done, as David repented the service⁹⁸⁷ which he had done for Nabal. The truth is that wives ought rather to look unto God for his acceptation then unto their husbands: and though their husbands will take no notice, or not regard what good thing they do, yet for conscience sake, and for the Lord’s sake to do their duty: But yet notwithstanding considering our weakness and backwardness unto every duty, it can not be denied but that an husbands slight regarding of his wives goodness is an occasion to make her weary thereof: and that he doth as much as in him lieth to make her repent thereof.

But what may we say of such as scornfully reject their wives⁹⁸⁸ duty, yea like them the worse for making conscience thereof, and so (clean contrary to the rule of christianity) overcome goodness with evil? Surely they show a very diabolical spirit⁹⁸⁹ to be in them: and cannot but minister much grief, and offence to their wives, and make that which they do to be very irksome and tedious. Fathers ought not to provoke their⁹⁹⁰ children, much less husbands their wives.

§. 15. Of husbands courteous accepting their wives reverend carriage.⁹⁹¹

For the better conceiving of this so needful a point I will⁹⁹² somewhat more particularly and distinctly apply the same to the several duties of a wife: which were drawn to two heads

Reverence.

Obedience.

For the first, if a wife manifest her dutiful respect of her⁹⁹³ husband by any reverend behaviour, gesture, or speech, he ought to meet her (as we say) in the midst of the way, and manifest his gracious acceptance thereof by some like courteous behaviour, gesture, and speech, being seemly, not foolish.

Object. Thus shall an husband abase himself, and disgrace his place.

Answ. The courtesy which I speak of as it cometh from a superior, being a mere voluntary matter and a token⁹⁹⁴ of kindness and favour, is no abasement of himself, but an advancement of his inferior: a great grace to her, no disgrace to him. Abram was counted of the Hittites a Prince of⁹⁹⁵ God, yet in communing with them he bowed unto them. It is noted as a commendable thing in Esau, that though at that time he was his brothers superior (at least he took himself so to be) yet observing how Jacob reverenced him, bowing seven times to the ground, he ran to meet him, and embraced⁹⁹⁶ him, and fell on his neck. Most pertinent to the point is the example of King Ahasuerus, who beholding Esther’s reverend⁹⁹⁷ standing before him, held out his Scepter unto her, which in a King is great courtesy.

But to put the matter out of all question, let the example of Christ noted in Solomon’s song be observed, and we shall find his courtesy every way answering the reverence of his Spouse.

§. 15. Of husbands too great loftiness.

Contrary is a lofty carriage of husbands to their wives, who overlook all reverence showed by wives, no more respecting their wives in this case, then children or servants: or then Kings do respect the reverence of their subjects.

Oft have I noted that there is a great difference betwixt a wife and all other inferiors, in which respect all evidences of reverence should much better be respected; yet we know that Kings and Queens will put out their hands to be kissed by their subjects when they kneel before them, which is a token of courtesy: how much more ought husbands to show courtesy? Unworthy they are to be reverenced of their wives, who too Lord-like overlook them.

§. 16. Of husbands ready yielding to their wives humble suits.⁹⁹⁸

Again, it being a token of reverence in a wife humbly to⁹⁹⁹ make known her desire to her husband, he ought to show so much courtesy as readily to grant her desire: this courtesy the forenamed¹⁰⁰⁰ Ahasuerus afforded to Esther:¹⁰⁰¹ David to Bathsheba:¹⁰⁰² Isaac to Rebekah:¹⁰⁰³ Abraham to Sarah, and many other husbands to their wives.¹⁰⁰⁴ Abraham showed herein such respect to his wife, that though the thing which she desired were grievous to him, yet he yielded to his wife.

Object. God first commanded him so to do.

Answ. This addeth the more force unto the argument, showing that it is God’s express will, that an husband should show this kind of courtesy to his wife. Much more ought a man to do at his wives request then at any others, whether friend, child, or parent: yea much more free, forward and cheerful ought he to show himself in granting his wives request then any others: provided notwithstanding that her desire be of that which may lawfully be granted: to yield in things unlawful is to lose his authority, as was showed¹⁰⁰⁵ before.

§. 17. Of husbands harshness to their wives.

Contrary is the harshness of their disposition who yield to their wives request as an hard-milch-cow letteth down her milk, not without much ado: whereby the grace of all their yielding is taken away. There can be no courtesy in yielding, when it is against their mind and will forced from them: their wives must ask, and entreat again and again, yea be forced to use the mediation of others to persuade their husbands to yield to their request before they will yield, if at all they yield. What is this but to proclaim to all the world that there is no affection in them to their wives? If a wives breath be strange to her husband, assuredly his heart is first strange to her: which is the ready way to make him set his heart on strange women.

§. 18. Of husbands forbearing to exact all that they may.¹⁰⁰⁶

As a wives reverence so also her obedience must be answered with her husbands courtesy. In testimony whereof, An husband¹⁰⁰⁷ must be ready to accept that wherein his wife showeth her self willing to obey him. He ought to be sparing in exacting too much of her: in this case he ought so to frame his carriage towards her, as that obedience which she performeth, may rather come from her own voluntary disposition, from a free conscience to God-wards, even because God hath placed her in a place of subjection, and from a wive-like love, then from any exaction on her husbands part, and as it were by force.

Husbands ought not to exact of their wives, whatsoever¹⁰⁰⁸ wives ought to yield unto if it be exacted. They must observe what is lawful, needful, convenient, expedient, fit for their wives to do, yea and what they are most willing to do before they be too peremptory in exacting it. For example.

1. Though the wife ought to go with her husband, and¹⁰⁰⁹ dwell where he thinks meet, yet ought not he (unless by virtue of some urgent calling he be forced thereto) remove her from place to place, and carry her from that place where she is well settled without her good liking.¹⁰¹⁰ Jacob consulted with his wives, and made trial of their willingness, before he carried them from their fathers house.

2. Though she ought cheerfully to entertain what guests¹⁰¹¹ he bringeth into the house, yet ought not he to be grievous and burdensome therein unto her: the greatest care and pains for entertaining guests lieth on the wife: she ought therefore to be tendered therein.

If he observe her conscionable and wise, well able to manage¹⁰¹² and order matters about house, yet loth to do any thing without his consent, he ought to be ready and free in yielding his consent, and satisfying her desire, as¹⁰¹³ Elkanah: and if she be bashful and backward in asking consent, he ought voluntarily of himself to offer it: yea and to give her a general consent to order and dispose matters as in her wisdom she seeth meet, as the said Elkanah did: (Do (saith he to his wife) what seemeth thee good:) and¹⁰¹⁴ the husband of that good housewife which Solomon describeth.

A general consent is especially requisite for ordering of household affairs: for it is a charge laid upon wives to¹⁰¹⁵ guide the house: whereby it appeareth that the businesses of the house appertain, and are most proper to the wife: in which respect she is called the¹⁰¹⁶ housewife: so as therein husbands ought to refer matters to their ordering, and not restrain them in every particular matter from doing any thing without a special licence and direction. To exemplify this in¹⁰¹⁷ some particulars, it appertaineth in peculiar to a wife,

1. To¹⁰¹⁸ order the decking and trimming of the house.
2. To¹⁰¹⁹ dispose the ordinary provision for the family.
3. To¹⁰²⁰ rule and govern maid servants.
4. To¹⁰²¹ bring up children while they are young, with the like.

These therefore ought he with a general consent to refer to her discretion: with limitation only of these two¹⁰²² cautions.

1. That she have in some measure sufficient discretion,¹⁰²³ wit, and wisdom, and be not too ignorant, foolish, simple, lavish, etc.

2. That he have a general oversight in all, and so interpose his authority as he suffer nothing that is unlawful or unseemly to be done by his wife about house, children, servants, or other things: for

1. The general charge of all lieth principally upon him.
2. He shall give an account unto God for all things that are amiss in his house.
3. The blame of all will also before men lie upon him.

But those two cautions provided, he ought together with his general consent¹⁰²⁴ put trust in his wife, (as¹⁰²⁵ Potiphar did in Joseph) making herein a difference betwixt a wife, and all others whether children of years, friends, or servants whom he employeth in his affairs. Them in every particular he may direct for matter and manner, and take a strait account of them for expenses laid out, or other things done: because what they do is wholly and only for another. To his wife (who is a joint parent of his children, and governor of his house, to whose good the husbands wealth redoundeth, and in that respect doth for her self that which she doth for her husband) greater liberty, and licence must be given.

§. 19. Of husbands too much strictness towards their wives.

Contrary is the rigour and austerity of many husbands, who stand upon the uttermost step of their authority, and yield no more to a wife then to any other inferior. Such are they

1. Who are never contented or satisfied with any duty the¹⁰²⁶ wife performeth, but ever are exacting more and more.

2. Who care not how grievous and burdensome they are to their wives: grievous by bringing such guests into the house as they know cannot be welcome to them: burdensome by too frequent, and unseasonable inviting of guests, or imposing other like extraordinary businesses, over and above the ordinary affairs of the house. Too frequent imposing of such things, cannot but breed much wearisomeness. Unseasonable (as when the wife is weak by sickness, child-bearing, giving suck or other like means, and so not able to give that contentment which otherwise she would) cannot but much disquiet her, and give her great offence.

3. Who hold their wives under as if they were children or servants, restraining them from doing any thing without their knowledge and particular express consent.

4. Who are over busy in prying into every business of the house, and will have their hand in all. Besides that such husbands afford no opportunity to their wives of giving proof of that understanding, wit, wisdom, care, and other gifts which God hath endowed them withal, they take away that main end for which a wife was given a man, namely, to be an help. Such husbands cannot but neglect other more weighty¹⁰²⁷ matters, which more properly belong unto them. For observe it and you shall find, that such husbands as are most busy about the private affairs of the house appertaining to their wives, are most negligent of such affairs as appertain unto themselves: they think they walk in integrity, but yet are they not just nor wise therein: for the just man walketh in HIS integrity,¹⁰²⁸ and the wisdom of the prudent is to understand HIS way: (i.) that integrity which appertaineth to his own peculiar place; and his own way: but every fool will be meddling, namely, with things not belonging to his place.¹⁰²⁹

5. Who are over suspicious of their wives, and thereupon over strict in taking account of them. S. Paul calleth surmises¹⁰³⁰ evil, and that not without just cause: for evil they are in their nature, and evil in their effects, being occasions of many mischiefs: but in none so evil as in husbands over their wives. If a wives fidelity (to whose good the welfare of the family, and increase of the stock redoundeth as well as to the husbands) be without just cause suspected, who shall be trusted? It is the overthrow of many families, that servants are trusted, and not wives.

Thus far of an husbands kind acceptance of that which his wife is willing and able to do.

§. 20. Of Husbands encouraging their wives in good things.

The love which an husband oweth to his wife, further requireth¹⁰³¹ that he wisely commend and reward what she hath well done. That which the Apostle saith of the Magistrates authority, may fitly be applied to an husbands in relation to his wife, Do that which is good, and thou shalt have praise of the same. It is expressly noted in the description of a good husband,¹⁰³² that he praiseth his wife: and in that he saith,¹⁰³³ Give her of the¹⁰³⁴ fruit of her hands, it is implied also that he rewardeth her.

This is an undoubted evidence of his good acceptance of her duty, and a further encouragement to stir her up to go on and continue in well doing. Yea this is also an evidence of his joy and delight both in her person, and also in her well doing. If there be no delight in ones person, well doing will rather stir up envy then joy: and they that envy a man’s well doing, will never commend, or reward him for it.

In an husbands commending of his wife this caveat must be put: that he so order his commendation as it savour not of flattery, or dotage: nor yet¹⁰³⁵ stir up lust or envy in others.

§. 21. Of husbands ungrateful discouraging their wives.

Contrary is an ungrateful, if not envious disposition of such¹⁰³⁶ husbands, as passing by many good things ordinarily and usually every day done by their wives without any approbation, commendation or remuneration, are ready to dispraise the least slip, or neglect in them; and that in such general terms as if they never did any thing well, so as their wives may well complain and say as it is in the proverb,

Oft did I well, and that hear I never:

Once did I ill, and that hear I ever.

Yet such will be ready to praise other men’s wives, and upbraid their own wives with the examples of those other, when their own do far excel them in all kind of goodness. What doth this show but that either they take no notice of their own wives goodness, or else by reason of the commonness thereof little regard it? If their wives have not the more grace in them, this disposition is enough not only to discourage them from doing any good duty, but also to breed jealousy in them, and to alienate their hearts from them.

§. 22. Of an husbands mildness.¹⁰³⁷

Hitherto of that respect which an husband is to have of that duty which his wife performeth to him.

For avoiding just offence, an husband must further have good respect to that which as duty he doth to his wife. As kindly he must accept duty at his wives hands, so mildly he must perform that¹⁰³⁸ duty which he oweth to her.

This mildness is an especial fruit, and evidence of love, and a notable means to take away all offence that otherwise might be taken from many things which he doth. Sugar and Honey are not more pleasant to the tongue, then mildness to the heart; it causeth such things as otherwise are irksome and grievous to the soul, to be well taken and applied, even as bitter pills dipped in sweet syrup, or rolled up in the soft pap of an apple, are soon swallowed down and well digested. If an husband desire to be accounted a servant of the Lord he must learn this lesson: For the servant of the Lord must be gentle to all men. If any other servant of the Lord, much more husbands:¹⁰³⁹ if to all men, most of all to their wives: and that in many respects.

1. Because of the near union betwixt man and wife.
2. Because of the joint authority she hath with him over others: that herein he may be a precedent and example to her.
3. Because of her weakness: glasses are tenderly handled: a small knock soon breaks them.

§. 23. Of husbands bitterness.

Contrary is bitterness, a vice expressly forbidden, and that in particular to husbands. A vice that cannot stand with an husband-like love: whereupon the Apostle commanding the one forbiddeth the other, love (saith he) and be not bitter. Nothing¹⁰⁴⁰ more turneth the edge of his authority, perverteth the use of his government, provoketh the stomach of his wife, maketh his words and deeds less regarded, then bitterness. It is as gall and wormwood mixed with sweet and wholesome meats, which causeth that they cannot be well digested, but with violence are spit out again so soon as ever they be tasted. Men in authority are much prone hereunto: and therefore O husbands be so much the more watchful against it, love your wives and be not bitter unto them.

A Husband’s Patient Correcting of His Wife

§. 24. Of the Titles which an husband giveth to his wife.¹⁰⁴¹

The forenamed mildness of an husband must be manifested in his

• Speech.
• Carriage.

For so far as reverence extends it self in the duties of wives, must mildness be extended in the duties of husbands.

Whether an husbands speech be to his wife before her face, or of her¹⁰⁴² behind her back, it must be sweetened with mildness.

1. For his speech to her, 1. The titles wherewith he calleth her. 2. The instructions which he giveth her. 3. The commandments which he layeth upon her. 4. The reproofs wherewith he checketh her, must all be mixed with mildness.

Among other titles, the most ordinary and usual title (wife)¹⁰⁴³ is a mild and kind title, and least offensive of all other: if an husband give any other title to his wife, it must be such an one as manifesteth kindness, familiarity, love, and delight. Such are all the titles which Christ giveth to the Church, as Spouse, love, Dove, with the like. I do not deny but that in the Song of Solomon, and in other places of Scripture many titles are given and speeches used by Christ to the Church which are not meet to be used by husbands to their wives, because they are metaphorical, and hyperbolical: but yet in them all we may observe tokens of amiableness, kindness, and mildness, which is the end for which I have alleged his example.

But contrary are such titles as on the one side set the wife¹⁰⁴⁴ in too high a place over her husband, as Lady, mistress, Dame, mother, etc. And on the other side set her in too mean a rank, as woman, wench, etc. And their Christian names contracted, as Sal, Mal, Bess, Nan. etc. And names of kindred, as sister, and Cousin: and, opprobrious names, as slut, drab, quean; and names more befitting beasts then wives, as Cole, Browne, Muggle, etc.

Object. These are titles of mildness, kindness, and much familiarity: for husbands call their wives by these names, not when they are angry with them and displeased, but ordinarily, and usually, even when they are best pleased.

Answ. The mildness and familiarity which is required of an husband must be such as may stand with his authority and place of eminency (as some of those names do not,) and with that near conjunction which is betwixt man and wife above all others (as other do not,) and with Christian gravity and discretion (as other do not.) Christians therefore must take heed that by their practise they justify not corrupt customs.

§. 25. Of an husbands manner of instructing his wife.

2. To instruction the Apostle expressly annexeth meekness,¹⁰⁴⁵ Instruct (saith he) with meekness, those that oppose themselves. If ministers must use meekness when they instruct their people, much more husbands when they instruct their wives: if¹⁰⁴⁶ in case of opposition meekness must not be laid aside, then in no case, at no time.

In this case to manifest meekness, let these rules be observed.¹⁰⁴⁷

1. Note the understanding and capacity of thy wife, and accordingly fit thine instructions: if she be of mean capacity, give precept upon precept, line upon line, here a little and there a little: a little at once oft given (namely every day something) will arise in time to a great measure, and so arise, as, together with knowledge of the thing taught, love of the person that teacheth will increase.

2. Instruct her in private betwixt thy self and her, that so her ignorance may not be blazed forth: private actions passing betwixt man and wife are tokens of much kindness and familiarity.

3. In the family so instruct children and servants when she is present, as she may learn knowledge thereby: there can be no more meek and gentle manner of instructing, then by one to instruct another.

4. Together with thy precepts mix sweet and pithy persuasions,¹⁰⁴⁸ which are testimonies of great love.

Contrary is an harsh and rough manner of instructing, when husbands go about to thrust into their wives heads, as it were by violence, deep mysteries which they are not able to conceive, and yet if they conceive not, they will be angry with them, and in anger give them evil language, and proclaim their ignorance before children, servants, and strangers. This harshness is ordinarily so fruitless, and withal so exasperateth a woman’s spirit, as I think he were better clean omit the duty then do it after such a manner.

§. 26. Of an husbands manner of commanding his wife any thing.¹⁰⁴⁹

3. The commandments which an husband giveth to his wife, whether they be affirmative (bidding her to do something) or negative (forbidding her to do this or that) must all be seasoned with mildness. For which end respect must be had to the matter and manner of his commandments.

In regard of the matter the things which he commandeth¹⁰⁵⁰ his wife to do, must be

1. Such as are indeed lawful and honest.
2. Such as she is persuaded to be so.
3. Such as beseem her place.
4. Such as are of weight and moment.

And on the contrary, the things which he forbiddeth must be

1. Such as are indeed unlawful to be done.¹⁰⁵¹
2. Such as he can evidently prove unto her to be unlawful.
3. Such as are unbeseeming her place.
4. Such as will have some evil and mischievous effect if they be done.

1. To command a thing unlawful, or forbid a thing which ought to be done, is to bring his own authority into opposition with God’s: in which case he bringeth his wife into this strait, either to reject God’s commandment or his. How then can she think that her husband loveth her, when he bringeth her into such snares and straits, that she must needs fall into the gulf of God’s displeasure, or knock against the rock of her husbands offence? Mildness is far from such commandments.

2. The like may be said of such things as to a wives conscience¹⁰⁵² seem to be sinful, if they be enjoined to her; or her bounden duty, if they be forbidden: especially if she have any ground for her conscience out of God’s word. The conscience is subject to God alone: if it be forced it will be a fearful horror, and a very hell in that party whose conscience is forced: She that doubteth is condemned if she do that whereof¹⁰⁵³ she maketh doubt.

1. Object. In doubtful matters the commanding power¹⁰⁵⁴ of a governor is sufficient warrant and ground to resolve the conscience of them that are under authority.

Answ. 1. In things merely doubtful concerning which the party in subjection hath not warrant out of God’s word one way or other, it may be so. But when the conscience doth not doubt and hang in suspense, but is out of some ground taken from God’s word persuaded that that which is commanded is unlawful, or that which is forbidden is a bounden duty, then to do this, or to leave that undone, is to the party so persuaded a sin: and this is the doubting (whereof the Apostle speaketh) that condemneth a man. In this case to urge a wife to do this, or not to do that, is to urge her to sin: which a mild spirit and loving heart will not do.

2. Though the husbands command be sufficient warrant to the wife, and if he peremptorily press her to this or that, she ought to yield, yet the love and mildness required of an husband should make him so to tender her as to remit something of his power, and when he seeth her conscience troubled about his command, to relieve her conscience by forbearing to press that which seemeth so burdensome to her. A husband may sin in pressing that too much upon his wife, which she upon his pressing may without sin yield unto.

§. 27. Of an husbands wise carriage when his wife is erroneously scrupulous.¹⁰⁵⁵

2. Object. What if an husband upon his knowledge observe his wife to be erroneously scrupulous, and to misinterpret and misapply the word of God which she maketh the ground of her scruple?

Answ. He must first labour to resolve her conscience by a plain discovery of her error; which is a true and a great token of love: if notwithstanding all that he can do in that kind she cannot be brought to yield to that which he would have, then he must carefully observe these two things.

1. Whether her refusing to yield, be an obstinacy, or weakness.
2. Whether it be about a slight or weighty matter.

By the reasons which she rendereth, and her manner of pressing¹⁰⁵⁶ them, he may discern whether weakness or obstinacy make her stand out against him: if the reason which she resteth on taken from God’s word be doubtful, and to one that hath not a good sound judgment, and a sharp discerning wit, it may appear to make something for her, it is to be presupposed that there is more weakness then stoutness in her. But if she can render no good reason, but only take every show that any way seemeth to incline to her words, and peremptorily holdeth the conclusion, and stiffly standeth on her own resolution, though the vanity of her pretences be evidently discovered to her, so as she hath not any thing further to object; or if she render no reason at all but her own thought, conceit and will, and yet refuseth to yield, surely obstinacy possesseth her heart. In case of obstinacy it is very expedient that an husband stand upon his power to maintain his authority, and by the best wisdom he can (using only such means as are lawful) bring her to yield from her stoutness to that which he requireth: especially if the matter be weighty: as in case a religious man have been married to a Popish wife, and she by no reason will be moved to forbear going to Mass, or yield to go to the preaching of the Gospel. But if through weakness she cannot be persuaded of the lawfulness of that her husband requireth, and the matter required be of no great consequence, nor the weakness of her conscience cause any great error, an husband ought so far to manifest his mildness as to forbear to press her conscience.

§. 28. Of an husbands forbearing to press things unbeseeming a wives place.¹⁰⁵⁷

3. Things unbeseeming the place of a wife are dishonourable unto her: for an husband to urge his wife by strict charge to do them, implieth more rigorousness then mildness. Had the spirit of that stout Monarch Ahasuerus been more mild towards his wife, he would not have so far pressed his wife unto so unseemly a thing as he did, namely, to come before all his Princes and people to make show of her beauty. It is true indeed (as we showed¹⁰⁵⁸ before) that she offended in refusing to yield thereunto, he peremptorily requiring it; but that offence on her part doth not justify his fact, and free him from all blame: it is noted, that he was merry with wine, when he gave that commandment,¹⁰⁵⁹ whereby is intimated, that his practise was more beseeming a drunken, then a sober man: such is their practise who exact of their wives to do such businesses as beseem maid-servants rather then wives, or strumpets rather then honest women; as to go to taverns, ale-houses, play-houses, and such places where light companions be.

§. 29. Of an husbands pressing his authority in weighty matters.

4. To use a man’s authority about weighty matters, matters of moment, maketh it to have such weight in it, as it will much better be regarded: for thus a wife will either be brought to yield unto that which is commanded, or to condemn her self for not yielding: yea thus a wife may see, that it is not his own will so much which maketh him to use his authority in commanding, as the necessity of the thing it self, which redoundeth especially to her good that doth it: for the performance of a duty is for the most part most advantageable to the party that performeth it, so as hereby an husband showeth love to his wife in pressing that which he presseth.

This token of love that it may the better appear, it is behoveful¹⁰⁶⁰ that an husband add to his commandment just & weighty reasons, that thereby his wife may the better discern the meetness, lawfulness, expediency, and necessity of the things commanded. We know that all the things which God commandeth are weighty and necessary: yea his will (being the very rule, and ground of all goodness) maketh things absolutely necessary, yet unto his commandments he useth to add weighty reasons; showing on the one side the benefit and blessedness that will come to such as obey his commandments; and on the other side, the mischief and misery that will fall on their pates who refuse to obey; whereby he showeth the great good respect which he beareth to us, and the earnest desire he hath of our good. Thus may an husband even in his commandments show much love and kindness.

§. 30. Of husbands too great pride in commanding.

Contrary is the peremptory pride of husbands, when they will have their own will done: it booteth not whether the thing commanded be lawful or unlawful, whether their wives consciences can yield unto it or no, whether it stand with the honour of their places or no, and whether it be weighty or light; their will it is it should be done, and done it shall be, there is all the reason they will give. Some think it a glory to command what they list; and think that there is no proof of their authority, and of their wives subjection, but in such things as upon their own will, without any further ground or reason, they command. If such husbands meet with confronts; if though they command much, they find not answerable performance; they may thank themselves, who run the ready course to have their authority contemned and even trodden under foot.

§. 31. Of husbands rare and mild using their commanding power.

Respect must be had by husbands to the manner of using their authority in commanding as well as to the matter.

In regard of the manner his commandments must be

1. Rare, not too frequent.
2. By way of entreating, not too peremptory.

Authority is like a sword, which with over much using will¹⁰⁶¹ be blunted, and so fail to do that service which otherwise it might when there is most need. A wise, grave, peaceable man, may always have his sword in readiness, and that also very bright, keen, and sharp: but he will not be very ready to pluck it out of his scabbard; he rather keepeth it for a time of need, when it should stand him in most stead. Such husbands therefore as are too frequent in their commands, show themselves nor grave, nor wise, nor lovers of peace.

As the use of an husbands authority in commanding must be¹⁰⁶² rare, so when there is occasion to use it, it must be with such mildness and moderation tempered, so as (according to Saint Paul’s example) though he have power to command that which is convenient, yet for loves sake he rather entreat it. Note how mildly Abram frameth his speech to his wife, Say I pray thee¹⁰⁶³ (saith he) thou art my sister. Though the thing he required savoured of too much weakness, yet his manner of requiring it was well beseeming a kind husband.

§. 32. Of husbands insolency and peremptoriness.

Contrary is the insolency of many, who cannot speak to their wives, but in commanding-wise. Their authority is like a swaggerers sword, which cannot long rest in the sheath, but upon every small occasion is drawn forth. This frequent use of commanding, maketh their commandments nought regarded. The like may be said of them who are too peremptory in commanding: there must be no saying of nay, to that which they say: upon command they will have their mind done, and no other way: no persuasion, no entreaty shall be used: they will rather not at all have their will done, then not upon absolute command: nay they will not suffer others, in case of any refusal, to entreat, or persuade, but will try what absolutely they can do by authority. Thus as by trying to bend steel how far it will go, it oft breaketh; so by putting their authority to the uttermost trial, they oft lose all their authority: in which case the mends (as we speak) is in their own hands.

§. 33. Of an husbands reproving his wife.¹⁰⁶⁴

4. The authority and charge which God hath given to an husband over his wife, do require that as good and just occasion is offered, he should reprove her: for this is an especial means to draw her from those sins, wherein otherwise she might live and lie, yea and die also; and so live, lie, and die under God’s wrath: out of which misery and wretchedness to free a wife, is as great a token of love, as to pull her out of the water when she is in danger of drowning, or out of the fire when she is in danger of burning. Solomon thus styleth reproofs,¹⁰⁶⁵ reproofs of life, and expressly noteth¹⁰⁶⁶ reproofs to be the way of life, a means to breed and preserve spiritual life, and to bring one unto eternal life, and so to escape death and damnation. In these respects rebukes are called a precious balm, or excellent oil, which may heal a wound, but make none: it¹⁰⁶⁷ breaketh not the head, as the Psalmist speaketh. Upon this ground, no doubt, it is noted of many good husbands, who were without all question, loving, kind, meek, and mild husbands, that they reproved their wives: as¹⁰⁶⁸ Jacob,¹⁰⁶⁹ Job,¹⁰⁷⁰ David, and others.

§. 34. Of neglecting reproof.

Contrary is a servile and timorous mind of many husbands, who are loth to offend, and (as they think) to provoke their wives; and thereupon choose rather to let them continue in sin, then tell them of it. Wherein they both dishonour their place, and the image of God, which by virtue of their place they carry, and also in effect and in truth hate their wives; which the Law implieth, where it saith, Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thine heart,¹⁰⁷¹ but shalt plainly rebuke thy neighbour, and not suffer sin upon him.

§. 35. Of well ordering reproof in the matter thereof.¹⁰⁷²

That an husband may evidently demonstrate that his reproving of his wife is indeed a fruit of his love, he must have an especial care to sweeten it, especially with mildness: for it is the bitterest pill that by an husband can be given to a wife. It is a verbal correction, & in that respect a middle means (as I may so speak) betwixt admonition and correction; partaking somewhat of both: it goeth no further then words, and so is an admonition: the words of a reproof are sharp, and so it is a correction: though it be but a mild correction, yet it is a sharp admonition; and all the correction which by himself an husband can give his wife: for we shall¹⁰⁷³ after show that he may not proceed to blows, and strokes.

To sweeten reproof with mildness respect must be had (as before was noted of commanding) both to the matter, and also to the manner thereof.

The matter of reproof must be¹⁰⁷⁴

1. Just.
2. Weighty.

Justice requireth that it be a truth, and a known truth, even a thing whereof he is assured, for which he reproveth his wife. Christ in giving direction for reproving aright, layeth down this as a ground, If thy brother shall trespass, etc. a trespass¹⁰⁷⁵ therefore must go before reproof: where no trespass is, there reproof is unjust.

Again, the Apostle adviseth that an accusation should not¹⁰⁷⁶ be received but under two, or three witnesses; whereby he implieth that a light report must not be received, but where blame is laid, there must be two or three witnesses to confirm it, so as he that censureth may have good and sure ground for that which he doth: indeed that advice was in particular given about an elder, but from the less to the greater it will follow to be a good advice concerning wives: for no kind of person must be more wary in laying blame upon another and reproving for the same, then an husband on his wife.

Equity further requireth that the matter for which an husband¹⁰⁷⁷ reproveth his wife be weighty; namely for some fault that is dangerous to her soul, hurtful to their estate, contagious by reason of ill example to children, and others in the family, but most of all for sin against God which provoketh his wrath, and pulleth down his heavy curse upon him, her, and the whole family.

When that for which a wife is reproved is a truth, a known truth, and a weighty truth, the husband in performing this duty justifieth his deed, showeth that there was need thereof, and so giveth evidence of his love, maketh his reproof to pierce the more deeply, and so maketh her the more ashamed of her fault; whence it will follow, that either she will amend her fault or at least will have her mouth stopped, so as she shall have nothing to except against it. The reproof of the three Saints before mentioned,¹⁰⁷⁸ Jacob,¹⁰⁷⁹ Job, and¹⁰⁸⁰ David, were answerable to these points of Justice and wisdom: and the effects thereof answerable to those which we have noted in this reason, as the silence of the three wives implieth: for none of them replied again.

§. 36. Of undue reproof.

Contrary to the forenamed Justice and equity are overlight¹⁰⁸¹ credulity and undue suspicion. Credulity is when credence is given to every light report, and thereupon blame laid upon the wife before any just proof be made of that for which she is blamed: whereby it oft cometh to pass, that she is wrongfully and unjustly blamed: which if she be, what good fruit can proceed from such reproofs? Yea what evil fruits are not like to proceed from thence, as secret discontent (if not malice and hatred) and open contentions and brawlings?

The like may be said of light and causeless suspicion, which¹⁰⁸² is the mother of jealousy, and the very bane of marriage, from whence the devil taketh great advantage against them both, seeking thereby to unloose that knot which God hath so firmly knit betwixt them. Suspicion to the mind is as a coloured glass to the eye, which representeth things to the sight not as indeed they are in their own true colour, but as the colour of the glass is. Suspicion will make a man pervert every thing that his wife doth, and blame her many times for such things as are praise-worthy: in which case what can be thought, but that an husband seeketh advantage against his wife, rather then any good unto her?

If to those two forenamed vices (credulity and suspicion) he¹⁰⁸³ add rashness and hastiness in reproving, and make every small and light matter which any way he disliketh, matter of reproof, doth he not proclaim to all that shall know it, that he loves chiding more then he loves his wife? Yea is not this the ready way to make all his reproof (if not scorned) lightly regarded? What then will be the profit of them?

§. 37. Whether an husband may reprove his wife for such things as he is guilty of.

To the matter of reproof some add, that an husband ought not to reprove his wife for that fault whereof he himself is guilty: but I make doubt of this direction. I deny not but that he ought to have an especial care that he be not guilty of that crime for which he blameth his wife; otherwise, 1. He blunteth the edge of his reproof, so as readily it cannot pierce into her heart. 2. He causeth it to rebound back again upon himself with these reproaches, Physician heal thy¹⁰⁸⁴ self: Hypocrite first cast the beam out of thine own eye. Thou that teachest another teachest thou not thy self? 3. He is an heavy witness against himself; for in that he judgeth another he condemneth himself. But thereupon to infer, that because he is guilty of such vices as are in his wife, he ought not to reprove her though she be worthy to be reproved, is scarce sound and good divinity: for thus he maketh himself guilty of a double fault, one of committing the sin himself, the other of suffering his wife to lie therein: whereas if he reproved his wife, he might thereby reclaim both her and himself: for I doubt not but his reproving of his wife would strike deeper into his own conscience then if a third should reprove them both. How were Judah and David stricken to¹⁰⁸⁵ the heart after they had given sentence against such crimes as they themselves were guilty of? It is a good advice that no man be guilty of that which he reproveth in his wife, but it is no good rule to say, no man ought to reprove his wife of that whereof he is guilty.

§. 38. Of well ordering reproof in the manner thereof.

Like directions to those which were given for the manner¹⁰⁸⁶ of commanding must be observed in the manner of reproving.

Reproofs therefore must be

• Rare.
• Meek.

When reproofs are seldom used, not but upon urgent and¹⁰⁸⁷ necessary occasion, 1. It showeth that an husband taketh no delight in rebuking his wife, but is even forced thereto. 2. It maketh his wife much more regard it. 3. It is like to work a more perfect cure, for seldom and rare reproofs do commonly pierce most deeply.

Contrary is continual chiding, and finding fault with a¹⁰⁸⁸ wife for every thing amiss: if not only the wife her self, but a child, or servant, or any else in the house do amiss, the wife shall be blamed for it. This is too common a fault in husbands: whereby they much provoke their wives; yea and many times make them no more regard a reproof then any other word. For as birds which always abide in Belfries where much ringing is, are not a whit afrighted with their loud sound; so wives who have their ears from time to time filled with their husbands rebuke, by use are brought, nothing at all to be moved therewith.

2. That a reproof must be given in meekness is clear by¹⁰⁸⁹ the Apostles general precept of restoring one in the spirit of meekness: for a right manner of reproving is thereby particularly intended. Now of all with whom we have to do, no fitter object for meekness then a wife, who in a more peculiar manner then any other is thine own flesh.

Meekness hath respect both to secrecy of place, and to softness of words.

When an husband is alone with his wife, then is the fittest¹⁰⁹⁰ season for reproof: thus will reproof be answerable to Christ’s direction: tell him his fault between thee and him alone (saith Christ of a brother:) but no brother must be tendered more then a wife. Thus will it also soak better into her soul, when no conceit of dishonour and discredit shall arise up to hinder the work of it: which conceits will be ready to arise when a reproof is given in public before others. Thus likewise will occasion be taken away from children and servants of despising her: which otherwise they would quickly take, if before them she should be rebuked; gathering from thence, that she is kept under as much as they: now because she is with him a joint governor of them, he ought by all means to maintain her reputation before them.

1. Quest. What if she regard not a rebuke in secret?¹⁰⁹¹

Answ. He may follow Christ’s direction, Take one or two more, namely wise, grave, faithful friends, if it may be, of her kindred, as her parents (if she have any living) or such as are in course of nature next to parents (if they be not partial on her side) and before them rebuke her: but by no means before any of the house under her government.

2. Quest. What if her fault be public, such an one as¹⁰⁹² may be an ill example to them of the house, it being committed in their sight, or brought some other way to their knowledge?

Answ. Wisely he must so manifest his dislike of her fault, as he no way impair her honour: he may therefore declare that such a thing was not well done, and fore-warn his household of committing the like; yea roundly threaten them that if any of them do the like they shall dearly repent it; and if such as are under correction offend therein, the more surely and severely correct them, even because they have taken example. Thus shall he testify a great good respect of his wife, and also a thorough dislike and hatred of her sin.

2. A soft tongue (as Solomon noteth) breaketh the bones,¹⁰⁹³ that is, softeneth an hard heart, and beateth down a stout stomach. How will it then work upon a soft heart, and gentle disposition? If therefore an husband look to do good by reproving his wife, his reproof must be so ordered, as it may seem to be rather a gentle admonition, then a sharp rebuke. He may and ought plainly to declare her fault unto her, but in mild and meek terms, without reviling, opprobrious and ignominious words.

Quest. What if her fault be an heinous notorious sin?

Answ. In an extraordinary case some sharpness may be¹⁰⁹⁴ used: as the reproofs of Jacob, Job, and David do show, for they were every one of them sharp: but yet this sharpness must not be made bitter by any evil language. A woman’s wickedness may not move an husband to be froward, and¹⁰⁹⁵ outrageous; but rather to be the more watchful over himself, that he contain himself within the bounds of discretion and moderation. For which end it is meet that husbands lay it down for a rule, never to rebuke their wives when they are in passion. Passion raiseth a dark mist before the eyes of reason; which, while it remaineth, keepeth reason from giving any good direction. Yea passion is as a fire, and it so incenseth a man, and distempereth him, that in his disorder he can keep no mean or measure. Howsoever a man be not able to rule himself when passion is stirred up, yet, if before hand while his eye is single, and his whole body light, while he is in tune (as we¹⁰⁹⁶ speak) and well tempered, he resolvedly determine with himself not to do such or such a thing in his passion; that fore-going resolution will be an especial means to make him forbear doing that in passion, which if he should do, he could not in passion well order and moderate. For if once he begin to do a thing in passion, the least provocation that can be, will be as bellows to blow up that fire into a flame.

In regard of the violence of passion (wherein women by¹⁰⁹⁷ reason of the weakness of their judgment are for the most part most violent) it is also the part of a wise man to forbear this duty of reproving his wife even when she is in passion. For as it is needful that he should be in case well to give a reproof, so as needful it is that she should be in case well to take a rebuke. Passion both filleth and festereth ones heart. The heart then being full of passion, what room is left for good advice? Will a man pour wine into a vessel full of water, or stay, till all the water be drained out?

The heart also being so festered as it savoureth of nothing but passion, what good can then good advice do?

It is therefore an especial point of wisdom, and showeth a good respect that a man beareth to his wife, yea it savoureth of much meekness and moderation for an husband, well to weigh both his own and his wives temper when he reproveth her, and to forbear doing it while either he or she be in passion.

§. 39. Of undiscreet reproving a wife.

Contrary is the indiscretion of husbands who regard nor place, nor persons, nor time, nor temper of themselves or their wives, nor any other circumstance in reproving, but like Saul (who at a table where a great feast was, in presence of his Nobles and Captains, when he was enraged with anger, with most virulent and bitter speeches not rebuked only but reproached also his son, and that with such words as he spared not his own wife; for in his passion he called his son, son¹⁰⁹⁸ of the perverse rebellious woman:) like this foolish and furious Saul, I say, they take the most open place of the family before children, servants, and whole house, to reprove their wives; and that with such bitter and disgraceful terms, as either they provoke their wives to answer again for maintaining (as they think) their own credit and reputation, (thus Jonathan¹⁰⁹⁹ was provoked to answer his father again:) or else give them of the house that behold her thus trampled under foot, occasion to set their feet also upon her.

Most husbands are forward enough to reprove, but few do it in meekness, and moderation. They cannot do it but in company, nor without bitter words. Many in rebuking their wives, stick not to use all the evil terms that they can think of, even such as tend not only to their wives dishonour, but also to their own and their children’s infamy. The reason whereof is, because they never rebuke but when they are in passion, and so scarce know what they do: whereby also they stir up passion in their wives, and yet for all that refrain not any whit the more, but rather grow more violent: as when the heat of two fires meet together, the flame must needs be the greater. This being the preposterous practise of many husbands, is it any marvel that ordinarily so little good, and so much hurt is done by reproving? Nay, would it not be a wonder, if any good, and no hurt should be done thereby? This therefore though it be a duty, yet a duty rarely and with great moderation to be used.

Thus far of an husbands mildness in his speeches to his wife.

A Husband’s Kind Conduct toward His Wife

§. 40. Of an husbands amiable countenance towards his wife.¹¹⁰⁰

An husbands carriage towards his wife must be answerable¹¹⁰¹ to his speech, or else all the mildness thereof will seem but complemental.

A man’s carriage compriseth under it, his Countenance, Gesture, Actions: in all which must mildness be seated.

1. His countenance in his wives presence, and towards his¹¹⁰² wife, must be composed to an amiable pleasantness. His authority over her, and eminency above her, may not make him forget the near conjunction and union betwixt them.

Under the face and countenance I comprise head, brow, eyes, lips and such other parts which are, according as they are framed, signs of amiableness, or discontentedness. Now among, and above other parts of the body, the outward composition of the countenance doth soonest and best declare the inward disposition of the heart. By Esau’s pleasant countenance Jacob perceived that he was pacified in his heart towards him, and thereupon said, I have seen thy face as though I had¹¹⁰³ seen the face of God, that is, an amiable, gracious countenance. On this ground David desired God, to lift up the light of his¹¹⁰⁴ countenance upon him, that thereby he might know the favour and love of God towards him. On the other side by a frowning and louring face, by hanging down the head, putting out the lips, with the like, anger, malice, grief, with other like affections of heart, are manifested: by Cain’s casting down¹¹⁰⁵ of his countenance God discerned anger and envy to be in his heart: by Laban’s countenance Jacob observed that his affection¹¹⁰⁶ was turned from him. A wife then beholding mildness and amiableness in her husbands face, beholds it as the face of God, and therein as in a looking glass beholds the kindness and love of his heart, and so hath her heart thereby the more firmly knit unto him, and is moved the more to respect him.

§. 41. Of husbands too great austerity.

Contrary is 1. A lofty proud countenance, as of an imperious¹¹⁰⁷ Lord over his vassals.

2. A grim stern countenance, as of a judge over poor prisoners.¹¹⁰⁸

3. A louring frowning countenance, as of a discontented¹¹⁰⁹ creditor over a desperate debtor.

4. A fierce fiery countenance, as of an angry King over a¹¹¹⁰ subject that hath displeased him.

These and such like countenances as they manifest a proud, stout, furious discontented disposition of heart, so they cannot but give great discontent to a wife, yea and much affright her being but a weak vessel, and alienate her heart and affection from him.

§. 42. Of an husbands familiar gesture with his wife.

II. An husbands gesture ought to be so familiar, and amiable¹¹¹¹ towards his wife, as others may discern him to be her husband, and his wife may be provoked to be familiar with him. They which this way are ready to show themselves kind and mild husbands, are prone to exceed and so to fall into an extreme on the right hand: for some are never well but when they have their wives in their laps, ever colling, kissing, and dallying with them, they care not in what company; thus they show more lightness, fondness, and dotage, then true kindness and love, which forgetteth not an husband-like gravity, sobriety, modesty and decency.

Some stick not to allege Isaac’s sporting with Rebekah, to¹¹¹² countenance their lasciviousness.¹¹¹³

But they forget that what Isaac did, was when he and his¹¹¹⁴ wife were alone: he was seen through a window. Much greater liberty is granted to man and wife when they are alone, then in company. Besides there are many other ways to show kindness and familiarity, then by lightness and wantonness.

§. 43. Of an husbands strangeness to his wife.

Contrary to the familiarity I speak of, is (as we speak) strangeness, when an husband so carrieth himself towards his wife as if she were a stranger to him: if he come in company where his wife is, of all other women he will not turn to her, nor take notice of her. This fault is so much the greater if such a man be of a free pleasant carriage, and use to be merry and familiar with other women. Though his mirth and familiarity be such as is not unbeseeming a Christian, yet his carriage being of another temper towards his wife, it may be a means to breed jealousy in her. Many think outward kind gesture towards wife to be fondness, but if they knew what a means it is to stir up, increase, and preserve love in a wives heart to her husband, they would be otherwise minded.

§. 43. Of an husbands giving favours to his wife.

III. Actions are of all other the most real demonstrations of true kindness, wherein an husband must not fail, as he would have his kind speech, countenance, and gesture to be taken in the better part. Kindness and mildness in action consisteth in giving favours (as we speak) unto his wife. This is expressly noted in Elkanah, who every year gave favours to¹¹¹⁵ his wives. Thus an husband as he testifieth his love to his wife, so he will much provoke her to do all duty to him. A small gift, as an action of kindness freely given, not upon any debt, but in testimony of love, doth more work on the heart of her to whom it is given, then much more given upon contract, or for a work done, whereby it may seem to be deserved.

In giving favours to a wife, an husband ought to be more bountiful and liberal, then to others, that so she may see thereby he loves her above all; as it is noted that Elkanah gave Hannah a worthy portion, because he loved her. And in giving¹¹¹⁶ favours it is best to bestow them with his own hands, unless he be absent from her.

§. 44. Of husbands beating their wives.

Contrary are the furious, and spiteful actions of many unkind husbands (heads too heady) whose favours are buffets,¹¹¹⁷ blows, strokes, & stripes: wherein they are worse then the venomous viper. For the viper for his mates sake casteth out his poison: and wilt not thou, ô husband, in respect of that near union which is betwixt thee and thy wife, lay aside thy fierceness and cruelty? Many wives by reason of their husbands fury, are in worse case then servants: for

1. Such as will not give a blow to a servant, care not what load they lay upon their wives.

2. Where servants have but a time and term to be under the tyranny of such furious men, poor wives are tied to them all their life long.

3. Wives can not have so good remedy by the help of law against cruel husbands, as servants may have against cruel masters.

4. Masters have not such opportunity to exercise their cruelty over servants as husbands over wives, who are to be continually at board and bed with their husbands.

5. The nearer wives are, and the dearer they ought to be to their husbands, the more grievous must strokes needs be when they are given by an husbands hand, then by a masters.¹¹¹⁸

6. The less power and authority that an husband hath to strike his wife, then a master to strike a servant, the more heavy do his strokes seem to be, and the worse doth the case of a wife seem to be in that respect, then of a servant. Not unfitly therefore is such a man (if he may be thought a man rather then a beast) said to be like a father-queller and mother-queller.

Quest. May not then an husband beat his wife?¹¹¹⁹

Answ. With submission to better judgments, I think he may not: my reasons are these.

1. There is no warrant throughout the whole Scripture¹¹²⁰ by precept, or example for it: which argument though it be negative, yet for the point in hand is a forcible argument in two respects. 1. Because the Scripture hath so plentifully and particularly declared the several duties of husbands and wives: and yet hath delivered nothing concerning an husbands striking and beating his wife. 2. Because it hath also plentifully and particularly spoken of all such as are to correct, and of their manner of correcting, and of their bearing correction who are to be corrected, and of the use they are to make thereof; and yet not any thing at all concerning an husbands punishing, or a wives bearing in this kind. The Scripture being so silent in this point, we may well infer that God hath not ranked wives among those in the family who are to be corrected.

2. That small disparity which (as I have¹¹²¹ before showed) is¹¹²² betwixt man and wife, permitteth not so high a power in an husband, and so low a servitude in a wife, as for him to beat her. Can it be thought reasonable that she who is the man’s perpetual bed-fellow, who hath power over his body, who¹¹²³ is a joint parent of the children, a joint governor of the family, should be beaten by his hands? What if children or servants should know of it? (as they must needs: for how can such a thing be done in the house and they of the house know it not?) can they respect her as a mother, or a mistress who is under correction as well as they?

3. The near conjunction, and very union that is betwixt¹¹²⁴ man and wife suffereth not such dealing to pass betwixt them. The wife is as a man’s self,¹¹²⁵ They two are one flesh. No man but a frantic, furious, desperate wretch will beat himself. Two sorts of men are in Scripture noted to cut and lance their own flesh, idolaters, as the¹¹²⁶ Baalites, and Daemoniacs, as¹¹²⁷ he that was possessed with a legion of devils. Such are they who beat their wives, either blinded in their understanding, or possessed with a devil.

Object. He that is best in his wits will suffer his body to be pinched, pricked, lanced, and otherwise pained, if it be needful and behoveful.

Answ. 1. A man’s heart will not suffer him to do any of these himself: there are Chirurgions whose office it is to do such things: if the Surgeon himself have need of any such remedy for his own body, he will use the help of another Surgeon. If the case so stand as a wife must needs be beaten, it is fitter for an husband to refer the matter to a public Magistrate (who is as an approved and licensed Surgeon) and not to do it with his own hands.

2. Though some parts of the body may be so dealt withal, yet every part may not, as the heart, which the wife is to the man.

3. The comparison holdeth not. For the fore-named pinching, lancing, etc. is no punishment for any fault, as the beating of a wife in question is, there is no question but a man that hath skill may if need be open a vein, lance a boil, splinter a broken bone, or disjointed joint in his wives body, which may be more painful then correction: and herein the comparison holdeth, but not in the other.

2. Object. There is as near a conjunction betwixt Christ and his Church, as betwixt man and wife: yet Christ forbeareth not to correct and punish his Church.

Answ. There is a double relation betwixt Christ and the Church: he is an husband unto it, having made it of his flesh, and of his bones: and a supreme Lord over it, having all power¹¹²⁸ in heaven and earth committed unto him. In this latter respect he punisheth, not in the former. An husband is not such a supreme Lord over his wife: therefore Christ’s example, is no warrant to him.

4. There is no hope of any good to proceed from an husbands¹¹²⁹ beating of his wife: for where the party corrected is persuaded that the party which correcteth hath no authority or right so to do, it will not be brought patiently to take it: but will resist, and strive if it be possible to get the mastery. Let a stranger strike such a child of years or a servant as will patiently bear many strokes at a parents or masters hand, they will turn again at that stranger, and endeavour to give him as good as he brings: now a wife having no ground to be persuaded that her husband hath authority to¹¹³⁰ beat her, what hope is there that she will patiently bear it, and be bettered by it? Or rather is it not likely that she will, if she can, rise against him, over-master him (as many do) and never do any duty aright? A fault in a wife is not taken away but increased by blows.

Object. Smart and pain may make her dread her husband, stand in awe of him, and do her duty the better.

Answ. Such dread and awe beseems neither the place of an husband to exact it, nor the place of a wife to yield it. Though perforce she may be brought to yield some outward subjection, yet inward hatred of her husbands person may be joined therewith, which is as bad, if not worse then outward disobedience.

Object. She may be of so outrageous a disposition, as, but by¹¹³¹ force, she will not be kept in any compass.

1. Answ. It hath been of old time answered, that no fault should be so great, as to compel an husband to beat his wife.

2. Answ. Other forcible means may be used besides beating by her husbands hands: she may be restrained of liberty, denied such things as she most affecteth, be kept up, as it were, in hold; and, if no other means will serve the turn, be put over to the Magistrates hands, that if she be of so servile a disposition, as by no other means she will be kept under then by fear and force, by smart and pain, she may fear the Magistrate, and feel his hand, rather then her husbands.

Object. If a wife wax so mannish, or rather mad, as to offer to strike and beat her husband, may he not in that case beat her to make her cease her outrage?

Answ. I doubt not but that that good provision which is made in law to preserve a man’s life, may be applied to this purpose. The law simply condemns all murder; yet if a man be so assaulted, as there is no way to preserve his own life, but by taking away his life that assaults him, it condemneth not him as a murderer, because he did it in defence of himself. So if an husband¹¹³² be set upon by his wife, it is lawful and expedient that he defend himself, and if he can do it no other ways but by striking her, that is not to be reckoned an unlawful beating her.

§. 45. Of an husbands bearing with his wives infirmities.

Hitherto of the husbands avoiding of offence, a word concerning his bearing with offence.

A general duty it is, common to all of all sorts, to bear one¹¹³³ anothers burden: in which extent even a wife is to bear her husbands burden, because he, as every one else, is subject to slip and fall, and so hath need to be supported. Yet after a more special and peculiar manner doth this duty belong to an husband, and that in two respects.

1. Of the two, he is more bound then his wife, because in relation to his wife he is the stronger: for she is the weaker vessel,¹¹³⁴ 1 Pet. 3. 7. But the strong are most bound to bear with the infirmities of the weak, Rom. 15. 1.

2. He is bound to bear with his wife more then with any other, because of that near conjunction which is betwixt them: he that cannot bear with his wife, his flesh, can bear with no body. The reason alleged by the Apostle to move a man to dwell with his wife according to knowledge, and to give honour to her, intimated in this phrase, as to the weaker vessel, showeth that this is a peculiar duty belonging to an husband, wherein, and whereby he¹¹³⁵ may both manifest his knowledge and wisdom, and also do honour to his wife. For why is he put in mind of her weakness, but to show he should bear with her?

As that phrase intimateth the duty, so also it intimateth a good reason to enforce it. For precious things, whereof we make high account, the weaker they be, the more tenderly, and charily are they handled, as China dishes, and crystal glasses: and of all parts of the body, the eye is most tenderly handled. Now what things, what persons are more dear and precious then a wife? Yet withal she is a weak vessel: therefore she is much to be borne withal.

For an husbands better direction herein, difference must be¹¹³⁶ made betwixt infirmities: for some are natural imperfections, other are actual transgressions. Natural imperfections are inward, (as slowness in conceit, dulness in apprehension, shortness of memory, hastiness in passion, etc.) or outward, (as lameness, blindness, deafness, or any other defect, and deformity of body.) These infirmities should breed pity, compassion, commiseration, yea and greater tenderness and respect, but no offence. Note Abraham’s example in this case: his wife was barren, yet he despised¹¹³⁷ her not for it, nor upbraided her with any such thing.

Actual transgressions are breaches of God’s law: whereof such are here meant, as are most directly tending to his own disquiet, and disadvantage, as shrewishness, waywardness, niceness, stubbornness, etc. In the bearing of these must an husband especially show his wisdom, and that sundry ways.

1. By using the best and mildest means he can to redress them, as meek admonition, seasonable advice, gentle entreaty, and compassionate affection. Elkanah supposing that his wife offended in her passion, thus dealt with her and supported her.

2. By removing the stone whereat she stumbleth, by taking away the occasion (so far as conveniently he can) which maketh her offend. Thus Abram, and that by God’s advice, put Hagar and her son out of the house, because they were an offence to Sarah.

3. By turning his eyes away (if the matter be not great, but¹¹³⁸ such as may be tolerated) and taking no notice of the offence, but rather passing by it, as if he perceived it not. Solomon saith, that it is a man’s glory to pass over a transgression: and he exhorteth a¹¹³⁹ man not to give his heart to all the words that men speak.

4. By forgiving and forgetting it (if notice be taken thereof.) Jacob took notice of Rachel’s rash, and froward demand, for he¹¹⁴⁰ rebuked her for it: yet in that he readily yielded to that which afterwards she moved him unto, it appeareth that he forgave the offence, if not forgat it.

The best trial of a man’s affection to his wife, and of his wisdom¹¹⁴¹ in ordering the same, is in this point of bearing with offences. Not to be offended with a wife that giveth no offence is not praise-worthy: heathen men may go so far. Note what Christ saith of this case, If ye love them which love you, and do good to¹¹⁴² them that do good to you, what thanks and reward have ye? For publicans, and sinners do the same: but gently to forbear, and wisely to pass over offences when they are given, not to be provoked when there is cause of provocation ministered, is a true Christian virtue, a virtue beseeming husbands better then any other kind of men.

§. 46. Of husbands testiness.

Contrary is testiness, and peevishness, when husbands are moved with the least provocation, like tinder catching fire at the least spark that falleth upon it: yea many are like gunpowder, which not only taketh fire, but also breaketh out into a violent flame, upon the least touch of fire: as gunpowder is dangerous to be kept in an house, so such husbands to be joined so nearly to wives as marriage joineth them. If it be said, that as gunpowder doth no hurt, if fire come not at it; so they are good and kind, if they be not provoked and displeased. I answer, that we have a proverb that saith, The devil is good while he is pleased, yet it is not safe to have the devil too near. It is as impossible (considering man’s weakness) that he should live and converse with any, and not give offence, as for flint stones long to beat and dash against one another, & no spark of fire to come from them. How then may it be thought possible for a wife, who is so continually conversant with her husband, and the weaker vessel, to live without giving him offence? It is no very kind speech, which husbands use, especially if they be told of their unkindness, Let my wife deserve favour, and she shall have it. How little favour would such husbands have of Christ their husband, if he should be of that mind towards them?

Thus far hath been handled the first part of an husbands well managing his authority, by a tender respect of his wife.

The second is a provident care for her.

A Husband’s Providing for His Wife

§. 46. Of an husbands provident care for his wife.

An husband that tenderly respecteth his wife, but providently careth not for her, showeth more affection then discretion: he may have a kind heart, but he wants a wise head. How then can he be a good head unto his wife? Some present contentment she may have by him: but small profit and benefit can she reap from him. Those duties therefore which have been delivered must be done, but these that follow must by no means be left undone.

An husbands provident care is noted in that office of Christ, wherein an husband resembleth him, namely, to be a Saviour of¹¹⁴³ the body, as hath been¹¹⁴⁴ before declared. It consisteth

1. In providing things needful for his wife.
2. In protecting her from things hurtful.

1. A careful providing of things needful, is a principal part of¹¹⁴⁵ that honour, which husbands are to give unto their wives. For where the Apostle saith, that Elders are worthy of double honour,¹¹⁴⁶ he meaneth maintenance as well as reverence. The Apostle counteth him worse then an Infidel, that provideth not for his own, and specially for those of his own house. Who are of an husbands house,¹¹⁴⁷ if not his wife? In his house, who more properly his own, then his wife? If then an husband provide not for his wife, what is he¹¹⁴⁸ to be accounted?

Great reason he should provide for her, because he hath taken her from her parents and friends, and hath received that portion which they allotted her, and hath authority committed unto him over her, and she is put in subjection under him: her friends having given away her portion, and their power over her, and committed all to him, will take no further care for her: she being in subjection under him cannot without him provide for her self. Who then shall provide for her if he do not, whose wholly and only she is?

Contrary is their mind, who take a wife only for their own¹¹⁴⁹ content, or delight, or gain, and never think of that charge which together with a wife they take upon them. According to their mind is their practise: for when they have a wife they neglect her in every thing but what may stand with their own ends. Much have they to answer for: and so much the more, because a wife is an especial pledge of God’s favour.¹¹⁵⁰

§. 47. Of an husbands providing means of spiritual edification for his wife.

In this provident care which an husband ought to have of his wife, we will consider the extent and continuance thereof.

It ought to extend both to her self, and to others.

In regard of her self, to her

• Soul.
• Body.

For her Soul, means of spiritual edification must be provided, and those both private and public. Private means, are¹¹⁵¹ holy and religious exercises in the house, as reading the word, prayer, catechising, and such like; which being the spiritual food of the soul are to be every day, as our bodily food, provided and used. An husband as a master of a family must provide these for the good of his whole house; but as an husband, in special for the good of his wife: for to his wife, as well as to the whole house he is a King, a Priest, and a Prophet.

By himself therefore, for his wives good, ought he to perform these things, or to provide that they may be done by some other. Cornelius himself performed those exercises.¹¹⁵² Micah hired a Levite (though his Idolatry were evil, yet his care to have a Levite in his house was commendable.) The¹¹⁵³ Shunammite’s husband provided a chamber for the Prophet, and that especially for his wives sake, for it was at her request.

Public means are the holy ordinances of God publicly¹¹⁵⁴ performed by God’s Minister. The care of an husband for his wife in this respect is, so to order his habitation, and provide other needful things, as his wife may be made partaker thereof. It is expressly noted of Elkanah that he so provided for his¹¹⁵⁵ wives, that they went with him every year to the house of God: the like is intimated of Joseph the husband of the virgin Mary. In those days there was a public place and house of God, whither all God’s people (how far soever they dwelt from it) were to resort every year: the places where Elkanah and Joseph dwelt, were far remote from the house of God, yet they so provided, as not only themselves, but their wives also went to the public worship of God. Now there are many houses of God, places for the public worship of God, but yet through the corruption of our times, the ministry of the word (the most principal means of spiritual edification) is not every where to be enjoyed: therefore such ought an husbands care for his wife in this respect to be, as to dwell where she may have the benefit of preaching the word, or else so to provide for her, as she may weekly go where it may be had.

If men of wisdom and ability make a purchase, or build an house for their habitation, they will be sure it shall be where sweet rivers and waters are, and good pasture ground, and where all needful provision may be had. God’s word preached is a spring of water of life; the place where it is preached a pleasant, profitable pasture; all needful provision for the soul may there be had. Let this therefore be most of all inquired after: and no habitation settled but where this may be had.

§. 48. Of neglecting their wives edification.

Contrary is their practise, who having their calling in places where the word is plentiful, yet upon outward respects of pleasure, delight, ease, and profit, remove their families into remote places where preaching is scarce, if at all; and there leave their wives to govern the family, not regarding their want of the word, for as much as they themselves oft coming to London or other like places by reason of their calling, enjoy the word themselves. Many Citizens, Lawyers, and others are guilty of great neglect of their wives in this respect.

So also are they, who abandon all religious exercises out of their houses, making their houses rather stews of the devil, then Churches of God. If for want of means, either public or private, a wife live and die in ignorance, profaneness, infidelity, and impenitency, which cause eternal damnation, assuredly her blood shall be required at his hands: for an husband¹¹⁵⁶ is God’s watchman to his wife.

§. 49. Of an husbands providing things needful for his wives body.

To the body also must an husbands provident care of his wife extend: and that both in health and sickness. In health by providing such things as are needful to preserve health, as competent food, raiment, and the like necessaries. Where the¹¹⁵⁷ Prophet to aggravate the misery of the people saith, Seven women shall take hold of one man, saying, We will eat our own bread, and wear our own apparel, only let us be called by thy name, intimateth, that it was an husbands duty to provide bread and apparel, that is, all necessaries for his wife. Which the¹¹⁵⁸ law also implieth, where it enjoineth him that taketh one wife upon another, not to diminish the food and raiment of the former. In sickness such things are to be provided as are needful either to recover her health, or to comfort, cherish and refresh her in her sickness.

This was¹¹⁵⁹ before noted among common mutual duties; for by virtue of the matrimonial bond it belongeth both to man and wife: but to the man it appertaineth by virtue of that power and charge which he hath over his wife: and therefore it was needful here to be touched.

§. 50. Of an husbands provident care for his wife about her child-bearing.¹¹⁶⁰

Most proper to this place is that provident care which husbands ought to have of their wives both before and in the time of their travel and child-bed: and that in two things especially.

1. In procuring for their wives to the uttermost of their power and ability, such things as may save their longing, in case they do long (as in all ages women in the time of breeding and bearing child, have been subject thereunto.) For it is well known, that it is very dangerous both for mother and child to want her longing: the death sometimes of the one, sometimes of the other, sometimes of both hath followed thereupon.

2. In providing such things as are needful for their travel and lying in childbed. This time is especially to be provided for, in many respects.

1. Because it is a time of weakness, wherein the woman cannot well provide for her self.

2. Because her weakness is joined with much pain: the¹¹⁶¹ pain of a women in travel is the greatest pain that ordinarily is endured by any for the time: none know it so well as they that feel it: and many husbands because they are not subject thereto, think but lightly of it: but if we duly weigh¹¹⁶² that the Holy Ghost when he would set forth the extremity of any pains and pangs, resembleth them to the pains of a woman in travel, we may well gather, that of all they are the greatest: which is further manifested by the shrieks and outcries which not only weak, and faint-hearted women utter in the time of their travel, but also are forced from the strongest, and stoutest women that be, and that though before hand they resolve to the contrary. Neither may we wonder thereat; for their body is as it were set on a rack (if at least the travel be sharp) and all their parts so stretched, as a wonder it is they should ever recover their health and strength again: or that they should hold out the brunt, and not die with their travel, as Rachel, and the wife of Phinehas, and many in all ages have¹¹⁶³ done. Surely among ordinary deliverances I know none so near a miracle, none wherein the Almighty doth so evidently manifest his great power and good providence, as in the safe delivery of women. Besides the great pang of travel, women are also after their delivery subject to many after-throws which are very painful. From all these pains and great weakness which befalleth women in childbed, especially if they nurse their children, men by reason of their sex are freed: Now then to apply this point, seeing women are brought to such pains and weakness in bringing forth those children which are the man’s as well as hers, and he freed from all; is it not very just and meet that he should provide all things needful for her welfare, ease, and recovery of strength?

3. Because the want of things needful is at that time very dangerous: dangerous to the health and life of the woman and child also.

§. 51. Of neglecting wives in their weakness.

Contrary to an husbands provident care in general are those vices which were taxed in the treatise of common duties,¹¹⁶⁴ as grudging at the charges bestowed on a wife: Covetousness, Prodigality, and Idleness.

But contrary in particular to an husbands care for his wife in childbed, is the inhumane and more then barbarous unkindness of many husbands, who no whit consider the weakness of their wives in this case, to help, ease, and comfort them, but rather make their burden much more heavy. For,

1. Some through covetousness refuse before hand to afford means to their wife to provide such things as are needful for her self and child: & when the time cometh, if their wife be desirous of a Midwife that requireth somewhat more charges then she that is next, she shall have none if she will not have the next. And as for a nurse to tend her, they think their Maid will serve the turn well enough: they need not be at the charges to bring a Nurse into the house. In regard of convenient lodging some will not stick to say, Cannot my wife be brought to bed in a room without a chimney as well as the Virgin Mary? Why should my wife need more things then she did? Yea further there be many that when the time that their wife should be delivered approacheth near, carry her from all her friends into a place where she is not known, lest her friends should by importunity draw him to expend and lay out more upon his wife then he is willing. In the time while their wife is weak in childbed, many are loath to allow them any other diet then is for themselves and children provided in the house, not considering that her stomach cannot be like theirs.

Many other such bitter fruits of unkind husbands arising from covetousness might be reckoned up, whereby husbands plainly show that they love their wealth better then their wives: they had rather lose them, then part with that.

2. Others through jealous suspicion forbear not even in¹¹⁶⁵ the time of their wives pain and weakness, to upbraid them with lightness, and to say that the child is none of theirs. To lay this to a wives charge unjustly, is at any time a most shameful and odious reproach: but in the time of childbirth whether just or unjust, a thing too too spiteful and revengeful. Some wives are so far overcome thereby, (especially in the time of their weakness) as they are not able to bear it, but even faint and die under the reproach: others more stout vow never to know their husbands again. Many like mischiefs follow on such unkindness.

§. 52. Of an husbands providing for his wife according to his estate and ability.¹¹⁶⁶

In an husbands providing for the body of his wife respect must be had to the measure, and to the manner.

The measure must extend to his ability: for an husband ought to maintain his wife in as good an estate and fashion as himself; by marriage she is advanced to as high an estate, and dignity in relation to others as he is: and for her own use she is made a partner of all his goods, and accordingly ought to partake thereof.

For the manner, he must suffer her (if at least he observe her to have any competent discretion) to order such things as are needful for her self according to her best liking: as Elkanah in another case said to his wife, Do what seemeth thee best.¹¹⁶⁷

Both in the measure and in the manner of providing, there must be a difference put betwixt a wife, and servants or children. These may have their portions of meat, apparel, and like necessaries, proportioned out and stinted unto them, which is unmeet to be done to a wife. Neither is it needful that so plentiful a provision be made for them as for her.

§. 53. Of an husbands niggardliness to his wife.

Contrary is an husbands niggardly dealing with his wife: when the allowance she hath is both far under his estate, and also so given her by little and little, as if she were a child. Many husbands make their wives drudge at home, fare hardly, and go meanly; who are themselves brave in apparel, frolic in their feasting abroad, and so exceed their wives as they are ashamed to be seen in company with them. They who marry their maids, or others of meaner rank then themselves, oft so deal with them: esteeming them but as servants and mean persons though they be their wives. But it hath been¹¹⁶⁸ before showed, that wives by marriage are advanced to their husbands dignity, how mean soever they were before.

§. 54. Of husbands allowing their wives to bestow on others, as they see good occasion.¹¹⁶⁹

So far ought the provident care of an husband for his wife to extend, as she may have (beside things needful to her self) to bestow on such as it is requisite for her to give unto: as namely, on children and servants in the house, and others also out of the house. For so much is noted in Solomon’s description¹¹⁷⁰ of a good wife; She giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens: all her household is clothed with scarlet (namely, by her ordering and disposing the matter.) Her children rise up and call her blessed, as for her general carriage in the family, so for her particular favours bestowed on themselves. As for¹¹⁷¹ others out of the house, it is also noted, that she stretcheth out her hand to the poor, and reacheth forth her hands to the needy. These things she did by virtue of that power and liberty which her husband gave her: as appeareth by two points there noted:

1. In that before any mention is made of those things¹¹⁷² which she did, it is said, The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her.

2. In that, after all her good deeds are reckoned up, it is¹¹⁷³ said, Her husband praiseth her.

After this pattern it is meet that other husbands (whose wives are wise and faithful) should deal with their wives: that in the house they might have the more honour of children and servants: and that out of the house they might give the better trial of their charity.

For considering the many excellent promises that are made to works of mercy and charity, and the many terrible threatenings that are denounced not only against such as exercise cruelty, but also against such as show no mercy: considering also that wives together with their husbands, are heirs of the¹¹⁷⁴ grace of life, it is very needful yea even necessary, that they should manifest their faith by some work of mercy and charity. Now unless her husband do give unto her something at her own discretion to bestow on others, true and thorough trial of her merciful and charitable mind cannot be made. If she give of that which her husband hath reserved to himself, as her giving is unlawful, so she may be thought liberal, not because she is merciful, but because notwithstanding her liberality she parteth with nothing of her own: yea though she have a general consent to give as she seeth cause of the common goods of the family, yet is not that so sure and sound a trial of her charity, and mercifulness, as if she had something of her own which she might retain or give away as pleaseth her self; and what she gives not away, lay up as her own stock proper to her self. For there is naturally such a self love in man, and a desire to keep that which is proper to ones self, that he is very loath to part with any of it, unless conscience and grace alter this corruption of nature, and so move him readily to lay out something on charitable uses. But otherwise of that which in whole or in part belongeth to another (be that other, husband, parent, master, friend, or any else) he is easily moved to be liberal and bountiful: a man will willingly cut a large thong (as we speak) out of anothers leather.

It is known that many children and servants, who, when they come to be possessors of their own, are very niggards and misers, have been liberal of their parents and masters goods unto the poor. Yea partners in a stock will be much more forward in giving away that which is common with another, then that which is proper to each of them. The truest trial of a merciful and charitable heart lieth in the distribution of that which is proper to ones self.

It is therefore meet upon this very ground, that an husband should according to his ability let his wife have some stock, and portion of her own, free to her self to dispose as she seeth good: intimating unto her that the principal end why he provideth so plentifully for her, is, that she may show forth the fruits of her faith by some works of charity: and exhorting her so to do. Many religious, wise, kind husbands thus do: some giving quarterly allowance in money to their wives, others giving their wives power to receive a certain portion of rent out of certain lands or houses; others making their wives an absolute estate of some inheritance, and suffering them to receive the profits and revenues thereof; others giving them certain fees of their offices, or of their trade; others, that are poor, suffering them to work for themselves, & dispose their earnings as they see cause: some one way, some another: every one in his place best knoweth the means how to gratify his wife in this kind: it shall be sufficient for me to have laid down the general rule.

§. 55. Of husbands too great straitness over their wives.

Contrary is their strait-handedness to their wives, who allow them no more then may be for their own private use. They think it a great matter and as much as an husband is bound to do, to let her have apparel, meat and drink, and such necessaries as are befitting her rank, but all other overplus they think needless. Thus their wives are not only deprived of means to gain respect of their children and servants at home, and to gratify such as are obedient and ready to do service to them, but also to perform such works of mercy as both opportunity requireth, and also their conscience moveth them to do. Yea many wives of rich husbands are brought to great shame hereby, in that being in places where there is just occasion of contributing to some charitable use, and by reason of their rich and costly apparel it is expected they should be bountiful, they have not any thing at all to bestow. The fault of some husbands in this respect is great many ways. As 1. In that they bring shame and grief to their wives, whom they ought with all tenderness to respect. 2. In that they dishonour their own places: for they who take notice of this straitness to their wives, will be ready to judge them both covetous, and unkind. 3. The omitting of that work of mercy which their wives should have done shall be laid to their charge: they shall hear that dreadful doom; Go ye cursed into everlasting fire, for I was an hungred and ye fed me not etc. and if they answer, When saw we thee an hungred etc. it shall be replied, In that ye suffered not your wives to do it, you did it not.

Thus much of the extent of an husbands provident care for the good of his wife. It followeth to speak of the continuance thereof.

§. 57. Of an husbands care to provide for his wife so long as she shall live.

The continuance of an husbands provident care for his wife must be so long as she liveth, yea though she out-live him: not that he can actually when he is dead provide for her, but that he may before his death so provide for her, as she may have wherewithal to maintain her self, and to live according to that place whereunto by him she is advanced: at least that he leave her not only so much as he had with her, but something more also in testimony of his love to her, and care for her. Husbands have the example of Christ to press this duty upon them: for when he went away from his Church here on¹¹⁷⁵ earth, he left his spirit, which furnished it with gifts as plentifully, as if Christ had still remained with her, if not more abundantly.

For the better performance of this duty, husbands which die before the wives, must observe among other things two especially.

1. That plainly and expressly they declare their mind and¹¹⁷⁶ will before they die, lest their wives should be circumvented and defrauded of that which they intended them. Thus did David upon the motion of Bathsheba, he settled his estate, and caused Bathshebahs son to be actually crowned before he himself gave up the Ghost: which he did, as for other weighty reasons, so in particular for his wives good, as may be gathered from that reason she alleged to the King in these¹¹⁷⁷ words; Else when my Lord the King shall sleep with his fathers, I shall be reputed vile.

2. That he request some faithful friend in his stead to be an helper unto her; (as Christ commended his mother unto his disciple John) which will be needful in regard of her weakness, by reason of her sex, and want of experience to manage such affairs especially as are out of the house.

At the time of a man’s departure out of this world from his wife, will the truest trial of his affection to his wife be given: for many that bear their wives fair in hand while they live with them, at their death show that there was no soundness of affection in their heart towards them: all was but a mere show for some by-respects.

§. 58. Of husbands neglect of their wives future estate.

Contrary are divers practises of unkind husbands. For¹¹⁷⁸

1. Some through improvidence, unthriftiness and prodigality, disable themselves from doing good to their wives after their death; and so leave their wives nothing, or (that which is worse then nothing) in debt, and with a great charge of children. That care which husbands ought to have of their wives should make them think before hand of the time to come, and even for their wives sake be some-what the more diligent, thrifty, and provident, and cut off many unnecessary expenses, else their sin is doubled. 1. By a needless wasting their estate. 2. By neglecting their wives.

2. Others by fawning, or forcing means draw their wives¹¹⁷⁹ to yield up that interest they have in money, goods, house or land by jointure, inheritance, or any other way, and yet make them no sufficient recompense in another kind: but at their death leave their wives in a far worse estate then they were in before marriage, beside a greater charge then they had before. As this is a great part of unkindness, so also a main point of injustice.

3. Others grudging against the laws under which they¹¹⁸⁰ live for providing for a wife by thirds or otherwise, use all the fraudulent means they can to deprive her of that which otherwise the law would lay upon her. The civil politic laws of the place where we live ought to be the rule of our civil actions (so far as they are not repugnant to God’s word) and we ought for conscience sake to be subject unto¹¹⁸¹ them. Besides an husband ought (though the law forced him not) to leave at least the thirds to his wife, as a testimony of his love to her, and care for her: so as this also is a double fault. 1. A transgression of the law. 2. A note of unkindness.

4. Others having aged and sickly wives, or otherwise¹¹⁸² thinking that their wives may, or rather hoping that their wives will die before themselves, put off the making of their wills of purpose that they might not put in their wives thirds, but dispose them some other way. Besides that these husbands show no good affection towards their wives, they provoke God to disappoint them of their hopes: and so he doth often-times: for he taketh them away before their wives, and so taketh them away, as having no time to make their will, not only their wives enjoy their thirds (which they so much desired to avoid) but also some other (whom of all in their life time they misliked) seize upon the other two parts.

§. 58. Of an husbands protecting his wife from danger.

Having showed how an husband is to provide things needful for his wife: It remaineth to show how he is to protect her from things hurtful.

In regard of that protection which an husband oweth his wife, he is called the veil of her eyes: which phrase as it implieth¹¹⁸³ subjection on the wives part, so also Protection on the husbands: to protect one, is as it were, to cover them, namely, from danger; to be negligent and careless of them, is, as it were, to lay them open to danger. The same duty is implied under another like phrase of spreading his wing over his wife.¹¹⁸⁴ The metaphor is taken from winged fowls, which to keep their young ones from hurt, use to spread their wings over them: this phrase and metaphor is also attributed to God, to¹¹⁸⁵ set forth his protection.

But most pertinent to this purpose is the title,¹¹⁸⁶ Saviour, given to an husband in relation to his wife.

For this end the Lord who subjected a woman unto her husband, gave to his sex greater strength, courage and boldness then to hers, that he might protect her which is the weaker vessel. In this duty of protection Christ showeth himself an excellent pattern and precedent unto husbands.

The better to perform this duty, an husband must be careful,

1. To prevent, as much as he may, such dangers as his wife is like to fall into.

2. To recover her out of such as she is fallen into.

For this purpose did David carry his wives into Gath, lest, if¹¹⁸⁷ they were left in Israel, Saul should work them some mischief: and again, when they were taken by the Amalekites, he recovered¹¹⁸⁸ them.

According to that danger whereunto wives are subject, must an husbands care of protecting his wife be manifested.

1. If she be in danger to be seduced and enticed, as Eve was,¹¹⁸⁹ by any evil instruments of the devil, as Jesuits, Priests, Friars, profane, blasphemous, lascivious, or riotous persons; his care must be either to keep them away that they come not at her, or to put them away from her so soon as he can: he may not suffer them to harbour in his house.

2. If by any slight she be drawn from his house, he must¹¹⁹⁰ seek her, and fetch her again, as the Levite did his wife: or cause her (if he can) to be brought home again, as David caused Michal to be brought: especially if they be taken away by force, as Ahinoam, and Abigail, David’s wives, were.

3. If she be unjustly slandered, he is to maintain her credit and reputation as much as his own: as Christ accounteth himself despised, when his Church is, so must he. This care must he¹¹⁹¹ have of his wives credit, even after her death, as well as while she liveth.

4. What other mischief so ever is intended or practised against¹¹⁹² her, he must be a tower of defence to protect her, (as Ahasuerus was to Esther against Haman) and that not only against strangers without the house, but also against children and servants in the house. Children grown to years, that are stout and stubborn, will be ready to rise up against their mother, especially if she be a mother in law, because she is the weaker sex: the countenance of a father for the most part keepeth most in awe. Wherefore the husband must be an help to his wife, and maintain her honour against them: yea though they be children of a former wife.

§. 59. Of an husbands maintaining his wife against children of a former venter, and servants.

Object. Mothers in law often prove unkind, and unjust stepmothers, and deal unmercifully with their husbands children: must an husband in such cases assist his wife against his children?

Answ. The protection, I speak of, is in case a wife be wronged, then her husband is to do what he can to right her (as we speak.) But if she be the wrong-doer, he may by no means bolster her up against his children, and so make their wrong the greater. Yet so far ought he to respect his wife, as by all the fair means he can, to labour to pacify her mind, and turn her heart towards them: and if he observe her heart to be clean alienated from them, then to put them forth to be brought up in some other place, and so to take away from her the object of her displeasure, that he and she may live more quietly together. For if a man must forsake father and mother, he must also forsake children, and cleave to his wife. Peace and unity betwixt man and wife must of all other be kept inviolable. Though thou cast away¹¹⁹³ all, nothing can happen more troublesome to thee then not to have a quiet wife at home. Thou canst find no sin more grievous then to have contention with a wife.

If a wife must be maintained against the stubbornness of children, much more against the insolency of servants: for which purpose the example of Abraham is recorded, whose servant might have a privilege above others, because he had made her his bedfellow; yet when she waxed insolent against her mistress, first he put her into her mistresses hand to do to her as it pleased her; and afterwards he cast her out of his house.

§. 60. Of neglecting to maintain their wives.

Contrary is a dissolute carelessness of husbands, who care no more to help and succour their wives then any other.

1. Some more fear to offend their wives then they care to do¹¹⁹⁴ them good, and in that respect they let any sort of people come to their wives that are welcome to them. If Magistrates in a common-wealth shall answer for suffering seducers to come into their dominions to deceive their people, much more shall husbands answer for suffering them to come and deceive their wives.

1. Because they have a greater charge over their wives then Magistrates over their people.
2. Because wives ought to be dearer to husbands then people to Magistrates.
3. Because they may sooner espy them in their house, then Magistrates in the common-wealth.
4. Because they may be much more easily kept out of an house, then out of a common-wealth, or a City.

2. Others care not whither their wives wander: and if they¹¹⁹⁵ do go out of their house, they shall never be sought after by their husbands: though this may be a just punishment on wandering wives, yet is it not just for husbands so to deal with them. If Christ our husband should so deal with us, we should soon be lost: for we oft go astray like wandering sheep, but he is that good shepherd, who seeketh after the lost sheep until he¹¹⁹⁶ find it.

3. No marvel then that many husbands are no more affected¹¹⁹⁷ with the ill reports and rumors raised against their wives, when they so little regard who come to them, or whither they go. Assuredly the discredit of a wife will turn to the man’s dishonour: for as a virtuous wife is a crown to her husband, so by the¹¹⁹⁸ rule of contraries, an infamous wife is a shame to her husband. If therefore not for his wives sake, yet for his own sake a man ought not too carelessly pass over the ill reports which are raised against his wife.

4. There be such unkind husbands as are moved with no ill¹¹⁹⁹ usage done unto their wives, nor will hear any complaint that they make unto them: yea if they see them misused, they will either not seem to see it, or but smile at it, and so go their way, and suffer their wives to right themselves as well as they can. As this beseemeth not any Christian to suffer his neighbour to be wronged, (for it is noted as a commendable matter in Moses, that¹²⁰⁰ when he saw two Hebrews striving together, he took his part that had wrong done to him, and reproved the other) so much less an husband, to whose safe-guard his wife is committed. Nature teacheth us that the head is as much affected with a wrong done to the body, as to it self: so ought an husband.¹²⁰¹

5. As the wrong which is done by those who are in subjection in the house under the wife, is greater then that which is done by strangers: so is the husbands fault the greater in suffering it: for he hath more power over them in his house, then over others.¹²⁰² What then may we think of such, as either by their connivence, or by taking part against their wives, suffer both children and servants to insult over them? Assuredly those husbands themselves will find some smack of the bitter and evil fruit thereof: and that not only by that great discontent which their wives must needs take thereat; but also by that contempt which will follow on their own persons, both by their wives (who cannot think them meet heads to govern others) and also by their children and servants, who thereby will take occasion to wax proud, and presumptuous against him. By despising the weaker, men grow by little and little to despise the stronger. This men of wisdom and experience well know: whereupon in common-wealths and Policies governed by wise men, the authority of inferior Magistrates is upheld and maintained: superior Magistrates will not suffer them who are in authority under them to be despised: for it is well known, that it tends not to the honour and ease only, but to the safety also of the supreme Magistrate, to have the power and authority of inferior Magistrates respected, and not trampled under feet. It argueth therefore both want of affection, and of discretion and understanding in husbands, to suffer child, servant, or any other in the house, to insult over their wives, who are joint governors with them over the house.

A Husband’s Sincere and Steady Love for His Wife

§. 61. Of an husbands first beginning to love his wife.

The general matter together with the particular kinds of husbands duties being thus far handled, the manner also of performing them is to be delivered.

To instruct an husband in the manner of performing his duties to his wife, the Apostle layeth down two patterns

1. Christ, vers. 25.
2. Our selves, vers. 28.

As Christ loveth his Church, and as we love our selves, so must men love their wives.

That we may the better follow these patterns, we must distinctly note how Christ loveth his Church, and how we¹²⁰³ love our selves.

The love of Christ to his Church is commended unto us in six several points: which are the order, the truth, the cause, the quality, the quantity, and the continuance thereof.

I. For the Order, Christ began to love his Church: he manifested his love to her before she loved him: as the air heated by the Sun is hot, and a wall on which the Sun-beams smite, giveth a reflexion of heat back again: so the Church, as it were heated and warmed at heart by the sense of Christ’s love, loved him, as the Apostle expressly noteth, (We love him¹²⁰⁴ because he loved us first:) and the Church her self acknowledgeth saying, Because of the savour of thy good ointments¹²⁰⁵ (wherewith we are revived, and cheered) the virgins love thee.

There is in us by nature no spark of love at all: if Christ¹²⁰⁶ by his loving of us first, did not instill love into us, we could no more love him then a living bird rise out of a cold egg, if it were not kept warm by the dams sitting upon it.

Thus must an husband first begin to love his wife. His place of eminency, and authority requireth, that he should be to his wife, a guide, which title is expressly given to him by the holy¹²⁰⁷ Ghost, to teach him to go before her, and by his example to instruct, and incite her to do her duty. What a shame would it be for a man who is the Image and glory of God, the head of his wife, in the same place to her that Christ is to his Church, to be provoked by his wives wive-like carriage (she being the weaker vessel, under him, to learn of him) to love her?¹²⁰⁸ Reasons there be to stir up a wife to endeavour to prevent her husband in doing her duty, which if she do, it is the greater glory to her; but this pattern of Christ should stir him much more to strive to go before her.

§. 62. Of husbands repaying unkindness for love.

Contrary, is their disposition, who having loving and dutiful wives, are notwithstanding nothing moved to love them again: but are as unkind and churlish as if they had the most peevish, and perverse wives that could be. But what shall we say of such as love their wives the less, yea and hate them for their forwardness to love, and (in testimony of true love) to perform all good duty? What, but that they are very devils incarnate? For it is the devils property to overcome good with evil. These make the doctrine of a wives subjection to seem harsh, and a careful performance thereof, an heavy burden. Never shall they partake of Christ’s love, that in their place show themselves so unlike to Christ.

§. 63. Of the truth of husbands love.¹²⁰⁹

II. The truth of Christ’s love was manifested by the fruits thereof to his Church: He gave himself for it. It was therefore not in word only, no nor only in heart, but in deed also. Thus his love proved profitable, and beneficial to his Church, which thereby was cleansed, and made a glorious¹²¹⁰ Church. Had he only borne a tender compassion and pitiful affection towards it, or laboured only with comfortable and sweet words to uphold and succour it, it had still lain polluted with sin, in the power of the devil, and under God’s wrath, and so received no profit and benefit at all.

So must husbands love their wives in truth and in deed.^1211,1212 Such a love is required of a man to his brother: much more therefore to his wife, who is not only a sister (as¹²¹³ the Apostle expressly styleth her) but nearer then sister, mother, daughter, friend, or any other whatsoever. This therefore serveth to press the practise of all the forenamed duties appertaining to an husband.

§. 64. Of husbands dissimulation.

Contrary is their dissimulation and hypocrisy, who make great show of much love, and pretence of earnest affection, using many outward complements, but fail when they come to the truest trial, the deed. Some like suitors or wooers, will promise mountains, but not perform mole-hills: others will coll and kiss their wives much, but trust them with nothing, nor provide for them things requisite: there be that will weep much when their wives are sick, yet not afford physic and such like things for their recovery: yea many will carry a fair face all their life long towards their wives, and at their death leave them nothing to live by.

Hence it is that many who by others are accounted to be very kind husbands, are by their wives found to be far otherwise. If trial be made of husbands love by their practise and performance of the forenamed duties, it will be found that they for the most part come as far short in love, as wives in subjection.

§. 65. Of the freeness of husbands love.

III. The cause of Christ’s love, was his love, as Moses noteth,¹²¹⁴ He set his love on you, because he loved you. His love arose only, and wholly from himself, and was every way free: as there was nothing in the Church, before Christ loved her to move him to love her, so can there be nothing that he could hope for afterwards, but what himself bestowed. Indeed he delighteth in that righteousness wherewith, as with a glorious robe, she is clothed; and with those heavenly graces, wherewith as with precious Jewels she is decked: but that righteousness, and those graces are his own, and of his free gift, He presents it to himself a glorious Church.¹²¹⁵

In imitation hereof husbands should love their wives, though there were nothing in wives to move them so to do, but only that they are their wives: yea though no future benefit could after be expected from them: true love hath respect to the object which is loved, and the good it may do thereunto, rather then to the subject which loveth, and the good that it may receive. For love seeketh not her own.¹²¹⁶

Christ’s love in this branch thereof should further move husbands to do what lieth in their power, to make their wives worthy of love: thus will it be in truth said, that they dwell with their wives according to knowledge: and thus will their¹²¹⁷ love appear to be as Christ’s love, free.

§. 66. Of husbands loving for advantage.

Contrary is their love which is only for their own content and advantage. Many can love no further then they may have some bait to allure their affections, as beauty, wealth, honour, or the like by-respects; or at least hope of some inheritance or portion above that which they have, or of some favour that they expect from their wives friends. This cannot be a true sound love: such a man may be thought to love his wives beauty, inheritance, and friends rather then his wife. This love cannot last.

§. 67. Of the purity of husbands love.

IIII. Christ’s love for the quality is an holy, pure, chaste,¹²¹⁸ love: as he himself is, so is his love, as is evident by the effect thereof: for it moved him to sanctify and cleanse his Church, to make it a glorious Church without spot: he did therefore no way pollute or defile his Spouse: and that his love might the better appear to be chaste love, cast only upon one Spouse and not many, he united all his Saints together by the¹²¹⁹ bond of his Spirit, and made them all one body.

Hereby husbands must learn so to be affected towards¹²²⁰ their wives as may stand with holiness, and chastity: though much love be required, yet it may not over-flow those banks. Marriage is honourable and a bed undefiled. It must therefore be used as an undefiled thing. This indeed appertaineth to the wife as well as to the husband. But because he is the head, and guide of his wife, and ought to be as a pattern and precedent before her, as Christ is before him, therefore is it more specially applied to him. The purity of an husbands love here spoken of, hath a double use,

1. It restraineth an husbands love to his own wife. There is a general Christian love whereby all occasions of doing good are taken, with which an husband may, and ought to love others: and a particular matrimonial love, whereby he is moved to prefer his wife before all, and to have his heart set and fixed on her, and so proper and peculiar to her.

2. It orders and moderates his love, so as it turneth not into sinful lust, whereby that estate, (which in it self by virtue of God’s ordinance, is holy) is polluted.

§. 68. Of husbands lightness.

Contrary, is not only adultery, whereof we have spoken¹²²¹ before, but also wantonness, lightness, and uncleanness with his wife. For many intemperate and unchaste husbands, giving the reins to their headstrong lusts, manifest as much unseemliness and plain filthiness in their words, gestures, and actions (to say nothing of their thoughts which are not seen) to their wives, as other do to strumpets and harlots which is a most shameless thing, and I am even ashamed to mention: but because it is mentioned, let such know, that they shall be accounted among such whoremongers and adulterers¹²²² as God will judge.

§. 69. Of husbands loving their wives more then themselves.

The quantity of Christ’s love cannot be expressed: for the¹²²³ measure of it was above measure.¹²²⁴ He gave himself for his Church, and in that respect he calleth himself that¹²²⁵ Good shepherd that gave his life for his sheep.¹²²⁶ Greater love then this hath no man. What will not he do for his spouse, that gave his life for her?

This may seem to be too high a strain, and pitch of love for an husband to attain unto: a matter wherein he is to¹²²⁷ leave his pattern, and not to follow Christ: but yet S. John addeth even this extent to the love of our brethren: We ought (saith he) to lay down our lives for the brethren: therefore by just consequence for our wives. But that this extent be not stretched too far, and husbands cast into a pit of needless peril, two cautions must be noted,

1. That there be an absolute necessity, to bring us to this¹²²⁸ strait of parting with our life: which is, when the good we aim at in the behalf of our wives cannot any other way be effected, but by venturing our life. There was no other way to redeem the Church, but by the blood of Christ.

2. That the good we intend in this case to our wives be of greater value then our temporal life: as is the good of her soul, the saving of it. Thus the Apostle saith, I will most gladly bestow, and be bestowed for your souls. Which mind men must much more¹²²⁹ carry towards their wives. It was for our salvation that Christ gave himself.

§. 70. Of husbands unkindness.

Contrary is their unkindness that prefer every trifle of their own before the good of their wives: their profit, their pleasure, their promotion, clean draw away their hearts and affections from their wives. If any extraordinary charge must be laid out, or pains taken for their wives good, little love will then appear: whereby it appears that there was no true and sound love settled in their hearts towards their wives. As gold and other like metals are tried by the fire, so love by afflictions and crosses.

§. 71. Of combats in pretence of wives honour.

Contrary in another extreme is the over-bold and over-heady pretended manhood of such husbands as upon every jealous surmise and slight report, are ready to make challenges of fight, and to enter into single combats and duels, on pretence of maintaining their wives honour. This being no warrantable course of righting a wrong, no honour can redound to the wife thereby, but much dishonour and danger to the husband. If he prevail over his adversary and kill, he is made guilty of murder thereby, and so reproach and shame must needs come to himself, wife, and whole family: if he be overcome and slain, she may be reputed more guilty then she was before. And oft it falleth out that God in just judgment giveth over the challenger into his adversaries hand, because he hath undertaken so indirect a course.

§. 72. Of husbands Constancy in love.¹²³⁰

VI. The continuance of Christ’s love was without date:¹²³¹ Having loved his own, he loved them unto the end. His love was constant (not by fits, now loving, then hating) and¹²³² everlasting (never repenting thereof, never changing or altering his mind) no provocations, no transgressions could ever make him forget to love, and cease to do that good which he intended for his Church: note what he said to her even when she revolted from him, Thou hast played the harlot with many¹²³³ lovers, yet return again to me: and again, My mercy shall not depart away.

For his love resteth not on the desert of his Church, but on the unchangeableness of his own will. As this manifested Christ’s love to be true sound love, so it made it profitable and beneficial to the Church, which, notwithstanding her many frailties, by virtue hereof is glorified.

This last branch must be added to all the former branches¹²³⁴ of an husbands love, or else they will be all in vain and to no purpose. This giveth the truest trial of sound love. Such was the love betwixt David and Jonathan: the soundest love that ever was, betwixt party and party. This bringeth the greatest glory to the party which loveth: and the greatest benefit to the party which is loved. That a man’s love may thus remain firm and inviolable,

1. He must be sure to lay a good foundation; he must ground his love on God’s ordinance: and love his wife in regard of the matrimonial bond which knitteth them together, and that near union which thence ariseth; and so it will last so long as that knot lasteth.

2. He must further support and strengthen it with an inviolable resolution to be changed and altered with no provocation, but rather to pass by all infirmities; endeavouring in love to redress them if possibly he can: if not, to bear with them.

§. 73. Of husbands variableness.

Contrary is their variableness, whose love is ready to turn as a weather cock with every blast of a contrary wind: now tender-hearted, then again hard-hearted: now smiling, then louring: now giving this and that favour, then denying every thing, even such things as are needful.

Many whose love was as hot as fire while their wives were young, or their friends lived, or while they pleased them, when those occasions are taken away, prove in their love as cold as ice.

Again others by some continuance in doing good to their wives, think it a burden: and waxing weary clean leave off their former good course; which plainly showeth that they never truly and entirely loved their wives.

By this pattern of Christ here propounded to husbands, we have on the one side a good direction to teach us how to love our wives, as hath been particularly declared; and on the other side, matter of humiliation, in that it showeth us how far short we come of our bounden duty. Howsoever, wives may most complain of their burden, because it is a subjection whereunto by nature we are all loath to yield: yet I am sure¹²³⁵ the heaviest burden is laid upon the husbands shoulders: and much more easy it is to perform the part of a good wife, then a good husband.

§. 74. Of husbands loving their wives as themselves.¹²³⁶

To the example of Christ the Apostle annexeth the pattern of ones self, in these words: So ought men to love their¹²³⁷ wives as their own bodies.

Quest. Is not the former pattern sufficient? Is this latter more excellent, or more perfect?

Answ. Christ’s example is a full, complete, perfect, and¹²³⁸ every way sufficient pattern; far more excellent then this of a man’s self: this is not annexed to add any thing to that, or in regard of the excellency hereof, but only in regard of our dulness, to make the point somewhat more plain and perspicuous.¹²³⁹ For this pattern is more sensible and better discerned. Every one knoweth how he loveth his own body: but few or none know how Christ loveth his Church. Besides,¹²⁴⁰ that example of Christ may seem too high and excellent for any to attain unto, even inimitable; therefore to show that he requireth no more then a man may perform, if he will set himself with care and conscience to do his duty, he addeth the pattern of ones self; that which one doth to his body, if he will, he may do to his wife.

No direction can be taken from this latter pattern, but¹²⁴¹ might be referred to the former, as most of the former (though in a far meaner manner) may be referred to the latter. For the love which a man beareth to himself is true, and entire without all dissimulation: the most dissembling wretch in the world (who in his dealings with other men doth nothing uprightly) nor will nor can dissemble with himself; though other men shall never know the depth of his heart, yet the spirit¹²⁴² which is in him, even himself, knoweth it: so as this pattern also presseth truth and sincerity on husbands in their affection towards their wives: of all other they may not dissemble and deal doubly with them; but let them know the entireness of their affection towards them: and see they neither fawn on them, nor flatter them. They which pretend great love to their wives in show only, offend against nature it self. As the foresaid love of a man’s own self is for manner entire and true, so also free not forced: and for measure as great as possibly it can be, and for continuance, constant, and so like to Christ’s love. But there are two points especially to be considered in the love of ones self which above others are most sensibly discerned¹²⁴³ in this pattern. 1. Tenderness. 2. Cheerfulness.

No other man will or can so tenderly handle a man’s hand arm, leg or any other part of his body, as himself: he is very sensible of his own smart.

The metaphors which the Apostle useth in these words, He nourisheth and cherisheth it, do lively set forth this tenderness:¹²⁴⁴ for they are taken from fowls and birds which very charily, and tenderly hover over their young ones, covering them all over with their wings and feathers, but so bearing up their bodies as no weight lieth upon them.

Thus ought husbands with all tenderness, and mildness¹²⁴⁵ to deal with their wives, as we have before noted in many particulars: only this example of a man’s self I thought good to set before husbands, as a lively pattern wherein they might behold a precedent without exception, going before them, and whereby they might receive excellent direction for the better performing of the particulars before noted.

Again, no friend, no parent, no other party will or can so¹²⁴⁶ willingly and cheerfully do any kindness for one, as a man for himself. This among other is one especial point which the law aimeth at, when it enjoins a man to love his neighbour¹²⁴⁷ as himself, namely, as willingly and readily as himself. Whatsoever a man doth for himself he doth much more cheerfully then for another. There needeth no other proof then experience. Let men take notice of their own mind and disposition when they do things for themselves, and this will be as clear as the light when the Sun shineth forth at noon day.

Such an affection ought husbands to have to their wives:¹²⁴⁸ they ought more willingly and cheerfully to do any thing for their wives then for parents, children, friends or any other. Though this cheerfulness be an inward disposition of the heart, yet may it be manifested by a man’s forwardness and readiness to do his wife good: when his wife shall no sooner desire a kindness, then he will be ready to grant it: as Boaz saith to Ruth, I will do to thee all that thou requirest; yea,¹²⁴⁹ by any means he may know that this or that will be behoveful to her, though she desire it not, yet to effect it for her: which was the mind of the said Boaz to Ruth, as the history in many particulars showeth.

Contrary is the disposition of those husbands who so grudgingly, repiningly, and discontentedly do those things which they do in their wives behalf, as their wives had rather they were not done at all. The manner of doing them causeth more grief to tender hearted wives, then the things themselves can do good.

Hitherto of the manner which husbands ought to observe in performing their duties. The reasons to enforce the same remain to be handled.

§. 75. Of Christ’s example, a motive to provoke husbands to love their wives.

The forenamed examples of Christ and of our selves as¹²⁵⁰ they are patterns for our direction, so general motives to provoke and stir us up the more to perform all the forenamed duties after the manner prescribed.

A greater, and stronger motive cannot be yielded then the¹²⁵¹ example of Christ. Example in it self is of great force to provoke us to do any thing: especially if it be the example of some great one, a man of place and renown.

But who greater then Christ? What more worthy pattern? If (as was¹²⁵² showed) the example of the Church be of great force to move wives to be subject to their husbands, the example of Christ must needs be of much greater force to move husbands to love their wives. A great honour it is to be like unto Christ: and his example is a perfect pattern.

Two things there be which in Christ’s example are especially¹²⁵³ to be noted to move husbands to love their wives.

1. That great inequality which is betwixt him and his spouse.

2. That small benefit which he reapeth by loving her.

For the better discerning of that inequality, the greatness of¹²⁵⁴ Christ on the one side, and the meanness of the Church on the other, are duly to be weighed.

Christ’s greatness is in Scripture set forth by comparing him with creatures, and the Creator. Compared with creatures he is far more excellent then the most excellent, as the Apostle by many arguments proveth in the first chapter to Hebr. that whole chapter is spent in proof of this point: And in another place it is said that¹²⁵⁵ He is set far above all principality and power, and might, and dominion, and every name that is named not only in this world, but also in that which is to come.

Compared with the Creator he is no whit inferior to him, but¹²⁵⁶ equal:¹²⁵⁷ Being the brightness of glory, and the express image of his person: and that¹²⁵⁸ word of whom it is said, In the beginning was the word, and the word was with God, and the word was God: All things were made by him etc. So as he is the very Creator himself, eternal, infinite, incomprehensible. Thus is Christ’s greatness inexplicable.

The meanness of the Church is as low on the other side: she is a creature, fashioned out of the earth, proceeding from the loins of corrupt Adam, not only finite, but in it self vile and base: The Prophet¹²⁵⁹ Ezekiel doth set her forth in her lively colours as she is in her self. Compared therefore unto Christ she is¹²⁶⁰ nothing, less then nothing. What equality, what proportion can there then be betwixt Christ and her?

But if man and woman be compared together, we shall find a near equality: and that both in the points of their humiliation, and also of their exaltation. In regard of the former, they are both of the same mould, of the same corrupt nature, subject to the same infirmities, at length brought to the same end. In regard of the latter the best and greatest privileges are common to both of them: they are both made after the same image, redeemed by the same price, partakers of the same grace, and heirs together of the same inheritance.

Quest. What is then the preferment of the male kind? What is the excellency of an husband?

Answ. Only outward and momentany. Outward, in the things of this world only: for¹²⁶¹ in Christ Jesus they are both one. Momentany, for the time of this life only: for¹²⁶² in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the Angels of God in heaven: then all subjection of wives to husbands ceaseth.

To conclude this point, the inequality betwixt Christ and the Church, and equality betwixt man and wife being such as hath been declared; seeing Christ vouchsafeth to love his Church, ought not man thereby be moved to love his wife?

The other point concerning the small benefit which Christ¹²⁶³ reapeth by his Church, will yet further enforce the point: for illustration whereof we will note the great benefit which man reapeth by his wife.

The benefit which Christ reapeth from the Church is in one word nothing. For Christ is in himself All-sufficient: he neither needeth any thing, nor can receive any thing:¹²⁶⁴ If thou be righteous, what givest thou to him? Or what receiveth he of thine hand? Yet abundantly he bestoweth all manner of gifts, temporal, and spiritual, earthly and heavenly. It was not therefore his own good that he respected in loving the Church, but her good: for he being¹²⁶⁵ God became man; being Lord of heaven and earth, he took upon him¹²⁶⁶ the form of a servant; being¹²⁶⁷ rich he became poor: having the¹²⁶⁸ Keys of hell and of death, and being¹²⁶⁹ the Lord of life, he¹²⁷⁰ humbled himself, and became obedient unto the death: thus to show love to his Church he left much for her sake, but received nothing of her.

But the benefit which man reapeth from a wife is very great: for¹²⁷¹ It was not good for a man to be alone: in so much as¹²⁷² He who findeth a wife findeth a good thing; and that in all the points of goodness, a profitable thing, a comfortable thing, a delightful thing. They know not the benefit of the married estate, who¹²⁷³ prefer single life before it, especially if the married estate be ordered by God’s word, and man and wife careful to perform their own duty each to other.

To apply this point also, and to bring it to the conclusion:¹²⁷⁴ If Christ who can receive nothing from the Church notwithstanding love her, ought not men much more to love their wives, who many ways receive much good from them, and without whom they cannot well be?

This example of Christ is the rather to be noted, because it clean wipeth away all those false colours, and vain pretences which many allege as reasons, to show that there is little reason they should love their wives: some of their pretences are these.

1. Their wives are of a far meaner rank then¹²⁷⁵ themselves; should they then perform duty to their inferiors? They commonly who marry their kitchen maids, or others far under their degree, allege this pretence.

Answ. I might reply, That marriage advanceth a wife to the degree of her husband: and that it was his own folly to marry one so mean: but for the purpose and point in hand, let any tell me, whether the supposed disparity betwixt them & their wives, be in any degree comparable to that which is betwixt Christ and the Church: yet Christ thinketh not much to do duties of love to his Church.

2. There is nothing in their wives worthy to be loved.¹²⁷⁶

Answ. This very thing, that such an one is thy wife, is matter enough to make her worthy of love. But what was there in the Church to make her worthy of Christ’s love? If it be said that she is endued with many excellent graces, which make her amiable in Christ’s sight: I answer, that of her self she hath none of those graces, Christ hath bestowed them upon her, and so made her amiable: and thus oughtest thou to endeavour by using all good means thou canst to make thy wife answerable to thy love: but howsoever, to love her.

3. Their wives give just occasion to be hated by reason of their¹²⁷⁷ peevishness, stoutness, insolency, and other like intolerable vices.

Answ. No occasion may seem just to move an husband to hate his wife: nor any vice seem to him intolerable: with goodness he ought to overcome evil. If notorious sins seemed intolerable to Christ, or that he thought any occasion just to cause hatred, many that are of his Church would oft draw his hatred upon them: but Christ hateth never a member of his Church.

4. There is no hope that ever I shall receive any help of my¹²⁷⁸ wife, or benefit from her.

Answ. There is little charity in such as can conceive no hope: for love hopeth all things: but yet the case so standeth with Christ. The¹²⁷⁹ Church is so utterly unable to help or benefit him, as he may justly say, he cannot hope to receive any thing from her. Christ loveth the church for her own good, not for his; so ought husbands. Thus if Christ’s example be well weighed, & observed of husbands, it will afford matter enough to remove every doubt or scruple raised to alienate their affections from their wives. Fitly therefore hath the Apostle set it before husbands, both to direct them how to love their wives, and also to move them so to do.

§. 76. Of a man’s love to himself, a motive to provoke him to love his wife.

To the same purpose that Christ’s example tendeth, tendeth also the pattern of a man’s self. Great is the affection that a man beareth to himself, to his own flesh, his own body: he never hateth, but ever loveth himself: no sore, no disease, no pain, no stench that the flesh bringeth to a man, can make him hate it: but rather all manner of infirmities do make him the more to pity, tender, and cherish it. This is a work of nature: the most heathenish, and barbarous, that ever were, do it. Now a wife being to a man as his body and his flesh (for they two are one flesh) and God having commanded men to love their wives as their own bodies, these conclusions will necessarily follow from this motive:

1. He that loveth not his wife is more carried with the instinct of nature, then with the express charge of the God of nature. Natures instinct moveth him to love his body. But God’s express charge moveth him not, to love his wife.

2. He that loveth not his wife is worse then an infidel and a barbarian, yea then a very beast: for all these love their own bodies, and their own flesh: but a wife (by God’s ordinance) is as ones body, and his flesh.

3. He that loveth his wife loveth himself: the Apostle himself¹²⁸⁰ in these very words layeth down this conclusion: from whence by the rule of contraries this also will follow, He that loveth not his wife, loveth not himself.

4. He that loveth not his wife cannot but bring woe and mischief upon himself. For the damage and mischief which followeth on a wife, through any neglect of duty on her husbands part, followeth also on him: as the mischief which followeth on the body through any negligence of the head, lighteth also on the head.

If these be not motives sufficient to provoke an husband to love his wife, I know not what can be sufficient.